Any budding Psychiatrists out there?
I remember years ago when I was a young lad, my first wife and I had a nite out watching a band where a mate of mine was bass player. Afterwards we went back to his flat for a drink (or two - or three). Now I must have fallen asleep (boozy haze) on the floor but I was awakend to hear some passionate sounds from the couch. Instead of getting annoyed I got a bit horny especiallay as I could see it all in the mirror. Nothing apart from snoggin and tit / cock feeling went on and it ended when thay checked to see If I was awake (dirty buggers wre well up for a shag). Inexperienced me did not think of joining in!! BUT the whole thing was such a turn on. Sadly she went into denial about it and blatantly denied this happened at all. She got dumped eventually when I found her at it. Selfish woman wanted to keep it all for herself. Later on I married a great girl (still married) and we sued to fantasise about another guy or woman. So she seduced a guy at work and made me (did not need much making) watch from a vantage point. We did some MMF stuff afterwards etc etc. I guess you ve all been there so I will spare the sloppy details.
My question is this........... Why in the world should it be so sexy to see yr girl shagging another bloke? Most "so called normal" people would see this as a reason for divorce!
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Why is it so sexy - watching wife having sex with a guy?
Orgasminator
maybe its the thrill of the gamble that you could lose her to another man?
Orgasminator
yeah but some blokes just like to live dangerously and get a thrill from being mildly humiliated.
Quote by easyease
yeah but some blokes just like to live dangerously and get a thrill from being mildly humiliated.
I don't think that's what it is......I think that's called Cuckolding btw....
I don't know why people like it.....I tend to get slightly jealous but really turned on at the same time.....I love to see a bloke that I'm with really enjoy himself and have lots of fun...and if I love him then as long as he's honest with me I am happy for him to go off and do what he likes....
Orgasminator
yeah i kind of phrased that wrong but "cuckolding" was what i was getting at. it is a bit of a submissive act letting another man into your "territory".
Actually, there is a sound reproductive reason for getting randy when seeing your wife having sex - not all sperm are there to frantically race for the egg, a portion are there to kill 'foreign' sperm. The best reaction (in evolutionary terms) to seeing your wife being unfaithful is to get your own sperm into the running to be the father of any offspring.
It is thought amongst many leading sex therapists that people who indulge in this kind of activity are in fact machicistic in nature, and somewhat self conscious in there abilities and sexual prowess. It is universally accepted in these circles (psychiatry) that they donot actually enjoy the experience but are looking as to whether their partner is enjoying the encounter more than they do having sex with them.
im not sure if this helps or is neccessarily true, much of the psychiatry around these days is conflicting and confussing at the best of times!!
now hand me my medication nurse, i feel odd
im not sure if this helps or is neccessarily true, much of the psychiatry around these days is conflicting and confussing at the best of times!!
now hand me my medication nurse, i feel odd
Orgasminator
heh i see you are clear to distance your own personal beliefs from that statement steanrach. i think there is an element of truth in it.
:lol: :lol:
Sexlightened
If you're sex life's gone home completely (I know this isn't in every case) then you have nothing to lose. It's like when your a kid and you get a new toy. For a while you won't let anyone touch it. After a while you might let your mates play with it but not take it home for the evening. There is a strong element of risk and trust.
Orgasminator
well ill be honest and say i quite like sharing a partner with another man myself,
the slight twinge of jealousy that pops up watching a lady i care for getting done by a bloke is exciting. im slightly submissive and bi anyway tho. the best bit is normally when the other bloke has gone and you both look at each other and say"thought we'd never get rid of him" before getting down to making love and not just "fucking"
the slight twinge of jealousy that pops up watching a lady i care for getting done by a bloke is exciting. im slightly submissive and bi anyway tho. the best bit is normally when the other bloke has gone and you both look at each other and say"thought we'd never get rid of him" before getting down to making love and not just "fucking"
Quote by gingerminge38
If you're sex life's gone home completely (I know this isn't in every case) then you have nothing to lose. It's like when your a kid and you get a new toy. For a while you won't let anyone touch it. After a while you might let your mates play with it but not take it home for the evening. There is a strong element of risk and trust.
i like it gingerminge good analogy, i thought by your previous posts (i wass pissed when i joined the site etc) and the fact you caused a mini tornadoe ref the unbanning thing on here that you would be a nightmare, but you seem quite intelligent :shock: preconception can be the undoing of civilisations.
Anyway nice to meet you (via the SH intradotweb thingy)
Well - regarding the Cuckold theory - I thought they got off on the jealousy and humiliation bit. I dont. I get off on seeing another dick embedded in her. I dont feel jealous but I do appreciate the bit afterwards when we are alone. (sloppy seconds?) What pissed me off one time was when my wife shagged my mate and kept is secret. Not is there a clue here perhaps. Is it to do with HONESTY?
I can’t speak from experience but isn’t there an element of the seduction of power involved?
It seems to me that it works on all sorts of levels. You have the husband’s thrill that he has power over the other man and his wife – it was his choice whether his wife has sex with him and he can stop it at any time – effectively saying “this is my ball and you’ll only play with it as long as I allow you to!â€
Then you have the wife’s thrill at the power she has not over just one man but two. She has both of these men eating out of her hand, the new man because to him she is a whole new sexual object and he wants her badly, and her husband because she knows he’s either jealous or so aroused that he could burst and she knows she can take all of that away if she wants to – just by stopping
Then you have the new man, the stranger – his thrill is obvious not only is he having no strings attached sex but he is doing it with a married woman – a – and more over he’s doing it in front of her husband and from the moment he kisses her he immediately assumes that he has power over another male, the husband. This woman has chosen to have sex with him over her husband and so long as he’s half way decent he knows he’s making this woman feel 10 times better than her husband can – just because he’s new, he’s different and he’s going to put the effort in! so he walks away thinking “it may be your ball but you’ll never play with it as well as I just haveâ€
But then that’s all a bit too close to physcho babble for me I think its more to do with the fact that we are all guilty of taking things for granted. That beautiful young girl you flirted with and seduced when you were a boy inevitably and quickly becomes “the wife†or “the mother of you child†or even worse “just the bird who does the shopping, spends my money and nags me stupid†its only when another man sees her as beautiful and sexy that you begin to appreciate what you have – you become proud “that’s my girl that guy is lusting after†and all of a sudden you realise that guy will fantasise about the night he had sex with your wife for the rest of his life, you don’t need to fantasise, you have the real thing. And that to me is SEXY
It seems to me that it works on all sorts of levels. You have the husband’s thrill that he has power over the other man and his wife – it was his choice whether his wife has sex with him and he can stop it at any time – effectively saying “this is my ball and you’ll only play with it as long as I allow you to!â€
Then you have the wife’s thrill at the power she has not over just one man but two. She has both of these men eating out of her hand, the new man because to him she is a whole new sexual object and he wants her badly, and her husband because she knows he’s either jealous or so aroused that he could burst and she knows she can take all of that away if she wants to – just by stopping
Then you have the new man, the stranger – his thrill is obvious not only is he having no strings attached sex but he is doing it with a married woman – a – and more over he’s doing it in front of her husband and from the moment he kisses her he immediately assumes that he has power over another male, the husband. This woman has chosen to have sex with him over her husband and so long as he’s half way decent he knows he’s making this woman feel 10 times better than her husband can – just because he’s new, he’s different and he’s going to put the effort in! so he walks away thinking “it may be your ball but you’ll never play with it as well as I just haveâ€
But then that’s all a bit too close to physcho babble for me I think its more to do with the fact that we are all guilty of taking things for granted. That beautiful young girl you flirted with and seduced when you were a boy inevitably and quickly becomes “the wife†or “the mother of you child†or even worse “just the bird who does the shopping, spends my money and nags me stupid†its only when another man sees her as beautiful and sexy that you begin to appreciate what you have – you become proud “that’s my girl that guy is lusting after†and all of a sudden you realise that guy will fantasise about the night he had sex with your wife for the rest of his life, you don’t need to fantasise, you have the real thing. And that to me is SEXY
Warming the Bed
Irishdazzler,
You say you aren't speaking from experience, but you sure as hell have just about sumed it all up for us !!!
Well done, thats just why we do it.
You say you aren't speaking from experience, but you sure as hell have just about sumed it all up for us !!!
Well done, thats just why we do it.
Sexlightened
Quote by steanrachy
If you're sex life's gone home completely (I know this isn't in every case) then you have nothing to lose. It's like when your a kid and you get a new toy. For a while you won't let anyone touch it. After a while you might let your mates play with it but not take it home for the evening. There is a strong element of risk and trust.
i like it gingerminge good analogy, i thought by your previous posts (i wass pissed when i joined the site etc) and the fact you caused a mini tornadoe ref the unbanning thing on here that you would be a nightmare, but you seem quite intelligent :shock: preconception can be the undoing of civilisations.
