Forgot this classic - just today, as well.
Got out the shower this afternoon and darling daughter observes -
"Mum, your bum is MASSIVE! It's this big" (outstretched arms) "Is that why your knickers give you a wedgie?"
(I only wear thongs)
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The things kids say...................
Orgasminator
Many years ago in the late 50's I was living in London and took my sisters youngest out shopping and we went into a big store in Piccadilly.
I had spotted a dress all in red that she would look great in, when I asked about the sizes they only had on in a lager size and while making up my mind weather to buy it or not, the sales assistant kept rabbiting on.
In the background I heard in a very loud child's voice, No its not my mummy, its my uncle!! now didn't that shut the assistant up.
TS
I had spotted a dress all in red that she would look great in, when I asked about the sizes they only had on in a lager size and while making up my mind weather to buy it or not, the sales assistant kept rabbiting on.
In the background I heard in a very loud child's voice, No its not my mummy, its my uncle!! now didn't that shut the assistant up.
TS
Sex God
:lol: :lol: :lol: god.. i wish i would have been there!!!
Orgasminator
Quote by well_busty_babe
god.. i wish i would have been there!!!
Well I walked out of the store in a very lady like manner after buying the dress.
Imagine I was about 16, long blond hair with a figure like twiggy, no make up and I was dressed all in black.
TS
This reflects really badly on me but I'll tell you anyway 'cos I can laugh about it now ..
(My daughter's dad and I split up a few years ago)
One day, whilsta having tea with a friend, my phone rings. My daughter (aged about 4 at the time) picks it up, says 'hello' and hangs up.
"Who was it?" I ask
she replies "Just my f***ing dad"
The moral of the tale is not to slag off your ex within earshot of your kids. Yes, I've learned
(My daughter's dad and I split up a few years ago)
One day, whilsta having tea with a friend, my phone rings. My daughter (aged about 4 at the time) picks it up, says 'hello' and hangs up.
"Who was it?" I ask
she replies "Just my f***ing dad"
The moral of the tale is not to slag off your ex within earshot of your kids. Yes, I've learned
:? :? :? Quote by Marya
Forgot this classic - just today, as well.
Got out the shower this afternoon and darling daughter observes -
"Mum, your bum is MASSIVE! It's this big" (outstretched arms) "Is that why your knickers give you a wedgie?"
(I only wear thongs)
Sounds a bit familiar,Our 5yr old said that i had a big bum,then thought about it and said no its not big its giant!!! :shock:
Dont you just love em
Clare,xxx
Sex God
A friend of mine told me that her son had a serious head on that particular day,
looking puzzeled at his mum ,while she was preparing dinner...............Mum why do carrots grow in the ground with there skin on...........when you only take it off.??. :shock: :shock: :shock:
Myself I thought it was a fair enough question...........
This cheeky chappie was only 5 at the time.
looking puzzeled at his mum ,while she was preparing dinner...............Mum why do carrots grow in the ground with there skin on...........when you only take it off.??. :shock: :shock: :shock:
Myself I thought it was a fair enough question...........
This cheeky chappie was only 5 at the time.
Parents can be just as bad.............
My mum- we went out mushroom picking the other day when your dad told me that some of the ones we came across can make you high, and see things. Do you reckon if I gave it ago it`d make me ill?
Me- Mum, you do realise that that is illigal don`t you?!
Mum- Are they?!! :shock: Then why do the government let them grow?!
:doh:
Venusxxx
My mum- we went out mushroom picking the other day when your dad told me that some of the ones we came across can make you high, and see things. Do you reckon if I gave it ago it`d make me ill?
Me- Mum, you do realise that that is illigal don`t you?!
Mum- Are they?!! :shock: Then why do the government let them grow?!
:doh:
Venusxxx
My Godson told me all about the tides and sunsets etc when he was younger... when night comes it is because the sun has sunk into the see and this makes the tide higher then it bounces off the bottome comes back up and the tide goes down and the night turns to day!
another from when I was young, i asked what's for tea,,,, told..."If it's!" (standing for if its this its this if its that its that...) for years I thought "If its" were actually shepherds pie
Then a g/f daughter who was a toddler when first met them asked what that was.... so we called it a "Widget" (woman) and a "Wadger" (man) and she is now 10 and it is still referred to as a Widget!!
