What is ..........

14 Aug 2011

..... a hardened swinger?
I'm sure this has been discussed before but I cant find it so it's tough, I'm doing it again! lol

I see it all the time on profiles "We are not hardened swingers" and it is always said like it is a bad thing to be, but how would you describe a hardened swinger?
The definitions I can think of are:
1. A person/people who will shag anything that moves and swing for notches on the bed post.
2. A person/people who play regularly and enjoy what they do. However it is not something that has taken over their lives.
3. A person/people who are playing at every given opportunity and swinging has completely taken over their lives.
4. A person/people that have played so much that they no longer get a buzz from it but do it anyway.
Although some people have told us that we are, I would not consider us 'hardened'. I would say that we fit into my second definition.
So what would the term 'hardened swingers' mean to you? Would you consider yourself one and do you see it as a bad thing to be? If you read on someones profile that they were hardened swingers, would you still meet them?

14 Aug 2011

Ooooh, this is one of those length of string type questions, I reckon!
lol

Thing is, what's 'regularly' or 'often'? Your 'often' might be more than my 'often' and therefore I might consider someone who plays 'often' by your definition 'hardened'... if that makes sense?! dunno

I think 'hardened' for me has a touch of the we-do-this-so-much-that-we-have-our-own-locker-at-our-local-club kinda feel :lol2: You know, folk who swing as a matter of routine, rather than those who still get a thrill and certain sexual frisson out of it.
But hey, some would say as a single girl I'm not even a swinger so wtf do I know about swingers hardened or otherwise!?! wink

Good question, btw!

14 Aug 2011

Difficult question to answer, very subjective :shock:
Married vanillas would probably call any couple that has been to a club more than once 'hardened swingers'
I think a hardened swinger is someone taking viagra and using a cock ring at the same time :lol2:

14 Aug 2011

Quote by Big_Fraser
Difficult question to answer, very subjective :shock:
Married vanillas would probably call any couple that has been to a club more than once 'hardened swingers'
I think a hardened swinger is someone taking viagra and using a cock ring at the same time :lol2:

Oh how original!! rolleyes

14 Aug 2011

Quote by flower411
Not entirely certain that people see "hardened swingers" as a bad thing.
I suppose we see the term as meaning people who shag for the sex whether or not they feel particularly attracted to the other people.
An orgy with loads of people who had never met before of all shapes and sizes would have to involve hardened swingers.
Shag anybody, do anything.... it`s a tricky one ...
I suppose it`s the reason that parties for specific types of people have appeared, cos lots of people don`t want to shag people out of their comfort zone but would like to be in an orgy situation or would like to just turn up and shag but don`t want be put in the situation where they have to say no to people they don`t want to shag .

I am far too shallow to be a hardened swinger then!! lol

14 Aug 2011

Quote by flower411

I am far too shallow to be a hardened swinger then!!

Yeah ....some people see "shallow" as a bad thing too :lol:
Others just see it as honest !
I reckon the ones who see shallow as a bad thing are the ones who cant get a meet cos theyre fugly :lol:
Reckon I'll pay for that comment!
bolt

14 Aug 2011

Quote by flower411

I am far too shallow to be a hardened swinger then!!

Yeah ....some people see "shallow" as a bad thing too :lol:
Others just see it as honest !
I reckon the ones who see shallow as a bad thing are the ones who cant get a meet cos theyre fugly :lol:
Reckon I'll pay for that comment!
bolt

And so you should !! :lol:
Live and let live :lol:
Oh well, while they're having a go at me, they're leaving you alone hey!! Don't say I never do anything for you :lol:

14 Aug 2011

Quote by flower411

Oh well, while they're having a go at me, they're leaving you alone hey!! Don't say I never do anything for you

Ha !! Let`s take em on together ....we`re right and they`re wrong ..
We can`t lose :lol:
Tag team!! Woop woop!! :lol:

14 Aug 2011

There's plenty.

14 Aug 2011

Quote by flower411
There's plenty.

OOO !! is that mod nola or member nola ......
Seems we have to be clear on that point before we go any further ....
Why?

14 Aug 2011

Quote by Funlovers2009
Oh how original!!

Sorry was pushed for time, ill be sure to put more effort into my next assignment :huh:

14 Aug 2011

Is this how the majority of threads go nowadays? Even the good swinger related questions........

14 Aug 2011

Quote by the_Laird
Is this how the majority of threads go nowadays? Even the good swinger related questions........

It appear so rolleyes

But my PM box is always open stranger! Nice to see you about kiss

14 Aug 2011

Quote by poshkate
Is this how the majority of threads go nowadays? Even the good swinger related questions........

