Actually I think what you've come across is something we all have to consider in one form or another from the die-hards to the casual swingers.
We all have an ulterior motive in getting to know each other better. That's because we all want something more than friendship. Whether that undermines the friendship is another matter entirely. I have friends I've met through the scene and would have no problems introducing them to vanilla friends as they understand discretion and I trust them. I wouldn't do it with someone I just met though. It might be worth considering your scene friends as a different circle of friends rather than false ones. I have different interests and friends I have in one do not necessarily mix with the others but it doesn't make them any less a friend.
So while you may get that mistrustful feeling I would say just go with the flow and trust your intuition, if you're not comfortable, talk further until you are. It's not a race and I'd say if someone isn't going to give you time then they probably aren't for you.
Use your nouse.
I have made some genuine friends through swingers sites. Most of whom I have not played with, at least for years. No "using" involved.
Like any other situation in life, there are users on the swinging scene.
The trick is to separate that chaff from the genuine wheat.
If you go for the 'eat, shoots and leaves' variety, then yes, it could be seen as 'using'.If however, there is more to the friendship, like chatting, socialising, doing good deeds etc, then it will only ever be what you want, no labels required.
Just go with what's comfortable.
For us the problem does not exist or we havent experienced it yet. We tend to meet people a few times maybe a socials nothing develops they are friends. Or we meet people and have sexual encounters maybe twice then it all just seems to fizzle off and we dont see them again.
This could almost segue into the 'hardened' swinger debate. ie at what point do you feel its no longer an organic thing but is manufactured reality. Well its mostly in between but nearing either end of the scale depending on the circumstances. But with sex in its many forms its often a needs must thing. So its no different with swinging.
Yes we are using each other; perhaps the ‘each other’ is the important part.
I have had a 4some with friends I had know for a few years, which did not go as well as some meets.
I have been to clubs and played within an hour of first contact. On the other hand I have chatted to some on here know the chance of a meet is remote. One thing is for sure, if I don’t like them they are not having my body.
One person I met on SH, I met her family, and not a word did we say to them. Some have become friends.
The bottom line is, if you do not harm anyone, why not?
Do I keep swinging and vanilla separate? Mostly.
Travis
I have never understood the word USING being related in any way to swinging, if all parties are consensual then it's mutual.
If not, then that's a completely different ball game and nothing to do with swinging at all!
I used to say that we do this for the sex and if we make friends out of it then that's a bonus and that is still very true up to a point.
I can honestly say though, that some of the best meets we have had are ones where we were friends first. It makes it much more relaxed as you already know each other, have an idea of the kind of things you all like, there is no pressure and can have a giggle; in comparison to the meets where we meet, have a quick drink and then go and fuck. One meet we had was so regimented that as soon as we turned up at the house and was given a glass of wine, we were told exactly what time we would be going upstairs. That was not the most comfortable of situations.
I agree with Bambi and don't think that 'using' is a word which should be related to swinging. Using to me is a word which relates to one person doing the 'using' while the other person is after a little more and ends up getting hurt. As swinging is about mutual nsa sexual activities, I believe that if there is any using involved then at least one of the parties is doing it for the wrong reasons and that's when problems are sure to arise.
I recently had a dilemma, where we where looking for a photographer to take pics of the better half and possibly more intimate stuff between us.
The photographer we asked asked what he would get in return, and we made it quite open not very much unless it was with his female partner. At which point he just said good luck.
Which was fair do's on him, as there would be nothing more uncomfortable than him doing the photo shoot then saying.. shag me or pay me.
Anyways at that point we realised that if we did anything in return it would be like paying him for his services through sex.
We realised there is a very fine line in having a swinging friend who happens to be a photographer. Or a photo shoot which organically the subject turns into sexual involving the photographer in comparison to a Photo shoot where the agreement with the photographer is that he will have sexual acts performed on him or her as payment.
Unfortunately for him had he not asked things may potentially have gone that way anyway.
lol
) and not something you'd think about too much. But for those that take it a little more seriously... I need some help. I am now meeting new friends, some of which (I know) may well last me a decade. But while I chose to get closer to these people, I enjoy contact with them and they are people I would have liked to socalise with *anyway*, I can't stop feeling like there is something deliberate and calculated about our interractions. Perhaps partially this feeling is caused because of how quickly these relationships progress (by normal standards), which I guess is something I'll have to adjust to, with experience. But there is also a more distasteful side to it, as to various degrees I feel like we are all *using* each other. 
). The bit that clicked was that, even though mutual consent is not enough to makes it all right in my mind, the desire to exchange (the fact that each has something to offer willingly, and the offers are mutual but without any demands of reciprocation) certainly is. Photographer scenario makes a perfect case of tiptoing this line.