I am sorry to hear that you are having such problems. Hate crime - which is what homophobic abuse is - should be reported and police have a duty to take it seriously.
This organisation have a helpline you could perhaps ring:
I'm sorry that I cannot be more helpful; will return to this later.
Nola
Hello,
I have been there and done that especially many years ago in my youth...
There will be many local organisations that are run for and by gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgendered.... google LGBT and you will find them. Get in touch... get support and get some strength from those who have been there. There really is strength in numbers I promise you. All the crap you are going through is something that others have been through. (including myself and worlass)
Once you have that support the idiots (including 'family') become less important.
I have loads and loads of advice (I may just be a total nag, I will let you decide)
Please PM me if you want more details or even some personal support.
I do promise you this though..... it does pass when you have support from people who have been there and can be on the end of the phone when the homophobes seem to be in the majority. They really aren't.
hugs and smiles.
splendid xxxx
p.s. I went from losing my job because I was 'a pervert and shouldn't be around normal people', my home, and everyone I considered a friend and all my family to being able to walk hand in hand with my partner down the street... to having people smile with support when seeing me... to where I am today - which is a brilliant place to be.
Splendid's advice is good advice.
The revenge advice with the dog shit less so, though it would be funny and maybe a little bit satisfying, but ultimately it's going down to thier level. Much better to start the rumour that they are grasses or something, that works well on estates like that - a bit of graffitti around the estate should do it... :> (i'm joking, not really suggesting you start all kinds of rumours about them... that would be wrong...)
Also, as far as work is concerned, constructive dismissal through the companies' failure to prevent homophobic bullying is unfair dismissal and illegal, and really difficult for a company to defend against at an employment tribunal. Any semi decent union rep or lawyer would find this a walk in the park, and I'd find a no-win-no-fee company for this even if you were only there a week as they allowed bullies to force you out based on your percieved sexuality. I'm sure you have a case. The onus is on them to prove that they followed procedures and supported and supervised you correctly and they are quite likely to shit themselves and make you an offer before it even gets to court.
What a brave thread.
My heart goes out to you.
Big hug.
My heart goes out to you Horny hunni, I can't understand how these peoples mind tick.
Over the years I've had many jobs in many places and have worked with both gay men and women and have not come across such prejudice, maybe i've just been lucky enough not to see it, who knows.
I'd be out of there like a shot for my own sanity rather than classing it as a victory, it's only a victory to you if it's not affecting you and it obviously is so either way they've won.
Hold your head up high and walk tall and hopefully you'll find a new place soon.
Let them have their "Victory"
Leave and go somewhere better...
Continuing to stay there will only worsen your moods and depression......Speak to Splendid and take her advice and find yourself somewhere you can be you and ultimately happy...
Splendids is, as usual, good advice.
However, she really is a pervert who shouldn't be around normal people.
Good luck- you're not as alone as you think out there xx
:twisted: Then they are small minded assholes mate and stuff them!! I know its hard to hear it but when they shout fag say no thanks ive just had one! Let them shout as they please because you are one brave man for saying how you feel and for that you should walk tall xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Failing all that you could hold a swinging party and give them all a bigger thing to talk about :twisted:
I was depressed about one place I lived in, and for a while it was difficult to move out. But moving really is the only answer. No matter how much you try to tough it out, its all waste of time and energy to do so. So find somewhere as soon as you can. Its like a relief , and then you can restart your life in a better frame of mind.
Sorry to hear about your problems, if these people use your sexuality as a stick to beat you with then the probably are racist and misogynist as well, in my experience the three things come as a package.
My step daughter has had these problems since she was at middle school when she came "out", being picked on, called names and eventually assaulted and the police did nothing to help. She believed that running away to Brighton was the answer but being away from her family caused her more problems than solutions. She is back now and in college trying to catch up with her education and has developed a good mix of friends, straight and gay and has her family her to give her support.
Sometimes running away is not the best option.
I can't offer any advice better than you've already received.........but fuck 'em they're attitude is only important to because you allow it to be.
My avatar is a picture of me (some people don't realise this) I often get attitude from all kinds of people because of the way I choose to look and really the only thing to do is laugh....they're frightened small minded idiots living in fear of their own individuality fuck 'em and anyone who thinks like them.
If I was getting personal abuse from anyone anywhere I'd thump them, and I'm not a blackbelt. I'm not advocating violence BTW, just saying what I would do.
Get one on his own at night with no witnesses and give him a bloody good hiding, that is what I'd do. Rumours spread fast and once they realised there may be painful consequences they wouldn't call me names or abuse me ever again.
A few years ago one of my children had a scrap with a lad the same age who lives opposite me. It was only kids stuff, but my lad got the better of him and he went to his dad. I live in a nice enough area, but I rent my house whereas the rest of the houses are privately owned. The lad's father is a millionaire who owns a Porsche and a Bentley, and has a reputation for shouting his mouth off. At the time I was a factory night shift worker with an old Nissan that I had to bump start, so I guess he thought he could get away with it when he called two of my children with special needs "retards". If you think being called a poof is offencive, then believe me this is worse.
I won't go into any detail about what happened next, but the police were called and even they told him to shut up. They even told him to go back indoors as they couldn't guarantee his safety, (there was only two of them lol).