It appear so rolleyes

But my PM box is always open stranger! Nice to see you about kiss

Hey...how YOU doin'?? (in my best Joey from Friends voice, you get the picture wink

)
:kiss:

14 Aug 2011

Quote by the_Laird
Is this how the majority of threads go nowadays? Even the good swinger related questions........

Well you could always put your two pennys worth in and answer the question dunno

14 Aug 2011

Quote by flower411

Oh well, while they're having a go at me, they're leaving you alone hey!! Don't say I never do anything for you

Ha !! Let`s take em on together ....we`re right and they`re wrong ..
We can`t lose :lol:
Tag team!! Woop woop!! :lol:
I`m beginning to think that there`s nobody else here !!!
Sorry, am I not enough for you? Or am I too hardened?? :lol:

14 Aug 2011

Quote by Funlovers2009
Is this how the majority of threads go nowadays? Even the good swinger related questions........

Well you could always put your two pennys worth in and answer the question dunno

Purely in terms of answering your post Funlovers2009, given the tone the thread has taken subsequently I'm not sure why anyone would wish to make an effort to join in with the original debate. Sad really as it's a really good question and term that I've seen used and abused over the years to put people down.

14 Aug 2011

Quote by the_Laird
Purely in terms of answering your post Funlovers2009, given the tone the thread has taken subsequently I'm not sure why anyone would wish to make an effort to join in with the original debate. Sad really as it's a really good question and term that I've seen used and abused over the years to put people down.

Well, as someone who tried to enter into the debate much earlier today, I'll try and take it up again.
Why do you think the term has become a put down Laird?

14 Aug 2011

I have this mate. and he pull's these right mingers every weekend. you know the type the ones on the dance floor on own at last orders..
But still he's happy he gets his one off sex, regardless what me and others might think about his choice of conquests..
does that make him a swinger or does it only count if you pay on a website smile

To me the true meaning of someone who is a HARDCORE SWINGER, is a couple who can sleep with other people and still look at each other with love in their eyes.
everything else just makes you someone who want's a shag regardless who with :)
I don't feel a single person can be classed as a swinger. and people who say they are.
why? you sleep with a couple? you are their playmate simple as.. playmates are cool tho.. :)
That's just my view :)

14 Aug 2011

I still have no idea.
I think its one of those buzz words and it gets bandied about a bit like that warning about Sydney University.
I like the idea that hardened swingers will do almost anything with almost anyone. If anybody knows folk like that can you point them towards our inbox please.

15 Aug 2011

Quote by Ben_Minx
I like the idea that hardened swingers will do almost anything with almost anyone. If anybody knows folk like that can you point them towards our inbox please.

:lol2: That's a point actually, Ben. Don't think I know anyone like that either!
If you look up hardened in the thesaurus, you get words like this: seasoned, accustomed, inured, toughened, acclimatised, adapted to Do any of them sound 'better'? Because effectively it just means experienced. dunno

15 Aug 2011

Quote by noladreams
Why do you think the term has become a put down Laird?

I don't think it's become a put down I think it's always been seen as a derogatory term.
I've heard people referring in the negative to people as "hardened swingers" as someone they wouldn't go near and similarly, on adverts and profiles, the use of the term "we are not hardened swingers" seems to make people think they will appear more palatable as swinging companions.

Quote by Ben_Minx
I think its one of those buzz words and it gets bandied about a bit....

Agreed. Bit like the whole "we are a professional couple" kind of thing or the "no pain or watersports" tag line that falls into adverts and profiles ad nauseum only to find out that well, a bit of spanking till my ass hurts is okay......
It's people trying to create what they think others want to hear and will appear more appealing

Quote by noladreams
If you look up hardened in the thesaurus, you get words like this: seasoned, accustomed, inured, toughened, acclimatised, adapted to Do any of them sound 'better'? Because effectively it just means experienced.

I like a drink and drink much more than I have sex with others. I dont consider myself a hardened drinker.

15 Aug 2011

as the expression is more often used as 'we are not hardened', it does not tell people what you are like.
but where i think it could applied is for people who are rigid about what they do, more or less dictating any experience with them, becoming entirely for their purposes only.

15 Aug 2011

Quote by duncanlondon
as the expression is more often used as 'we are not hardened', it does not tell people what you are like.
but where i think it could applied is for people who are rigid about what they do, more or less dictating any experience with them, becoming entirely for their purposes only.

