What should I do? I don't fancy her at all

26 Jul 2004

Quote by rotundman
I have no problem with that Venus and echo your sentiments but this discussion has developed philosophically. maybe we should do a straw poll to see what people's first consideration is. The question has been asked

You've already had several replies indicating that at least some people are here primarily for friendship. The poll is therefore already concluded because you stated that EVERYONE here is here for the same reason as you. Clearly some are not, and we don't need a poll to discover that.

26 Jul 2004

Quote by rotundman
Alex my point was not meant to be factual. Correct me if I am wrong but aren't we all on here to either fuck or be fucked. That I woudl suggest was the objective of both the above parties and as such is a "FUCK" took place then to soem extent each party would have reached theri objective. i think it is you who is being arrogant by suggssting this column is some sort of Agony Aunt Forum

NO WRONG!
We are not all here to fuck or be fucked! If you read the threads you will see that most people want to form FRIENDSHIPS wherein sex is just a part though admittedly a central focus of that relationship but is not neccessarily the main focus. The main focus is pleasure and enjoyment in good company.
I think we had better agree to disagree but your response does say the central focus is sex. Call it the common bond, join t initative, both parties goals etc etc. Therefore if the parties both get sex out of it the main focus has been acheived. I do not dispute that feelings are important but if it was as oaramount as you suggest we would all be neurotic because I feel sure we all suffer refusals regfularly. should we all adopt a stance of non refusal because tpo do so would hurt someone's feelings. POPPYCOCK. I rest my case.
I said sex forms a central focus for people forming friendships or relationships in this forum but I also added "is not neccessarily the main focus". As Ice pie says:

but no, it is not true to say that everyone on this site is just looking for sex. Many are primarily here to make friends, have a laugh, discuss what they want to discuss in a free and non-judgemental atmosphere, and if it leads to other things, fine, and if it doesn't, also fine.

Furthermore you are confusing your arguments as you start saying:

should we all adopt a stance of non refusal because tpo do so would hurt someone's feelings. POPPYCOCK. I rest my case

No one has suggested this at all, if fact just the opposite! They have suggested honesty and openess about ones feelings! What is objectionable is your attitude towards prosepective partners. You said:

Correct me if I am wrong but aren't we all on here to either fuck or be fucked. That I woudl suggest was the objective of both the above parties and as such is a "FUCK" took place then to soem extent each party would have reached theri objective. i think it is you who is being arrogant by suggssting this column is some sort of Agony Aunt Forum

What I was suggesting is that this is not an attitude that will be welcome around here, as you have obviously failed to read and understand correctly what the people on this forum are about!

26 Jul 2004

If he needs a poll to get the message of the site, then why not? The responses don`t seem to be working.
I would like to add, that if anybody felt I was dull, or found any other aspect of my personality off putting in anyway, but shagged me regardless, I would feel totally violated.
Venusxxx

26 Jul 2004

Quote by VenusnMars
I would like to add, that if anybody felt I was dull, or found any other aspect of my personality off putting in anyway, but shagged me regardless, I would feel totally violated.
Venusxxx

Very well said Venus.

26 Jul 2004

Totally agree with you there Venus.
I have to say the "sorry whilst I enjoy chatting to you, but the spark just isn't it there" is the way I prefer to be told.
Less hurtful I think.
Jas
XXX

26 Jul 2004

Quote by VenusnMars
If he needs a poll to get the message of the site, then why not? The responses don`t seem to be working.
I would like to add, that if anybody felt I was dull, or found any other aspect of my personality off putting in anyway, but shagged me regardless, I would feel totally violated.
Venusxxx

I find the whole argument is now getting ridiculous .If the site is not primarily based on sex, why not call it a friendship site. Delete alll adverts that relate to sex. No more cock shots no more tits. Also addys with I wish to make friendship with a guy with a 10" cock or under 45 or a woman with big tits etc. Ask yourself when is the last time you made friends after asking the guy if he had a big cock or the woman if she had a shaven pussy. Furthermore we also have to differentiate betweeen platonic friends and sexual friends or then again do we. As far as the quote by Venus who now seems to be suggesting that if someone finds any part of her make up off putting but still shags her then they have violated her. POPPYCOCK. My wife smokes I don't I don't like it but I shag her does this mean I violate her. Unless of course Venus as your self given name suggests you are perfect in every way. Even Mary Poppins could not do that and she lived in a land of make believe.
It seems to me that some contibutors are arguing that they are not here for sex but something else. Well fine that's freedom of choice but don't tell other people that this is a friendship channel. It is not accurate. I feel sure that in my professional capacity I would not refer a lonely vulnerable person to this site. Not because of the genuine people like yourselves who regularly contribute to lively debates but the ones that lurk in the shadows waiting to pounce on such vulnerable people.

26 Jul 2004

Well said JudyTV I think we have all got caught up fighting our own corner and in the melee the person who is the subject of the posting has got lost in our selfishness. I applaud your sentiments and second them. Also I apologise for my own inconsideration.

26 Jul 2004

Quote by rotundman
Well said JudyTV I think we have all got caught up fighting our own corner and in the melee the person who is the subject of the posting has got lost in our selfishness. I applaud your sentiments and second them. Also I apologise for my own inconsideration.

Spoken like the 'Man on the Clapham Omnibus'. Good for you. (I didn't mean that to sound quite so patronising - sorry!

26 Jul 2004

Quote by Patrick Stonehouse
What's the nicest way to do it, everything was going great on e-mail but when we meet she seemed so dull. Excuses or Honesty?

Maybe it's just possible the lady in question was a bit shy? It's easy enough to have a free-flowing conversation on email/msn/chat, but some people (myself included), sometimes find it just that little bit more difficult to converse with someone they've just met in real life.
Going from my own point of view, I don't always click with people the first time I meet them, as it takes me a little while to relax and open up to people (and for others to get used to my somewhat dry sense of humour lol

), but once I do everything's great.
She's probably a great lass, but I doubt you'll ever know now.

26 Jul 2004

Quote by JudyTV
That's probablty what I'm looking for, problem is, as she's a size 18 I want to ensure that she doesn't think its because its her size (when in fact its becasue she's dull and stupid) I would gladly have shagged her if she'd been a bit more mentally stimulating

DISGRACEFUL.
While we are on the subject of honesty I want to be totally honest here and say you are certainly NOT a gentleman, you are in fact quite disgraceful to say what you have said here and to post it in public forum. It is, in my opinion, it is even more disgraceful to publicly declare all this even tho the lady isn't here to see or hear it. Why do you have to say all this about her? Try treating her like a human being, You wanted her at one point so just do the decent thing and do it politely and with some decorum. What I am trying to say here is "be a nice person" treat her with respect after all she has feelings and emotions too. She cries and bleeds like everyone else. Be nice, you dont have to declare the things about her that you don't like just be a little more gallant. Try telling her that you are just not compatible without all this offence about her being dull and stupid. You say it isn't the fact that she is a large lady none the less you still have to mention it on here. I think she is far better off without you. Don't treat her as something you put out with your kitchen waste. We treat our pets better than this surely. What on earth will the others who have just joined this forum think of us tut, tut.
Just me having a rant. I just so hate it when people disregard the humanity aspect.
JudyTV
At least we can all agree on that. I too was guilty of taking the piss somewhat. We should all ask ourselves how we would feel if the same was said about us publically. As for the rest, I have far too much respect for this site, and most of the people here to respond.
Venusxxx

26 Jul 2004

Quote by Lovecommando
NO WRONG!
We are not all here to fuck or be fucked! If you read the threads you will see that most people want to form FRIENDSHIPS wherein sex is just a part though admittedly a central focus of that relationship but is not neccessarily the main focus. The main focus is pleasure and enjoyment in good company.
It may have escaped your notice put the people around here actually care about eachother and so feel free to talk about thier problems in an open way. This is both supportive for the person with the problem and educational for the rest of us.
If you feel you have not the wit no inclination to contribute to this forum in a likewise friendly manner I suggest you remove yourself from it as you will not be welcome.

