Now, we are not talking about you couples on here, and I do realise that some married men lie!
But I asked around at work and was astonished at how many women don't shag their husbands, and surprisingly young women too.
Obviously young children are exhausting, and I suppose the novelty wears off with any partner, so I can see why marital sex would slow down over the years, or have ups and downs.
But one work colleague in her mid-thirties seriously said "I've got two kids, what do I need to shag him for?".
Erm, because he's your husband? Because he works hard to pay for you and the kids and it might make him happy? Because men need sex to feel loved? Because he'll get it elsewhere if you don't?? Because that's the deal when you're married?
Now, some husbands are probably nasty, in which case wives should divorce them and move on, not sit living on their money and giving nothing to return!
I've never been married, so am I missing something really obvious here???
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Why do Married Women not shag their husbands?
Sexlightened
I think in some cases 'familiarity breeds contempt'.
There do seem to be a huge percentage of couples in sexless marriages that's for sure. We have friends both male and female who say the same thing.
Quite frightening really, thank god we're the total opposite!!
There do seem to be a huge percentage of couples in sexless marriages that's for sure. We have friends both male and female who say the same thing.
Quite frightening really, thank god we're the total opposite!!
Sex God
Quote by aspen_1
"I've got two kids, what do I need to shag him for?".
Erm, because he's your husband? Because he works hard to pay for you and the kids and it might make him happy? Because men need sex to feel loved? Because he'll get it elsewhere if you don't?? Because that's the deal when you're married?
Erm, because it's fun? It shouldn't have to be any kind of duty. It's something that you share. Maybe the women I've been associating with have been highly atypical, but I was under the impression that they enjoy sex too. Does the desire for sex suddenly switch off after children? From what I've read here, I think not.
I've never been married either, and I don't have an answer to your question. I'm concerned that it even needs to be asked.
If it is simply the case of familiarity, then the answer is simple. Make swinging compulsory.
Quote by DJohn
Erm, because it's fun? It shouldn't have to be any kind of duty. It's something that you share. Maybe the women I've been associating with have been highly atypical, but I was under the impression that they enjoy sex too. Does the desire for sex suddenly switch off after children? From what I've read here, I think not.
I've never been married either, and I don't have an answer to your question. I'm concerned that it even needs to be asked.
If it is simply the case of familiarity, then the answer is simple. Make swinging compulsory.
Depends if she's one of the women who only married to have kids (I know some), and only had sex for the same purpose. Not everyone has been given good reason to enjoy sex. If one (or both) partners lacks imagination, it's bound to become stale eventually. If your idea of satisfying sex is to achieve orgasm, you can do that alone!
Sex God
Quote by aspen_1
Erm, because he's your husband? Because he works hard to pay for you and the kids and it might make him happy?
Hang on - you were asking these women at WORK? So why do you assume that the male is the one earning the money? Please put your out of date assumptions away with the flares and Brylcreme.
Anyway, if you shag a man just so he gives you money - that would make you a prostitute. And I don't give a damn if there was a marriage involved.
If a person (gender irtrelavent) does not want to have sex with another (gender also irrelavent) there may be a thousand and one reasons. Nor does it make the non-shagger the bad guy.
Sex drive varies enormously between people, we know that, but we also must accept that it varies through your life. If a woman (for the sake of argument) does not want sex that must mean she is not turned on by the other person. If she is made to feel obliged to endure - yes endure - sex when she does not want it, she will want it even less the next time. Been there, done that so don't think to tell me I am wrong!
People have different sex drives - they may decide that is a joint problem. In which case help is available in both emotional and practical/medical ways. If one of them doesn't feel it's a problem there is nothing the other can do to change them.
Sex God
Yes, you're missing something really obvious.
"Because he's your husband" is not a good reason cos sex should not be a duty of marriage. It is no longer compulsory by law.
"Because he works hard..." I am assuming that only working husbands should get sex out of duty? So, not the ones who don't work for whatever reason. I assume that wives who work are exempt from the duty of sex cos they earn their own money?
"Because men need sex to feel loved" So, this is the emotional blackmail line, yes? Bollocks. Love is love. Sex is sex. There is a difference.
"Because he'll go somewhere else" Well, if that was his attitude I would be damn glad that he fucked off somewhere else and left me the fuck alone.
"Because that's the deal when you're married". No. It isn't the deal.
What you are missing is the obvious.
Sex is NO-ONE'S right, regardless of their relationship.
No-one should be expected to provide sex out of duty, EVER
Sex should be fun, not part of life that has to be conducted to make someone else happy.
I am glad you are not married because your attitude is way off kilter here.
Quote by aspen_1
Erm, because he's your husband? Because he works hard to pay for you and the kids and it might make him happy? Because men need sex to feel loved? Because he'll get it elsewhere if you don't?? Because that's the deal when you're married?
"Because he's your husband" is not a good reason cos sex should not be a duty of marriage. It is no longer compulsory by law.
"Because he works hard..." I am assuming that only working husbands should get sex out of duty? So, not the ones who don't work for whatever reason. I assume that wives who work are exempt from the duty of sex cos they earn their own money?
"Because men need sex to feel loved" So, this is the emotional blackmail line, yes? Bollocks. Love is love. Sex is sex. There is a difference.
"Because he'll go somewhere else" Well, if that was his attitude I would be damn glad that he fucked off somewhere else and left me the fuck alone.
"Because that's the deal when you're married". No. It isn't the deal.
What you are missing is the obvious.
Sex is NO-ONE'S right, regardless of their relationship.
No-one should be expected to provide sex out of duty, EVER
Sex should be fun, not part of life that has to be conducted to make someone else happy.
I am glad you are not married because your attitude is way off kilter here.
Quote by aspen_1
Now, we are not talking about you couples on here, and I do realise that some married men lie!
But I asked around at work and was astonished at how many women don't shag their husbands, and surprisingly young women too.
Obviously young children are exhausting, and I suppose the novelty wears off with any partner, so I can see why marital sex would slow down over the years, or have ups and downs.
But one work colleague in her mid-thirties seriously said "I've got two kids, what do I need to shag him for?".
Erm, because he's your husband? Because he works hard to pay for you and the kids and it might make him happy? Because men need sex to feel loved? Because he'll get it elsewhere if you don't?? Because that's the deal when you're married?
Now, some husbands are probably nasty, in which case wives should divorce them and move on, not sit living on their money and giving nothing to return!
I've never been married, so am I missing something really obvious here???
Have you considered, that they may just not want to answer your intrusive, inappropriate questioning honestly, so just say, what they say, just so they don't have to answer any further intrusive, inappropriate questioning about what their favourite sex positions are after?
Quote by bluexxx
Yes, you're missing something really obvious.
Erm, because he's your husband? Because he works hard to pay for you and the kids and it might make him happy? Because men need sex to feel loved? Because he'll get it elsewhere if you don't?? Because that's the deal when you're married?
"Because he's your husband" is not a good reason cos sex should not be a duty of marriage. It is no longer compulsory by law.
"Because he works hard..." I am assuming that only working husbands should get sex out of duty? So, not the ones who don't work for whatever reason. I assume that wives who work are exempt from the duty of sex cos they earn their own money?
"Because men need sex to feel loved" So, this is the emotional blackmail line, yes? Bollocks. Love is love. Sex is sex. There is a difference.
"Because he'll go somewhere else" Well, if that was his attitude I would be damn glad that he fucked off somewhere else and left me the fuck alone.
"Because that's the deal when you're married". No. It isn't the deal.
What you are missing is the obvious.
Sex is NO-ONE'S right, regardless of their relationship.
No-one should be expected to provide sex out of duty, EVER
Sex should be fun, not part of life that has to be conducted to make someone else happy.
I am glad you are not married because your attitude is way off kilter here.
I agree with everything blue says.
I had to look at your profile to see how old you were, I thought either very young and naive about marriage, or stuck somewhere in the dark ages when only men worked and women stayed home and did "the little women" thing of having missionary sex on a Friday night with the light off.
I think you will find in most households these days the woman works too, I cetainly did while my ex spent all of his money on himself and acted like a complete twat while I worked to keep the children fed and clothed.
Its all about compatability and harmony, you let one of those things go and the partnership goes along with it and so does the need to feel close to that person and I can vouch for that because I didnt have sex with my ex for many years before I showed him the door.
Sex has to be a mutual activity and wanted by both partners to make it work in my opinion.
Sex God
Gemmie once told me about the time she regaled her colleagues with the story about the time when we still had last nights pots in the sink, and I was cleaning work surfaces and prepping our tea in a cheffy mise en place kinda way.
I asked her if she'd do the washing up please, at which point she sank to her knees, and offered me a blow job. I said I'd much prefer it if she just did the bloody washing up. What got me was her colleagues reaction when she told 'em the story. To a woman they as good as said their man would do anything for a BJ, as though it was something special. Maybe I'm spoiled, but trading BJs for washing up duty seems pretty normal in our house? 
Not really very relevant this, is it? It's kinda on topic inside me own 'ead? :? Oh well. Do carry on . . .
N x x x ;)
I asked her if she'd do the washing up please, at which point she sank to her knees, and offered me a blow job. I said I'd much prefer it if she just did the bloody washing up. What got me was her colleagues reaction when she told 'em the story. To a woman they as good as said their man would do anything for a BJ, as though it was something special. Maybe I'm spoiled, but trading BJs for washing up duty seems pretty normal in our house?
Not really very relevant this, is it? It's kinda on topic inside me own 'ead? :? Oh well. Do carry on . . .
N x x x ;)
Why do married men give up on their wives, once children come along (perhaps before even)? What happens to the romance, the foreplay (that comprises of more than a grope when our hands are in the sink!) more than a nipple tweak and a hand straight between the legs.
Perhaps if the men tempted to stray, with an apparent boring sex life, took as much time to make their wives feel sexy and wanted, flirted with her, spoiled her, romanced her etc, if they took more time to do that and less time looking elsewhere, the wives would remember how fab sex once was, before it became another chore!
Men, just remember if YOU find sex boring or missing there is a good chance that your wife feels the same!
(yes I am generalising, I know there are many men out there who are fab at this :thumbup
Perhaps if the men tempted to stray, with an apparent boring sex life, took as much time to make their wives feel sexy and wanted, flirted with her, spoiled her, romanced her etc, if they took more time to do that and less time looking elsewhere, the wives would remember how fab sex once was, before it became another chore!
Men, just remember if YOU find sex boring or missing there is a good chance that your wife feels the same!
(yes I am generalising, I know there are many men out there who are fab at this :thumbup
When I first joined this site, my initial posts were asking folk why my ex wife didn't want sex.
The simple fact of the matter was that she simply did not want to have sex. Not with me and not with anybody else.
When we did have sex, it was once in a blue moon and not particularly great for either of us.
Years down the line and years after we split we remain good friends and talk often.
Now get this, last year, the doctors found that both of her kidneys were only just functioning. She suffered chronic headaches for years and blood pressure problems as well which I now believe were related to the kidney trouble
There's no wonder that sex was right off the menu. Her body was just not functioning as it should have been. Now that she's receiving treatment, she tells me that her sex drive has returned.
So to add to the other comments, don't rule out medical conditions which could put a woman's sex drive out of kilter. The same applies to blokes as well.
Bell
The simple fact of the matter was that she simply did not want to have sex. Not with me and not with anybody else.
When we did have sex, it was once in a blue moon and not particularly great for either of us.
Years down the line and years after we split we remain good friends and talk often.
Now get this, last year, the doctors found that both of her kidneys were only just functioning. She suffered chronic headaches for years and blood pressure problems as well which I now believe were related to the kidney trouble
There's no wonder that sex was right off the menu. Her body was just not functioning as it should have been. Now that she's receiving treatment, she tells me that her sex drive has returned.
So to add to the other comments, don't rule out medical conditions which could put a woman's sex drive out of kilter. The same applies to blokes as well.
Bell
Sex God
Quote by bell412
When I first joined this site, my initial posts were asking folk why my ex wife didn't want sex.
The simple fact of the matter was that she simply did not want to have sex. Not with me and not with anybody else.
When we did have sex, it was once in a blue moon and not particularly great for either of us.
Years down the line and years after we split we remain good friends and talk often.
Now get this, last year, the doctors found that both of her kidneys were only just functioning. She suffered chronic headaches for years and blood pressure problems as well which I now believe were related to the kidney trouble
There's no wonder that sex was right off the menu. Her body was just not functioning as it should have been. Now that she's receiving treatment, she tells me that her sex drive has returned.
So to add to the other comments, don't rule out medical conditions which could put a woman's sex drive out of kilter. The same applies to blokes as well.