Many thanks to Guiness and John Smiths cans for that one!!
another from when I was young, i asked what's for tea,,,, told..."If it's!" (standing for if its this its this if its that its that...) for years I thought "If its" were actually shepherds pie
Then a g/f daughter who was a toddler when first met them asked what that was.... so we called it a "Widget" (woman) and a "Wadger" (man) and she is now 10 and it is still referred to as a Widget!!
Many thanks to Guiness and John Smiths cans for that one!!
Okaaaaaaaaay then.........
I`ve just served a salad for my boy. Made a face out of chicken, ham, cucumber, cheese, lettuce, and crisps. I put a little ketchup in the lettuce in order to encourage him to eat it.
`MUM! Why did you only put ketchup on the lettuce?!
He should be coughing up blood!` :shock:
and.............
`Why did you make a face?! I`m not a kid, I`m a majesty!`
Guess that`s put me in my place then
Venusxxx
I`ve just served a salad for my boy. Made a face out of chicken, ham, cucumber, cheese, lettuce, and crisps. I put a little ketchup in the lettuce in order to encourage him to eat it.
`MUM! Why did you only put ketchup on the lettuce?!
He should be coughing up blood!` :shock:
and.............
`Why did you make a face?! I`m not a kid, I`m a majesty!`
Guess that`s put me in my place then
Venusxxx
8 year old daughter comes home from school and asked her mum what a shag was
Mum explained it's a not very nice name for sex. (We've been there and done the sex talk)
Mum 'Why do you ask?'
Daughter' Well J asked me and A if we had had a shag.'
Mum 'What did you say?'
Daughter 'We said yes 'cos we didn't know what it was'
Mum explained it's a not very nice name for sex. (We've been there and done the sex talk)
Mum 'Why do you ask?'
Daughter' Well J asked me and A if we had had a shag.'
Mum 'What did you say?'
Daughter 'We said yes 'cos we didn't know what it was'
Sex God
my mum was doing some gardening when my friend's daughter points and shouts "Builder's bum" at the top of her voice! Pulls her pants down a little to show her own BB off, runs around the garden saying;
"look i'm like M now!"
She then trips over the ends of her tousers and falls headlong into a flowerbed!
"look i'm like M now!"
She then trips over the ends of her tousers and falls headlong into a flowerbed!
Sex God
OMG I am sitting here after reading that lot with tears streaming down my face
Sex God
Ok, not as humorous, but touching all the same. I took my son (8 at the time) into a local popular book shop to buy the first Harry Potter book, and the young male sales assistant behind the till had obviously had some kind of accident with his face and head scarred very badly. Even though I work in the medical profession, it did cause me to look, contemplate what had happened briefly and then I smiled with admiration. From an all over warm feeling to sudden dread, I looked down at my son in tow and realised he was fixated on the sales assistant, his eyes exploring every inch of the young boy's face. As we reached the till, I gripped my son's hand tightly, and prayed that he wouldn't say a word. Our book was rung through the till and as he put the book into a bag, my son went....
'Scuse me?'
My stomach turned...
Sales assistant 'Yes?'
I stop breathing...
My Son 'Did that hurt?' pointing at his face from below the counter.
(Seconds turning into hours)
Sales assistant 'Yeah, it did'
My Son said softly, 'Oh....(long pause)...I'm really sorry.'
'Scuse me?'
My stomach turned...
Sales assistant 'Yes?'
I stop breathing...
My Son 'Did that hurt?' pointing at his face from below the counter.
(Seconds turning into hours)
Sales assistant 'Yeah, it did'
My Son said softly, 'Oh....(long pause)...I'm really sorry.'
Quote by Silk and Big G
Ok, not as humorous, but touching all the same. I took my son (8 at the time) into a local popular book shop to buy the first Harry Potter book, and the young male sales assistant behind the till had obviously had some kind of accident with his face and head scarred very badly. Even though I work in the medical profession, it did cause me to look, contemplate what had happened briefly and then I smiled with admiration. From an all over warm feeling to sudden dread, I looked down at my son in tow and realised he was fixated on the sales assistant, his eyes exploring every inch of the young boy's face. As we reached the till, I gripped my son's hand tightly, and prayed that he wouldn't say a word. Our book was rung through the till and as he put the book into a bag, my son went....
'Scuse me?'
My stomach turned...
Sales assistant 'Yes?'
I stop breathing...
My Son 'Did that hurt?' pointing at his face from below the counter.
(Seconds turning into hours)
Sales assistant 'Yeah, it did'
My Son said softly, 'Oh....(long pause)...I'm really sorry.'
Oh. That's really touching. Brought a tear to my eye.
`I know, innit just?`
My 13 year old after I told her that coming top of the class in her mathematic test paper results was brilliant.
After a week of stress, tears, and her trying to pull sickies because she was sure she couldn`t do the test, and was going to be put down a set, I`m letting the `innit` go. :smug:
There`s a good chance if she keeps up this level of work, that she will be progressing to set one. :thrilled:
Venusxxx
My 13 year old after I told her that coming top of the class in her mathematic test paper results was brilliant.
After a week of stress, tears, and her trying to pull sickies because she was sure she couldn`t do the test, and was going to be put down a set, I`m letting the `innit` go. :smug:
There`s a good chance if she keeps up this level of work, that she will be progressing to set one. :thrilled:
Venusxxx
Allow me another `mummy` moment;
My son just came home from school, with a grubby tear streaked face. I asked him what happened, and he told me of an argument he`d had at school, where a girl had proceeded to slap him around the face. I asked him if he had told a teacher, and he said no, he was waiting for the girl to own up to the teacher herself. I asked if she did, and he told me that no, the teachers should have known about it, but the girl instead chose to disappear to the toilets and didn`t come out for about half an hour. He said `there was obviously something wrong`
He`s nine :love:
Of course you and I know there`s a fair chance the girl locked herself away because she knew she was in the shit, but I`m really touched my boy decided not to push the issue because he felt that `there was obviously something wrong`.
Yesterday he came home telling me how he spends his `independance time` sharpening someone elses pencils for them. I think I might have to work on the whole independance concept with him a bit. :giggle:
Venusxxx
My son just came home from school, with a grubby tear streaked face. I asked him what happened, and he told me of an argument he`d had at school, where a girl had proceeded to slap him around the face. I asked him if he had told a teacher, and he said no, he was waiting for the girl to own up to the teacher herself. I asked if she did, and he told me that no, the teachers should have known about it, but the girl instead chose to disappear to the toilets and didn`t come out for about half an hour. He said `there was obviously something wrong`
He`s nine :love:
Of course you and I know there`s a fair chance the girl locked herself away because she knew she was in the shit, but I`m really touched my boy decided not to push the issue because he felt that `there was obviously something wrong`.
Yesterday he came home telling me how he spends his `independance time` sharpening someone elses pencils for them. I think I might have to work on the whole independance concept with him a bit. :giggle:
Venusxxx
Excellent thread. :thumbup:
:thumbup: 
Orgasminator
From watching CSI last night... (which was about a murder at a swinger party)
Grissum at the end says "swingers rules, no afairs, condoms always ... and dont let the kids find out"
To which my 14 year old son said "well you're buggerd on the last one" :shock:
Grissum at the end says "swingers rules, no afairs, condoms always ... and dont let the kids find out"
To which my 14 year old son said "well you're buggerd on the last one" :shock:
Orgasminator
God just had a flash back to childhood
When asked by the lady doing a study of adopted children, during the verbial IQ section "what lives in the sea?"
To which I replied "Marine boy"ops:
When asked by the lady doing a study of adopted children, during the verbial IQ section "what lives in the sea?"
To which I replied "Marine boy"
ops: When my daughter was very young we were teaching her to say 'pardon', instead of 'what' when she didn't hear what someone had said. Little did we realise how well we'd done...
We were in Sainsbury's and I said to her 'xxxxxxxx, what do you want for your tea tonight ?', she just looked at me and said 'Daddy, it's not WHAT do you want for your tea, it's PARDON do you want for your tea' !!!
We were in Sainsbury's and I said to her 'xxxxxxxx, what do you want for your tea tonight ?', she just looked at me and said 'Daddy, it's not WHAT do you want for your tea, it's PARDON do you want for your tea' !!!
Our daughter aged 8 years said to me, "mum why are you always on the computer and
whats with all the funny e-mails you get?" :shock:
SHIT!
Fee
XX
whats with all the funny e-mails you get?" :shock:
SHIT!
Fee
XX
i was out with my 2 nieces one day when we saw a couple he was walking the dog and she was pushing the pushchair , dezzi said shaye remember when we was out with mum and day and dad was walking the dog when it was really hot and shaye blurted out I DONT THINK HE WAS LORDEZ HE WAS TOO BUSY WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND and thats comming from a 5 yr old
