Decisions, decisions!. There I was, in the kitchen with knife in hand and two pieces of recently browned bread in front of me and a plate of butter when the most strangest of thoughts came into my head:
Which fecking side do I butter it on?
It's always been instinctive up until now but this dilemma facing me made me realise that perhaps early dimentia is setting in.
If I butter the toast on the other side then the counter will get all messy and we don't want that, Yuk!
But if I butter it this side I'll have to turn it over to make sure that the other side is ok about that and not feeling left out - you know how temperamental toast can be! .... and then the counter will STILL get messy, and we DON'T WANT THAT! - Yuk!
But then the thought occurred to me that if I butter the other side then THIS side will get peeved at me - I could, of course, not butter it at all but then the knife will be peeved at me for taking it out of the drawer unnecc ... unecces... unneces ...... bugger... without reason ..... where it was having a pint with it's mates (and probably getting a shag too if I know my knives!) ..........and the butter!! well butter is butter and if you unwrap it and don't use it it stalks off back to the cow that made it in a right humpf!!!
..... decisions, decisions! ... What to do gang?
Ta muchly
A Very Confused Wishmaster xxx
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What side do you butter your toast on?
Mod
You been drinking? If not, get started!!!
Mal
Mal
Sexpert
ask blondeslave she will know 
Sex God
As Mal says have a drink, and then just eat the toast, put the butter back in the fridge.
Sex God
Quote by RickRoper
Usually the side that's face -up.....
Rick
toasts have faces? :shock: noooo that's gingerbread men surely?
wishy,
absolutely barking! 
neil x x x ;)
Quote by Maia
just butter the counter and lick that instead! You've rambled on long enough about them that i'm sure your toasts now resemble cardboard
No, no.. that's Garibaldi bicies:
Quote by Vix
Vix' Recipe for Garibaldi "Biscuits"
Ingredients
Cardboard 2 Sheets
Cow Gum 1 Tin
Sugar 1 Bag
Method
Lay one sheet of cardboard out in a cow field on a sunny day.
Liberally cover it in Cow Gum.
Liberally cover this in sugar.
Leave for 20 minutes.
Upon return, flies will have been attracted to the sugar and landed, eaten the sugar and become affixed to the Cow Gum.
Quickly place the remaining cardboard on top of the fliy/glue/cardboard base.
Leave for 40 minutes or until sufficiently trampled by cows.
Return to kitchen chopping board and perforate with a needle, making neat rectangles approx 1" x 2".
Serve.
xx
Sex God
ditch the toast and go for croissants, they are French by origin and thereby less fussy 
Sexpert
Quote by davej
ditch the toast and go for croissants, they are French by origin and thereby less fussy
Less fussy !!! who you kidding !
As for the toast dont bother with the butter and just have marmalade.
Quote by davej
ditch the toast and go for croissants, they are French by origin and thereby less fussy
Can't do that !!!!! tsk tsk ......... we have to help our ecconomy by buying British which also helps to de-stabilise the French ecconomy thus leading to a trade war between France and the UK which will expand to the EU who will then drag in the United States which means that by definition China will get involved and that only leaves Russia, so they'll get involved (so they don't feel that we've deliberately started War World III without them just to piss them off!)
Stuff it - if me not knowing which side of my toast to butter is gonna start WWIII then I'm going vegetarian - now .... what's a relaible vegetable that won't answer back .......
Bollox... hijacked me own fecking thread ...... grrrrrrrrrrrr
Sex God
Wishy
Are you sure you are ok??
I suggest you go for a lie down for a couple of hours.
Are you sure you are ok??
I suggest you go for a lie down for a couple of hours.
Sexpert
Yes Wishy you go and lie down and JUST THIS ONCE i'll butter your toast.
:doh: what have i said !
:doh: what have i said !
Sex God
Did someone hit you on the head Wishy? I think you need to take Sarah's suggestion and go lie down for a bit!
Why don't you try cornflakes in future, no butter, no sides, maybe an easier decision for you.........
Why don't you try cornflakes in future, no butter, no sides, maybe an easier decision for you.........
Quote by mistress_sassy
Did someone hit you on the head Wishy? I think you need to take Sarah's suggestion and go lie down for a bit!
Why don't you try cornflakes in future, no butter, no sides, maybe an easier decision for you.........
Oh darn it!!! ... Damn Damn Damn !!! .... You just had to say 'cornflakes' didn't you!!!
Now apart from WWIII being raged across the planet, I got Rice Krispies (which as we all know are the MORTAL enemies of Cornflakes) slugging it out box for box in my cupboard!!! .. And as if that's not enough, I've got full fat milk and semi-skimmed milk screaming at each other in the fridge .... and the small spoons are gesticulating wildy about some sort of 'bloody favouritism' about the large spoons in the drawer!!!
