Things that shouldn't be sexy.....

9 Jan 2010

Because the Mods have to "approve" all the stories and comments before they go live, I've often seen remarks or phrases that make me giggle. I know they shouldn't. After all, the person who wrote them obviously thinks they're erotic, but they just make me wonder if people actually use those phrases in real life.
An example I've seen a few times in story comments is along the lines of:

You really filled her dripping snatch full of your fertile seed!

I'm sorry, but "fertile seed" just makes me think of Alan Titchmarsh or Farmville! :giggle:
Are there any phrases that turn you on when they shouldn't, or something you've heard in a sexual setting that really doesn't do it for you?

9 Jan 2010

OK, off to re-write my stories now redface

9 Jan 2010

Quote by Bluefish2009
OK, off to re-write my stories now

I'm sure you haven't used that phrase! lol

And I said it makes me giggle.... not that it shouldn't be used.

9 Jan 2010

Quote by Cubes
OK, off to re-write my stories now

I'm sure you haven't used that phrase! lol

And I said it makes me giggle.... not that it shouldn't be used.
I fear it may have been "His hot love seeds" but have not used it for some time... honest gov

10 Jan 2010

Quote by Cubes
Because the Mods have to "approve" all the stories and comments before they go live, I've often seen remarks or phrases that make me giggle. I know they shouldn't. After all, the person who wrote them obviously thinks they're erotic, but they just make me wonder if people actually use those phrases in real life.
An example I've seen a few times in story comments is along the lines of:
You really filled her dripping snatch full of your fertile seed!

I'm sorry, but "fertile seed" just makes me think of Alan Titchmarsh or Farmville! :giggle:
Are there any phrases that turn you on when they shouldn't, or something you've heard in a sexual setting that really doesn't do it for you?
Snatch doesn't do it for me. Ever.
I kind of understand fertile seed, but since I've had the snip I'm afraid I'm a Jaffa.
Things that turn me on that shouldn't? Nah; if it turns me on, it must be right, lol....
However, I do think that some story comments appear to have been written by an elite team of speial forces virgins...

10 Jan 2010

gash....makes me want to call a first aider!!
love muscle...just makes me think of seafood :eeek:

10 Jan 2010

What I don't find sexy is when (95 times out of a 100, I'd venture to guess, of the stories in here) in the first paragraph the woman is described as being all hair colour, dress size and bust measurements.
I'll try and show you what I mean.
Take this:

We were up for a meet, Sue and I. Sue, my wife, is a shapely size ten, with pert 34D boobs and a cracking figure...

or this:

Bob and Ruth were in the apartment next to us. They were a friendly couple and in their fifties. Ruth was blonde, about a size 14 with a great smile and huge nipples that you could clearly see through her flimsy dress...

Why? I mean honestly, give the reader some credit - show me what she looks like through your writing, don't tell me outright. And what's with the vital statistics? I never look at a guy and think "Oooh, 38"chest, 33"waist and a 31" inside leg... phwoar"*
rolleyes

*actually in my previous career in Menswear, I probably did... but that was different!

10 Jan 2010

Quote by noladreams
What I don't find sexy is when (95 times out of a 100, I'd venture to guess, of the stories in here) in the first paragraph the woman is described as being all hair colour, dress size and bust measurements.
I'll try and show you what I mean.
Take this:
We were up for a meet, Sue and I. Sue, my wife, is a shapely size ten, with pert 34D boobs and a cracking figure...

or this:

Bob and Ruth were in the apartment next to us. They were a friendly couple and in their fifties. Ruth was blonde, about a size 14 with a great smile and huge nipples that you could clearly see through her flimsy dress...

Why? I mean honestly, give the reader some credit - show me what she looks like through your writing, don't tell me outright. And what's with the vital statistics? I never look at a guy and think "Oooh, 38"chest, 33"waist and a 31" inside leg... phwoar"*
rolleyes

*actually in my previous career in Menswear, I probably did... but that was different!
I posted something similar to your sentiments a while back. Why do some authors spoon feed the reader THEIR idea of what is sexy? In the stories I've written, I've deliberately kept the specific physical appearance of the main character vague so that the reader can conjure up a mental image that floats their boat. I also tried to avoid the more vulgar terms or the silly ones that make people cringe. The most 'imaginative' terms often serve only to make the reader either gag or giggle ... and that detracts from the storyline. I think when it comes to storytelling, it pays to think KISS ... Keep It Simple, Stupid! wink

10 Jan 2010

Quote by noladreams
actually in my previous career in Menswear, I probably did... but that was different!

Now why do I find that mental image a turn-on? confused

Oh yeah.......

Are you free Miss Nola? Can you do an inside leg? :twisted:
;-)

13 Jan 2010

The 1970s school of erotic literature---all gleaming orbs and throbbing love muscles---bring it back say I. It did little to titillate but much to amuse.
On a serious note, live and let live. Be a shame if folk were put off from submitting erotic writing for fear of criticism by the intelligentsia. I much prefer the work of De Sade in the original French whilst listening to A Piano by Cage and discussing the efficacy of ceramic feedthroughs in micro-chip manufacture with my colleagues at Stanford online.

13 Jan 2010

recovering from the ministartions of my ladies love muffin.

13 Jan 2010

a word i actually find sexy in the right context and i know many on here hate
is
panties bolt

13 Jan 2010

you think gash or minge is bad. how about 'glistening axe wound'? *projectile vomits*

13 Jan 2010

I stepped over her discarded panties on the floor, moving closer I could now see her glistening axe wound. Her gash glistened from the jizz she had received. My love muscle throbbed in her mouth as my tough explored her jizz filled minge. soon my love muscle found her gash as my hand explored her tiities. I could hold back no longer as my love muscle filled her dripping snatch full of my fertile seed...... :twisted:
What the devil is "Shlong"?

14 Jan 2010

Quote by Bluefish2009
I stepped over her discarded panties on the floor, moving closer I could now see her glistening axe wound. Her gash glistened from the jizz she had received. My love muscle throbbed in her mouth as my tough explored her jizz filled minge. soon my love muscle found her gash as my hand explored her tiities. I could hold back no longer as my love muscle filled her dripping snatch full of my fertile seed...... :twisted:
What the devil is "Shlong"?

oh you are so bad its good :grin:

14 Jan 2010

Bluefish that was so retro I had my hair permed.

14 Jan 2010

Thanks guys, your too kind
Took me hours to put together lol

14 Jan 2010

Quote by Bluefish2009
What the devil is "Shlong"?

Schlong is one of many excellent vulgar yiddish words for it!

14 Jan 2010

Quote by TheLovelyOne
What the devil is "Shlong"?

Schlong is one of many excellent vulgar yiddish words for it!
I have never heard the word before :sad: