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whats the worst thing you've done when drunk?
Quote by Chunky Love
I remember one time when I was around 14 or 15 years old being invited to a party at a friends house who's parents had gone away for the weekend, and had left him alone. Before leaving, they let strict instructions that there should be nobody round while they were gone, no touching their drinks cabinet and for god's sake don't bloody breath anywhere near their brand new top of the range hi-fi, (His fathers pride and joy, which spent many's a night blasting out Elvis classics).
So as you can imagine the moment his parents pulled out of the street in their wee Ford Escort and he had finished waving them away, he scarpered inside and got on the blower to all the lads, telling us to get our glad rags on as there was going to be a shindig in the 'Players Club' that night.. ('Players Club'.. Sheesh, we were 15 for crying out loud. The only playing we would be getting would be with Pam and her five sisters!)
I was in two minds about going. On one hand I could have sat in with my old dear and watched the Equalizer, (one of the best tv theme tunes ever!) or I could have gone out to my pals house and sat in front of the tv there.. My mind was set when he assured me that not only would it be a proper party with food, drink and tunes, there would be GIRLS there too! I launched myself off the couch, (near giving my poor mother a heart attack in the process as I bulleted past her) dived into the shower and scrubbed myself inapropriately for several minutes. Ran through to the bedroom and dug out my flashiest glad rags, (Hi-Tec white skater boots, baggy jeans that hung half of my ass and a shirt so garish it would have made even Stevie Wonder want to punch me in the face repeatedly for several minutes..)
Into the bathroom to splash on the Brut, prepared the hairdo into a fantastic 'Vanilla Ice'-esque quiff, and I was ready to break some hearts.. (Or some mirrors.)
Arrived at the party with a six pack of cider clutched tightly in my poly bag, and got straight into the drink as soon as I got inside. Plonked myself in the kitchen, (Where, let's face it, all the best people at parties congregate!) and started yapping to my pals about our plans for the night. Turns out around 20 people had arrived from our year in school, and there was a pretty good split between the boys and the girls..
Alas, as the night wore on and the drink flowed more easily down my gullet my patter with the ladies became steadily worse and worse. Lines ranging from downright corny, ("Hey did the fall hurt you? "what fall?" "When you fell from heavens lap you beautiful creature you") to the outright filthy failed to impress the ladies in attendence, and it seemed more and more evident that my chances of any under the jumper fumbling was becoming steadily less and less, so I resigned myself to the sofa where I sat for the next hour and a bit mumbling about how I didn't really want to pull anyway, and that I was only here to see my mates, (I was a sore loser really at that age, dummy spat clean oot the pram..)
Anywho, as these parties tend to do when filled with testosterone filled boys getting a glimpse of girl flesh, things descended into depravity.. Starting on a high with a cheeky wee game of 'spin the bottle', ebbing somewhat halfway through with a game of 'True or False' and ending on a poor showing at Strip Poker, (Who teaches girls to play poker?!? We were losing our trousers with each hand.. Literally! )
Now for some reason the party diminished to only about 8 of us left. 4 girls (three of which were 17 and the last one 16) and 4 boys, (all of whom were between 15 and 17). Now the testosterone was really getting fired up, and it was time to show each other some bits!
Started off with the girls giving us a flash of their boobies, and us judging who's were best, and then somehow got round to us whipping oot the wee soldiers for the girls to inspect and rank...
Well, out of four I finished a lowly third. Not dreadful you may think but at that age your ego is crushed like a hard boiled egg under Rik Wallers heel. "F*ck them" I thought, and whilst sitting there in my self pity I suddenly thought that if I couldn't get into their knickers using the sight of my magnificent wanger, then it would have to be the 'be funny' option..
So for some reason a few unruly brain cells in my cider raddled cranium thought it would be a great idea to run out to the communal hallway of my pals flat, and tow the fire hose from the outside stairwell into the flat, with the intention of running into the living room with said hose between my legs, gesticulating madly in front of the assembled ladies...
Well, nobody told me that these hoses turn on automatically after being pulled out a certain length..
AS I ran into the main room, time seemed to run in slow motion as I felt the hose stiffen, and I looked up from my crotch just in time to see the horrified expression on the girls faces sitting on my friends living room couch, as several gallons of stale hosepipe water cascaded toward them at over 50mph..
As they were blasted backwards over the sofa I swung the hose away from them as reality kicked in and time resumed it's normal speed around me.. Now, going back to the start of the story, do you remember when I mentioned how my pals parents had stressed that in no conceivable way should he even breath near his fathers stereophonic pride and joy? Well, take a wild guess what the now full flowing hose decided to turn it's aquatic wrath upon? Yep, several hundred pound worth of stereo blasted face on by several gallons of water travelling at high speed does not equate to a happy ending..
The hi-fi fell over backwards, knocking the expensive looking CD rack over in the process.. I heard a smash, (which I think was the turntable) as I struggled frantically to tear the hose pipe away from it's path of living room destruction.. I ran back out into the communal hallway as the now abandoned hosepipe flailed wildly in the living room, ripping wallpaper from the walls with it's powerful jet. Once outside, I searched for a cut off switch that would stop the flow, and not being able to find one I decided to start reeling the pipe back onto it's holder. This proved somewhat difficult, trying to convince several metres of pipe full of pulsating water to rewind itself onto a smallish spindle, but after much blood, sweat and tears I got it back on and the water cut itself off..
Amazing how quiet things became as people re-emerged from their hiding places. the girls reappeared from behind the sofa, sporting hairstyles like you see in cartoons when people are electrocuted.. The lad who's house it was could be seen gently weeping over the remains of his father's audio pride and joy.. The two other lads had taken it upon themselves to make off while the going was good, and had probably hit mach 3 on foot down the hill towards home..
The girls seemed to be in a state of shock, standing there like a group of rabbits caught in a trucks headlights as the wallpaper behind them continued it's slow descent towards the beige carpet.. Terror started to whisper in my ear, and after a few mumbled apologies I ran like a bitch out the door and made for home..
My pal amazingly hasn't spoken to me since that day, despite frequent attempts by me to quell his anger over the years. I do know however that when his parents got home he claimed that someone must have got into the flat through an open window, opened the front door and released the hosepipe into the house as either a prank or some kind of revenge.. I think he even had the nerve to ask his father if he could think of anyone that might have a grudge against him!
Anywho, I still feel sh*tty about it to this day
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Pure class :rotflmao:
Fortunately I blank out the memories of the previous night by the time I get up, so no (that I know of 
)
Oh wait......
- Got horrendously drunk on a night out and snogged the local uni slapper, while I was going out with my g/f
- On same night, choked on the foam at the foam party and threw up all over the dance floor
- Celebrating the g/fs birthday one year, narrowly avoided pissing in the kitchen bin and having to be guided to the bathroom
- Getting horribly drunk at my 6th form xmas party and throwing up all over the bus
- Got my knob out in front of all my friends and nightclub patrons. I don't know when or where, but there's the unnerving memory stuck in my head
ops:
- Left my door unlocked in halls, only to be woken up covered in shaving foam with an admiring crowd waiting outside the room
- Missed an opportunity for a shag by answering the door in same halls after 8 pints and being woken. Had dribble everywhere and a shrunken penis on show. Fortunately I was half-awake and still so drunk I can't remember who it was
)Oh wait......
- Got horrendously drunk on a night out and snogged the local uni slapper, while I was going out with my g/f
- On same night, choked on the foam at the foam party and threw up all over the dance floor
- Celebrating the g/fs birthday one year, narrowly avoided pissing in the kitchen bin and having to be guided to the bathroom
- Getting horribly drunk at my 6th form xmas party and throwing up all over the bus
- Got my knob out in front of all my friends and nightclub patrons. I don't know when or where, but there's the unnerving memory stuck in my head
ops: - Left my door unlocked in halls, only to be woken up covered in shaving foam with an admiring crowd waiting outside the room
- Missed an opportunity for a shag by answering the door in same halls after 8 pints and being woken. Had dribble everywhere and a shrunken penis on show. Fortunately I was half-awake and still so drunk I can't remember who it was
getting absolutely annihilated at a barbeque with a girl friend, both stagger home to her parents place where we were staying while visiting. one or more drinky poos, then both off to bed more merrier than we should be and the room starts spinning.
I my drunken haze, I quickly ask the missus where the bathroom is to which she responds by struggling to point to the door at the end of the hall. I slowly drag my drunken backside off the bed, stagger down the hall, banging into everything possible, but do feel the sickness wearing away, but now need the loo!!...........................manage to get to the door, open, pee, pull chain and stumble back to bed.
All happy
woke up in the morning with the girl friend missing, get up dressing gown on, large bottle of water beside the bed, open the door, only to be confronted by my girlfriend and her mother at the end of the hall, pulling soaking towels and sheets from the hall cupboard and turns out the chain, was the light switch that I had pulled out of it's socket!
