Tkano's agony uncle page! All your problems sorted!

2 Jun 2004

Quote by Silk and Big G
Ok....next.....Do I turn left at this next roundabout???

I would hate to send you the wrong way so can I suggest that once on the roundabout stay there and look out for a right turn instead.

2 Jun 2004

Quote by MrsFC
Problem tonight Davej......what to cook for dinner?

Dont cook anything for dinner, cook something for Mr FC instead.

2 Jun 2004

4 MrFCs :shock: :shock: :shock:
Phew, what a relief - I thought I was just a bit pissed at the munch blink

2 Jun 2004

Quote by MrsFC
Problem tonight Davej......what to cook for dinner?

MrsFC take MrFC to a KFC in your GTI and order a BLT and a G&T.................
alternatively....
alphabetti spaghetti

2 Jun 2004

Quote by Bullerboy
My local is the hardest pub in my city which on a good night is full of the foulest mouthed, muscled, dirtiest, most pierced, ugly looking bunch you would ever like to meet - and that does include the women.
yours desperatley

Where is this pub?! Sounds like my ideal night out!!
Silky xxxxxxxxx

2 Jun 2004

alphabet speggetti........ooooo! Thats an idea he hasn't had that for years.
MrsFC must dig out flares big shoes and wig for MrFC so as he can enjoy the same surroundings as he had when he first enjoyed that 1st bowl full..
Now table cloth of a check sort I think !!
Thankyou Davej MrFC wil have a surprise when he comes home tonight.

2 Jun 2004

Big G's question for the agonising uncle.
I would like to know , why not ?
G

2 Jun 2004

Quote by Silk and Big G
Big G's question for the agonising uncle.
I would like to know , why not ?
G

to stop your shoes fallin off Big G

2 Jun 2004

:uhoh:

2 Jun 2004

Sandals and socks !!! Whats that all about then ?

2 Jun 2004

Quote by davej

Ok....next.....Do I turn left at this next roundabout???

I would hate to send you the wrong way so can I suggest that once on the roundabout stay there and look out for a right turn instead.
That is NOT fair Davej - there are NO right turns on round abouts!

:smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom:

2 Jun 2004

kit.. i dont think you hit him hard enough hun!!!!!!!! wink

need any help? lol

2 Jun 2004

Quote by Kit
That is NOT fair Davej - there are NO right turns on round abouts!
:smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom:

Absolutely true Kit but niether can you get lost following that advice...........might get dizzy..... but not lost.

4 Jun 2004

Has anyone got a problem that needs solving? Don't be shy get in touch with Tkano and his SH team!
Dun-dur-nundur-dur-dur-dur,dur -dur dur, dur-durnada-dur( A-Team theme music)

4 Jun 2004

Quote by Tkano
Dun-dur-nundur-dur-dur-dur,dur -dur dur, dur-durnada-dur( A-Team theme music)

No way is that the A Team theme music!!! :shock: :shock:
It should be: Dun-der-der, der-der-der, dun-dun-dun-dun, der-de-de-de-der!! See, that's much better!! rolleyes

:roll: :roll:

4 Jun 2004

sigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 Jun 2004

oooh a new game :happy:
Guess that tune...... (no tune we dont have to guess who you are)
I reckon the last one was ....THE 'A' TEAM
my turn my turn..... :bounce:
daaaaa daaaaa daaaaa dada da. daaaaa da da dada daaaaa. daaa da da daaa dadada da daaaa
clue ASHLEY !!!!

4 Jun 2004

Quote by davej
oooh a new game :happy:
Guess that tune...... (no tune we dont have to guess who you are)
I reckon the last one was ....THE 'A' TEAM
my turn my turn..... :bounce:
daaaaa daaaaa daaaaa dada da. daaaaa da da dada daaaaa. daaa da da daaa dadada da daaaa
clue ASHLEY !!!!

errrrrmmmmmm
Emmerdale................. (Nope - but the clue works for it!)
East Enders.................(Not a chance - theme is far too up beat rolleyes

)
Home & Away ............(Nope - no self respecting aussie bloke would be called Ashley!)
I have it - is it Corrie........ I say... is it Corrie?

4 Jun 2004

Quote by davej
daaaaa daaaaa daaaaa dada da. daaaaa da da dada daaaaa. daaa da da daaa dadada da daaaa
clue

Oooo ooooh :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: I know this I do I do!
It's that song where everyone runs round with their fingers round their eyes - dambusters or something?
:smug: :smug: :smug:

4 Jun 2004

So Ashley wasn't in Dambusters then? dunno

ops: :oops:

4 Jun 2004

Quote by davej
oooh a new game :happy:
Guess that tune...... (no tune we dont have to guess who you are)
I reckon the last one was ....THE 'A' TEAM
my turn my turn..... :bounce:
daaaaa daaaaa daaaaa dada da. daaaaa da da dada daaaaa. daaa da da daaa dadada da daaaa
clue ASHLEY !!!!

I'm so sad, I guessed it correctly before I read the clue!!! confused

:? :?

4 Jun 2004

Quote by Sgt Bilko
I'm so sad, I guessed it correctly before I read the clue!!! :? :?

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
But why am I not surprised?