Disagree.
Most new swingers / first timers are extremely rigid about any experience with them and will dictate exactly what they will and wont do. In fact, it's not really until you are comfortable or a "regular" swinger that most people find that their boundaries become less rigid and more adaptable.

15 Aug 2011

Hello Folks,
Just back after working my arse off...
I'm very new to the swinging scene.
I'm on SH as a single guy because of personal reasons.
I'm trying my best to integrate as politely and respectfully as possible.
My profile does need polishing up, to make it more appealling, more honest, more successful etc.
After reading all the above, I would now classify myself as a playmate. As for reading a profile that states 'not hardened swingers', it's a tad confusing and ambiguous. I cannot see the term actually applying to someone. You swing, or you don't. You have sex with other people, or you don't.
Hardened is the wrong term entirely from my perspective.
It implies not wanting anything except what that particular person wants, and hints at possibly not being reliable to meet with as they may be unsure as to if they really want to go all the way.
Is my thinking wrong?

15 Aug 2011

Quote by orch80
It implies not wanting anything except what that particular person wants, and hints at possibly not being reliable to meet with as they may be unsure as to if they really want to go all the way.
Is my thinking wrong?

I think it is wrong in so much as most peoples interpretation of "hardened" is "well experienced" and well experienced generally know what they want and have gone all the way many times before but I may be wrong.......it's been known before wink

Hello btw

15 Aug 2011

Quote by Funlovers2009
..... a hardened swinger?

we would think hardened swingers are those who have sex with others alot.
on another site we are on where feedback is left there are lots of couples with endless feedback of couples they have played with. that is what i would could hardened and not peeple who have only played a few times.
we would not want to play with peeple who have literally over 80 feedbacks. not for us that amount of playing. but i suppose at leest they are honest and i suppose some couples could have played more but have no feedback dunno

difficult to know i suppose.
i would have thought it was obvius what the term hardened in swinging meens :notes:

15 Aug 2011

I think it is wrong in so much as most peoples interpretation of "hardened" is "well experienced" and well experienced generally know what they want and have gone all the way many times before but I may be wrong.......it's been known before wink

Hello btw
Hello Laird,
Thanks for clearing that up for me.
I now change my opinion on the term as 'it matters not'.
I'll simply take it as it comes...

15 Aug 2011

Quote by starlightcouple
..... a hardened swinger?

we would think hardened swingers are those who have sex with others alot.
on another site we are on where feedback is left there are lots of couples with endless feedback of couples they have played with. that is what i would could hardened and not peeple who have only played a few times.
we would not want to play with peeple who have literally over 80 feedbacks. not for us that amount of playing. but i suppose at leest they are honest and i suppose some couples could have played more but have no feedback dunno

difficult to know i suppose.
So are those people not just regular swingers. People who have sex with other people.....albeit a lot? Certainly doesn't mean that those who do swing so often are incapable of being excellent swinging playmates. The opposite may even be true.

Quote by starlightcouple
i would have thought it was obvius what the term hardened in swinging meens :notes:

Clearly not.

15 Aug 2011

ooooooOOOOooooh A debate!! Now that's what's been missing from the forum!! :bounce:
Anyhoooo ......................

Quote by starlightcouple
..... a hardened swinger?

we would think hardened swingers are those who have sex with others alot.
on another site we are on where feedback is left there are lots of couples with endless feedback of couples they have played with. that is what i would could hardened and not peeple who have only played a few times.
we would not want to play with peeple who have literally over 80 feedbacks. not for us that amount of playing. but i suppose at leest they are honest and i suppose some couples could have played more but have no feedback dunno

difficult to know i suppose.
i would have thought it was obvius what the term hardened in swinging meens :notes:
Personally I don't see the problem with people who play lots. Maybe its because I fall into that category, although we do take breaks and are not out every Friday and Saturday night looking for a shag. Surely people with lots of meets under their belt means that they are confident in what they do, as confidence comes with experience. This would then lead to a meet where you know that the couple you meet wont be having 'issues' as they are settled in what they are comfortable with? We have met new people before and it has ended in a 'get off my Mrs' type situation because they hadn't thought through exactly what this lifestyle meant. The dream better than the reality type scenario.
People with no standards would bother me more. The ones who seem to shag anything that moves (or doesn't move as is in some cases) lol

If the number of verifications is an issue for you then don't read them. There was no way to be verified in the days before t'internet (not that we go back that far). You wouldn't know a newbie apart from someone who has played for years then.
Oh no! I'm sounding like a hardened swinger now!! :scared:
Ahhhh feck it, who fancies a bit? :swingingchair: