I recently cracked a bone in my toe (a cold toe. Why does it always have to be cold?) when I caught it on the edge of my stone fireplace.
It was one of those situations where whilst walking at a 'rushing to get ready in the morning' pace you swing your leg and connect with the obstacle so hard that it actually creates enough force to pivot you (in my case 13 stone of bloke) - right around of your axis. Twice.
Cue crumpling to the floor, assuming of foetal position, much whimpering and a greyish pallor to my face for the next hour.
To be honest I have broken a fair few bones, have a couple of interesting facial scars, and have ripped the odd ligament. My show-stopper though is the fact that I tore what a friend of mine eloquently refers to as ones 'banjo-string' (can any medical person on here give me a more scientific term?).
Let me talk you through this one:
For uncircumcised males such as myself, there is a seam on the underneath of the head of your cock which connects your foreskin to the cock tip itself. Yes, you can see what's coming...
At the age of 16 my first girlfriend went on the pill. We'd discussed it in principle, but one evening in her bedroom she jumped on me and announced that she had done the deed, so lets get it on. As if any 16 yearold boy needed further encouragement - this would be the popping of my bare-back cherry!
So, she hopped on top, and we started trying to get the relevent apendage into the relevent orifice. In 20:20 retrospect, we should have made sure we were both a little more warmed up, but youthful Impetuousness got the better of us, and the result was that it was taking a lot of - slightly uncomfortable - effort for me to get in.
Then a searing pain that nearly made me black out. Then, I seemed to be in, and the lubrication problem certainly seemed to have been solved.
The rest of that evening passed in a blur. The 'lubrication' became a flood; I sensed such pain wasn't normal and raised my concerns; she turned on the lights; the scene looked like a Freddy Kruger film; she burst into tears; I felt that if anyone should be crying it should be me...
The only good thing was that nothing cools ones ardour like blood spurting from ones genitals; yet on 'softening up' the flow of blood slowed to a trickle. Mother nature always has an answer!
Luckily (though I haven't felt compelled to put this to the test since) I seem blessed with a quick healing cock. We were back at it within a fortnight (ok, and I admit I had a wank after 5 days. I was 16!) and managed to convince her mum that she had simply come on in the night and not realised.
I got out of it relatively lightly, my foreskin just pulls back slightly further than maybe it was designed to, and I have a barely-there 2 cm wiggly white line where the skin should have joined. A happy end to a traumatic story.
That should put you all of your lunch!!
Cheers
Cock of the North
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What have you broken and how?????
Sex God
I fractured my elbow ice skating, bloody Bolero and Torvill and Dean have a lot to answer for 
Then fractured the same elbow in same place roller skating
Then fractured the same elbow in same place roller skating
I broke two toes when I had a fall out with Mr Naughty, I kicked him in the shin, accidentally of course!
I broke my pinky but I havent a clue how I did that!
I broke my arm trying to to a wheely on a bike to show off
I broke my colar bone when I was in a car crash
I shattered a bone in my foot when I dropped a weight on it!
So, I am a walking accident!!!
I broke my pinky but I havent a clue how I did that!
I broke my arm trying to to a wheely on a bike to show off
I broke my colar bone when I was in a car crash
I shattered a bone in my foot when I dropped a weight on it!
So, I am a walking accident!!!
Quote by Cock of the North
Marya
Bad luck about the toe and all that, but get to the important stuff: What was the score in the United game?
Cheers
Cock of the North
Sorry .. being a real girlie, I can't even remember who was playing. I THINK it might've been the re-match thingummy with some bugger or other but I'm positive they won.
When do I get to see the white squiggle line? :P
Broke a headlight in a Bedford van (ford tranist of its day)with my head ...I was the child in the ice cream van mind that child warning ..walked out from behindthe ice cream van and bang! Still have some glass in my head 40 years later.
