currently sat here getting ready for a vanilla date n wondering if i'm wasting my time.
ok within the swinging scene i'm not meeting atm due to the fact i'm not sure how i stand being here as a single fem (privately) I joined as a cpl n enjoyed meets as a cpl n not sure if now as a single fem i can swing anyway aside from that ... can you really move onto vanilla relationships after experiencing swinging, atm i'm not too sure wether i can n that maybe i just need to find a partner who shares the same interests ie within the swinging community.
advice from other single fems greatly appreciated
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vanilla dating
Sex God
Awwwwwwwwww Whips, go out on your date and hold no preconceived expectations regarding anything. How about just relaxing with the aim of enjoying yourself and letting your date enjoy himself, I'm assuming it's a him,
Seriously glad for you going out on a date though - best of luck mate
Seriously glad for you going out on a date though - best of luck mate
Orgasminator
i bet he dont like a fat slapper like you xxxxxxxxx (injoke b4 anyone has a go lol)
chelle hun go on the date and have a blast. it doesnt have to be any more than a 1 date thing if there is no chemistry there, just as in swinging take it on the chin and move on or move forward.
finding a partner who swings is possibly the ideal but not the end of everything if what you have as a vanilla is everything you hope for.
i am not renowned for being quiet in what i do for a hobby even to vanilla friends and work colleagues and i find that most are at the very least curious about the lifestyle and could at least cope with the social side of swinging, it is how you feel and cope with vanilla that is important. could you be happy with the same partner and could you be honest with them not only with what you want in your future but also what you have done in your past.
i am answering this as you know me and that i have been swinging as a single fem and as a couple, also as a vanilla (i was scared and a newbie)
the swinging world(my swinging world) will be the poorer if you turn vanilla but if thats what your heart desires then i wish you all the luck in the world and big kisses from us.
good luck in your decisions and dont be a stranger on msn or fb just say hi from time to time
sara xxxxxxxxx
chelle hun go on the date and have a blast. it doesnt have to be any more than a 1 date thing if there is no chemistry there, just as in swinging take it on the chin and move on or move forward.
finding a partner who swings is possibly the ideal but not the end of everything if what you have as a vanilla is everything you hope for.
i am not renowned for being quiet in what i do for a hobby even to vanilla friends and work colleagues and i find that most are at the very least curious about the lifestyle and could at least cope with the social side of swinging, it is how you feel and cope with vanilla that is important. could you be happy with the same partner and could you be honest with them not only with what you want in your future but also what you have done in your past.
i am answering this as you know me and that i have been swinging as a single fem and as a couple, also as a vanilla (i was scared and a newbie)
the swinging world(my swinging world) will be the poorer if you turn vanilla but if thats what your heart desires then i wish you all the luck in the world and big kisses from us.
good luck in your decisions and dont be a stranger on msn or fb just say hi from time to time
sara xxxxxxxxx
the swinging world(my swinging world) will be the poorer if you turn vanilla but if thats what your heart desires then i wish you all the luck in the world and big kisses from us.
good luck in your decisions and dont be a stranger on msn or fb just say hi from time to time
sara xxxxxxxxx
thas the point sara i dont wanna go anywhere i love the freedom that 'the lifestyle' gives you but i think i can only enjoy it as a cpl, i dont honestly think i cud do the whole vanilla thing so i'm stuck in a whole catch 22 situ arghhhh
date went ok btw well put it this way he had his own hair/teeth n dint lie about his height
went downhill when he said his ex had run off wiv a woman n he dint undertstand the attraction lol
good luck in your decisions and dont be a stranger on msn or fb just say hi from time to time
sara xxxxxxxxx
thas the point sara i dont wanna go anywhere i love the freedom that 'the lifestyle' gives you but i think i can only enjoy it as a cpl, i dont honestly think i cud do the whole vanilla thing so i'm stuck in a whole catch 22 situ arghhhh
date went ok btw well put it this way he had his own hair/teeth n dint lie about his height
went downhill when he said his ex had run off wiv a woman n he dint undertstand the attraction lol
Sex God
I'm a single fem as you know Whippy... and have pretty much lost interest in the whole 'swingig scene'. It's just not the same anymore.
