Why do married men not shag their wives?

5 Oct 2011

Why indeed? Or perhaps more importantly, why do lots of married men seem to prefer to shag someone other than their wife?
We see much evidence of "playing away", sometimes with consent, sometimes otherwise, and I understand that relationships do dry up and come to an end, but there seems to be no logic to man's desire to go elsewhere. The strange thing is, that if you were to ask these guys, when their out and about, how do they feel about "loving the one your with", they would unanimously think it was a great idea.....unfortunately they would probably be viewing this as opportunistic rather than as being content with their chosen partner.
So are some men just prisoners of their primitive animalistic tendancies?
Go on girls....tell us what you think! or just make us laugh.
wink

:wink:

5 Oct 2011

I think there are so many different answers to that question and it works both ways.
Maybe the wife doesn't want to sleep with him?
They may no longer be sexually compatible. People grow over time, have different sexual fantasies and want to try new things which their partner may not be into. One of them may have lost their sexual appetite. They could simply not be sexually attracted to their partner anymore? Maybe one of them is having a mid life crisis and needs an ego boost in an 'I've still got it' kinda way?
Who knows? dunno

I think it's a very individual thing.

5 Oct 2011

It seems a strangely worded question for a swingers site.
Why do swingers want to shag different people? If you can answer that then you have probably answered why married men want to do it.
Staying at home and shagging the wife doesn't give the same experience as shagging multiple partners, sometimes all at the same time. That's why we swing - it's not the same as shagging each other.
We feel very lucky and privileged that we are able to play with whoever we want as a couple and certainly wouldn't throw stones at someone that isn't fortunate enough to be in our position - either married men or married women that want to do what we are able to do but don't have a partner that feels the same.

5 Oct 2011

I firmly believe that prolonged monogamy is an unnatural state.

5 Oct 2011

Why do we want to shag at all?
So many reasons! I know my wife and I will shag far more away from home, and the further we get from home the more liberal we get. Wife my wife it’s warm tender loving. At with some other ladies it can be just that, but more since we are still discovering each other.
At other times with other ladies it is just a meet and sex, there is something more abandoned about sex with someone you will never meet again. Must be something about never having to feel embarrassed the next time you meet.
…and 3+somes? Well that is never going to be the same as just your wife or husband.
Love, comfort, discovery, excitement or animal instinct, I think we shag for all those reasons; very often more than one. The great thing about swingers is that they are mostly confident enough in there partners to be able to give each other the room.
Travis
a wife shagger

5 Oct 2011

Quote by Ben_Minx
I firmly believe that prolonged monogamy is an unnatural state.

:thumbup:

8 Oct 2011

Quote by Ben_Minx
I firmly believe that prolonged monogamy is an unnatural state.

:thumbup:... or maybe I just haven't found anyone that can hold my interest yet! :rascal:

8 Oct 2011

Quote by Ben_Minx
I firmly believe that prolonged monogamy is an unnatural state.

Yerp i agree 100% :thumbup:

8 Oct 2011

Quote by Shi
I firmly believe that prolonged monogamy is an unnatural state.

Yerp i agree 100% :thumbup:
I think you've nailed it.... we're all just tarts lol

I actually know that's not true... but alas I am just a tart.

9 Oct 2011

not tarts but lust too much

Quote by skinny
I firmly believe that prolonged monogamy is an unnatural state.

Yerp i agree 100% :thumbup:
I think you've nailed it.... we're all just tarts lol

I actually know that's not true... but alas I am just a tart.

10 Oct 2011

I read an interesting article to do with the length of time that a man and woman ideally would want to stay together...in terms of a deep seated (caveman) instinct. Bearing in mind this would just be to keep the human race going.
It surmised that a man would want to be with a woman for a maximum of 6 months; to impregnate her and know that a child would be in it's way. Then he would move onto the next mate.
Then a woman would want to be with the man for 12months; so that she knew that the child was healthy after birth. Then she would move onto the next best mate.
I also read that a man's purpose was to have as many mates as he could and a woman's purpose was to get the best mate that she could...a fun imbalance lol.

10 Oct 2011

Quote by Derek_kelp
I read an interesting article to do with the length of time that a man and woman ideally would want to stay together...in terms of a deep seated (caveman) instinct. Bearing in mind this would just be to keep the human race going.
It surmised that a man would want to be with a woman for a maximum of 6 months; to impregnate her and know that a child would be in it's way. Then he would move onto the next mate.
Then a woman would want to be with the man for 12months; so that she knew that the child was healthy after birth. Then she would move onto the next best mate.
I also read that a man's purpose was to have as many mates as he could and a woman's purpose was to get the best mate that she could...a fun imbalance lol.

Loving the mistake lol

10 Oct 2011

Quote by Ben_Minx
prolonged monogamy

So bouts of monogamy are ok, are they?
I am of course not surprised that what Ben_Minx said strikes a chord with so many of us. What I find perhaps a bit surprising is to be talking about what is natural and what is not, here. Of course I will agree the statement is 100% true FOR MYSELF, as I am sure it is true for almost everyone on here. However I disagree that it is true for everyone in general. Because society upholds monogamy as an ideal, perhaps we tend to overemphasize our polemic. But I will put in a word for the terminally monogamic here - it does happen, it is in *some* people's nature.

Quote by Derek_kelp
Then a woman would want to be with the man for 12months; so that she knew that the child was healthy after birth. Then she would move onto the next best mate.

