Hi,
Quite a serious thread, and one where any help would be greatly appreciated.
Has anyone had, or knows anyone who has had, any turbulent relationships in the past, and has you're attitude towards those of the opposite sex (or same sex)?
Realise that is a sensitive subject and any replies would be a bonus, not expected!
Thanks,
L
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Turbulent Pasts?
Sex God
Quote by 3someinpreston
Hi,
Quite a serious thread, and one where any help would be greatly appreciated.
Has anyone had, or knows anyone who has had, any turbulent relationships in the past, and has you're attitude towards those of the opposite sex (or same sex)?
Realise that is a sensitive subject and any replies would be a bonus, not expected!
Thanks,
L
Has your attitude toward either sex what?
A lot of help thanks 
And sorry the missing part of the sentence is "adversely changed" lol.
Both here in this relationship have had bad relationships for one way or the other - the male here for a reason very similar to you (ex gf abandoned relationship and left to America when i was in no financial state to follow for years - came out of the blue) and never really recovered. But fem has had bad relationships for entirely different reasons.
The problem is is that they still haunt us individually even years on.
Is this quite common? or are we past-obsessive!
And sorry the missing part of the sentence is "adversely changed" lol.
Both here in this relationship have had bad relationships for one way or the other - the male here for a reason very similar to you (ex gf abandoned relationship and left to America when i was in no financial state to follow for years - came out of the blue) and never really recovered. But fem has had bad relationships for entirely different reasons.
The problem is is that they still haunt us individually even years on.
Is this quite common? or are we past-obsessive!
I often wonder the same thing, I had quite a few problems in my last relationship (which I wont bore you with). the problems have hindered my relationships since, as I now how major trust problems which is never good... 
I will follow this thread because its something I have been thinking about for a whilse now, is it just me?
Thanks all
I will follow this thread because its something I have been thinking about for a whilse now, is it just me?
Thanks all
Sex God
Quote by 3someinpreston
The problem is is that they still haunt us individually even years on.
Is this quite common? or are we past-obsessive!
I had a good relationship that had to end several years ago purely because immigration rules made it impossible for us to continue being together, and this is something I find impossible to put totally behind me - without going as far as calling myself "past-obsessive". But the many people these days who glibly parrot about achieving "closure" and "moving on" understand damn all about these things.
Mike.
Yeah, my relationship was absolutely wonderful - whilst in it. It became obvious when thinking about it that i was just used while she was in the country as something to pass the time - thats what i found most hard to swallow and still do.
It'll never completely close, but i don't resent women because of it. Thing is, its possible that female in this relationship resents men because of what happened to her (absolutely no details of course!)
It's one of the few posts i've made independently on this site because its becoming an increasing worry and i feel that at times i'm being made to pay for the actions of others.
It'll never completely close, but i don't resent women because of it. Thing is, its possible that female in this relationship resents men because of what happened to her (absolutely no details of course!)
It's one of the few posts i've made independently on this site because its becoming an increasing worry and i feel that at times i'm being made to pay for the actions of others.
Quote by 3someinpreston
Is this quite common? or are we past-obsessive!
I don't think past obsessive is the right terminology as we all learn from history. What annoys me is people who moan about their partner who either cheats, drinks/smokes/.....(add other vice)... or is even violent to their partner then go almost straight into another similar relationship. Yet, when they have an opportunity of being with the 'nice person I always wanted' they then complain that its boring. You just can't win!
Personally, I like to treat each person on their own merits regardless of my past experiences, afterall, it's not their fault you're fcuked up by an ex!
Orgasminator
I find it hard to move on because of past relationships. I have changed as a result of one but I think the change is for the better as I'm now more cautious about things.
My most recent relationship was probably the best relationship I've had (although with hindsight it still wasn't what I wanted as I wasn't totally happy for certain reasons) but before that there were others that were very damaging to me.
This, in effect, didn't help my most recent relationship as I was still very wary, which to me is understandable as I did go through some rough times and have some bad memories which you can't just forget about and keep in a nice little box in the back of your wardrobe!
Maybe I was a little hung up on the past, but I have learn't from the bad times and I wouldn't say I'm "past-obsessive" just cautious and a bit more wary.
I do think about the past quite often but only so I don't jump straight back into the same situations and to also think of the choices I've made and how much better off I am now.
My most recent relationship was probably the best relationship I've had (although with hindsight it still wasn't what I wanted as I wasn't totally happy for certain reasons) but before that there were others that were very damaging to me.
This, in effect, didn't help my most recent relationship as I was still very wary, which to me is understandable as I did go through some rough times and have some bad memories which you can't just forget about and keep in a nice little box in the back of your wardrobe!
Maybe I was a little hung up on the past, but I have learn't from the bad times and I wouldn't say I'm "past-obsessive" just cautious and a bit more wary.
I do think about the past quite often but only so I don't jump straight back into the same situations and to also think of the choices I've made and how much better off I am now.
but life still goes on so why try to remember the past shouldent we all look to the future 
Sex God
Quote by x-man0223
...then turned round said bye in a txt and i never saw her again
Thats a harsh way for things to end mate, though i don't know the details i suspect you are better off without her in the long term and i hope you do find you ideal partner in the future
Yeah i was in a very happy stable relationship with the girl who i loved (Well still do)
but one month we had an accident, with birth control and she ended up pregnant. Well this was a huuuuge decision for us, both of us anti abortion; in the end decided to have a termination. The wrost decision either of us have ever made, we both agree on that.
Well we both have been on anti depressants since, found it very hard to do a lot. We both see each other, but found sex a problem, as it was too emotional; hence why we are both single now.
We still love each other, and think the world of each other; but will always remain apart due to the stae we both got over it.
Ever since then i havent wanted a relationship, due to the fact no one matches up to her.
but one month we had an accident, with birth control and she ended up pregnant. Well this was a huuuuge decision for us, both of us anti abortion; in the end decided to have a termination. The wrost decision either of us have ever made, we both agree on that.
Well we both have been on anti depressants since, found it very hard to do a lot. We both see each other, but found sex a problem, as it was too emotional; hence why we are both single now.
We still love each other, and think the world of each other; but will always remain apart due to the stae we both got over it.
Ever since then i havent wanted a relationship, due to the fact no one matches up to her.
Sex God
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "turbulent". If you mean being in a relationship that is violent, I know several people who have been in very nasty relationship situations, and still years later they suffer the effects of those times. That is not unusual even more than 10 years afterwards.
If by turbulent you mean a relationship that ended due to... say..cheating.... I think it is more depending on the individual and the dynamics of the relationship to say how long the person would be affected. Some people just brush cheating off and move on, while others never really reach a resolution over it and become very insecure etc in future relationships.
OK... that's as far as I'm taking the psycho babble today. I am on leave this week so am off duty and talking psych on a thread yesterday just got me hassle
If by turbulent you mean a relationship that ended due to... say..cheating.... I think it is more depending on the individual and the dynamics of the relationship to say how long the person would be affected. Some people just brush cheating off and move on, while others never really reach a resolution over it and become very insecure etc in future relationships.
OK... that's as far as I'm taking the psycho babble today. I am on leave this week so am off duty and talking psych on a thread yesterday just got me hassle
Sex God
Quote by bluexxx
OK... that's as far as I'm taking the psycho babble today. I am on leave this week so am off duty and talking psych on a thread yesterday just got me hassle
That's a good idea blue, try the eclectic approach, free your current mindset, give yourself space, and facilitate yourself to empower your holistic sense of well-being....
:roll: :roll:
I've been out of a very turbulent/violent marriage that lasted 20 years for just over 2 years now. I find it really difficult still to even begin to talk about stuff, though I've had the best of counselling. I feel that I'm an altogether kind of person - as friends and family would testify, but years of abuse have an effect that those who haven't experienced can only imagine. My son and me have a running joke about what I've left past it's sell-by date at the back of the fridge, since that was always one of the things I was often greeted with on my return home from work. It was always my fault. An excuse for a row and often a beating. It didn't need much of an excuse. People often wonder why we don't just up and leave, but it's so difficult. There's the apparently sincere apologies that it will never happen again, the "I will change" scenario, the fact it's someone else's fault, "we love each other really", the financial situation - so many excuses - on both sides. Family watch on, giving advice, but never really knowing the depths of despair until it's almost too late. I've had broken ribs, lacerations to my arms requiring surgery, black eyes, multiple bruising, so much. I won't go on, but this thread did offer the opportunity to raise these issues. I personally am really grateful for that and hope that it might provide others the same. thanks.
i was in a very turbulent relationship with my first ever love i was with her for 4 years i loved her more than anything but when we argued it got pretty bad she was a very jelous person and i had to more or less look at the floor when we was out in the end we had a realy bad argument and she hit me and gave me a split lip so after that i tried so hard to avoid arguments or confrontations i was scard of her and i am 6`1 and pretty broad but she did scare me so in the end we split which was the best thing for it i still miss her but i am very wary of getting into a relationship with another woman.
Liam
Liam
Quote by bluexxx
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "turbulent". If you mean being in a relationship that is violent, I know several people who have been in very nasty relationship situations, and still years later they suffer the effects of those times. That is not unusual even more than 10 years afterwards.
This is true in my case, it's over 12 years now and I still have daft ghosts over it. I find it very difficult to trust men and feel at ease in their company and even with Morbius, if he moves fast when he's near me ie reaching for a glass or swatting a fly it completes freaks me out and can leave me with panic attacks.
Thankfully there are a couple of guys on here who have helped me (along with Morbius) to gain a bit of confidence and trust
to them ~ they know who they are ;)Cx
sorry if I raised some thorny issues - noticed I've been avoided. This is a very difficult area for both men and u to know that I have met a lovely, caring man, so I'm not an embittered person. But we all need to recognise that domestic violence is a no-go area and one that needs to be tackled on all I was assaulted by my ex in a rural area, I would loved to have help at hand, but it wasn't. Please keep this thread going.
If you have enough experiences you get to know something about people and how they are likely to behave. That's why there is a growing industry in profiling people for all sorts of things.
I have been summed up and turned down by several people, because they instinctively felt or knew we would not get along well. I eventually realised they were right. I have also done the same thing to people. Sex would have turned what was there into something quite nasty.
So generally I believe the theory and the practical are in most cases quite accurate.
So those turbulent relationships I have had did not leave me feeling bitter about the world just knowledgable about certain types who I know I need to avoid or deal with carefully.
I have been summed up and turned down by several people, because they instinctively felt or knew we would not get along well. I eventually realised they were right. I have also done the same thing to people. Sex would have turned what was there into something quite nasty.
So generally I believe the theory and the practical are in most cases quite accurate.
So those turbulent relationships I have had did not leave me feeling bitter about the world just knowledgable about certain types who I know I need to avoid or deal with carefully.
Quote by duncanlondon
I know how you may feel. I have been haunted for 25 years by a former lover. She sends a card every xmas to my family, never mentions me in it.
That kind of thing?
Hey, I send an ex birthday and christmas cards every year, have done since I left SA, 8 years now, and I call him every year on his birthday. His mum even came out to visit me last year August. I hope he doesn't feel I'm haunting him :shock: 