What a topsy turvy world we live in!!!
I'm going to become a nun!
Sexpert
Hes lost it everyone ... really lost it !
:upset: he'll never be the same again :cry:
:upset: he'll never be the same again :cry:
Sex God
Quote by Wishmaster
Now apart from WWIII being raged across the planet, I got Rice Krispies (which as we all know are the MORTAL enemies of Cornflakes) slugging it out box for box in my cupboard!!! .. And as if that's not enough, I've got full fat milk and semi-skimmed milk screaming at each other in the fridge .... and the small spoons are gesticulating wildy about some sort of 'bloody favouritism' about the large spoons in the drawer!!!
What a topsy turvy world we live in!!!
I'm going to become a nun!
Ah now you see thats where they are going wrong......you've got yer Cornflakes and Rice Crispies slugging it out, oblivious to the fact that the poxy Cocoa Pops are gradually sneaking in under The wire. Bloody things only ever used to be in them little selection packs first off, but now look at em...fookin great boxes these days and they just aint right....aint right at all, turn the milk a manky colour FFS! whats that all about.....no they are all chav cereals...... common as muck......noisy fuckers too, sit next to someone munching on em, bloody orrible racket......now your porridge there's a different matter, quiet
, serene, sits in the box or bowl without a murmer........................bin yer chav cereals wishy and go get something that don't wanna shout and make a fuss.
Sex God
Quote by Wishmaster
Did someone hit you on the head Wishy? I think you need to take Sarah's suggestion and go lie down for a bit!
Why don't you try cornflakes in future, no butter, no sides, maybe an easier decision for you.........
Oh darn it!!! ... Damn Damn Damn !!! .... You just had to say 'cornflakes' didn't you!!!
Now apart from WWIII being raged across the planet, I got Rice Krispies (which as we all know are the MORTAL enemies of Cornflakes) slugging it out box for box in my cupboard!!! .. And as if that's not enough, I've got full fat milk and semi-skimmed milk screaming at each other in the fridge .... and the small spoons are gesticulating wildy about some sort of 'bloody favouritism' about the large spoons in the drawer!!!
What a topsy turvy world we live in!!!
I'm going to become a nun!
Has anyone got a spare Straight Jacket ?
Quote by davej
Now apart from WWIII being raged across the planet, I got Rice Krispies (which as we all know are the MORTAL enemies of Cornflakes) slugging it out box for box in my cupboard!!! .. And as if that's not enough, I've got full fat milk and semi-skimmed milk screaming at each other in the fridge .... and the small spoons are gesticulating wildy about some sort of 'bloody favouritism' about the large spoons in the drawer!!!
What a topsy turvy world we live in!!!
I'm going to become a nun!
Ah now you see thats where they are going wrong......you've got yer Cornflakes and Rice Crispies slugging it out, oblivious to the fact that the poxy Cocoa Pops are gradually sneaking in under The wire. Bloody things only ever used to be in them little selection packs first off, but now look at em...fookin great boxes these days and they just aint right....aint right at all, turn the milk a manky colour FFS! whats that all about.....no they are all chav cereals...... common as muck......noisy fuckers too, sit next to someone munching on em, bloody orrible racket......now your porridge there's a different matter, quiet
, serene, sits in the box or bowl without a murmer........................bin yer chav cereals wishy and go get something that don't wanna shout and make a fuss.
At last!!! ....... someone who understands me!! .... my ex/w didn't understand me ... but maybe that's coz she is Italian and I'm English (I really must make an effort to meet people who speak the same language as me, it makes things so much more simpler)
Aaaaanyways, I have to say that Cocoa Pops ought to be taken out, blindfolded and shot! Every single last one of em ....... messy little critters ... they wrap themselves up in a nice pretty little box that says 'BUY ME! BUY ME!' to yer kids when you are traipsing round the the aisles fighting off twats who wanna ask you 50 fecking questions about non-stick whatevers and then tell you that you could win a car - er.. Hello!!! Excuse me! I already got a car! How did you think I got here to this inconvenient, out of town, hard to park yer car in without some kid opening their door and banging in to mine leaving a nice big dent and no note saying Here's my insurance details please sue me for damages Supermarket?
And then - like add insult to injury will ya - when you take them home to meet Mother they say 'Heh Heh , Fooled Ya! Wanker' ...... coz the kids won't eat the fecking things ...... as my fellow inmate davej said "They turn the milk a manky colou!!!r" - like they've had a shit in MYcereal bowl fgs ...and the kids go "Dad, I don't like em!" - in their bestest whingy voice. Then I have to go make em some toast instead - which brings me straight back to square one - What fecking side do I butter it on?
