The age old question why is it that nice peaple ...gain less ground than a dick dastardly wannabe
any thoughts
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Why do nice guys finish last?
Sex God
Quote by TROY STUDLEY
The age old question why is it that nice peaple ...gain less ground than a dick dastardly wannabe
any thoughts
They may gain less ground at the start but long term the nice people reap the rewards. As for dick dastardly's, they may get lots of instant fun but nothing as fulfilling.
Gill & Del x
Nice guys finish last because they always let the ladies finish first.
If you're trying to say that the "Dick Dastardly's" on here have more fun than the "nice guys" then that certainly hasn't been my experience. There are several single guys on here that seem to do well but the one thing they have in common is that they're all "nice guys". They also put a lot of effort into attending munches, arranging socials, organising nights out and generally putting some effort into what they're doing.
Steve
If you're trying to say that the "Dick Dastardly's" on here have more fun than the "nice guys" then that certainly hasn't been my experience. There are several single guys on here that seem to do well but the one thing they have in common is that they're all "nice guys". They also put a lot of effort into attending munches, arranging socials, organising nights out and generally putting some effort into what they're doing.
Steve
Mod
BIG UP THE NICE GUYS!!!
Mal
Mal
Quote by VenusnMars
Now Steve, you are NOT trying to suggest you are a `nice` guy are you?!
Surely not!
Venusxxx
It was Troy Studley that used the term 'nice' first............
I don't know about nice but I wouldn't describe myself as a Dick Dastardly. I wouldn't describe any of the other single guys that I know that use this site as a big part of their social life as Dick Dastardly's either. The Mal609's, the Lucifers, the Marcuso's, the_tongue's and others of the site.
Steve
Sex God
Quote by the funk
its like scallies seem to do better in life than decent people
In every day life it does seem that scallies do have the uperhand most of the time cause they don't give a damn about others generally but in the swining circle they are soon found out and end up the losers.
Gill & Del x
I'm not looking at anyone here, but I used to read a shyness support newsgroup that was full of self-proclaimed "nice guys" moaning about how nice guys always finished last, and what evil shallow bitches women were, and how they deserved a supermodel girlfriend because they were nice guys. I sat and I read it for a while and I came to the conclusion that, as well as being bitter, they must've been some of the most boring people in the world.
So here's my theory: nice isn't sexy. Nice is nice, nice is good, but nice isn't exciting and isn't interesting. If your overriding qualiity is that you're "nice", you've got problems. Nobody's going to fall for you because you hold the door open, take a woman's coat or give £10 a month to Oxfam by direct debit. That's not to say don't be nice; but don't just be nice. Don't be a "nice guy", be a "nice guy who organises munches" or a "nice guy who does charity work" or a "nice guy who paints murals" or a "nice guy who's a sharp dancer" or a "nice guy who throws dinner parties" or a "nice guy who sings karaoke" or....
Do boring "nice guys" finish behind interesting people in the race of life? Sure they do.
So here's my theory: nice isn't sexy. Nice is nice, nice is good, but nice isn't exciting and isn't interesting. If your overriding qualiity is that you're "nice", you've got problems. Nobody's going to fall for you because you hold the door open, take a woman's coat or give £10 a month to Oxfam by direct debit. That's not to say don't be nice; but don't just be nice. Don't be a "nice guy", be a "nice guy who organises munches" or a "nice guy who does charity work" or a "nice guy who paints murals" or a "nice guy who's a sharp dancer" or a "nice guy who throws dinner parties" or a "nice guy who sings karaoke" or....
Do boring "nice guys" finish behind interesting people in the race of life? Sure they do.
Warming the Bed
Spot on Roger !
If you're "nice" you tend not to take chances so while you're holding the door open for a lady ol' DD is probably squeezing in behind her, possibly indulging in a bit of cheeky banter and that will win every time, meanwhile the "nice" guy is standing back, holding the door and most likely muttering under his breath about how the bad guy wins again.
Yes, I think if you are "nice" and nothing more then you have a problem.
My brother suffers from being "nice". Once you are established as having this"tag" it's one hell of a job to shake it off. The only advantage of this socially that I can see is that married women talk to him a lot more freely than they do with me, his being "nice" means that he is effectively "safe", ie hubby isn't going to have a problem if they are seen to be chatting with him all night, but spend that time with me......oooh, that's different ! I think it's all in the mind, a bit like advertising - if you put out a certain message for long enough more and more people accept that that is what you are.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating being Dick Dastardly, that only gets you a bad reputation. I am a perfect gentleman I'm just a bit cheeky at times and that is simply me adapting to the situation at the time. Meanwhile the "nice" guy is still holding the door open !
Be "nice" at appropriate times and be a devil at others, manners do maketh man you know !
Love & peace !
S8
If you're "nice" you tend not to take chances so while you're holding the door open for a lady ol' DD is probably squeezing in behind her, possibly indulging in a bit of cheeky banter and that will win every time, meanwhile the "nice" guy is standing back, holding the door and most likely muttering under his breath about how the bad guy wins again.
Yes, I think if you are "nice" and nothing more then you have a problem.
My brother suffers from being "nice". Once you are established as having this"tag" it's one hell of a job to shake it off. The only advantage of this socially that I can see is that married women talk to him a lot more freely than they do with me, his being "nice" means that he is effectively "safe", ie hubby isn't going to have a problem if they are seen to be chatting with him all night, but spend that time with me......oooh, that's different ! I think it's all in the mind, a bit like advertising - if you put out a certain message for long enough more and more people accept that that is what you are.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating being Dick Dastardly, that only gets you a bad reputation. I am a perfect gentleman I'm just a bit cheeky at times and that is simply me adapting to the situation at the time. Meanwhile the "nice" guy is still holding the door open !
Be "nice" at appropriate times and be a devil at others, manners do maketh man you know !
Love & peace !
S8
Erm............. i have i dilema here 
when I'm out & about I still like a guy to hold open the door for me so like a guy to be "cant even find the word in the dictionary" so here goes chivolous :? crap spelling i know :? but im all up for equal rights for women if we both do the same job we should be paid the same but manners & etiquate r 2 different things
when I'm out & about I still like a guy to hold open the door for me so like a guy to be "cant even find the word in the dictionary" so here goes chivolous :? crap spelling i know :? but im all up for equal rights for women if we both do the same job we should be paid the same but manners & etiquate r 2 different things 
Sex God
dammit redshiftnights now we're out of sync.
i must have deleted my post cos i thought it was a bit . . . well you know . . . .
it had something to do with some women clearly preferring complete bastards, cos they equate bastard with exciting.
i've decided it was probably for the best i deleted, and i'll leave that one dangling for now!
hhhhhhhhmmmmmmm!!!
neil x x x
i must have deleted my post cos i thought it was a bit . . . well you know . . . .
it had something to do with some women clearly preferring complete bastards, cos they equate bastard with exciting.
i've decided it was probably for the best i deleted, and i'll leave that one dangling for now!
hhhhhhhhmmmmmmm!!!
neil x x x
I suppose it depends on what area of life you're talking about... i think nice guys can finish first in the relationship side of things however in other areas, like your career, nice guys invariably do not come first (there are exceptions ofcourse but we are speaking in generalisations here) - I've not employed people before now because they have come across as being 'too nice'.
Love, respect and be loyal to friends and family. In your career think of number one - i always ask myself, 'in the overall perspective will this benefit me?'... loyalty doesn't pay bills, buy cars or take you on holidays - in later life the people that you work for who demand your loyalty will be nothing more than a vague memory, as you will be to them. Nice guys don't finish first, but neither do the bad guys.. the ones that come first are the bad guys who look like nice guys. ;)
Troy - I got a reply back from my friend, he said they're dealing with these all the time... he came back with the same advice as offered by someone else.
Hi Rob,
He has to contact icstis and they will sort it out as the dialers can be
installed
either by clicking on URL or by a Trojan so it is down to the individual
to secure their own PC.
Tom
Rob,
Tell him to report it to Icstis first and to ring BT and dispute the bill by saying he had not dialled
it. He might be able to get it sorted without paying anything.
Regards
Tom
Love, respect and be loyal to friends and family. In your career think of number one - i always ask myself, 'in the overall perspective will this benefit me?'... loyalty doesn't pay bills, buy cars or take you on holidays - in later life the people that you work for who demand your loyalty will be nothing more than a vague memory, as you will be to them. Nice guys don't finish first, but neither do the bad guys.. the ones that come first are the bad guys who look like nice guys. ;)
Troy - I got a reply back from my friend, he said they're dealing with these all the time... he came back with the same advice as offered by someone else.
Hi Rob,
He has to contact icstis and they will sort it out as the dialers can be
installed
either by clicking on URL or by a Trojan so it is down to the individual
to secure their own PC.
Tom
Rob,
Tell him to report it to Icstis first and to ring BT and dispute the bill by saying he had not dialled
it. He might be able to get it sorted without paying anything.
Regards
Tom
it had something to do with some women clearly preferring complete bastards, cos they equate bastard with exciting.
Your post was right neil woman do go for bastards as they seem to enjoy the excitment but after awhile its never what there looking for .
Or do woman try and change the bastards in to nice guys but the bastards don't want to be changed?
:roll:
It would be nice to have a bastards piont of view on this subject!
Are there any bastards in the house?? :twisted:
Redshift
Your post was right neil woman do go for bastards as they seem to enjoy the excitment but after awhile its never what there looking for .
Or do woman try and change the bastards in to nice guys but the bastards don't want to be changed?
:roll: It would be nice to have a bastards piont of view on this subject!
Are there any bastards in the house??
:twisted: Redshift
Quote by roger743
I'm not looking at anyone here, but I used to read a shyness support newsgroup that was full of self-proclaimed "nice guys" moaning about how nice guys always finished last, and what evil shallow bitches women were, and how they deserved a supermodel girlfriend because they were nice guys. I sat and I read it for a while and I came to the conclusion that, as well as being bitter, they must've been some of the most boring people in the world.
So here's my theory: nice isn't sexy. Nice is nice, nice is good, but nice isn't exciting and isn't interesting. If your overriding qualiity is that you're "nice", you've got problems. Nobody's going to fall for you because you hold the door open, take a woman's coat or give £10 a month to Oxfam by direct debit. That's not to say don't be nice; but don't just be nice. Don't be a "nice guy", be a "nice guy who organises munches" or a "nice guy who does charity work" or a "nice guy who paints murals" or a "nice guy who's a sharp dancer" or a "nice guy who throws dinner parties" or a "nice guy who sings karaoke" or....
Fair doos quick to the point, to the point no breakin, cookin mcs like a pound of bacon................thats what i wanted to hear spot on dude
Do boring "nice guys" finish behind interesting people in the race of life? Sure they do.
There are so many levels on which to comment on this thread...taking a none sexual approach(for those who know wish to save time by not reading this post as there's no sex in it )
Firstly in spite of my ID I do not claim to be a nice guy ..I am only drawing attention to the fact that they do exist ..I am merely asking that pre judgements are never made and we give every one the benefit of the doubt until they prove us wrong.
There are some comments here that indicate that nice is seen as uninspiring and boring, well granted nice may have a PR problem but it doesn't mean that nice is flat and empty of substance ...Nice should be seen as a colouring of ones attitude to life ...i.e. one should approach ambition nicely, or one should judge people nicely - I am not saying you can't still hate the bastard - just have tried to see the other point of view before you do.
I believe it was Margert Thatchers Britain that created the culture of the self ...in doing so she made a virtue out of being selfish and too many people took this as carte blanche to behave in ways that showed a total disregard for others. If we want to avoid a polarised society I suggest a little niceness is much needed in some circles.. the ego is a powerful master but a poor friend.
Do nice people finish last ....ask Matthew Pinsent or Steve Redgrave
Do women love bastards ....sure some do although I suspect its more to do with a few women than the bastards though...and I suspect Leslie Ash is getting a little fed up with the bastard in her life at the moment.
)Firstly in spite of my ID I do not claim to be a nice guy ..I am only drawing attention to the fact that they do exist ..I am merely asking that pre judgements are never made and we give every one the benefit of the doubt until they prove us wrong.
There are some comments here that indicate that nice is seen as uninspiring and boring, well granted nice may have a PR problem but it doesn't mean that nice is flat and empty of substance ...Nice should be seen as a colouring of ones attitude to life ...i.e. one should approach ambition nicely, or one should judge people nicely - I am not saying you can't still hate the bastard - just have tried to see the other point of view before you do.
I believe it was Margert Thatchers Britain that created the culture of the self ...in doing so she made a virtue out of being selfish and too many people took this as carte blanche to behave in ways that showed a total disregard for others. If we want to avoid a polarised society I suggest a little niceness is much needed in some circles.. the ego is a powerful master but a poor friend.
Do nice people finish last ....ask Matthew Pinsent or Steve Redgrave
Do women love bastards ....sure some do although I suspect its more to do with a few women than the bastards though...and I suspect Leslie Ash is getting a little fed up with the bastard in her life at the moment.
Sex God
yeah corrie my original post was a bit more subtle than the one that's there, but i have to say i've seen it many times, in my own family, and in the circle of acquaintances i grew up with. i have a huge family, ((( 100+ with aunts, uncles, cousins etc and that's just south of the Scottish border! ))) and an even wider circle to draw on, so there's lots of examples.
i was kinda talking about women who know damn well the blokes a complete bastard, for want of a better word, and know damn well about his previous abusive relationships with women, and yet still go for him? i can't analyse that? i genuinely have seen it often and cannot understand it! and i've been there all too often to try and help them pick up the pieces of what he left them with. they kid themselves they can see the inner man and they can change him and it will all be roses round the door. why not just go with a man who will actually give you that? i won't even start talking about my sisters abusive relationships again and again cos that's altogether too close to home! and it infuriates me again and again and again?
it would be wrong of me to say that these women are possibly somehow socialised by previous relationships, or their environment, into thinking that the complete bastard is exciting, cos i don't know what goes on in their heads, but i can see little other explanation! i can understand why women stay with an abusive partner once entrenched in that kind of relationship, but why go there in the first place? and it is undeniable to me that they often do.
and my original point was, they inevitably turn to the nice guys for a shoulder to cry on, who would not have treated them in that way to begin with. sorry but it's IMHO, in my experience. i know it's a sweeping statement, and i leave myself wide open on this, but there it is!
neil x x x ;-)
i was kinda talking about women who know damn well the blokes a complete bastard, for want of a better word, and know damn well about his previous abusive relationships with women, and yet still go for him? i can't analyse that? i genuinely have seen it often and cannot understand it! and i've been there all too often to try and help them pick up the pieces of what he left them with. they kid themselves they can see the inner man and they can change him and it will all be roses round the door. why not just go with a man who will actually give you that? i won't even start talking about my sisters abusive relationships again and again cos that's altogether too close to home! and it infuriates me again and again and again?
it would be wrong of me to say that these women are possibly somehow socialised by previous relationships, or their environment, into thinking that the complete bastard is exciting, cos i don't know what goes on in their heads, but i can see little other explanation! i can understand why women stay with an abusive partner once entrenched in that kind of relationship, but why go there in the first place? and it is undeniable to me that they often do.
and my original point was, they inevitably turn to the nice guys for a shoulder to cry on, who would not have treated them in that way to begin with. sorry but it's IMHO, in my experience. i know it's a sweeping statement, and i leave myself wide open on this, but there it is!
neil x x x ;-)
I totally agree with you there Neil. There have been many debates about this issue on tv programs. Some women have a pattern of abuse and their choice of partners reflects that. The reverse is also possible in that some men have a pattern of choosing abusive women, but this issue is not often discussed as abused men see it as too shameful to admit to.
LC
LC
Neil I read your post and can agree with parts of it - that wasn't so bad a critisism was it for a sweeping statement.
I think a lot of it has to do with self worth, and the individuals perception of it when it comes to people repeating their mistakes with complete bastards.
I think in the majority they start with the 'but he loves me and so will change' scenario, however, most people in an abusive relationship begin, very quickly, to find it very easy to believe in all the abuse, and begin to form an opinion that there is something basically wrong with them and that this type of behaviour is what they deserve. Then begins this cycle of relationships where you will excuse others behaviour because it must be your fault.
I think the excitement element of bastards wears off very quickly but often not quickly enough before the damage is done.
Nice guys don't come last but often can't deal with the emotional baggage and the difficulties that may come from having a relationship with someone who has this outlook. They can be extremely difficult to reassure and may act out themselves causing people to back away from them. This is because nice men/people can't understand how anyone could treat another in this manner in the first place.
All you can do is be there and keep on picking up the pieces and reassuring them until they discover their true worth and move on.
More sweeping statements from me to join yours Neil.
I think a lot of it has to do with self worth, and the individuals perception of it when it comes to people repeating their mistakes with complete bastards.
I think in the majority they start with the 'but he loves me and so will change' scenario, however, most people in an abusive relationship begin, very quickly, to find it very easy to believe in all the abuse, and begin to form an opinion that there is something basically wrong with them and that this type of behaviour is what they deserve. Then begins this cycle of relationships where you will excuse others behaviour because it must be your fault.
I think the excitement element of bastards wears off very quickly but often not quickly enough before the damage is done.
Nice guys don't come last but often can't deal with the emotional baggage and the difficulties that may come from having a relationship with someone who has this outlook. They can be extremely difficult to reassure and may act out themselves causing people to back away from them. This is because nice men/people can't understand how anyone could treat another in this manner in the first place.
All you can do is be there and keep on picking up the pieces and reassuring them until they discover their true worth and move on.
More sweeping statements from me to join yours Neil.
