4wheeldrive and I were discussing profile photos and have come up with what, we hope, are some useful tips.
Top Twenty Tips for Profile Photos
1. If your partner looks like a particularly brutal Bosnian war criminal, it is probably best not to include any photos of his face.
2. Tip 1 is especially true if the partner is female.
3. Surprisingly, not everyone will be entranced by a close-up photo of your prince albert and the 16 studs decorating your penis.
4. Check that you know what the translations of your squiggly foreign-writing tattoos actually mean before displaying them (and, preferably, before having them done!).
5. If your profile says your body shape is “medium”, be careful in your selection of full body pics. There are limits on the ability of even a basque and stockings to disguise too liberal an interpretation of the word “medium”.
6. You may think that the photos taken at that drunken party (when your str8 partner and all the other men put on wigs and lipstick for a laugh) may look highly amusing. Others will be wondering how long you have been with Dale Winton’s ex.
7. Do not be tempted to include any photos of your partner sitting in the bath. Even Kate Moss probably looks a size 16 while in the bath.
8. Photos that are in such gynaecological close-up as to make them difficult to identify tend to be unsettling rather than sexy – unless, of course, you are trying to attract gynaecologists.
9. If you have an extremely sexy photo on your profile, people may be slightly upset when they turn up for a meet and you explain that it’s not actually you – you are the big toe just visible in the bottom right corner.
10. Be careful about the background to your photos. A framed photo of Fred and Rosemary West on the wall behind you will probably not enhance your chances of getting replies to your advert.
11. Even the most trusting viewer will wonder how up-to-date your photos are if you include a pic of you leaning on a Ford Cortina, reading a newspaper with the headline “Argies Invade Falklands”.
12. If your wife insists that she is 38, ensure that you remove the card on the mantelpiece saying “To a Special Grandma on your 50th Birthday”.
13. You may be very proud of Tyson, your pit bull terrier, but including him in your photos will, at best, send a confusing message.
14. A photo of you wearing a tee shirt saying “Gary Glitter – do you wanna be in my gang, my gang?” will tend to restrict responses to your advert to a small niche market ……….. and the police.
15. If you are concerned about being identified, there is little point in having your partner wear sunglasses when you take her photo if your face is reflected in the mirror behind her.
16. You may believe that you have taken a sexy photo of your partner in a beautiful bathroom; others will see only the set of dentures in a glass on the shelf, left behind when your father visited – and will be wondering which of you they belong to!
17. If your pictures are actually stolen from somebody else, you ought to ensure:
• They are not photos of someone on this site.
• They are the same colour as you.
18. Photos in the kitchen are fine, providing you don’t have the past week’s dirty crockery and greasy frying pan in the background. This is the wrong type of slut.
19. Any erotic image in the bathroom will immediately be undermined by the appearance in the photo of a carelessly discarded pair of knickers with skid-marks.
20. Facial pics can be especially sexy, but it is probably best not to include any in which you look as though the voices in your head are telling you that it’s time to strangle another kitten!
Master of Sex
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:shock: 
:banghead: :banghead: 