Lovecommando~
Just wanted to say thanks for your response to this thread. You expressed both Vix & my own sentiments exactly, and thus saved me from launching into an extended rant. Haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but just wanted to say how much I appreciated your response...perhaps this tosser will finally get the point. rolleyes

As it says in our own ad, friendship first! These may be "friendships with bnefits," to be sure, but I abhor anyone who assumes that's a given. We're all here to learn from each other's thoughts and experiences and, hopefully, to grow from these. And it's the supportive and caring nature of the wonderful members of SH that makes this so.
Cheers.
~Reese! surprised

26 Jul 2004

Yeah, we came here thinking about just sex, but have realised over recent weeks (like this weekend) that there is more to it than that. You still need respect and consideration.
Anyone we could be friends with and then maybe screw is brill. If we are mates then we don't go anywhere else, that's cool too. I think we need to be friends first.
When I was in my teens and 20's I fucked everything and anything (OK, Just men) and often did not know names, never saw them again, etc. I enjoyed this and often I was the instigator. These days, I need more. Especially if it is to be part of the incredible relationship me and Reese have. We are like one so for us to 'take' another is truly wonderful. But it has to be right.

27 Jul 2004

Quote by rotundman
It seems to me that some contibutors are arguing that they are not here for sex but something else. Well fine that's freedom of choice but don't tell other people that this is a friendship channel. It is not accurate. I feel sure that in my professional capacity I would not refer a lonely vulnerable person to this site. Not because of the genuine people like yourselves who regularly contribute to lively debates but the ones that lurk in the shadows waiting to pounce on such vulnerable people.

No one has stated that this is merely a friendship channel, only that getting to know others well and in a caring suportive atmosphere is far more conducive to good sex if that is what all parties want. Surely that's understandable.
No one here would reccomend that lonely vulnerable people should visit this site. I think those people, whoever they are, can make up their own minds as to how they find friendship on the internet and would go elsewhere.
As to these people who "lurk in the shadows waiting to pounce on such vulnerable people" then please do tell us who are these nefarious creatures? dunno

27 Jul 2004

Quote by Vix
These days, I need more. Especially if it is to be part of the incredible relationship me and Reese have. We are like one so for us to 'take' another is truly wonderful. But it has to be right.

Too right! Not to sound egotistical here; I believe it's not a right but a privilege for anyone else to be invited into the bond and the bed that Vix & I share.
.
.
.
Thinking back to my very first MMF experience as a mere adolescent, I remember how honoured I felt that the couple - both close friends of mine and engaged to each other - decided to extend our mutual friendship to physical intimacy as well. Ever since then, I have always been most respectful of anyone who's offered to share their body to me...regardless of whether I took them up on the offer.
Perhaps I have an overly-conservative view when it comes to sex, but I feel the same about it as I would emotional or spiritual intimacy. When someone offers any sort of intimacy to you, they're offering a part of themselves. It's your responsibility to treat it, and them, with the consideration that such an amazing and personal gift truly deserves - whether you choose to accept their gift or not...
...and, in doing so, you get to prove that you possess a modicum of self-respect as well!
~Reese! surprised

27 Jul 2004

Quote by Reese
Perhaps I have an overly-conservative view when it comes to sex, but I feel the same about it as I would emotional or spiritual intimacy. When someone offers any sort of intimacy to you, they're offering a part of themselves. It's your responsibility to treat it, and them, with the consideration that such an amazing and personal gift truly deserves - whether you choose to accept their gift or not...
...and, in doing so, you get to prove that you possess a modicum of self-respect as well!
~Reese!

