There I was last night, settled in front of the laptop, bottle of my favourite Frascati on one side, plate waiting for crispy shredded duck to be delivered on the other, classic fmtv on low in the background; looking forward to spending a pleasant evening in the company of you lovely people (all of you). Could I just say that I am one of those silly, happy giggly sort of drunks. I can see humour in all things when sober so most things become funny when I’ve had a few.
So; there I was. Joining in, happy, just starting to enjoy the ‘crack’ of the site, getting merrily lost everywhere and trying to follow directions given to put me right when – in she came. All sweetness and light bearing some of my favourite tipples and some other stuff. Made me, nay, forced me to drink more. Plied me with vodka screamers. Rhubarb & Custard? Honeycomb? Strawberry? Apple? More like Carpet & Chair leg methinks.
And the rest; as they say, is history.
So. My question on the Agony page (if I’m not lost again) is this. Why, oh why, is it so easy for the ‘little head’ to rule the big head? Or, is that just me?
Someone has reached middle age when they are 10 years older than you are . Re syrups , I still have my 70s disco macho man chest wig complete with embedded medalion in a trunk in the loft . I will try balancing this on my bald spot next time I nip into Asda to renew the freezer stash , and see if I get groped in the aisles by any horny housewives who are hoplessy turned on by it.
What are you talking about Damnbuster? Hot chocolate and cookies? :twisted:
Was thinking more Swarfega and beans.
That's beans into the swarfega tub, not swarfega into the beans.
But I'll see if I can't try the chocolate and cookies. I hope the cookes go really soft and mushy. Wouldn't want crispy bits getting anywhere untoward like sand does.
it is my old man uses Swarfega strange substance its full of bits! you have to be careful with it it will cut your hands to shreds! its green and gooy and slimey!
eewww !!!! All I can imagine is very small children with dirty noses :shock: :shock:
If you want to be coarse; you can use tufenega. It's orange, smells of oranges (ish) and has polychips in it.
What is it with women and couples on this site... I try my best and yet nothing happens.
I've indicated previously that I am somewhat challenged in the follicle area. So, to get over this I decided that I needed a syrup (wig, rug etc). Not being able to afford one, they are bloody expensive, I decided to knit one. Talk about success - I now have a wonderful off grey dreadlock wig. It's perfect, even if I say so myself. Wore it to the pub yesterday and what a reaction. Some people stared open mouthed in admiration whilst others slyly smiled in a jealous sort of way. A couple of ladies even came up to me (obviously gagging for it) and said " you look a complete twat". Whilst "twat" is an alien word to me, when I asked my friend 'Ron the painter' he said that it was a term of endearment and I should continue with the dreadlocks as success would be round the corner. I popped round the corner - but nothing happened. The pubs doors were locked when I tried to get back in.
I decided not to place an ad - as the advice on the forum is to get yourself known and then everything will fall in to place. Well I'm sorry, but the square root of fuck all has happened. Not only have I not been swamped with mails from 'swingers' I have now taken to anonomously mailing myself in the hope that I have some success. This has worked to a certain degree as I have arranged some meets. But it's bloody typical that I don't turn up at the arranged venue. I shall persevere.
I though that I would try PMs as it has been indicated that everybody loves them. Well, don't you fucking well believe it. I have now sent out 974 PMs with the sensitive yet direct message " Anyone looking for a fuck from a huge cocked superstud"
I have had some replies - but they all seem to be along the lines of " fuck off you complete moron". Why do people have to be so rude. My motto has always been if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all. However, I am not downhearted and will persevere with this tactic as I know I will succeed eventually.
I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how I can improve my strike rate.
Thankyou for any help
Paul
ps: can you tell I am somewhat bored this morning
Hey Paul there is nothing wrong with your tactics and the steps you are taking will reap reward in the end.
My only critisicm would be your use of a home made knitted wig. I am also a slap head and used a similar approach back in the late seventies and was very successfull. The reason being, was that perms on men, were popular in the seventies and in poor light I looked like Kevin Keegan. However times have moved on and after a lot of study into current fashions, I have found that the desired look these days is for hair that is well gelled and wet looking. This cannot be achieved with a plain knit. I have experiamented and found that an indelible marker pen is just the thing.
Get your partner to draw your hair onto your head with one of these pens and it will dry with a nice sheen to it, giving you an instant gell look. Whats more you can change your style with ease. Fringes or partings are no problem and an array of colours are also possible, why I have even added some facial stubble in the past with stunning effect.
This has changed my life and now when I step out with mrs davej I get stared at all the time. Never before have girls huddled in corners and pointed me out to their friends as much as they do now.
I have recently enhanced this look by taking things a step further and prior to drawing on my hair I give my face a single coat of cuprinol tan fence life, this gives me a 'just been to the med' look. I then do my hair in my favourite jet black pen with elongated sideburns (these are coming back in fashion) and finish the whole thing off by buffing my teeth up to a pure white finish with some japlac radiator enamel. Finish the whole thing off with a purple satin shirt slashed open to the waist and a gold chain and medallion (use christmas tree chocolate money it looks the same) and 'bobs yer uncle' every fookers head will turn as you enter a bar.
So keep it going perhaps go from knitted to drawn.
Bloody hell monty, I had no idea !!! so aghast was I at your suggestion that fairies dont like heights, I took the step of raking through the crap in the garage, to get at the christmas box, not easy to do, as this is normally a job that mrs davej does. My thoughts were to get at the fairy and check if she could fly at height or if indeed, she just hovered at ground level.
I stood her on the drive and waited for her to wake and hover. Nothing. Zilch. She never bloody moved. So its reasonable for me to assume that the hovering just above the ground bit was... well....bollox, so I took her upstairs and flung her outa the window. Much better.....she at least flew. Clearly still groogy after being in a box for six months, her flight was in a rapidly descending plane, but flight through the air, it was.
I did this three or four times running downstairs and then back up to fling her outa the window again and again, until her head fell off and each time she flew. Every time I left her laying on the drive, she never moved.
I reckon that your story is hogwash and my experiaments with Mirrabelle have proved it.