I'm not being unsympathetic here, you are getting shit because you are taking it, and you did say you are a black belt.
Good luck.
My best line ever, was when some Barnsley scally (I was visiting) said, 'What the fuck are you wearing?' and I replied, 'When I want fashion advice I won't ask some cunt in brown cords and white socks.' His mates were laughing so hard that he forgot to continue the discussion and sloped off.
Update: 10:39pm
It appears that they are moving out. When I got back home after picking mum up (heavy traffic in the area for some reason so got back 9pm), I heard the heavily pregnant GF of the next door neighbours son say as I walked past that its gay to live with your mum. But I didn't take any notice, partly because I was talking about the amount of ambulances I saw on the road and car accidents.
Anywho, I seem to have calmed down abit knowing they are going, or getting a place of their own but still showing their face here due to the mother.
My problem is that when I am calm and polite and civil,and I keep quiet, it makes me 'gay'. But when I turn aggressive , violent and vent, its 'I can't believe he can say things like that'.
So basically, I could invite some of you lot around for a cup of tea.......lol
Edit: 11pm
I forgot to mention I was having a chat to my younger brother about how he is supposed to behave and what he should do when adults (the son next door) says stuff like bully a 9 year old to act tough. I didn't realise that they (the 'children') had left and only the mother was in the house. I happened to mention that I don't understand whether it is love or obsession that they keep repeating the same thing (fag or batty). I guess I tried to twist things around...lets see what will happen.
Also my younger brother had a badge that said to stamp bullying (anti bullying week).
I know it must be so hard to put up with your own home (ok outside it - but it's the same) being made less 'safe' because of some people's behaviour. Safety isn't just physical - it's mental and emotional. And everyone has a right to feel safe in their own home and street.
Anyhone who suffers this can take some steps to help - deal with the people face-to-face, collect evidence and present it to the police, get the support of other neighbours if they are suffering too, keep a diary of 'events' (ALWAYS do this in such a situation - start now!), maybe even consider moving away. Only the person involved can know what will work best and what is practically possible.
I would encourage anyone in this situation to keep remembering that the bully is exposing their own stupidity - not yours, they are demonstrating their own unworthiness - not yours, they are stuck with being who they are - you are not stuck with them forever. No-one 'deserves' to be bullied - the bully does NOT define you.
I know you will get past this Horny - and will be able to help your brother too.
If he struggles with confidence cos of this - what about encouraging him into a physical sport such as Judo? Great for confidence, great in the case of physical attack, not likely to result in him being prosecuted (unlike boxing or karate) for applying his skills on 'civilians' as it can be largely defensive and actually quite subtle.
Ok I am trying to get to sleep and I hear someone throught the wall say 'Fag- YOU are a batty'. And it was loud as it was throught the wall. Consider this, I was going to to go to the police but I realised that the only other witness is the sister, and she says the same thing. So she is unreliable.
I wrote it down on a piece of paper and the cars for those neighbours were not there in the car park except one blue peugeot. I drove round the corner and I saw the bedroom lights were on.
I did not keep the cctv recording because I didn't realise that they would be back so late.
I tried to record but my stupid phone makes a noise when I hit record. Also I tried to get a response out of them. So I said 'try saying that again?' Then I went downstairs made a cup of tea and said, 'you gonna have to do better than that pussy'.
Then I went upstairs and drinking the tea while typing this. I will need to get some form of recording device in my room and a dvr recorder. Also I will need a diary to log everything and I need to clean my room again.
I actually wanted to keep my mouth shut but I think as I am learning and planning, I am trying to find out ways of catching them. As I said, I think I got the daughter on cctv.
How long am I suppose to make the records for until I report to the police.
Also my problem is I sleep in my boxers.( If I ever meet with you lot, you'll see!) So then I had to put clothes on and get keys, get phone put trainers on that were slippery in the rain. Check outside the window. Run out and saw that there were no other car except the blue peugeot. Drive round the block to check their window lights.
Also I made a resolution, the moment I start doing this properly, I will keep my mouth shut.
Seriously, what's stopping you moving away? A misplaced sense of pride? 'They win'? Who cares if THEY think they have won some kind of victory? Do they matter so much to you that you care what they think?
You cannot control what someone else does (if the law cannot intervene) but you CAN control how you respond to it.
They already have their victory - you are thinking about them constantly, responding to them. When YOU take control of the situation you take the power way from them.
Every single time you respond - you hand them a little victory - another reason to carry on. If you stop responding to them they are starved of their reason to carry on. They are probably too stupid to notice very quickly - but they will notice eventually that their pathetic attempts to validate their own existance aren't working.
My advice - feel free to ignore - I am not in charge of your life - you are.
Just remember the line "You have no power over me." And stop giving them that power.
Keep your records, record the comments - but don't give them the satisfaction of ever knowing you are responding to them.
Getting out is not a surrender - it is YOUR choice, and removes any power form them.
I just read that cctv is supposed to keep record of my own property, for legal reasons so I am not sure how the CCT I am using for the public car park will help. Any advice please?
but after what I heard yesterday I realised I am completly fucked ie no hope for any future prospects, and because of this I don't know what to do.
