Ok so I'm gona say some stuff and ask some questions which I may get flamed by coz of the peopl eon here but I'll go for it anyway.
I work in pub in Leeds behind the bar and I was working on friday night. Iit was kinda getting on and I looked up and saw 2 gorgeous women at the bar. They looked like they were in their 20's and early thirites and I could see one of them, the best looking one, was upset. So I went over and asked if she was ok and got them a free drink (not really supposed to do that I guess but barman discreation is my arguement) and started talking to them. Now the upset one was quite drunk but we still managed to have a converstaion over why she was upset.
Now she said it was overa man and he was married. She asked me what I thought and I said just about everytime you get with a married guy it leas to heartbreak though the friend didn't seem to agree with me and suggested this guy would leave his wife and kids for this woman. I don't know if he would but she was upset so i think not. On furthere converstaion I found out she was 27 and a professional matmaticain or something like that. So she was goregous and intelligent. I said why go with a married man, there must have been queues of single guys wanting to take her out yet she reckoned not.
There was other stuff that happened but I won't go on about the rest of the night since I'm rambling on already.
So I ask why would a goreous, intelligent young woman like this one go with a married man?? I mean they are already cheating on you and you know they have the capability of cheating even if they leave their wife for you. Why do it??
Not a very deep answer, I'm afraid, but I think we all do things that are bl**dy stupid when we're running on hormones. And as a relationship continues emotional bonds are created and it becomes too much of a wrench to break them.
I think that maybe she didn't know he was married at the beginning. OFTEN married men pretend they are single when they get into an extra-marrital relationship. Then, when the girl is hooked, and thinks she's in love it will be difficult for her to get out of the relationship.
I believe it's often the case that the married man is to blame. Affairs mean Lies, and they can lie well!
Redvelvet <-- speaking from experience.
wow
well as much as I understand temptation and all that, especially if your a guy being propostioned by a much younger woman, I would hope Ihad more control then that.
I mean, wife kids, u have it all, what else did u want? Why risk it? Aand does it not spoil the love you have your wife??
I gues maybe he did lie but I still don't get why a woamn like her would stay with a guy like that when she could have any1 she wanted.
I think I would have to agree with RedVelvet on this.
Having been in the situation of being the 'other woman' I can vouch for the fact that you can assume that someone is not married and find your self falling for them so deeply that by the time you know it's a painful wrench to break out of the relationship. Sometimes you may suspect the truth but because you are so besotted you delude yourself or choose to believe what you want to be the truth.
In my case, I did break away - because I did not want to be the cause of a marriage break up and I thought it was best for everyone. What I will say though, is that it hurt like hell to say goodbye! Even now (18 years later) I still feel it. Don't get me wrong - I would not go back - I have a great husband. But I remember the pain as if it were yesterday.
So archangel - common sense rarely has control over the human emotions - especially when that emotion is love!
Don't always judge married men in the way you have though. I have known of some men you have stayed in a marriage where they receive no love or compassion but where they still feel it is their duty to provide for their family.
I am not saying that this is the case in your story - only that you should not apply blanket judgements - each relationship is different.
What I do see in you is that you appear to be a very warm human being so please don't treat anything I have said as any kind of criticism - that would be far from the truth.
Big Hugs, Alex x x
Archangel..
You will note that I have edited my post......I was merely trying to demonstrate a point regarding honesty, by posting honestly.
I will not be judged by you or anyone else who is so wet behind the ears, to presume that they are in a position to judge.
You know nothing of me, my family, circumstances or anything else.
Maybe my wife has affairs too?
Maybe we have an open marriage?
Maybe she knows of these affairs and did so at the time?
Perhaps you should change your name to Saint? You live in dream world!!
ooo touchy jeff!!
edited you post coz now you don't want your affairs made public???
Ugh, I'll probably get critsied for saying that now. But wet behind the ears?? Take your own advice and don't judge me I think.
Saint? No, Nice guy yes.
Maybe some maried men are trapped in loveless marrigaes and maybe their wife does have affairs but are affiars right? I mean marriage is a sacred, intimiate thing, bewtween 2 epople and sleeping with others cheapens it doesn't it?? I'm no bible basher and maybe Its wrong to say that on a swinging website but its just this whole married guy with family breaking the hearts of smart, gorgeous youbg women, or any women with their antics. It gets me a bit.