Despite popular opinion, I believe many people in the Swinging community have as much respect and emphasis on their approach as others who choose not to swing. The fact they choose to share their sex lives with others in no way makes thier approach any less meaningful. Many couples who choose not to swing are expressing their love to each other by sharing themselves with others and noone else for the rest of thier lives together. Mars and I choose to express our love to each other by allowing each other the freedom to share, and all the benefits that brings, plus it`s a huge gesture of how much we trust one another. That means just as much to us. It`s much more than going out to get a `fuck`.
Reese, I don`t think you have an `overly conservative` view. If thats the view which means the most to you, then it`s the correct view for you. Swinging is what you make of it I feel. The more you put in, the more you`ll take away. We choose to put as much in as we can, as a gift to one another. Yes, that`s pretty deep, but I did marry the guy!
Venusxxx

27 Jul 2004

Very sorry to have opened a hornets nest, also sorry to have offended anyone with my original comments, I think what I was trying to say was possible lost as I was trying to be too succinct.
For me, the most stimulating part of a woman is her mind and I knew as soon as I'd met the young lady in question that there was not going to be that stimulation. Perhaps, straight away, as soon as I knew, I should have tried to let her down gently but as she seemed to need some sort of affirmation that she was attractive, I didn't feel that I could.
Hard to say which of my actions are the worst, not being honest at the time or putting it out in a public forum. On reflection, neither seems like a wise choice.
Looking through all the comments, I would like to add that I am looking for more than just sex, I am looking for friendship with someone who like me is looking to be a little bit different from the person that everyone seems to think I am.
Patrick

27 Jul 2004

Quote by Patrick Stonehouse
Very sorry to have opened a hornets nest, also sorry to have offended anyone with my original comments, I think what I was trying to say was possible lost as I was trying to be too succinct.
For me, the most stimulating part of a woman is her mind and I knew as soon as I'd met the young lady in question that there was not going to be that stimulation. Perhaps, straight away, as soon as I knew, I should have tried to let her down gently but as she seemed to need some sort of affirmation that she was attractive, I didn't feel that I could.
Hard to say which of my actions are the worst, not being honest at the time or putting it out in a public forum. On reflection, neither seems like a wise choice.
Looking through all the comments, I would like to add that I am looking for more than just sex, I am looking for friendship with someone who like me is looking to be a little bit different from the person that everyone seems to think I am.
Patrick

A nice post, noone gets it completely right all the time I`m sure, and rather than opening a hornets nest, I think this has evolved into an interesting and worthwhile thread smile

Venusxxx

27 Jul 2004

ooooooo i go away for a few day s and come back to a fellow scouser causeing a rumpass :shock:
in reply ....tell her the truth its no good liveing a lie
and i have to agree with my mate love commando he puts it so well about this site
wink

sex is great but so is friendship

27 Jul 2004

You don`t even need to ask wink

Venusxxx

27 Jul 2004

Thank you for the understanding, as you can obviously tell, I'm very new to all of this but hopefully I'll gradually start to get some of the etiquette involved, both in terms of swinging in general and this Forum. It is all rather intimidating as some of you seem to know each other so well.
Have decided to be honest but think it would be unfair to do it by e-mail so am going to meet up again, be sincere and honest and hopefully we can part on good terms.
Certainly some lessons learnt

27 Jul 2004

Dear Patrick
Well done for taking in the comments that were made and deciding to act in a positive manner. It does you credit. I took it from your first post that you had some care for the girls feelings regarding her self image and that you wished not to hurt her feelings. It indicated to me that there were some redeeming features to your character.
I appreciated your dilemma of 'how to let someone down' in such situations. They can be awkward feelings to deal with. If you felt that there was no chemistry there when you met then that is fine - it happens. You were quite right to bring up the question of how to deal with this and start a discussion. Nothing wrong there. Though like a lot of young men, there is a tendancy to bluster in their posts, without thinking carefully about who they are addressing.
As for Rountundman - well poppycock, as he would say! I think he needs to take a leaf out of your book and start reading about the people on this site and what they are about, instead of marching in here and mouthing off about what we are all suposed to be here for!