Vanilla????

13 Apr 2008

All to often I see references made to *Vanilla‘s* in SH and elsewhere. I also see members who do not like to be labelled or put in a box, for example; Bi/gay.
I’m the same, I don’t like being labelled or put into a box either. Sometimes when I see a reference made to *Vanilla’s* I feel unwelcome or that I’m intruding on your lives somehow… or as I’m one of those darn *vanilla’s* perhaps I shouldn’t be a member here full stop???
I often see definitions of Vanilla given from dictionaries. I haven’t yet seen a definition in the dictionary with a reference made towards people (I’m sure someone will find one now lol

).
Without the Vanilla’s, you wouldn’t have planning applications passed for sex clubs, massage parlours, spa’s, nudist clubs… you may not have your munches and socials without those Vanilla’s? (some do know it’s a swingers social).
Without Vanilla flavourings, you wouldn’t have nice smelling perfumes, my fav ice cream *Vanilla*, some medicines, you would have boring confectionary products without it.
So is *Vanilla* ordinary, plain, unexciting and basic????
Oh and I prefer to be called a *non swinger* :smile:

13 Apr 2008

Quote by anais
Oh and I prefer to be called a *non swinger* :smile:

Now, at the risk of being labelled pc, I have to say I disagree here... I don't like being called a 'non' anything - but maybe that's just me? confused

13 Apr 2008

I think I kind of know where you're coming from but definitely think that you more than fit in on here. I don't use the term vanilla really, I have problems with labels anyway. When I think of swingers.....I just think of open minded people, it's such a broad church that I find it hard to classify people any further than that. Plus people reasons for being here often change quite dramatically during their stay. I guess I think more of you as a swinger who doesn't play dunno

not sure if I#m making sense but that is the way I think of you. I've got friends who don't swing but who are open minded and I wouldn't describe them as vanilla as they are far from it lol

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are lots of different types of people and it's hard to put people into boxes so I prefer just to treat people as individuals and make my own mind up from there smile

13 Apr 2008

Quote by noladreams30
Oh and I prefer to be called a *non swinger* :smile:

Now, at the risk of being labelled pc, I have to say I disagree here... I don't like being called a 'non' anything - but maybe that's just me? confused

No not just you Nola lol

if Im gonna be put in a box I would rather have that than that vanilla woman :lol2:

13 Apr 2008

Quote by poshkate
I think I kind of know where you're coming from but definitely think that you more than fit in on here. I don't use the term vanilla really, I have problems with labels anyway. When I think of swingers.....I just think of open minded people, it's such a broad church that I find it hard to classify people any further than that. Plus people reasons for being here often change quite dramatically during their stay. I guess I think more of you as a swinger who doesn't play not sure if I#m making sense but that is the way I think of you. I've got friends who don't swing but who are open minded and I wouldn't describe them as vanilla as they are far from it
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are lots of different types of people and it's hard to put people into boxes so I prefer just to treat people as individuals and make my own mind up from there

Yeah know what you mean Kate and thank you kiss

I know many who arent on a swinging site that are definetly not what people would call Vanilla...
I suppose Ive been lucky in that many of my colleagues, friends and aquaintances are very open minded in how they think etc.
Colleagues especially as we had to fill in those boxes which everyone dislikes on a daily basis. We always felt that people should be free to define themselves as they want to. We had to have those boxes, we had no choice in that one so we could continue with our work.
I feel they are too many variants to a persons make up to be able to catergorise them into one box...

13 Apr 2008

I would never use the term in a derogatory sense. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a quick way of defining someone who doesn't swing, in the same was as the word "swinger" defines someone who does.
TBH, by nature I'm far more "vanilla" than "swinger" anyway.
Top quality, lip smacking vanilla, of course wink

13 Apr 2008

It's easy to find terms to categorise others, it's a natural component as to how humans interact socially. It's simply quicker to define a group, a social set, a lifestyle choice with somewhat of a misnomer.
In the same way that we describe ourselves as being, English or perhaps British, a section of existence that is characteristic of our choices and individuality is usually grouped by a universal term for simplicity.
I think that the term Vanilla is not terribly offensive but you do raise a very valid point, do those who chose not to play come under this category, it really does somewhat render the person ascribed this name as being a little dull or one dimensional.
I'm happily bi, but this term does not in anyway reveal or even reach the summation of my sexuality and my personal quirks.
Try not to be offended because others are categorising you or them simply to make a distinction, at the risk of going all 'oprah', you are defined by what and who you are not which group you happen to fall into when someone else is trying to categorise you.
Amber xx