On the other hand i've had nothing but bad luck where love is concerned. If I meet somebody I would prefare they was vanilla and also rather not go down the 'swinging' road with them. I've kinda hit a stage in my life where I want to meet somebody for me and not to share. Does that sound selfish?
Lil x
On the other hand i've had nothing but bad luck where love is concerned. If I meet somebody I would prefare they was vanilla and also rather not go down the 'swinging' road with them. I've kinda hit a stage in my life where I want to meet somebody for me and not to share. Does that sound selfish?
Lil x
Quote by Lilmiss
I'm a single fem as you know Whippy... and have pretty much lost interest in the whole 'swingig scene'. It's just not the same anymore.
On the other hand i've had nothing but bad luck where love is concerned. If I meet somebody I would prefare they was vanilla and also rather not go down the 'swinging' road with them. I've kinda hit a stage in my life where I want to meet somebody for me and not to share. Does that sound selfish?
Lil x
It might be you that has changed - things seem different when people we know have moved on - for me it was a long time ago, but I keep going on regardless.
Plim :sad:
Orgasminator
Quote by Plimboy
I'm a single fem as you know Whippy... and have pretty much lost interest in the whole 'swingig scene'. It's just not the same anymore.
On the other hand i've had nothing but bad luck where love is concerned. If I meet somebody I would prefare they was vanilla and also rather not go down the 'swinging' road with them. I've kinda hit a stage in my life where I want to meet somebody for me and not to share. Does that sound selfish?
Lil x
It might be you that has changed - things seem different when people we know have moved on - for me it was a long time ago, but I keep going on regardless.
Plim :sad:
sorry plim but have just contradicted yourself lol how can you say she has changed and next say that others have moved on ... not picking on you but it seams to contradict. could be how i read it.
on the other hand we all change with time, some get mellow some cynical and some disillusioned as well as other changes. change is not a bad thing it is natural, it is how we deal with the changes that are important.
chelle swinging and vanilla life can go together but if you are in a vanilla relationship then then be honest with them, even if its only socially.. swinging as you know is not all about the shagging .. some of the best nights i have had did not involve sex at all just a bloody good laugh and giggle with friends who just happen to be swingers and are a little more open minded.
until you make up your mind where you should be in life either take time out of swinging or perhaps better just keep it social and keep the friends that you have made on here btw you know where my inbox is xxxxxxxxxx
Quote by LilmissI still date vanilla women and have a gr8 time outside swinging If after a while I feel confident enough to broach the subject I do xx .
I'm a single fem as you know Whippy... and have pretty much lost interest in the whole 'swingig scene'. It's just not the same anymore.
On the other hand i've had nothing but bad luck where love is concerned. If I meet somebody I would prefare they was vanilla and also rather not go down the 'swinging' road with them. I've kinda hit a stage in my life where I want to meet somebody for me and not to share. Does that sound selfish?
Lil x
Quite a few have continued on the path of fun filled sex with me and others so vanilla doesnt mean no ...it just means let me think about it .
trav..
I sometimes dip my toes into vanilla waters ( fucking shark infested too if you ask me! :confused
but when I do, I don't meet from here. I have told one or two ex boyfriends my sexual tastes but not until I know them well and can see the relationship hopefully going somewhere. I told Dai about it and he was like a dog with 2 dicks at the thought of sharing me with another woman :giggle:
but when I do, I don't meet from here. I have told one or two ex boyfriends my sexual tastes but not until I know them well and can see the relationship hopefully going somewhere. I told Dai about it and he was like a dog with 2 dicks at the thought of sharing me with another woman :giggle: I joined the site as a single female after many failed vanilla relationships because i couldnt live with being celibate!