Bell
This is a very good point. My hormones got all in a knot after I had my son and my sex drive disappeared, accompanied with exhaustion and headaches etc. And it became a chore for me and a demand rather than any foreplay from my ex. In my case I knew full well what the problem was, because I was terrified of getting pregnant again, I was on the pill. That screwed up my hormones. On the occasions when I forgot to take my tablet, apart from the fact I would not let him near me until I was back on schedule, my sex drive came back - a cruel joke by Mother Nature. So I knew it was my hormones. But all I got was blame and sulks and bitterness. I had to have invasive surgery - had myself sterilised - before I could enjoy or even want sex.
It's the blame and bitterness, when I had told him exactly what the cause of the problem was, that I find hard to forgive even now.
Quote by foxylady2209
So to add to the other comments, don't rule out medical conditions which could put a woman's sex drive out of kilter. The same applies to blokes as well.
Bell
This is a very good point.>SNIP< I had to have invasive surgery - had myself sterilised - before I could enjoy or even want sex.
It's the blame and bitterness, when I had told him exactly what the cause of the problem was, that I find hard to forgive even now.
Let's face it, sex is the ultimate communication between people.
The fact that my ex and I remain friends is because even though the lack of sex was an issue for both of us, I didn't stray from the marriage and I did my best to understand her feelings.
Without a doubt, it was frustrating for me, but I took a marriage vow and stuck to it.
When we split, it was for reasons far different from not having sex before someone jumps on me.
We split because our lives were going different ways career wise and we agreed to cut each other loose in a very mature and amicable way.
I'm glad that she has her sex drive back now, because it means she can be happy with her sex life again. And it's great to be still friendly with her because she really is a great person.
Bell
Not read the whole thread... don't need to - it is an open question (and a bit silly).
It could be:
They are ill, suffering from depression, pregnant, recovering from an illness, they don't find them attractive, they are tired. they can't be arsed, they are not in the mood, they simply don't want to, they have an early start, they are suffering from an horrendous bout of thrush, they are having an affair and get all the sex they need somewhere else... etc etc etc
It could be:
They are ill, suffering from depression, pregnant, recovering from an illness, they don't find them attractive, they are tired. they can't be arsed, they are not in the mood, they simply don't want to, they have an early start, they are suffering from an horrendous bout of thrush, they are having an affair and get all the sex they need somewhere else... etc etc etc
Casanova
Quote by Calista
a grope when our hands are in the sink
OT - but why do men do that?! Never had a boyfriend that could resist it.
Quote by pebble
a grope when our hands are in the sink
OT - but why do men do that?! Never had a boyfriend that could resist it.
:giggle: I have a theory that there is a secret class they get at school, you know the one the girlies get? The boys get one later on about "groping when your partner is at her least opportunity to defend herself!"
Cx
Quote by pebble
a grope when our hands are in the sink
OT - but why do men do that?! Never had a boyfriend that could resist it.
I have a couple of theories:
1) Women get very turned on doing the washing up, so it's the best time to do it. :twisted:
2) Facing away with wet hands means less chance of a slap in the face or kick in the nuts. :thumbup: The only drawback is that she could have a knife in her hands at the time! :shock:
It also reminds me why women have smaller feet, but I think I'm probably in enough trouble aleady! :giggle:
PS. Good to see you Cali!
Quote by Cubes
a grope when our hands are in the sink
OT - but why do men do that?! Never had a boyfriend that could resist it.
I have a couple of theories:
1) Women get very turned on doing the washing up, so it's the best time to do it. :twisted:
2) Facing away with wet hands means less chance of a slap in the face or kick in the nuts. :thumbup: The only drawback is that she could have a knife in her hands at the time! :shock:
It also reminds me why women have smaller feet, but I think I'm probably in enough trouble aleady! :giggle:
In response to 1) then you deserve this
In response to 2) then I think you just confirmed my theory on the post prior to this one :chuckle:
Re the feet ... see my post to 1) above along with
Cx
Casanova
Quote by Cubes
less chance of a slap in the face
Somebody has never had a soapy wet slap across their face delivered by a latex-gloved hand.
Sex God
Quote by pebble
a grope when our hands are in the sink
OT - but why do men do that?! Never had a boyfriend that could resist it.
Never happened to me :dry: :sad:
Sexpert
Quote by Ben_Minx
I was 35 before I had a decent BJ.
Did you get some ribs removed?
What do people think about the issue of lover vs provider?