I mean I was watchng the OC the other day and in it, thae father character is working with a very attractive, young laywer, now they are working late nights and she bending and strecthing in front of him and giving him the major come on but he doesn't ake it. Now I know I would be tempted but I'd like to think I'd have the strength to resist and if your ina mrraige thats lovelss and so bad you need affiars then maybe you should just get divorced. I knwo its hard and all but maybe its best. As long as you don't become dead beat dad you know.
Maybe I just don't like the idea of guys hurting girls and affiars seem to do that.
post deleted (flaming ) neil
yes I should preview and fix every typo I make but I can't be arsed with that to be honest as long as people can work out what I'm saying I didn't think it matter too much.
So I am the flamer but jeff insults me directly, and he isn't? I did not insult abyone. Iwas debating the issue unlike certain people who take offences coz of their own guilt!!
Yes I'm well aware women have affaois to, but I was just asking a specific question but ok then why does anybody have an affair like that?? Mess people up and ok lets make it even more open, why does anyone mess anyone around ever!!!!???????????? Why are people bastards and bitches and screw up others lives, emotions and minds for fun thrills and stupid games??? Why?????????????????????????????????????????
post deleted (flaming) neil
We are all ruled by our emotions, and despite being very intelligent, we have very little control when it comes to love, sex and feelings.
All of us need to be wanted and me most of all, it is something that is inherent in human nature and I have suffered more than most, I was loyal to my beautifull ex - wife for a period of twenty years but got kicked in the teeth.
When one is knocked down, one has to get up again and live, or else go under, we all suffer from wanting something or someone that is unattainable.
Quote:All those that I want, don't want me : and all those that want me : I don't want them!!!
Well, back to the original question......are affair's wrong?
The thing is, it's not for me to judge anyone....I can only do what I think is right. And besides, just because the husband or wife sleeps with someone else it doesn't mean they are cheating.....especially on a Swinging basis, where the other person has full knowledge of what they are doing......
It's a tricky question.....probably the best thing to do is figure out what is right for you and leave everybody else to their own lives and their own conscience's.....if that makes sense..... :shock:
OMGGGG that was obviously meant to be PM. and i apologise for the stupid click!
note to self..........i must start taking mu own advice
<---- I feel a plonker now - I thought he was seriously concerned about that girl.
Must set myself some lines
I must stop being so gullible..
I must stop being so gullible..
I must stop being so gullible..
I must stop being so gullible..
I must stop being so gullible..
...........
Emma-I did care about the girl, alot thank you very much and I don;'t why you would ssay I didn't
I think being called a dipstick counts as an insult and now a wanker to. Pompus, self rightous and judging??
By they way, if you read what I put I don't bother to preview the damn post to fix every single little typo. And I was in English class thank you, A everytime since year 11 thank you.
Now you join in on your band wagon to insult me and have a go coz I'm not a middle aged swinger or something. Juts a bit different to you well fine, bugger off, cheat on ur spouses and have ur littel parties or whateve it is the hell you do to get you jollies, maybe insulting decent people who wanna have a normal conversation on an interesting subject it it??
I'll get banned and insulted now but who cares as long as all you gusy feel good about yourselves!.
Well said Judy!
I think you have summed up what I said in my last post on this thread - only much more succinctly. Still, you know me. Why use one word when ten will do :doh:
I hope I didn't insult Archangel, that was certainly not my intention. I was just trying to point out that things are seldom as clear cut in the real world as we would like them to be.
As you say Judy. Life teaches us a lot and we all have to reassess the high ideals that we may have started out with.
Will
Yeah I get what what your saying. Just thought that Jeff guy was needlessly insulting me thats all.
And while there is grey and so forth, theres is wrong and right you know?
Maybe I shouldn't have judged her situation but form how upset she was and that, I favoured her side rather then this married guy.
I wasn't saying all situations like that are bad, even tho they are in way, but that ones that mess people up like that are. I alos wanted to know why a single, attractive, young woman would go with a mrried man and that question was answered buy previous posts which I'm grateful for.
Also, I think intentional or unintentional there is a tendancies to be down on the younger members of the forum, kinfa discounted coz of their age which I think is a bit unfair.