OK, this is partly gripe, partly humour (it's true that truth is stranger than fiction)....
OK, here's my list of top 10 DON'TS for swingers adverts.
1) Don't say "genuine couple" or "no timewasters please".
I can almost hear the timewasters themselves saying "aww shucks, that rules us out then".
2) Don't say "First timers" then accompany the advert with a pic of you both in a foursome scene!
3) Don't blur out the faces, and then forget to blur out the American sockets in the background.... from where you stole the bloody pictures in the first place.
4) Don't post as a single male and a couple using the same contact email address.... it's highly suspicious, especially when you can't even agree on what age you are across the adverts
5) Don't claim to be hung like a horse, then shy away from proving it. If you're going to shout about it - put your money (or your cock) where your mouth is. Erm, you know what I mean!
6) Understand the English language and comprehend what "couples seeking females" means. That means if you're a single guy, don't post there. Not only will it increase the number of folk seeing your advert, it will increase the number of them thinking you're as thick as a plank.
7) If you must put up a pic of your cock, try to post it along with a picture of the rest of you. I'm sure it looks lovely to you, and is a very close friend, but they really do all look rather similar (with the exception of SellafieldSimon's luminous green one).
8 ) 'Professional' is (stop grinning) spelt with only one F and 'intelligent' has two Ls.
You have no idea how daft "Proffesional, inteligent guy" looks.
9) Try to maintain a consistent notion of how many of you there are. 'We' means more than one of you. Therefore "I am a couple" is a) logically absurd b) indicative of a single bloke thinking he's a couple.
10) If you're in Berkshire, keep it that way. Don't post an advert saying you're in Berkshire, then change to Bedfordshire as soon as some highly fanciable woman posts her Luton advert.
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Tips for stupid swinger adverts
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Quote by TheAnalogKid
OK, this is partly gripe, partly humour (it's true that truth is stranger than fiction)....
OK, here's my list of tope 10 DON'TS for swingers adverts.
8) 'Professional' if spelt with only one F and 'intelligent' has two Ls.
You have no idea how daft "Proffesional, inteligent guy" looks.
Hmmmm - should that be 'if' or 'is'? and 'tope'? - mefinks you shott yourselph in the foot, Kid :small-print:
Actually very true and very funny :grin:
Mal
Quote by Mark
lol, nice list and I agree with all of them - perhaps I should put that in stone somewhere in the advice section. I could perhaps add a couple more and it'd be perfect imo.
Ditto - I think it'd be great to see something like that in the advice section - the number of times I've had similar thoughts when reading the photo ads, well, it'd take more than just one set of fingers and toes! Nice one, Kid!
... oh nevermind, as Heather would say, I can't spel for tofee and it duznt realy mater.
Orrrr DOES IT? Discuss... ;)
From a personal point of view, it matters to me (not that I've ever noticed any problems with your spelling Mark!). I was talking about this to a certain someone yesterday and I think we agreed. We all make typographical mistakes, and perhaps mis-spell the odd word, but if someone can't string a coherent sentence together, doesn't at least re-read their ad before putting it up, insists on using text messaging style language then they really aren't for me.
It says something to me about the respect that they have for other people - would they go on a first date without showering and brushing their teeth, at least?! Most of us want to make a good first impression even while remaining "natural". I don't really understand the lackadaisical approach, even if people are "just out for a quick shag"!
Still, I'm sure it's a case of horses for courses, and each to their own... I'm sure there are plenty who think that concern about presentation is strangely anal!!
:giggle:Mandy
Excellent.
Love the "proffesional, inteligent" ads. What are the literite and wryters here meant to think?
Personally reckon its a worldwide conspiracy by those who discovered dyslexia is an anagram for 'daily sex'.
Also like the 'prepared to try anything' = I'm so ugly I'll have anal sex with your gay husband if I get to see a naked woman in real life.
Love the "proffesional, inteligent" ads. What are the literite and wryters here meant to think?