Was also hit by a car and knocked off my bike under a bus which had stoped at a bus stop ..managed to get back out from under it before it pulled away otherwise I would have been able to say I broke everything
Also broke my teeth on the boot of a car when I hit it on my brand new racing bike ...well I needed to watch the chain jump the cogs when pedalling as fast as I could and how was I to know some idiot was going to park there (probably several hours earlier) Remember picking my teeth up and putting them in my pocket though god knows why.
Hope your thumb gets better soon
Was also hit by a car and knocked off my bike under a bus which had stoped at a bus stop ..managed to get back out from under it before it pulled away otherwise I would have been able to say I broke everything
Also broke my teeth on the boot of a car when I hit it on my brand new racing bike ...well I needed to watch the chain jump the cogs when pedalling as fast as I could and how was I to know some idiot was going to park there (probably several hours earlier) Remember picking my teeth up and putting them in my pocket though god knows why.
Hope your thumb gets better soon
Marya,
Obviously I'm still fairly new to the SH forum, but even with my limited knowledge of the personalities and dynamics around here I still would have staked my house on YOU being the one to pick up on the 'wiggly line' comment.
That's a compliment by the way.
The problem is that I just don't think a low-res camara phone would pick it up; it's really the sort of thing you need to see with a naked eye. Just to be extra sure I would have every part of your anatomy naked - better safe than sorry.
Cheers
Cock of the North
Obviously I'm still fairly new to the SH forum, but even with my limited knowledge of the personalities and dynamics around here I still would have staked my house on YOU being the one to pick up on the 'wiggly line' comment.
That's a compliment by the way.
The problem is that I just don't think a low-res camara phone would pick it up; it's really the sort of thing you need to see with a naked eye. Just to be extra sure I would have every part of your anatomy naked - better safe than sorry.
Cheers
Cock of the North
Quote by Cock of the North
Marya,
Obviously I'm still fairly new to the SH forum, but even with my limited knowledge of the personalities and dynamics around here I still would have staked my house on YOU being the one to pick up on the 'wiggly line' comment.
That's a compliment by the way.
The problem is that I just don't think a low-res camara phone would pick it up; it's really the sort of thing you need to see with a naked eye. Just to be extra sure I would have every part of your anatomy naked - better safe than sorry.
Cheers
Cock of the North
Aaaaaah! But not so new that you haven't learnt the successful way to hijack a thread! (taps nose knowingly).
Speaking of which - and conveniently back on topic - my nose was broken when I was born! Furthermore, my 'football' injury has weakened my toe so much that now I only have to tap it and it's broken again.
Be gentle with me, CotN??? Touche! That's me told good and proper.
*Thom hangs his head in shame...
Back on topic, I'll be gentle with your toe if you are gentle with mine. My toenail went black (Black! Black like the night, black as your heart etc.) but against all the odds it didn't actually fall off.
Beat that.
Cheers
Thom
*Thom hangs his head in shame...
Back on topic, I'll be gentle with your toe if you are gentle with mine. My toenail went black (Black! Black like the night, black as your heart etc.) but against all the odds it didn't actually fall off.
Beat that.
Cheers
Thom
I broke 3 fingers..(had them in the hinges of a door without realizing and someone shut it!)
Broke my ankle..(fell over on the side of swimming pool)
Broke my pelvis..(fell off horse.......by far the most painful..couldn't walk for 3 months)
Broke my foot.....(dropped a table tennis table on it!)
Broke my elbow...(fell over whilst 8 months pegnant!)
I have a feeling I am just a little bit accident prone?
Mrs Cov!
Broke my ankle..(fell over on the side of swimming pool)
Broke my pelvis..(fell off horse.......by far the most painful..couldn't walk for 3 months)
Broke my foot.....(dropped a table tennis table on it!)
Broke my elbow...(fell over whilst 8 months pegnant!)
I have a feeling I am just a little bit accident prone?
Mrs Cov!
Oh gawd where do i start lol
Right i'll start when i was 11........