Did not go down well........................funnily enough never went back to their place again :cry:
I my drunken haze, I quickly ask the missus where the bathroom is to which she responds by struggling to point to the door at the end of the hall. I slowly drag my drunken backside off the bed, stagger down the hall, banging into everything possible, but do feel the sickness wearing away, but now need the loo!!...........................manage to get to the door, open, pee, pull chain and stumble back to bed.
All happy
woke up in the morning with the girl friend missing, get up dressing gown on, large bottle of water beside the bed, open the door, only to be confronted by my girlfriend and her mother at the end of the hall, pulling soaking towels and sheets from the hall cupboard
and turns out the chain, was the light switch that I had pulled out of it's socket!Did not go down well........................funnily enough never went back to their place again :cry:
Isn’t it amazing how many truths come out in this forum. Sort of stuff that you would never admit to anyone else, but does not seem a problem to mention it on SH to thousands of people.
Ok, so to my extended family (SH) the following was my joint worst drunken thing, there have been too many to mention here, but this ranks a joint first.
To set the scene I was on holiday with a good friend, both of us about 19. One night we went to a huge caravan type establishment, you know the sort, huge bar, huge dancefloor. Obviously on the look out for unattached women, we headed for the bar to look out over the dancefloor fingers crossed.
Well there didn’t seem to be anyone there under the age of 50 so we just continued to drink…. and drink…….. and drink ……….
Eventually completely sozzled the 50 yr old women were looking more and more attractive, so when “The Model†by Kraftwork came on – I thought – aha – time to impress the women, I need to strut my stuff on the dancefloor. Bearing in mind that, on a dancefloor, I look like the wibbly wobbly man wibblywobbling with 2 left feet I decided that it was essential to do the robot like dance (not sure if all you guys will remember that style).
Well there I was, for the whole song in my drunken stupor thinking I was god’s gift, parading around like Robbie The Robot. When the song eventually finished I realised that I was the only one on the dancefloor with 150 middle aged people looking on thinking “what the fuck was thatâ€.
The DJ made it even worse by not saying a word, honestly you could have heard a pin drop as I just stood there. After what seemed like an eternity a little old lady clapped and then winked at me, she could have been my great great grandmother.
Hands in pockets, head down, as I quietly left the dancefloor thinking bugger, I have sobered up
Ok, so to my extended family (SH) the following was my joint worst drunken thing, there have been too many to mention here, but this ranks a joint first.
To set the scene I was on holiday with a good friend, both of us about 19. One night we went to a huge caravan type establishment, you know the sort, huge bar, huge dancefloor. Obviously on the look out for unattached women, we headed for the bar to look out over the dancefloor fingers crossed.
Well there didn’t seem to be anyone there under the age of 50 so we just continued to drink…. and drink…….. and drink ……….
Eventually completely sozzled the 50 yr old women were looking more and more attractive, so when “The Model†by Kraftwork came on – I thought – aha – time to impress the women, I need to strut my stuff on the dancefloor. Bearing in mind that, on a dancefloor, I look like the wibbly wobbly man wibblywobbling with 2 left feet I decided that it was essential to do the robot like dance (not sure if all you guys will remember that style).
Well there I was, for the whole song in my drunken stupor thinking I was god’s gift, parading around like Robbie The Robot. When the song eventually finished I realised that I was the only one on the dancefloor with 150 middle aged people looking on thinking “what the fuck was thatâ€.
The DJ made it even worse by not saying a word, honestly you could have heard a pin drop as I just stood there. After what seemed like an eternity a little old lady clapped and then winked at me, she could have been my great great grandmother.
Hands in pockets, head down, as I quietly left the dancefloor thinking bugger, I have sobered up
I went to bergen (norway) afew years back with a bunch of friends and one night got invited to a private rave by some locals, the norwegians don't have proper cider(they call apple juice cider)and everyone wanted to try some of the 6 litres I had brought and it promptly disappeared,just as I was wondering what I was going to drink,a norwegian lad says to me "do you like tequila"(silly question)and hands me a bottle of mexicos finest,so not knowing where my next drink was coming from,I took a massive swig(third of the bottle) and suddenly this norwegian was calling all his friends over,I thought I may have overstepped the mark,but he said "sven,olle,bjorn watch this,do it again,do it again"so I did it again,and again,as the crowd got bigger and the bottle emptied and things went all hazy,I woke up next morning feeling rougher than a bears arse but thinking that I probably had a good night,all my friends were strangely subdued quiet and a bit wary,and would not mention the previous night,skip forwards about 3 weeks,my girlfriend at the time was watching the hit man and her when I got back from a training session one night,and I remember thinking to myself that all looks strangely familiar,just as a naked hairy biker type person climbed onto a podium and started dancing with 2 very scantily clad young ladies,after falling off the podium several times the aforesaid naked dude retired to the side of the stage with one of the young ladies and wound up getting a blow-job in front of everyone,,it was not the hit man and her it was one of my mates who'd filmed the whole thing for posterity,and as my girlfriend picked up her bags and walked out of the door,what more could I say ,but,,ooops 
:? :? :? :?