Personally reckon its a worldwide conspiracy by those who discovered dyslexia is an anagram for 'daily sex'.
Also like the 'prepared to try anything' = I'm so ugly I'll have anal sex with your gay husband if I get to see a naked woman in real life.
Sex God
The best weekend I've had yet came about because I can spell and type. So I'm fully in agreement with Mandy. It's worth putting in the effort.
Mod
Quote by DJohn
The best weekend I've had yet came about because I can spell and type. So I'm fully in agreement with Mandy. It's worth putting in the effort.
Morning DJohn
It must have been an outstanding Ad you placed if you were chosen for your literacy :haha: Mind you, I'm not knocking you, if it works, keep it up
. Mal
Quote by mal609
It must have been an outstanding Ad you placed if you were chosen for your literacy :haha: Mind you, I'm not knocking you, if it works, keep it up
Maybe he wasn't chosen FOR his literacy but BECAUSE of it... the person responding could actually read it and make sense of it first time round? A
There are so very few ways to convey what's inside out hearts and minds accurately to another person .
Art is one, music another, language too.
Of course people can make mistakes, nothing at all wrong with that, but you can get a feel for how purposefully someone tries to convey a sentiment.
I cannot help but draw a conclusion that if people cannot attempt to convey something well in conversation, then they will almost certainly fail to do so physically and emotionally too. But then I'm a cynic.
/TheKid
Art is one, music another, language too.
Of course people can make mistakes, nothing at all wrong with that, but you can get a feel for how purposefully someone tries to convey a sentiment.
I cannot help but draw a conclusion that if people cannot attempt to convey something well in conversation, then they will almost certainly fail to do so physically and emotionally too. But then I'm a cynic.
/TheKid
A one-time friend of mine, a writer well into double figures on her Amazon listing wrote the most terse email, albeit with the occasional literary flourish. There are exceptions to all rules.
But yes AK, with you 100% on your sentiments and conclusion. Experience, not cynicism talking here.
But yes AK, with you 100% on your sentiments and conclusion. Experience, not cynicism talking here.
Top post AK
The number of times I've read some of the adverts and thought along similar lines.
What amuses me with these silly sods is how they think, by changing their names or even their email addresses, that no one will notice it's still them.
The other source of amusement/annoyance, for me, are those who post photos stolen from other people or other websites. There's an advert, in the Women Seeking Men section, containing a photo I first saw over 12 months ago on an American website.
But, for all I know, she may have emigrated over here
Bless 'em :wink:
The number of times I've read some of the adverts and thought along similar lines.
What amuses me with these silly sods is how they think, by changing their names or even their email addresses, that no one will notice it's still them.
The other source of amusement/annoyance, for me, are those who post photos stolen from other people or other websites. There's an advert, in the Women Seeking Men section, containing a photo I first saw over 12 months ago on an American website.
But, for all I know, she may have emigrated over here
Bless 'em :wink:
Sex God
Quote by mal609
It must have been an outstanding Ad you placed if you were chosen for your literacy :haha: Mind you, I'm not knocking you, if it works, keep it up
Mal
We met in a chat room, not through an ad. She was just pleased to find someone that she could have a proper conversation with. I'm sure you know what chat rooms can be like...
I know every person is after something different. I'm interested in people, not just the short-term purely physical. So if I find someone who's interested in conversations with words of more than four letters, I'm smiling :-)
That's why I don't particularly bother with ads. It's hard to tell much from them. So why am I participating in a thread about ads?
Sex God
It's the "will try anything and everything" guys that get me - never fails to amuse me greatly everytime I read that in an ad - actaully I don't really take in the meaning any more, as all it says to me is "desperate". A couple of years ago when I had more time to bother about these things, I used to email guys to ask them would they actually do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING as these are two very big claims. Invariably, they would admit very quickly that they wouldn't actually do anything and everything, and invariably the guys who bragged that they would actually wanted very little - a straight shag usually, and that's all - nothing wild, nothing kinky, just a shag - needless to say, they're probably still looking :twisted:
