Tkano's agony uncle page! All your problems sorted!

4 Jun 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Then when you have finished at the puter, you can take off your elastoplasts, replace them with some new eyelashes ( from Boots or for glitter ones) and carry on as normal.

Dont go for the glitter ones Neil, they are made from unicorn pooh.

4 Jun 2004

Bluddy ell Dave!!!!!!!!!! ................ here I go again ..................
rotflmao

I've only just recovered from the first mention of Unicorn pooh!!!!
rotflmao

4 Jun 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Bluddy ell Dave!!!!!!!!!! ................ here I go again .............
I've only just recovered from the first mention of Unicorn pooh!!!!

Boy do I want to be there when you two meet up. I'll bring me own horn :!: :!:

4 Jun 2004

Not meeting him, he's shot away!!!!! Poor Karen deserves a bluddy medal!
Oh and Tune, you can bring your own horn :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
I want to know how you get on with the glitter poohing bit tho ok? :lol2:

4 Jun 2004

I'm outraged I'll have you know I'm a pillock of the community :shock:

4 Jun 2004

Quote by davej
I'll have you know I'm a pillock of the community :shock:

And an upstanding one on Wednesdays

4 Jun 2004

Have Horn will pooh glitter. Anything for you Missy :!:

4 Jun 2004

Actually, I dont agree with all this condemnation of Unicorn Poo: let me tell you it's REALLY useful stuff.
For example, a farmer friend of mine keeps a few Unicorn for the soul purpose of collecting their poo. When he's running late, and spreading muck in the dark, he just mixes a barrow of nice glittery Unicorn Poo with all the normal poo in his spreader and he can see exactly where the stuff is landing, even in total darkness. He has also diversified his farm business and now takes his spreader out for Bonfire Night, New Years Eve, Weddings etc-he finds he can undercut the fireworks people quite easily yet still put on a more colourful display.
It's also liked by fishermen: they hunt among it for the worms which have been eating away at it. Apparently, not only can you see exactly where your hook is at night, but fish find them irresistible..
But, biggest demand of all is from the mushroom growers: they plant their spores on it and get really 'magic' mushrooms.
So, don't knock it: if you don't want it, I'll bring me barrow round.

4 Jun 2004

Thats it Monty you tell em...see folks someone else who knows the truth of the matter. Bloody good idea about taking a Unicorn to a wedding. Up till now we have always taken along a Pixie cos they fart confetti ,but a Unicorn as well as a Pixie would make a hell of a show

4 Jun 2004

Dave

I think you're a tad confused ...... again. You're mistaking the real thing with Aunt Flo charging around with her Olympus Six, grouping people together to take a little 'pixie' for the family album. While simultaniously throwing confetti in the air to create 'atmosphere'.
Neither Pixies or cameras fart confetti ok rolleyes

4 Jun 2004

I thought I was making the most honourable offering of Unicorn pooh to Missy. But if it means I'm gonna get a tossed about by a muckspreader or a fisherman's hook up me arse then sod it I resign from the Unicorn's Protection Union (UPooh).

4 Jun 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Dave
I think you're a tad confused ...... again. You're mistaking the real thing with Aunt Flo charging around with her Olympus Six, grouping people together to take a little 'pixie' for the family album. While simultaniously throwing confetti in the air to create 'atmosphere'.
Neither Pixies or cameras fart confetti ok

Dave,
What are these people on ?:doh: I really think you should review your list of aquaintances. I can understand people being sceptical about unicorns, after all, they are invisible when there is an 'R' in the month, but come on, EVERY ONE knows that Pixies shit confetti. How do they think the damned stuff is made in the first place-bits of paper or something?? I don't think so.
By the way Dave, can I borrow Pegasus next week: we've got the chance of a stay in a cottage in France, but can't get a flight. I'd hate to miss it as Mrs M is so tired after cleaning up after our seven lodgers all week. It's all very well for them to sing 'Hi-Ho' all day, but someone has to mend their little caps and sharpen their little picks. The useless devil of a housekeeper they brought with them just moons about looking wan and pasty.
Anyway, I'll pop over next week for Pegasus if that's OK? Must dash, children have disappeared through the back of the wardrobe again...
M

5 Jun 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
daaaaa daaaaa daaaaa dada da. daaaaa da da dada daaaaa. daaa da da daaa dadada da daaaa
clue

Oooo ooooh :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: I know this I do I do!
It's that song where everyone runs round with their fingers round their eyes - dambusters or something?
:smug: :smug: :smug:
Misschief wasn't that the Cheggers plays pop or somethink? or was it runaround? one of his shows before he went au naturel with Channel 4
Gilbert

5 Jun 2004

damn, just realised I replied to something a few days ago, time warp, jump to the left
serves me right for trying to catch up... back to rest of the string.
Gilbert
ignore me , too many oysters

5 Jun 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
daaaaa daaaaa daaaaa dada da. daaaaa da da dada daaaaa. daaa da da daaa dadada da daaaa
clue

Oooo ooooh :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: I know this I do I do!
It's that song where everyone runs round with their fingers round their eyes - dambusters or something?
:smug: :smug: :smug:
EEEEEEXC000000SE MEEEEE ! ! ! ! ! ! !
I have NEVER run round with my fingers round ANYTHING; OR something.

