Hi all,
Lately I have started to notice things about myself this is probably tied in to attending more and more SH events.
I know a lot of people know me as a tart in the forum and the chatroom, however I do have a shy side.
Please don’t laugh at this, this is a serious post, but when do u get top the point when talking or flirting with someone, to maybe take it that further step to playing.
I have been in situations when I would like to take it that further step but I can’t find either the right words to ask or am unsure if the person/people involved would be OK and maybe want to play.
For me this stems from fear of rejection and being hated but I just would like to know what other peoples thought are on the matter and how do other people deal with such feelings.
its like riding a bike........
maybe its real life thats not so real.....it is easier to open up to others on the net thats for sure.
i've also got to agree here, i am far more comfortable flirting with a healthy layer of internet inbetween me and a potential slap in the face... out in the real world i am far more restrained until i know people, and yes i also find that a little alcohol lubricates the conversation, but its a double edged sword. no good thinking you are being witty charming and amusing when you are really just acting like a complete tit. as people are saying practice is the way forward, you have to be more comfortable with yourself, and if you go somewhere regularily having a rapport with staff, and other people certainly helps you feel more secure and confident.
anyway enough of my ramblings, i'm off to cower behind a bottle of miller
oh well,
i have something to admit....
i cant actually ride a bike!!!!!!
MikeC
Mike,
To be active in this lifestyle you have to learn to handle what you call rejection - it isn't rejection .... not of you as a person. We all have different tastes and whereby you may fancy someone you have to consider that they may not fancy you. If that happens you simply carry on as acquaintancies...... remember though .. people do change their minds..
Let me give you an analogy ... years ago we had a sales force telecanvassing for business. I had to go and see the potential customer and during the course of the meeting the man said to me "You're sales force are persistent bugger's aren't they?" .. I asked him to explain.. he then told me that the sales force had phoned him five times..... the first time he hung up, the second he was busy, the third he couldn't be arsed, the fourth he was off to a meeting, the fifth he simply changed his mind and booked me in. I got the sale.
So you see, where someone may say No to you one day they may well say yes another day. Is that rejection? No, it's your interpretation of the situation. Unless someone actually says "Look, I dont fancy you and never will, please leave me alone" then you have every chance of playing at sometime in the future. But if you don't ask you will never know.
For me personally, I look for signals, which is normally flirting, then I'll have a chat and then ask them outright "Do you want to play/meet?" - in my experience when a woman likes a man she normally makes sure he damn well knows about it.
It helps to be confident too - women like strong confident men.
Finally, an important factor to consider is that I don't care whether I play with someone or not... I'm not desperate to play with anyone which means I don't have to try too hard. I am more relaxed that way and my 'true' self comes across., which people seem to respond to.
Mike
I've got to agree with wishy here. I never ever go to munches with any other expectation - than to have a good time, a few drinks in pleasant company, and maybe make a few new friends. I suppose like yourself - i'm equally shy initially when meeting new people, but over time, as i become more familiar with people, you'll find i tend to come out of my shell.
If you were to mention my name to most people on here - they'd say one of two things! "who is he" or "he's that quiet bloke who sits at the back and says nothing", but equally, there are others who'd say " the blokes a gob shite, and you can't shut him up"
I'm sure there have been plenty of occasions at munches, where signals are being sent out, but i miss them each and every time. But since thats never the reason i am there, and my expectations are zero - i'm never dis-appointed.
Just chill out, don't try so hard to be everything to everyone, and just try be yourself. At the end of the day - thats what people will pick up on.
Like i say - just my own personal opinion - not that it counts for anything
kbuk
I kind of feel a bit on my own on this thread.I had a chat at my first munch this weekend about this very subject.
When posting I worry that it's easier to misunderstand what I've written rather than if we were talking to each other in a room.I felt a lot more comfortable at the munch,I always feel a little vulnerable posting incase I'm misunderstood or somebody takes something I say personally.I think as I post more it is slowly becoming less of an issue though.
I've been on here one month and can honestly say i wish I had found you lot earlier,piss-taking bar...people that you are. :twisted:
Understandable.... I do understand it as well... for me it has been age that helped as well... as I get older the less my inhibited I become... (like there is much to start with). I totally agree with wishmaster and kbuk as well as point out that sometimes when you are face to face you need to be a bit toned down if you come across a bit intimidating. I have been told too many times that I intimidate the hell out of ppl where as others say that they like a bit of forceful/confident nature in a man.
Really, I would say become a body language watcher (yes, there ARE classes for it too) and watch... typically if a lady (cough) wishes to take things further she will start with some discreet body language and work up to full on grabbing you for it.
Just be yaself, open and honest and lets things take their course.... just remember the worst thing that they can say is... NO.
So come on then and have some fun....
)
)
for you Mike sweetie