Smashed my right elbow into bits , still got 4 metal pins holding it all together even 25 years later.
Broken both ankles at different ( greenstick fractures , cracking of the small bones in the ankle more painfull than a fully broken bone !!! )
Left knee's got a very dodgy cruciate ligament in it ( snaps across if i fully straighten my leg and dislocates my knee cap :shock: )
I've knackered 2 disks in my spine due to a fall on a research trawler ( both squished with nerve damage )
I've got a damaged ligament in my right ankle thats leaving me only able to walk with 2 walking sticks !!!! and i'm still in the waiting list for the waiting list for physio !!!!!
So overall I would say i've broken my body...... I need a body transplant i've broken this one lololol.
I don't want any sympathy I get on with my life as best I can. There's always someone worse off than I am and after seeing what just happened on boxing day in the indian ocean , well i've got nothing to complain about ..
Davie
da brokenist , fugliest , smelly assed kilt bothering scotsbloke around rofl
Right i'll start when i was 11........
Smashed my right elbow into bits , still got 4 metal pins holding it all together even 25 years later.
Broken both ankles at different ( greenstick fractures , cracking of the small bones in the ankle more painfull than a fully broken bone !!! )
Left knee's got a very dodgy cruciate ligament in it ( snaps across if i fully straighten my leg and dislocates my knee cap :shock: )
I've knackered 2 disks in my spine due to a fall on a research trawler ( both squished with nerve damage )
I've got a damaged ligament in my right ankle thats leaving me only able to walk with 2 walking sticks !!!! and i'm still in the waiting list for the waiting list for physio !!!!!
So overall I would say i've broken my body...... I need a body transplant i've broken this one lololol.
I don't want any sympathy I get on with my life as best I can. There's always someone worse off than I am and after seeing what just happened on boxing day in the indian ocean , well i've got nothing to complain about ..
Davie
da brokenist , fugliest , smelly assed kilt bothering scotsbloke around rofl
Sex God
broke right leg in 3 places playing football broke nose twice boxing when i was 15 and broke our lass in 
I have broken a few things when i was a Mechanic.....
My right wrist - fitting an exhuaust and my hand slipped and i punched the side of the car ramp! (Single at the time! and I am right handed!! - torture! )
My right foot - falling about 6 ft from a tyre rack
I now work in IT......so i just have to put up with the ocasional static shock! :shock:
My right wrist - fitting an exhuaust and my hand slipped and i punched the side of the car ramp! (Single at the time! and I am right handed!! - torture!
)My right foot - falling about 6 ft from a tyre rack
I now work in IT......so i just have to put up with the ocasional static shock! :shock:
Broken nose, bending down to pick my school bag up and headbutted a bar to prevent people leaning on the plate glass windows
Broken both my little fingers
one falling off ice skates and the second catching a cricket ball.
Broke my jaw falling out of a shower
ops:
Broken little toes too many times to remember (not the most elegant of people and like Vix although for different reasons I don't feel my feet much).
Also had a fractured skull and ribs but they were inflicted on me :( :(
Broken both my little fingers
one falling off ice skates and the second catching a cricket ball.Broke my jaw falling out of a shower
ops: Broken little toes too many times to remember (not the most elegant of people and like Vix although for different reasons I don't feel my feet much).
Also had a fractured skull and ribs but they were inflicted on me :( :(
Quote by VenusnMars
No broken bones, no fillings, not had any childhood diseases in the way of chicken pox, mumps measles etc (unless you count glandular fever early on this year), not even had a nosebleed, ever.
Doncha just hate me?! :mrgreen:
Venusxxx
............. sticks her foot out as Venus swans past!!!!!!
Sex God
all in one go i broke,,,,both legs , arm , collar bone , 3 fingers , 2 ribs , 4 toes and my right foot . DONT RIDE MOTORBIKES INTO BIG RED POST BOXES 