5 Jun 2004

b*l*x
That didn't work very weel did it????
I really must try harder. But I've only a hook for a hand and no concept of timekeeping.
I don't do teknologies. (Radio ad)

5 Jun 2004

Are you sure? With a name like that you really should be running around with your fingers round your eyes - tis dead funny! Try it.
Although it is a lot funnier after a bottle of wine for some reason dunno

visions of dambuster running round the street, fingers round his eyes, singing the song and trunk swinging around all over the place :shock:

5 Jun 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF

Are you sure? With a name like that you really should be running around with your fingers round your eyes - tis dead funny! Try it.
Although it is a lot funnier after a bottle of wine for some reason
visions of dambuster running round the street, fingers round his eyes, singing the song and trunk swinging around all over the place :shock:

Frascati number 1 already has me. Frascati no2 or a bit of Irish coming soon.
Now,,,,,, where did I put my Chubby Brown helmet???
And anyway. Who said one shouldn't mix the grape and the grain???

5 Jun 2004

You've mentioned 'Frascati' in a couple of posts now ..... Reading this one, it's just dawned on me that it's a drink and not a literary genius or one of the Marx brothers like I first thought redface

5 Jun 2004

Or why not all three???
I'm in an 'Italian phase' at the mo. but I do like a little chilean now and then. (Who doesn't)
Am I still in 'new game' thread/post?

5 Jun 2004

Misschief ,
follow me into the local idiots place and I will look after you till its safe to come out I am very good at close personal attention!!!!!!Relax and enjoy , too many clever arses out there
Gilbert

5 Jun 2004

Quote by gilbert
Misschief ,
follow me into the local idiots place and I will look after you till its safe to come out I am very good at close personal attention!!!!!!Relax and enjoy , too many clever arses out there
Gilbert

BRAVO Gilbert
(Room for a lilttle un???)

5 Jun 2004

Quote by dambuster
Am I still in 'new game' thread/post?

Awwwww dambuster hunny :therethere: No you're not in the games thread, you're in the problem page rolleyes

........ Now talk to Aunty MissChief. Did you actually manage to find the games thread in the first place? dunno

Gilbert, yep, lets go to the idiots place, I will fit in a treat there..... but will have to bring dambuster with me, he a bit lost right now - not to mention pissed as a fart! :lol2:

5 Jun 2004

that'll make two of us and i know Misschief is an accomodating sort, Missy stop that wicked knowing expectant smile!
gilbert

5 Jun 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Am I still in 'new game' thread/post?

Awwwww dambuster hunny :therethere: No you're not in the games thread, you're in the problem page rolleyes

........ Now talk to Aunty MissChief. Did you actually manage to find the games thread in the first place? dunno

Gilbert, yep, lets go to the idiots place, I will fit in a treat there..... but will have to bring dambuster with me, he a bit lost right now - not to mention pissed as a fart! :lol2:
Lost?????
Pissed?????
HHooooo YAAAA
:happy: :wary: :small-print: :silly: :grin: :cheers: :taz: :doh: :doh: :silly: dunno

I made that lot up

5 Jun 2004

Found the games thread C U soon.
Can I answer myself in the gemes thread???

5 Jun 2004

Quote by dambuster
Can I answer myself in the gemes thread???

It depends what the question is ........ if it's something like who is the most pissed, then yes, 'myself' might be a good answer - on the other hand if the question is who has the biggest boobs, then it might not be quite such a good idea .... maybe you should think of a couple of answers before you go in there dunno

God, I'm getting good at this agony aunt stuff
:smile2: :smile2: :smile2:

6 Jun 2004

Dear agony Auntie
Another thread, has a fair smattering of girlies that prefer long hair on men. Now that I am in my mid forties I am in the fortunate position that hair is growing in my ears at an alarming rate. I currently remove this with a small trimmer.
Should I now stop this hair removal and allow it to grow so that it falls gently onto my shoulders as a replacement for the hair that is no longer on my head.

6 Jun 2004

Misschief said to Neil:

.....may I suggest a simple cure. Pop a couple of elastoplast over your eyes whenever you venture near the puter. Then when you type what you think you're typing it will all come out as utter nonsense.

Ahem....it is anyway. lol

Mike.

6 Jun 2004

Quote by davej
Dear agony Auntie
Another thread, has a fair smattering of girlies that prefer long hair on men. Now that I am in my mid forties I am in the fortunate position that hair is growing in my ears at an alarming rate. I currently remove this with a small trimmer.
Should I now stop this hair removal and allow it to grow so that it falls gently onto my shoulders as a replacement for the hair that is no longer on my head.

One hopes that Misscheif can make this a double answer - as this is a problem for me as well and I am sure for many other men and women. Thankyou for posting this Davej.
Over the years I have found that sporting a comb-over has always brought much success with the ladies. No woman can fail to be impressed with a well manicured comb-over. A smile cpmes to their lips and even sometimes racous laughter. So, I know they are enjoying themselves and just love my company... Happy days indeed - but sadly the comb-over got down to only 5 hairs I have had to remove it forever :cry: :cry:
I was thinking of investing in a syrup but would need some advice as to whether this is a wise course of action..
Thanks
Paul