Ive met some lovely people who will be lifelong friends and i have learnt a lot about myself and relationships, i am much more confident and relaxed with regards to men so when i am asked to go on a vanilla date i treat it much like a first meet, have no great expectations, take it slowly in getting to know that person and if at the end of the date i know its not going anywhere thats ok, i take it in my stride and think ofit as a pleasant night out, i also found it a bit too demanding when i met a guy who kept wanting to see me and i started to feel like i had lost my freedom
as a single female i like the freedom and control of my own life, meet when i want to and who i want whether they are vanilla or swinger
ive not been part of a couple swinging so cant compare to how it must feel to be suddenly single but i would suggest not thinking too much about it, go with the flow, enjoy yourself, keep up with the socials at least, dont have any expectations and who knows you may just meet your next partner vanilla or swinger
i am usually an open book about who i am, most people who know me know my preferred lifestyle but i learnt recently not to mention swinging to vanilla guys too early
good luck whiplash whichever way you choose to go x
Ive met some lovely people who will be lifelong friends and i have learnt a lot about myself and relationships, i am much more confident and relaxed with regards to men so when i am asked to go on a vanilla date i treat it much like a first meet, have no great expectations, take it slowly in getting to know that person and if at the end of the date i know its not going anywhere thats ok, i take it in my stride and think ofit as a pleasant night out, i also found it a bit too demanding when i met a guy who kept wanting to see me and i started to feel like i had lost my freedom
as a single female i like the freedom and control of my own life, meet when i want to and who i want whether they are vanilla or swinger
ive not been part of a couple swinging so cant compare to how it must feel to be suddenly single but i would suggest not thinking too much about it, go with the flow, enjoy yourself, keep up with the socials at least, dont have any expectations and who knows you may just meet your next partner vanilla or swinger
i am usually an open book about who i am, most people who know me know my preferred lifestyle but i learnt recently not to mention swinging to vanilla guys too early
good luck whiplash whichever way you choose to go x
Quote by sara2010
I'm a single fem as you know Whippy... and have pretty much lost interest in the whole 'swingig scene'. It's just not the same anymore.
On the other hand i've had nothing but bad luck where love is concerned. If I meet somebody I would prefare they was vanilla and also rather not go down the 'swinging' road with them. I've kinda hit a stage in my life where I want to meet somebody for me and not to share. Does that sound selfish?
Lil x
It might be you that has changed - things seem different when people we know have moved on - for me it was a long time ago, but I keep going on regardless.
Plim :sad:
sorry plim but have just contradicted yourself lol how can you say she has changed and next say that others have moved on ... not picking on you but it seams to contradict. could be how i read it.
Misunderstnading by the reader is always the fault of the author.
Plim :giveup:
Quote by whiplash
currently sat here getting ready for a vanilla date n wondering if i'm wasting my time.
ok within the swinging scene i'm not meeting atm due to the fact i'm not sure how i stand being here as a single fem (privately) I joined as a cpl n enjoyed meets as a cpl n not sure if now as a single fem i can swing anyway aside from that ... can you really move onto vanilla relationships after experiencing swinging, atm i'm not too sure wether i can n that maybe i just need to find a partner who shares the same interests ie within the swinging community.
advice from other single fems greatly appreciated
Whiplash, I joined SH as a single, or perhaps that should be as one half of a friendship that fucked. Ultimately I entered into a vanilla relationship with someone else. The new man knew about me "past" but asked me to put it behind me. All very well until his curiosity got the better of him and he entered into the scene w/out my knowledge...
The resulting break up and I don't feel his and my relationship was openly honest enough for us to survive.
Now, I am back on SH as a single, and have learned: Vanilla or swinging, you both have to want the same things and have total trust and honesty with each other.
Quote by Nimbus
currently sat here getting ready for a vanilla date n wondering if i'm wasting my time.
ok within the swinging scene i'm not meeting atm due to the fact i'm not sure how i stand being here as a single fem (privately) I joined as a cpl n enjoyed meets as a cpl n not sure if now as a single fem i can swing anyway aside from that ... can you really move onto vanilla relationships after experiencing swinging, atm i'm not too sure wether i can n that maybe i just need to find a partner who shares the same interests ie within the swinging community.
advice from other single fems greatly appreciated
Whiplash, I joined SH as a single, or perhaps that should be as one half of a friendship that fucked. Ultimately I entered into a vanilla relationship with someone else. The new man knew about me "past" but asked me to put it behind me. All very well until his curiosity got the better of him and he entered into the scene w/out my knowledge...
The resulting break up and I don't feel his and my relationship was openly honest enough for us to survive.
Now, I am back on SH as a single, and have learned: Vanilla or swinging, you both have to want the same things and have total trust and honesty with each other.
I'm in a vanilla relationship now. She knows all about my past and is very uncomfortable about it. There's a bit of a Chasing Amy thing about it in fact - she worries that she won't ever be enough for me, because she can't/won't do certain things that I've done in the past.