4 Jun 2004

Quote by davej
oooh a new game :happy:
Guess that tune...... (no tune we dont have to guess who you are)
I reckon the last one was ....THE 'A' TEAM
my turn my turn..... :bounce:
daaaaa daaaaa daaaaa dada da. daaaaa da da dada daaaaa. daaa da da daaa dadada da daaaa
clue ASHLEY !!!!

YOU BASTARD! I've been on cold turkey from this place for 4 days (just sneaking in now and then) and then I read this.
It's obvious it Gone with the Wind!

4 Jun 2004

eeerr Tune eeerr rolleyes

welcome back?
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle:

4 Jun 2004

dear uncle tkano,
i recently decided to take advantage of a kind of free citizens advice / counselling service thingie, to finally help me resolve certain ex-relationship issues etc, that have contributed to overwhelming, sporadic outbursts of random nonsense etc etc and thereby seek a cure for my inner turmoil / addictive personality etc etc
well i have to say the service was far from helpful. instead of the rational, reasoned exploration of my deepest childhood fears re: castration, and horrible sexual, murderous, thoughts involving parents and stuff, as i expected, i found myself instead bombarded with the most inane drivel re: mars bar eating horses called malcolm, who may actually have been a goat, or something, some utterly random gubbins about the supposed natural habitat of unicorns, and lesser spotted greater rhinocerouserouserouses, and the wisdom of the old country ways etc re: kitten heels as suitable footwear for farmer's mistresses? or some such?? dunno

ii is apparent that, in this instance, the lunatics have well and truly taken over the asylum, and i'm now bereft of the wisdom i'm sure would otherwise have been imparted to me. can you therefore please suggest an alternative agony uncle person at all.......one who's co-counsellors are only nearly as mad as a box of frogs???
it's quite obvious that such surreal ( read : insane ) thinking is highly contagious, and the merest exposure to such individuals and their distorted sense of reality has possibly done lasting intellectual and / or emotional damage. just who exactly do i turn to now ffs? and are you going to accept full legal and moral responsibilty when i sue in ten years times to try and boost my dwindling pension fund?
yours in grateful anticipation,
worriedandcompletelybemusedinleeds

4 Jun 2004

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
MISSCHIEF,,,,, Tkano........over to you

4 Jun 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
dear uncle tkano,
i recently decided to take advantage of a kind of free citizens advice / counselling service thingie, to finally help me resolve certain ex-relationship issues etc, that have contributed to overwhelming, sporadic outbursts of random nonsense etc etc and thereby seek a cure for my inner turmoil / addictive personality etc etc
well i have to say the service was far from helpful. instead of the rational, reasoned exploration of my deepest childhood fears re: castration, and horrible sexual, murderous, thoughts involving parents and stuff, as i expected, i found myself instead bombarded with the most inane drivel re: mars bar eating horses called malcolm, who may actually have been a goat, or something, some utterly random gubbins about the supposed natural habitat of unicorns, and lesser spotted greater rhinocerouserouserouses, and the wisdom of the old country ways etc re: kitten heels as suitable footwear for farmer's mistresses? or some such??
ii is apparent that, in this instance, the lunatics have well and truly taken over the asylum, and i'm now bereft of the wisdom i'm sure would otherwise have been imparted to me. can you therefore please suggest an alternative agony uncle person at all.......one who's co-counsellors are only nearly as mad as a box of frogs???
it's quite obvious that such surreal ( read : insane ) thinking is highly contagious, and the merest exposure to such individuals and their distorted sense of reality has possibly done lasting intellectual and / or emotional damage. just who exactly do i turn to now ffs? and are you going to accept full legal and moral responsibilty when i sue in ten years times to try and boost my dwindling pension fund?
yours in grateful anticipation,
worriedandcompletelybemusedinleeds

In the words of MISSY --- "WOOOOOHHHOOOO"

4 Jun 2004

Huh! :shock: MISSCHIEF will handle this one methinks! I am kinda busy at the mo! Write to the agony aunt at the Sun she'll help as well!

4 Jun 2004

Oh bluddy great!!! rolleyes

someone with a real problem here and you guys do that delegating thing you do so well evil

OK Neil, calm down!!! :therethere: ... Look, you mentioned you wanted help with overwhelming sporadic outbursts of nonsense etc .... by the way, is it just me or does sporadic sound crude? one of those words that should be called something else, to save me feeling embarrassed when saying it in front of parents and kids :shock: ..... ok where were we - oh yeh, your splekendeedoolic outbursts of nonsense etc (much better :smug: ). Actually Neil, I find your posts rather entertaining, so may I suggest a simple cure. Pop a couple of elastoplast over your eyes whenever you venture near the puter. Then when you type what you think you're typing it will all come out as utter nonsense. Then we won't be able to understand a word of what you're saying, talk about you behind your back, start calling you a weirdo then Bobs your Uncle - cured, no friends, no reason to post cos we won't understand em anyway!
Then when you have finished at the puter, you can take off your elastoplasts, replace them with some new eyelashes ( from Boots or for glitter ones) and carry on as normal.
As for the nonsense Davej has been saying about Unicorns in Hertforshire etc - well, lets just say we can talk behind his back later :lol2:
There, problem sorted ..................... NEXT!

4 Jun 2004

Huh?