or how about : I sent you a pm, you didn't reply, you are a fucking whore.
one of my personal favourites: Hi, I'm new here. I read your profile and thought you'd like to show me the ropes.
*sigh*
and some muppet wants me to hand over my mobile number? I think not.
xx
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The SH Bottomless Pit
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Sexpert
Quote by mik69
Shedman FFS i've got St3ve to blame for that one
By the sound of it Mik I think you'd like "shedman" to go in that pit too
Hiya sexy na i'm fine with all my names well the nice ones at least as for the pit i'd like me and you to go in :twisted: and never come out :D Oh what fun we could get up to
Not sure about the pit :scared: but wouldnt mind seeing whats inside the shed :wink:
Sex God
I can't understand you all. I love reading these threads - they're so entertaining, original and funny.
I'm going to go down into the pit and see if I can pick up a few undamaged ones.
Must remember to take me razor so I can shave me testicles while I'm there - oh and me tape measure just to check that it's still 9 inches long - and me prosthetic foreskin and mirror so I can try it on and take it off and then try it on again and hope to accidentally catch sight of it in the mirror sort of casual like ......
I'm going to go down into the pit and see if I can pick up a few undamaged ones.
Must remember to take me razor so I can shave me testicles while I'm there - oh and me tape measure just to check that it's still 9 inches long - and me prosthetic foreskin and mirror so I can try it on and take it off and then try it on again and hope to accidentally catch sight of it in the mirror sort of casual like ......
Sex God
I can't understand you all. I love reading these threads - they're so entertaining, original and funny.
I'm going to go down into the pit and see if I can pick up a few undamaged ones.
Must remember to take me razor so I can shave me testicles while I'm there - oh and me tape measure just to check that it's still 9 inches long - and me prosthetic foreskin and mirror so I can try it on and take it off and then try it on again and hope to accidentally catch sight of it in the mirror sort of casual like ......
I'm going to go down into the pit and see if I can pick up a few undamaged ones.
Must remember to take me razor so I can shave me testicles while I'm there - oh and me tape measure just to check that it's still 9 inches long - and me prosthetic foreskin and mirror so I can try it on and take it off and then try it on again and hope to accidentally catch sight of it in the mirror sort of casual like ......
Sexpert
Quote by mik69There you go sexy http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/71745.html?highlight=Mik69's%20Shed
Not sure about the pit :scared: but wouldnt mind seeing whats inside the shed
:rotflmao: if only:wink: Sorry about the slight detour from the topic HLB
Yeah sorry HLB
Two of my favourites from LMU "Wank Clubs" and "Glory Holes" I appriciate people have differant tastes and i'm pretty open minded but surely if these things were so popular there wouldn't be so many threads for each one all only having around two or three replies a couple of which are normally bumps 
Sex God
Quote by new2trot
Hi, I'm new here. I read your profile and thought you'd like to show me the ropes.
*sigh*
Ah yes, "show me the ropes" is so done to death in here, along with"dipping our toes", "munch virgin", ]"I don't bite....unless you want me to",...and every one thinks they're so bloody original!
Quote by new2trot
or how about : I sent you a pm, you didn't reply, you are a fucking whore.
*sigh*
and some muppet wants me to hand over my mobile number? I think not.
xx
Oh that one's my fave too - ya know....
QuickShagBrigade PM: "Hiya, loved ur profile, fancy meeting up for a shag tomoz before me Mrs gets home? "
Dark: "Erm, thankyou for your lovely message but as you're new here and I dont know you I'm afraid I'm not interested" (or words to that effect :twisted:
)QuickShagBrigade PM: " You really think you're something dont you, you filthy slag , i only messaged you cos i was desperate "
Dark: "Well thankyou for your quick response sweetie, I'm sorry I couldnt help you. Hope you find what you're looking for on here." (sommat like that anyway
) 
Sex God
Quote by Darkfire
or how about : I sent you a pm, you didn't reply, you are a fucking whore.
*sigh*
and some muppet wants me to hand over my mobile number? I think not.
xx
Oh that one's my fave too - ya know....
QuickShagBrigade PM: "Hiya, loved ur profile, fancy meeting up for a shag tomoz before me Mrs gets home? "
Dark: "Erm, thankyou for your lovely message but as you're new here and I dont know you I'm afraid I'm not interested" (or words to that effect :twisted:
)QuickShagBrigade PM: " You really think you're something dont you, you filthy slag , i only messaged you cos i was desperate "
Dark: "Well thankyou for your quick response sweetie, I'm sorry I couldnt help you. Hope you find what you're looking for on here." (sommat like that anyway
)or even:
unwanted pm hi gorgeous, you are just what i am looking for, text me on and we can meet up tomorrow
WBB thanks for the pm, am not looking for meets right now though, good luck
unwanted pm you fat slag, no wonder you have to go on the internet to get sex, i wouldn't have gone near you anyway.
WBB fine
unwanted pm why do you keep sending me messages, stop bothering me!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Right time to clean the towers out folks.
I want to see everyone down on their hands and knees :twisted:
The place seems to be getting a bit cluttered with the same old rubbish so I've decided to set an example and set the ball rolling by moving all the rubbish into the bottomless pit. :angel:
So far I've got rid of:
Shaved/unshaved
Cock size
Is the chatroom down?
Postcodes
Why was my post locked?
Take a look at my add
So lets get this place ship shape. Let me know if there's anything else to go in the bottomless pit.
For those that don't know - the bottomless pit is located at the back of the Towers behind Eagersluts layby?
Ermmmmm....although I totally agree with the principal of this thread.......
Doesn't it alienate the "newbies"? Who haven't had the pleasure of others advice?
Especially Srgt. B's broadsword?
<<<Just a comment SB>>> Where's my head gon..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...............................
Quote by JudyTV
or how about : I sent you a pm, you didn't reply, you are a fucking whore.
*sigh*
and some muppet wants me to hand over my mobile number? I think not.
xx
Oh that one's my fave too - ya know....
QuickShagBrigade PM: "Hiya, loved ur profile, fancy meeting up for a shag tomoz before me Mrs gets home? "
Dark: "Erm, thankyou for your lovely message but as you're new here and I dont know you I'm afraid I'm not interested" (or words to that effect :twisted:
)QuickShagBrigade PM: " You really think you're something dont you, you filthy slag , i only messaged you cos i was desperate "
Dark: "Well thankyou for your quick response sweetie, I'm sorry I couldnt help you. Hope you find what you're looking for on here." (sommat like that anyway
)or even:
unwanted pm hi gorgeous, you are just what i am looking for, text me on and we can meet up tomorrow
WBB thanks for the pm, am not looking for meets right now though, good luck
unwanted pm you fat slag, no wonder you have to go on the internet to get sex, i wouldn't have gone near you anyway.
WBB fine
unwanted pm why do you keep sending me messages, stop bothering me!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
More please. I'm cutting and pasting these replies and storing them because I can use all of them, I am learning so much here. :P
I have started a new folder in MS Word and named it RTWFMA = Replies to wankers from my ads.
Jude
Yes and?
Sex God
I saw 'Bottomless Pit' and got worried, luckily i found this fine specimen just lying round the entrance, can i keep it? :smitten: 
Master of Sex
Quote by JudyTV
or how about : I sent you a pm, you didn't reply, you are a fucking whore.
*sigh*
and some muppet wants me to hand over my mobile number? I think not.
xx
Oh that one's my fave too - ya know....
QuickShagBrigade PM: "Hiya, loved ur profile, fancy meeting up for a shag tomoz before me Mrs gets home? "
Dark: "Erm, thankyou for your lovely message but as you're new here and I dont know you I'm afraid I'm not interested" (or words to that effect :twisted:
)QuickShagBrigade PM: " You really think you're something dont you, you filthy slag , i only messaged you cos i was desperate "
Dark: "Well thankyou for your quick response sweetie, I'm sorry I couldnt help you. Hope you find what you're looking for on here." (sommat like that anyway
)or even:
unwanted pm hi gorgeous, you are just what i am looking for, text me on and we can meet up tomorrow
WBB thanks for the pm, am not looking for meets right now though, good luck
unwanted pm you fat slag, no wonder you have to go on the internet to get sex, i wouldn't have gone near you anyway.
WBB fine
unwanted pm why do you keep sending me messages, stop bothering me!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
More please. I'm cutting and pasting these replies and storing them because I can use all of them, I am learning so much here. :P
I have started a new folder in MS Word and named it RTWFMA = Replies to wankers from my ads.
Jude
Judy, have one of mine:
DaftPM: Hi I'm new here
Me: Nice to hear, what is it you want?
DaftPM: Dunno, I'm new to this.
Sexpert
Quote by JudyTV
6) If you get a taxi to Birmingham right now I will reimburse you the fare when you arrive. ( These usually arrive as a reply to my ad at around 2am, you just so know his wife is at her sisters for the night and he has a masive hard on)
Jude.
Yeah sorry about that Jude Wont do it again
:lol: :lol: 
Sex God
'why has my avatar been removed' .............it showed a cock shot,
So guess what
Another cock shot replaces it............
So guess what
Another cock shot replaces it............
Sex God
speaking of pm's
heres one I got
QSM : Nice ass can I fuck it ?
my answer : Sorry I dont know you, and a hello would have been nice
QSM Well f*** off then ya bitch
my answer Just because you only have 2 pubic hairs, and they both dropped out this morning dont take it out on me
heres one I got
QSM : Nice ass can I fuck it ?
my answer : Sorry I dont know you, and a hello would have been nice
QSM Well f*** off then ya bitch
my answer Just because you only have 2 pubic hairs, and they both dropped out this morning dont take it out on me
Quote by Vicky_uk
speaking of pm's
heres one I got
QSM : Nice ass can I fuck it ?
my answer : Sorry I dont know you, and a hello would have been nice
QSM Well f*** off then ya bitch
my answer Just because you only have 2 pubic hairs, and they both dropped out this morning dont take it out on me
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :thumbup: Threads/posts for the pit:
1 - You have a PM :thumbup: (well fluck me is that what that red flashing "New Mail" is for)
2 - Cock size ladies?????? what do you prefer twiglet or elephants trunk ( I actually prefer the ones not attached to morons)
3 - Single guys are..... (available to shag - so stop flucking moaning!)
4 - I get no replies (tough luck)
5 - I get crap PM's (ain't life a bitch! - at least you're getting some, the poor sod below you in the pit didn't get any and they spammed fucking 100's of people)
6 - Men don't read our ad properly (they don't read instructions when assembling furniture either - they only look at the pictures, so why should your ad be any different!)
7 - I can't get my partner to do X, Y, Z (Your partner - your problem)
8 - I don't fit your criteria ( Well why the fluck did you feel I needed to waste 5 seconds of my life reading that?)
9 - It's the Mods fault ( yeah yeah, they are the creators of the universe so must be held accountable for everything! Including the fact that X number of years ago your mother didn't just say "not tonight dear")
10 - Where is the ?????? thread (you lazy blastard - you just want some flucker esle to go and find the link because you can't be arsed to do a search FFS)
That should do for now
1 - You have a PM :thumbup: (well fluck me is that what that red flashing "New Mail" is for)
2 - Cock size ladies?????? what do you prefer twiglet or elephants trunk ( I actually prefer the ones not attached to morons)
3 - Single guys are..... (available to shag - so stop flucking moaning!)
4 - I get no replies (tough luck)
5 - I get crap PM's (ain't life a bitch! - at least you're getting some, the poor sod below you in the pit didn't get any and they spammed fucking 100's of people)
6 - Men don't read our ad properly (they don't read instructions when assembling furniture either - they only look at the pictures, so why should your ad be any different!)