Anyway nice to meet you (via the SH intradotweb thingy)
Well it was news years eve so I had good excuse to get wasted.. Had to stay home because my dog is so afraid of fireworx... Grrrrrrrrr
O 
Sex God
Quote by gingerminge38
If you're sex life's gone home completely (I know this isn't in every case) then you have nothing to lose. It's like when your a kid and you get a new toy. For a while you won't let anyone touch it. After a while you might let your mates play with it but not take it home for the evening. There is a strong element of risk and trust.
i like it gingerminge good analogy, i thought by your previous posts (i wass pissed when i joined the site etc) and the fact you caused a mini tornadoe ref the unbanning thing on here that you would be a nightmare, but you seem quite intelligent :shock: preconception can be the undoing of civilisations.
Anyway nice to meet you (via the SH intradotweb thingy)
Well it was news years eve so I had good excuse to get wasted.. Had to stay home because my dog is so afraid of fireworx... Grrrrrrrrr
O just brought something back ie fireworks , i was just setting off a rocket and went back just about to turn around to watch when i realized one of the kids had opened the door and the bloody dog run put grabbed the rocket and was right beside me awwwwww = me slighty into shock the dog with very black tounge :cry: Sex God
Quote by gingerminge38
If you're sex life's gone home completely (I know this isn't in every case) then you have nothing to lose. It's like when your a kid and you get a new toy. For a while you won't let anyone touch it. After a while you might let your mates play with it but not take it home for the evening. There is a strong element of risk and trust.
i like it gingerminge good analogy, i thought by your previous posts (i wass pissed when i joined the site etc) and the fact you caused a mini tornadoe ref the unbanning thing on here that you would be a nightmare, but you seem quite intelligent :shock: preconception can be the undoing of civilisations.
Anyway nice to meet you (via the SH intradotweb thingy)
Well it was news years eve so I had good excuse to get wasted.. Had to stay home because my dog is so afraid of fireworx... Grrrrrrrrr
O just brought something back ie fireworks , i was just setting off a rocket and went back just about to turn around to watch when i realized one of the kids had opened the door and the bloody dog run put grabbed the rocket and was right beside me awwwwww = me slighty into shock the dog with very black tounge :cry: 
Warming the Bed
Irishdazzler hit the nail right on the head. And the feeling of pride in 'owning' the woman other men are lusting after exists right through society. Unless you're chronically jealous, of courseyou want your wife to dress nicely and look good, so other men fancy her and envy you. We swingers just carry it to the next level.
Quote by irishdazzler
I can’t speak from experience but isn’t there an element of the seduction of power involved?
It seems to me that it works on all sorts of levels. You have the husband’s thrill that he has power over the other man and his wife – it was his choice whether his wife has sex with him and he can stop it at any time – effectively saying “this is my ball and you’ll only play with it as long as I allow you to!â€
Then you have the wife’s thrill at the power she has not over just one man but two. She has both of these men eating out of her hand, the new man because to him she is a whole new sexual object and he wants her badly, and her husband because she knows he’s either jealous or so aroused that he could burst and she knows she can take all of that away if she wants to – just by stopping
Sums it up beautifully I think. Another factor I think could be that seeing two people having sex however they look is one of the sexiest things in the worl in my opinion. And for that to be your wife must be a massive turn on.
Good thread earlier irish dazzler, some interesting ideas, theories and pragmatic thought has gone in there. 
im not sure exactly why men find this a turn on (seeing another man with their woman)
i know the psychology explanation, which doesnot seem to stand up here on SH judging by the posts, but nor do many of the preconcieved and accepted psychological ethos that i have encountered, it puts payed to some of the things iv learnt being on here and is so refreshing to hear so many differing and evolving viewpoints on a particular subject, you just gotta love the forums!!
im not sure exactly why men find this a turn on (seeing another man with their woman)
i know the psychology explanation, which doesnot seem to stand up here on SH judging by the posts, but nor do many of the preconcieved and accepted psychological ethos that i have encountered, it puts payed to some of the things iv learnt being on here and is so refreshing to hear so many differing and evolving viewpoints on a particular subject, you just gotta love the forums!!