I don't see how 12 months would be long enough... Seeing that in a natural state the mother would breastfeed exclusively, you're looking to 18+ months until she is fertile again. Then again, being in heat is not tied down to reproductive cycles in primates anyway, is it? Also I don't think a man would stick around even for 9 months to see if he scored the real score smile

(Thank god for altruism!) Also, I *think* in the animal kingdom males stick about only in species that exhibit monogamy.

10 Oct 2011

Tweeky lol...well spell check wouldn't of even helped me there.
Interestingly enough lots of fish species mate for life; Clownfish are a good example of this.
I'm guessing that variety is good for the human race...we are all aware of the problems with inbreeding I assume bolt

11 Oct 2011

Quote by Derek_kelp
I read an interesting article to do with the length of time that a man and woman ideally would want to stay together...in terms of a deep seated (caveman) instinct. Bearing in mind this would just be to keep the human race going.
It surmised that a man would want to be with a woman for a maximum of 6 months; to impregnate her and know that a child would be in it's way. Then he would move onto the next mate.
Then a woman would want to be with the man for 12months; so that she knew that the child was healthy after birth. Then she would move onto the next best mate.
I also read that a man's purpose was to have as many mates as he could and a woman's purpose was to get the best mate that she could...a fun imbalance lol.

Interesting article you read there.
I wonder what it says about someone that had been in a monogamous relationship for 29 years, without either the want or desire for another?
If they are basing their theory on cavemen instinct does that mean we have evolved further along in evolutional? lol

11 Oct 2011

Quote by pebble
Seeing that in a natural state the mother would breastfeed exclusively, you're looking to 18+ months until she is fertile again.

It is a complete myth that women cannot become pregnant while breastfeeding. Both my sister and I found that one out the hard way. lol

11 Oct 2011

Quote by Theladyisaminx
Interesting article you read there.
I wonder what it says about someone that had been in a monogamous relationship for 29 years, without either the want or desire for another?
If they are basing their theory on cavemen instinct does that mean we have evolved further along in evolutional?

They were looking at sex drive and the mechanics of keeping the human race going.
I like to think that back in the caveman days we didn't think so much and did what we wanted in a raw/natural kinda way.
These days you get society telling you what to do/how you should be and such. I mean; even here you have categories you have to fit into and you'd think this would be more open ;o)
I personally think that if we had truly evolved we would all be looking out for each other and being happy with/true to ourselves. Simple as that.
The original post doesn't mention/take into account people being bisexual ;o)

11 Oct 2011

Quote by pebble
I don't see how 12 months would be long enough... Seeing that in a natural state the mother would breastfeed exclusively, you're looking to 18+ months until she is fertile again.

Mammals are at their most fertile at the first oestrus after giving birth, borne out by the fact that the 'Jeremy Kyle' types seem to have a production line of toddlers going.

11 Oct 2011

Quote by Derek_kelp
Tweeky lol...well spell check wouldn't of even helped me there.
Interestingly enough lots of fish species mate for life; Clownfish are a good example of this.
I'm guessing that variety is good for the human race...we are all aware of the problems with inbreeding I assume

True - but clownfish live maybe 2 years - we live 70+, 50+ as adults. That makes a difference. :giggle:

11 Oct 2011

Quote by Funlovers2009
Seeing that in a natural state the mother would breastfeed exclusively, you're looking to 18+ months until she is fertile again.

It is a complete myth that women cannot become pregnant while breastfeeding. Both my sister and I found that one out the hard way. lol

:lol: It is not a myth, it's more like teenagers using condoms! Admittedly, it is damn hard to achieve lactational amenorrhea, even when you're a hippy earth-mother type that will put breastfeeding ahead of any other priority. But when done properly, failure rates aren't that bad. (Whether that is because you then have a baby in bed and no opportunity for coitus I do not know! :lol smile

Quote by Derek_kelp
even here you have categories you have to fit into

Too true

??:

12 Oct 2011

I do. Frequently.....and preferably.

12 Oct 2011

Quote by pebble
Seeing that in a natural state the mother would breastfeed exclusively, you're looking to 18+ months until she is fertile again.

It is a complete myth that women cannot become pregnant while breastfeeding. Both my sister and I found that one out the hard way. lol

:lol: It is not a myth, it's more like teenagers using condoms! Admittedly, it is damn hard to achieve lactational amenorrhea, even when you're a hippy earth-mother type that will put breastfeeding ahead of any other priority. But when done properly, failure rates aren't that bad. (Whether that is because you then have a baby in bed and no opportunity for coitus I do not know! :lol smile

Oh right, that must have been a phantom pregnancy I had then ... which ended up with another baby rolleyes

My sister was feeding baby No. 2 right up till baby No. 3 was born.
I had never heard of Lactational Amenorrhea so I googled it:
What Is the Lactational Amenorrhea Method?
A temporary family planning method based on the natural effect of breastfeeding on fertility. (“Lactational” means related to breastfeeding. “Amenorrhea” means not having monthly bleeding.)
The lactational amenorrhea method (LAM) requires 3 conditions. All 3 must be met:
1. The mother’s monthly bleeding has not returned
2. The baby is fully or nearly fully breastfed and is fed often, day and night
3. The baby is less than 6 months old
Breast feeding doesn't mean that all women can satisfy all of these requirements and therefore doesn't mean that a woman can't get pregnant while breastfeeding! As I said, both my sister and I got pregnant while breastfeeding, my sister was also taking the mini pill.