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What should I do? I don't fancy her at all
Warming the Bed
Its never easy Patrick... 
But I would use the tried and tested sandwich approach...
Top Layer.... Say something good about them
Second Layer... Another good thing about them or the relationship.
The Limitation, the MEAT of the sandwich. You say, I have decided this relationship is over and I am getting out of it so we can both "move on".
Fourth Layer.... Another thing you liked about them or the relationship.
The Fifth and Bottom Layer ...... I have gained a lot from the relationship and I hope we can always remain good friends.
Good luck mate!!
But I would use the tried and tested sandwich approach...
Top Layer.... Say something good about them
Second Layer... Another good thing about them or the relationship.
The Limitation, the MEAT of the sandwich. You say, I have decided this relationship is over and I am getting out of it so we can both "move on".
Fourth Layer.... Another thing you liked about them or the relationship.
The Fifth and Bottom Layer ...... I have gained a lot from the relationship and I hope we can always remain good friends.
Good luck mate!!
Warming the Bed
Just me being sensitive!!
Better than a dear john!! :notes:
Better than a dear john!! :notes:
Sex God
The problem here is expectations, and the solution is to have none.
If you're meeting someone for the first time and you've both made it clear that it's just as friends, then if you fancy each other, fine, take it from there, and if you don't, just carry on as you were as friends.
If, on the other hand, you're going along with anything else in mind, then I think you should make sure the other person knows exactly what your expectations are so you can decide between you whether your intentions are compatible. If you think you're compatible then discover you're not then frankly all you can say is thanks but no thanks, which is what you would have said if you'd assessed each other correctly in the first place.
This may sound harsh but I promise you it's intended to be constructive - if your interest is primarily in forming relationships beyond friendship (and even physically intimate friendship can still be just friendship), then what you need is not a swinging site but a dating agency.
Ice
If you're meeting someone for the first time and you've both made it clear that it's just as friends, then if you fancy each other, fine, take it from there, and if you don't, just carry on as you were as friends.
If, on the other hand, you're going along with anything else in mind, then I think you should make sure the other person knows exactly what your expectations are so you can decide between you whether your intentions are compatible. If you think you're compatible then discover you're not then frankly all you can say is thanks but no thanks, which is what you would have said if you'd assessed each other correctly in the first place.
This may sound harsh but I promise you it's intended to be constructive - if your interest is primarily in forming relationships beyond friendship (and even physically intimate friendship can still be just friendship), then what you need is not a swinging site but a dating agency.
Ice
Warming the Bed
Or... 'It's not you, it's me ...'
Sex God
Quote by Ice Pie
This may sound harsh but I promise you it's intended to be constructive - if your interest is primarily in forming relationships beyond friendship (and even physically intimate friendship can still be just friendship), then what you need is not a swinging site but a dating agency.
Fairy 'nuff...but are there dating agencies that specialize in "couples seeking..."?!
Casanova
:happy: Honesty
Honesty :bounce:
Honesty !!
Always the best policy, I think you will find
Why tell lies when the truth will do ??? :doh:
Regards Dan
Honesty :bounce:
Honesty !!
Always the best policy, I think you will find
Why tell lies when the truth will do ??? :doh:
Regards Dan
: It's about recreational sex , not that moment when your eyes meet across a crowded room and your souls fuse for eternity , it's Ok here if all happens a few feet lower than that and even it only happens just the once.Give her what she wants shag her it may be that you are mistaking dullness and stupidity for shyness. give her the opportunity to cum out of her shell. If afterwards she hasn't in my book you ahve l;ost nothing and she has gained a good fucking. On the otherhand if she cums out of her shell look what you have gained. IMHO you are in a win win situation and so is she. Now get on with it and give her a good fucking.
Regards
Rot
Regards
Rot
OK - now perhaps I am missing something here Patrick but there may be 2 sides to this. She may have appeared dull to you, but perhaps that could have been because you did nothing for her mentally either. After all, it takes 2 to tango as the saying goes.
I am not saying that you are dull either, but just the fact that she does nothing for you does NOT mean she is a dull person.
So my advice would to be honest that you don't feel an attraction, but not to criticise either.
And for the rotundman - why should she think that a good f**king by Patrick is a 'gain' - a bit of an arrogant attitude you have there isn't it? Swinger site or not - we are talking about people with feelings here. She is a person - not a 'thing' to be used.
Alex
I am not saying that you are dull either, but just the fact that she does nothing for you does NOT mean she is a dull person.
So my advice would to be honest that you don't feel an attraction, but not to criticise either.
And for the rotundman - why should she think that a good f**king by Patrick is a 'gain' - a bit of an arrogant attitude you have there isn't it? Swinger site or not - we are talking about people with feelings here. She is a person - not a 'thing' to be used.
Alex
I'd go for sugar-oated honesty...say something that explains what happened, but in positive, or just plain incomprehensible terms... "There just wasn't a 'spark' between us", that sort of thing.
Other options include:
Getting so drunk you either do fancy her, or you can't perform (beware of both happening though)
"I hate to say this but... I've met someone"
"I've got this nasty rash..."
"I can't, you remind me of my sister"
"You are into scat aren't you?"
Other options include:
Getting so drunk you either do fancy her, or you can't perform (beware of both happening though)
"I hate to say this but... I've met someone"
"I've got this nasty rash..."
"I can't, you remind me of my sister"
"You are into scat aren't you?"
Sex God
Quote by Mister_Discreet
"You are into scat aren't you?"
Bad idea. What do you do (except panic) when she says "yes"?
Thousands of people are meeting eachother in these situations every day and most will probably say 'thanks but no thanks'. It's all part of the game and one just has to be honest with them and with oneself. If you are convinced she is not for you then you may as well let her know in a nice way as others have suggested. On the other hand you may have read her incorrectly, shyness can be misleading at first - you never know she might be a real sexy minx - I have often found shy girls are!
Sex God
Quote by tc
Its never easy Patrick...
But I would use the tried and tested sandwich approach...
Top Layer.... Say something good about them
Second Layer... Another good thing about them or the relationship.
The Limitation, the MEAT of the sandwich. You say, I have decided this relationship is over and I am getting out of it so we can both "move on".
Fourth Layer.... Another thing you liked about them or the relationship.
The Fifth and Bottom Layer ...... I have gained a lot from the relationship and I hope we can always remain good friends.
Good luck mate!!
Some sort of club sandwich I presume??!
The only answer surely is to honest but not unkind. Just say you're sorry but it doesn't do it for you. I can understand though that the fairly brutal analysis you've concluded does make it difficult.
This is a good thread because it raises a really interesting issue about how comfortable people can be when communicating by e-mail but how much more difficult and different it is when you meet. This is especially true if you meet one to one - this requires a whole new set of social skills perpetually on tap.
P'raps that's why munches are so good - they are a brilliant halfway house.
Alex my point was not meant to be factual. Correct me if I am wrong but aren't we all on here to either fuck or be fucked. That I woudl suggest was the objective of both the above parties and as such is a "FUCK" took place then to soem extent each party would have reached theri objective. i think it is you who is being arrogant by suggssting this column is some sort of Agony Aunt Forum
Quote by rotundman
Alex my point was not meant to be factual. Correct me if I am wrong but aren't we all on here to either fuck or be fucked. That I woudl suggest was the objective of both the above parties and as such is a "FUCK" took place then to soem extent each party would have reached theri objective. i think it is you who is being arrogant by suggssting this column is some sort of Agony Aunt Forum
NO WRONG!
We are not all here to fuck or be fucked! If you read the threads you will see that most people want to form FRIENDSHIPS wherein sex is just a part though admittedly a central focus of that relationship but is not neccessarily the main focus. The main focus is pleasure and enjoyment in good company.
It may have escaped your notice put the people around here actually care about eachother and so feel free to talk about thier problems in an open way. This is both supportive for the person with the problem and educational for the rest of us.
If you feel you have not the wit no inclination to contribute to this forum in a likewise friendly manner I suggest you remove yourself from it as you will not be welcome.
Sex God
Quote by rotundman
Alex my point was not meant to be factual. Correct me if I am wrong but aren't we all on here to either fuck or be fucked. That I woudl suggest was the objective of both the above parties and as such is a "FUCK" took place then to soem extent each party would have reached theri objective. i think it is you who is being arrogant by suggssting this column is some sort of Agony Aunt Forum
Sorry for answering a question directed at someone else, but no, it is not true to say that everyone on this site is just looking for sex. Many are primarily here to make friends, have a laugh, discuss what they want to discuss in a free and non-judgemental atmosphere, and if it leads to other things, fine, and if it doesn't, also fine.
I think it was Bluexxx who said swinging is not an activity it's an attitude, or something like that, and those who come here thinking it's just about getting an easy shag are usually very pleasantly surprised to discover that there's a bit more to it than that.
Regards,
Ice
Quote by Lovecommando
Alex my point was not meant to be factual. Correct me if I am wrong but aren't we all on here to either fuck or be fucked. That I woudl suggest was the objective of both the above parties and as such is a "FUCK" took place then to soem extent each party would have reached theri objective. i think it is you who is being arrogant by suggssting this column is some sort of Agony Aunt Forum
NO WRONG!
We are not all here to fuck or be fucked! If you read the threads you will see that most people want to form FRIENDSHIPS wherein sex is just a part though admittedly a central focus of that relationship but is not neccessarily the main focus. The main focus is pleasure and enjoyment in good company.
I think we had better agree to disagree but your response does say the central focus is sex. Call it the common bond, join t initative, both parties goals etc etc. Therefore if the parties both get sex out of it the main focus has been acheived. I do not dispute that feelings are important but if it was as oaramount as you suggest we would all be neurotic because I feel sure we all suffer refusals regfularly. should we all adopt a stance of non refusal because tpo do so would hurt someone's feelings. POPPYCOCK. I rest my case.
Sex God
Quote by corriefem
Kinky Lizard said he thought I wrote like a 60 year old on here eg someone old and wise lol. So if thats what people view me as then they get a nice surprise when they meet me and I look only 59
Aah 'old' Kinks - he did have a way with words and a few other things - you've made me all nostalgic for a mini golden era hereabouts.
Interesting thing about guessing people's ages - I bet you'd never have guessed I'ma at least 20!
Anyway you've got the best of both worlds - talk common sense (sorry that's a bit of an insult come to think of it - we'll call it 'adult b*ll*x') and look like a 20 year old - some people get all the luck!
When we joined the site our main objective was sex, we didn`t think much further than that. However, we have found so much more. So I hope you`ll excuse me when I say I wouldn`t take back our old approach for the world, friendship is so much more important, if we can combine the two, then all the better but I wouldn`t hesitate to choose friendship over sex if I had too.
Venusxxx
Venusxxx
