Have you thought about your own death? It is citied as a very English , that we never talk about death and arrangements. But I wonder if that's still true.
Have you planned your funeral? Have you made a will? Have you told your family what you want?
My Mum (81) has all her arrangements in a folder at home and we all know where it is and the gist of what she wants.
I have discussed a few things with my son, music for the funeral especially - although my own end seems far enough away not to make firm arrangements. I have written out the gist of a will, but it hasn't been done all legal, like, it's on my memory stick.
Both my parents planned and paid for their funerals. They kept the full details secret from us, so on my mothers funeral it raised a few eyebrows and even more smiles as Status Quo's 'Down, down' was played as her coffing lowered out of sight at the crematorium. Shudder to think what Dad has planned.
I think we should talk about our last wishes, I have joked with the children and come up with some songs etc I would like played, they have said mum sounds like you want a party.
Thats is how I would like to go, celebrate and remember the good times shared and not morn on my parting, have a laugh about the silly things I have done, dont regret the things we haven't said.
My dad passed away recently and the only form of transport he had ever owed was a motorbike and sidecar in the 50's so his last journey was in one of these:
I think is was so him he would have loved it, it gives you great comfort to think the day is about them and not your own grieving.
We done a picture board to with photo's of his life, happy times with many friends and family members to put up at the reception after many of which attended the furneral, we had a laugh with everyone there all remebering the happy times shared.
My dad would have had one regret that he wasn't there sharing it all with us but I believe he was.
So when I go I would like to go the same way celebrate the life I have had, remember the wisdom I hopefully have passed onto my children and have a laugh. So when I get around writting my last wishes this is all it would say.
its something I did start to think about recently, as a close freind died. I have started to write letters to family members and such....and put pics on a memory stick....I have written a note I want read out at the service.....and don't want a place of rest as such in any graveyard.....want half my ashes spread at the wolves ground....and half my ashes spread on a beach in Ko Samui, where I have been alot. I haven't done much of a will as I really only have one next of kin which is my daughter....but I have asked for a small sum of money to be put aside and I want my freinds to go out on the lash, after the service. Still working on the music...but I do think in reality it is something we should all consider !!!
As i've got older and have been to more funerals it has made me think more about what i don't want.
I don't want floral tributes saying MUM, people dressed in black, afraid to smile in case it seems disrespectful or sad hymns.
I am not particularly religious, and when i am dead i have no need for my body, so i have signed up for total organ donation and what remains can be used for medical science. Therefore there will be no body to cremate or bury.
I think that my family and friends will want to have some type of ceremony of remembrance but this must be an occasion to share good memories, stories, pictures and music.
I also would like to have a tree planted in my memory.
As far as my will is concerned, what money etc is left will go to my son.
I don't have a problem with talking about my death, its going to happen eventually. Living is often more complicated lol
Hmmmm I don't know whether it will be land fill or carbon footprint yet.
i have, im worried about our kids and Pretty, the struggles theyd face growing up without thier daddy and mabye the hard time Pretty would encounter if she was getting lonely and wanted to meet someone else. I remember writing a letter to her in my old RAF days about if i died and what i wanted, but i guess you can never know how your death would affect those around you.
Recently though we have spoken about doing like a will and things, life insurance and god parents. Its all a bit morbid, but its very important!
G
Plans are already afoot to make my next passing away a lot more relaxed and informal than my previous ones! Very somber affairs indeed.
I'm hoping to conduct my own funeral. I'm going to pre-record it on a cd. I want it to be a funeral full of laughter and colour. No black unless people really want to wear it. Being a musician, I am selecting a weird and wonderful mix of music. But I also want it to be an occasion of outrageous and irreverent humour. All sprinkled with a dose of favourite writings. All introduced by my dulcet tones.
To those of you who only have a gist of an idea or who haven't sorted it at all I would say sort it. I came off the bike new years day whilst visiting friends some way from home.
I walked away but it could have been different. My friends said how would we know who we needed to contact etc. So I sat down and sorted a contact list and will organise the rest as soon as. Because the last thing I want is my friends and family to have all the hassle of sorting it. Lets face it you never know when it will happen.
Also a friend once told me no matter how late it makes you, never leave the house after an argument without sorting it out because,l if you have an accident you will leave your loved ones with bad memories. Leave telling them you love them.
Also a friend once told me no matter how late it makes you, never leave the house after an argument without sorting it out because,l if you have an accident you will leave your loved ones with bad memories. Leave telling them you love them.
well said, smile lots spread your love its yours to spread.. Life really is to short to hold grudges. Kinks x x x
In reading these posts I've realised it must be a hell of a lot easier to discuss arrangements and such like before someone is seriosuly ill, or someone else has died recently.
My family have always been open and pretty pragmatic about such things, but where we were grieving, before or after a loss, it would be a lot harder even for us, let alone more sensitive people.
in recent years 2 people close to me have died suddenly and unexpectedly and neither had any funeral planned in advance but i personally found it helped in those dreadful first days to have the funeral to plan, it gave us all something to do and gave a reason to get up each day
i hope the funerals we arranged for them would have been what they would have liked but to be honest the funerals are more for the people left behind to say goodbye and celebrate their loved ones lives
A quick "Heads up" for posters and readers of this thread.
"You can't take it with you" BBC2 tonight at 9pm, Sir Gerry Robinson looks at wills. I was amazed to learn that 70% of us have made no will.
I have talked about what i would like on many occasions even our kids know what i want although not sure they think I'm serious so should maybe put it on paper to make certain
Among other stuff i want a fancy dress funeral and when I'm lowered into the ground the birdie song played and everyone must join in well unless i can think of anything funnier between now and then, loved the quo track mentioned earlier
As for wills there's no point i have nothing to leave and i hate what they do to people falling out over them its crazy I've told my mum to make sure she spends every penny she has as she doesn't want my sister getting any after a big fall out so i told her to spend it all cause if she asks for her share I'll give her it as i have no desire to be caught up in a wrangle over money I'll only waste on shoes i don't need anyway
We went through the process of writing our wills a year ago. We were surprised at the actual complexity of writing it and ensuring it was legal / met our wishes.
Whist I knew that we had more 'assets' and would need to pay death duties, taking professional advice to minimise these was money well spent (I want it to go to family and friends - not the taxman!!).
Succession was also an issue we'd not thought through properly (eg I die you inherit, if you die, I inherit) fell apart on the what if you both die at the same time (eg car/plane crash etc), or what happens in the event that you leave your estate to the kids and one or more dies before you....
It's not just the practical division of your estate either. If you have an item that you wish to give to a relative/friend (example is a family ring that passes to the eldest daughter/son) this would not happen if your estate goes to the government who will liquidate everything to cash.....
Or if you have a wish that an amount goes to a charity - without a will in-place it be at the inheritors 'goodwill' that this will actually happen after your death...
Lastly, for those that buy 'quickie' wills at the post office etc - these are not legal unless you have registered it with the Probate Service but are purely treated as an 'expression of wish'.
Even those with a 'simple' life - single parent / single child inherit can have/leave problems if the total value of the estate exceeds the death duty limits - the inheritor may have to liquidate the estate to pay the tax bill....
Just some thoughts......
I made my original will when I lived in Scotland... and just assumed it would last til needed...
Was only by accident that I found out that now I live in England I needed a new one!!!!
I did fuck all and got the blame or everyones anger for nothing. They can all kiss my ass :twisted:
meaning it was all left to my father who is incapacitated. When he dies his will executes as above property to me money divisible by all of us. This is what caused all the issues. They want to sell his property to get it into cash, you can see why and why they want to be executors.