7 - I can't get my partner to do X, Y, Z (Your partner - your problem)
8 - I don't fit your criteria ( Well why the fluck did you feel I needed to waste 5 seconds of my life reading that?)
9 - It's the Mods fault ( yeah yeah, they are the creators of the universe so must be held accountable for everything! Including the fact that X number of years ago your mother didn't just say "not tonight dear")
10 - Where is the ?????? thread (you lazy blastard - you just want some flucker esle to go and find the link because you can't be arsed to do a search FFS)
That should do for now
Sexpert
Don’t you find it’s annoying when people add things to a thread that carries no relevance to the subject and then carry on hi-jacking the thread?
Yeah sorry about that Jude Wont do it again :lol: :lol:
Rebecca, you owe me because when I arrived at your house you had gone out. plus a tip of £5 and the return fare. I got the return trip at a very large disgraceful discount because we stopped for a nice long break at Knutsford Services and spent some time in the picnic area . I cant possibly describe on open forum what I had to do to earn this discount :gagged: :censored: . However, you can repay me at the NW munch. Your a bad girl, no change there then honey 
:wink:
Jude.
A 5 pound tip on a journey of nearly 80 quid, you tight cow :P , 10 percent at least, that’s what I expect when I charge for a ride. Talking of which, Jude have they finish rebuilding the bridge over the canal, only all that noise and disruption is certain turning the punters away.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :twisted:
Sorry, I’ll go away and think of a useful contribution. :notes:
Quote by JudyTV
6) If you get a taxi to Birmingham right now I will reimburse you the fare when you arrive. ( These usually arrive as a reply to my ad at around 2am, you just so know his wife is at her sisters for the night and he has a masive hard on)
Jude.
Yeah sorry about that Jude Wont do it again
:lol: :lol:Rebecca, you owe me because when I arrived at your house you had gone out. plus a tip of £5 and the return fare. I got the return trip at a very large disgraceful discount because we stopped for a nice long break at Knutsford Services and spent some time in the picnic area
. I cant possibly describe on open forum what I had to do to earn this discount :gagged: :censored: . However, you can repay me at the NW munch. Your a bad girl, no change there then honey :wink: Jude.
A 5 pound tip on a journey of nearly 80 quid, you tight cow :P , 10 percent at least, that’s what I expect when I charge for a ride. Talking of which, Jude have they finish rebuilding the bridge over the canal, only all that noise and disruption is certain turning the punters away.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :twisted: Sorry, I’ll go away and think of a useful contribution. :notes:
Sex God
Quote by rebecca_uk_tv
Don’t you find it’s annoying when people add things to a thread that carries no relevance to the subject and then carry on hi-jacking the thread?
6) If you get a taxi to Birmingham right now I will reimburse you the fare when you arrive. ( These usually arrive as a reply to my ad at around 2am, you just so know his wife is at her sisters for the night and he has a masive hard on)
Jude.
Yeah sorry about that Jude Wont do it again
:lol: :lol:Rebecca, you owe me because when I arrived at your house you had gone out. plus a tip of £5 and the return fare. I got the return trip at a very large disgraceful discount because we stopped for a nice long break at Knutsford Services and spent some time in the picnic area
. I cant possibly describe on open forum what I had to do to earn this discount :gagged: :censored: . However, you can repay me at the NW munch. Your a bad girl, no change there then honey :wink: Jude.
A 5 pound tip on a journey of nearly 80 quid, you tight cow :P , 10 percent at least, that’s what I expect when I charge for a ride. Talking of which, Jude have they finish rebuilding the bridge over the canal, only all that noise and disruption is certain turning the punters away.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :twisted: Sorry, I’ll go away and think of a useful contribution. :notes:
Rebecca and Judy
Darlings......I really think it is time for you 2 to get a room :twisted:
And make sure there is an extra chair so I can come and watch :P