13 Apr 2008

I though vanilla was used to describe those that practiced the more usual types of sexual activity? I originally heard the term more as used non-vanilla... Meaning the more avant-garde fringe sexual activities.
Anais. You are quite happy to be a non-swinger so it comes across thats cool. Hey why not, it's nice to have an eclectic mix of people.
Heck I dont even think i'm really a swinger, whatever one of those is. Though I have swang/swong/swung on the odd occasion

13 Apr 2008

I used vanilla as a (quick)way of describing my mates who are not part of the scene (and by scene I also include this site...this site is my scene too, and whether you swing, swong, chat, flirt, post or whatever, if you are on here, doing whatever, you are more than allowed to be here, in fact in some cases (anais) its positively demanded that you are here biggrin

I dont mean it in a derogaotry sense, just a lazy arse cant be bothered typing "a friend who is most definately not a swinger or part of this lifestyle, has her own lifestyle choices."
Having said that, I will watch how I bandy the word about, as I would hate to think I cause any offence or uncomfortableness whatsoever :D

13 Apr 2008

Seems a bit picky to me. If vanilla, or any other term, is used in a derogatory or offensive way then fair enough, but it wasn't. It is just shorthand for those who choose not to swing and has no connotation of good or bad. There is more than enough PC comment on perfectly appropriate words already without adding another. Just my opinion of course.

13 Apr 2008

Rich, fresh, full dairy cream.
Large fresh, free-range, golden yolked eggs.
Golden demerera sugar
Finest cured pods of the vanilla orchid
Not just any icecream
S&M vanilla I scream
H.x

13 Apr 2008

I see myself as both Anais, don't worry I think being a "Vanilla" is just as exciting as being a "Swinger" because it's a personal choice.
Happiness and being at ease with your own sexuality is far hornier than a "label".
kiss

14 Apr 2008

Quote by H-x
Rich, fresh, full dairy cream.
Large fresh, free-range, golden yolked eggs.
Golden demerera sugar
Finest cured pods of the vanilla orchid
Not just any icecream
S&M vanilla I scream
H.x

Yeah, we've heard you! I didnt realise how near we were to Wales rolleyes

I have a vanilla life and a swinger life.....and never the two shall meet! I like both of them and I would never use that word to belittle anyone :P

14 Apr 2008

Being into some very naughty stuff (no never!), I can as easily be vanilla (my definition-straight sex, nothing kinky).
Depends on my mood I suppose. Dont go with labels though, I just am what I am. Like or lump it :shock:

14 Apr 2008

Sometimes I swing then I'm a swinger. Sometimes I date guys who aren't in this lifestyle, then I become a 'vanilla'.
Can I be a vanilla swinger? rotflmao

14 Apr 2008

Quote by Sassy-Seren
Sometimes I swing then I'm a swinger. Sometimes I date guys who aren't in this lifestyle, then I become a 'vanilla'.
Can I be a vanilla swinger?

A Swanilla? lol

14 Apr 2008

Quote by Unc
Seems a bit picky to me. If vanilla, or any other term, is used in a derogatory or offensive way then fair enough, but it wasn't. It is just shorthand for those who choose not to swing and has no connotation of good or bad. There is more than enough PC comment on perfectly appropriate words already without adding another. Just my opinion of course.

In edit - forgot to mention I agree with Unc.
There isn't a single word that describes any of us. We are many things to many people, but to save time and give people a reference point that helps them to make a connection with us we all give ourselves labels.
I am at various times - a trainer (as opposed to a trainee), a mother (as opposed to not having had a child), a swinger (as opposed to a vanilla/non-swinger) you get the idea. Each one of those descriptions is a single word that is a tiny window into a huge variety of experiences and feelings.
Some words are used to deride people's choices or shapes or ages, but that is the use at fault, not the word.
Avoiding those deriding words is important, but saying a word is bad just because it is used as a handy shorthand (ie label) would result in us having hardly any words left.

14 Apr 2008

Quote by winchwench
Sometimes I swing then I'm a swinger. Sometimes I date guys who aren't in this lifestyle, then I become a 'vanilla'.
Can I be a vanilla swinger?

A Swanilla? lol

:rotflmao:
Love it!

14 Apr 2008

I have yet to lick anyone who tastes of vanilla?
Am I licking the wrong people? confused

:? :? :?
:giggle:

14 Apr 2008

Quote by easy
? :? :? :?
:

that is so your face sat between 2 lasses talking handbags and shopping :giggle: :giggle:

14 Apr 2008

Your all just taking the Michael now arent ya??? :shock: confused

:? :? :?
This was a serious thread you know!!!!! :giggle:

16 Apr 2008

So is there a midway between swinger and vanilla?? Maybe vanilla with a bit of sauce??? The next step could be adding the chocolate sprinkles???
rotflmao

Mrs Classy