I doubt that it'll go the same way as your situation above, Nimbus - I don't think she's going to have a go herself. I also think it was the right thing to tell her about my past, as generally I approve of honesty in a relationship. Saying that, she doesn't know I'm writing on this forum now...
I've tried to reassure her that I don't mind that she's not up for swinging at all, and that I'm happy to never go back to it, but I don't think she buys that. Partly, probably, because it's not true. I did enjoy it. Many of my most intense sexual experiences come from that period. Many of my sexual fantasies involve multiple people, or my partner fucking other men, and so forth. That's what turns me on the most. The variety made it more interesting.
It's not the only thing I want in life though. If I'm honest, outside the (sigh: sorry, slap me for being pretentious here, but this is the only way I can express it) larger narrative of an ongoing relationship, the individual episodes seemed a little light, or lacking in meaning. And really, I do want at some point to settle down have kids buy a house and all that. I want love, as seen on TV, dammit. I just want other people to wind up in my bed from time to time. Ideally without cheating.
Your original question:
Quote by whiplash
can you really move onto vanilla relationships after experiencing swinging
is hard to answer from my current perspective. I suppose there are several possible outcomes:
a) If you tell them and they're not into it, they can feel insecure
b) If you don't tell them, you're hiding something quite important to who you are
c) In either of the above worlds, do you just get over it, give it up, never go back to it?
d) or, you restrict your choice of partner to people who are going to be OK with swinging.
e) in the perfect world, of course, they're up for it too.
If you luck out with (e), or can find someone you like under (d), then you're in the best of all worlds I guess. Otherwise, I don't know what the answer is, really.
Quote by Kaznkev
I want love, as seen on TV, dammit. I just want other people to wind up in my bed from time to time. Ideally without cheating.
But more importantly if you truly love someone AND they love you , you will be sexually compatable, not that im saying everyday ,all day,but there will be no need to hide or pretend,as you will find sex a thing you share simulare views on
Well - sometimes I wonder. I've felt sexually compatible with a few people, and I've loved one or two too. But it doesn't seem to have always lined up.
I guess life isn't perfect. I suppose you have to pick the things that really matter, and then figure out what you're prepared to compromise on.
Sex God
Quote by tomu
I want love, as seen on TV, dammit. I just want other people to wind up in my bed from time to time. Ideally without cheating.
But more importantly if you truly love someone AND they love you , you will be sexually compatable, not that im saying everyday ,all day,but there will be no need to hide or pretend,as you will find sex a thing you share simulare views on
Well - sometimes I wonder. I've felt sexually compatible with a few people, and I've loved one or two too. But it doesn't seem to have always lined up.
I guess life isn't perfect. I suppose you have to pick the things that really matter, and then figure out what you're prepared to compromise on.
There's a lot in this little exchange that I really empathise with.
I met someone last year who - unbeknownst to me at the time - kind of showed me what I really wanted from a relationship. Hell, at the time I don't think I even thought I wanted a relationship at all. We were sexually compatible; scarily so. Was I in love with him? I think I'd started to fall in love with him, yes, although that really wasn't the plan.
Thing is, it all went a bit tits up and other things got in the way of his being able to give it a go. I'm now left in a position where I know what I want, but I actually now despair of ever finding it even more than I ever did before.
The combination of being both sexually and emotionally compatible was a first for me and it's that which I doubt I'll find again and, I'm now unsure which I'd be prepared to compromise on.
Life sure isn't perfect, at least not in Nolaville.
Quote by noladreams
Thing is, it all went a bit tits up and other things got in the way of his being able to give it a go. I'm now left in a position where I know what I want, but I actually now despair of ever finding it even more than I ever did before.
This is a shame :therethere:
Quote by noladreams
The combination of being both sexually and emotionally compatible* was a first for me and it's that which I doubt I'll find again and, I'm now unsure which I'd be prepared to compromise on.
Life sure isn't perfect, at least not in Nolaville.
Yes, I totally agree.
But you have to keep hoping, because if you lose hope, what's the point in carrying on?
And, even though you'll inevitably fall back to earth, the moment when both your feet are off the ground makes the attempt to fly worthwhile.
*As well as compatible along a million other axes