:dunno: :dunno: .................so why dont you tell us all yours and if anyone out there has any regrets then maybe just maybe they might share them with you
Sexpert
MISSCHIEF - Not heard anything so funny for a while...
Mine: maddest moment of last couple of years has been one of those lets-walk-back-from-the-club decisions very late at night after a few too many when you just spent the cab fare on your last drink and home is ~4hrs walk away drunk (maybe 1-2 sober...).
But most embarassing... Back at uni (of Kent, Canterbury), in the first year, I lived on a corridor with about 5 other freshers. One evening out on the town with other friends, having visited our usual pub and had a few rounds between us, I walked back to uni and found some uni friends in the bar. I'd already had plenty enough to drink, and I remember sitting down in the bar and (I think) having another drink or two and that I chatted for a bit there, probably pretty incoherently.
After that I retired at kicking-out-time to my room, and then decided I needed to empty my bladder. Unfortunately I never made it back to my room, I fell asleep in the corridor with my room door wide open and managed to throw up in the corridor. I don't remember any of this. Next morning I woke up and felt terrible, and then my friends found it and I got a right ribbing. The cleaners were due, but I think it was probably the day after... I really didn't feel like clearing it up and besides didn't have much to clean it with, so it got left all dried out for the cleaners to sort out - I made sure I was out (even though no lectures and I'd normally be having a lie-in) to avoid the embarassment. Strange how I didn't see many people in the corridor that day
Then there's the time we went out for drinks as my first social evening with a company I'd just joined post university - we had some wine between us and I'd thought someone else was drinking white too but it turned out at the end of the evening that no, it was just me that had got through those empty bottles on the table (everyone else was drinking red / beer / non-alcoholic). Followed by a few pints in a pub and just-managing to leave my dinner down the toilet instead of all down my top.
I'm far more sensible now
Not heard anything so funny for a while...Mine: maddest moment of last couple of years has been one of those lets-walk-back-from-the-club decisions very late at night after a few too many when you just spent the cab fare on your last drink and home is ~4hrs walk away drunk (maybe 1-2 sober...).
But most embarassing... Back at uni (of Kent, Canterbury), in the first year, I lived on a corridor with about 5 other freshers. One evening out on the town with other friends, having visited our usual pub and had a few rounds between us, I walked back to uni and found some uni friends in the bar. I'd already had plenty enough to drink, and I remember sitting down in the bar and (I think) having another drink or two and that I chatted for a bit there, probably pretty incoherently.
After that I retired at kicking-out-time to my room, and then decided I needed to empty my bladder. Unfortunately I never made it back to my room, I fell asleep in the corridor with my room door wide open and managed to throw up in the corridor. I don't remember any of this. Next morning I woke up and felt terrible, and then my friends found it and I got a right ribbing. The cleaners were due, but I think it was probably the day after... I really didn't feel like clearing it up and besides didn't have much to clean it with, so it got left all dried out for the cleaners to sort out - I made sure I was out (even though no lectures and I'd normally be having a lie-in) to avoid the embarassment. Strange how I didn't see many people in the corridor that day
Then there's the time we went out for drinks as my first social evening with a company I'd just joined post university - we had some wine between us and I'd thought someone else was drinking white too but it turned out at the end of the evening that no, it was just me that had got through those empty bottles on the table (everyone else was drinking red / beer / non-alcoholic). Followed by a few pints in a pub and just-managing to leave my dinner down the toilet instead of all down my top.
I'm far more sensible now
I woke up on the newly manicured lawns of the Chorley Mormon Temple, which cost a bazillion pounds to build and is like the biggest outside of Mormon Land (wherever that is).
I was hugging a little statue and one of the black jacketed mormon dudes was stood over me asking me to politely get off the lawn as it was for temple dwellers only (or something).
I have no idea to this day how I got there or where my shoes were.
(Tame I know but I have more ...... ;)
I was hugging a little statue and one of the black jacketed mormon dudes was stood over me asking me to politely get off the lawn as it was for temple dwellers only (or something).
I have no idea to this day how I got there or where my shoes were.
(Tame I know but I have more ...... ;)
