was chatting this morning to a friend who is a swinger or at least was a single female swinger and it got me thinking of why we swing.
she has stopped swinging because she got into a relationship (fair enough) but the question has cropped up, after the first lustful few months when things settle into a routine and you settle into each other, when does it become ok to let your eyes wander and what if they dont like you looking but look themselves.
why do couples swing, is it because things have become stagnant at home, 1 or the other has become bored, 1 has a higher sex drive than the other. i know some will think that its strengthening their relationship but is that 1 thinking or both came to that conclusion.
we swing as a couple because that is how we met, its become our lifestyle and we have a lot of friends not just people we have sex with. not all our friends are swingers but they know and are accepting that is just us. we do not have to have sex with others when we go out swinging just as we do not have to have a drink if we go to a family or friends party.
the conversation with my friend just got me thinking why do other couples who swing and were 'vanilla' beforehand. was it boredom crept into the bedroom and it just brings extra excitement back, have you always been a swinger no matter your relationship status.
please this is not a judgement on anyone i was just curious
I don't believe you'll ever be able to pin this one down....it's like the kinsey scale on sexuality....we'll all be different, and unless, like yourselves, a couple have met while swinging then broaching the subject might seem nigh on impossible for some. For people who are fortunate enough to have been open and completely honest about their sexuality it'll be as easy as asking what do you fancy doing this weekend....but with thousands of married guys who are terrified that their other half should ever find out they have bi tendancies then I'm afraid it's problematic all the way. I mention the bi thing just as a for instance, for others just mentioning swinging must be difficult. I'm sure there are lots of bushes being beaten around by both men and women....how many married men, when the mrs says "do you ever fancy shagging another woman?" will answer with an honest response as opposed to a diplomatic one?
I swing because I enjoy new ladies. I enjoy discovering what they like. I took a lady on a short holiday; it was like courting again, I can not get that feeling with someone I have spent 30 years with. My wife has her week ends with special guys, and I have had my 2 long term ladies.
I have my parties, which are more about SEX, than relationships. We both have things we can not get at home, and we both trust the other enough to be able to swing.
Travis
Variety
Or as I said to me ex when she complained we didn't have sex often enough and said that a Bull sired around 40 different members of the heard each month I pointed out that a Bull doesn't have to shag the same old cow everyday.
but in the main is it boredom (for want of a better word) of the same partner that those couples who swing start to swing after a length of time being monogamous or just the adventure of something new and exciting , that they plan to give up once the spark has been relit
Can't say I was bored with Sasha when we started swinging as we met in a swingers club nearly 4 years ago and have been together ever since.
Jed, how long did you spend in hospital?????
In reading the start thread my first though and perhaps a poor analogy is why do golfers like to play on other courses rather than keep playing on the one that they are a member of?
If we are all honest then there is probably a difficulty at home ranging from the minor bored one to major problems that it is hoped swinging will repair. As most of us know, swinging very rarely helps things that are too far down the road. Some might ask that if you are totally happy in the relationship....why swing? For the lucky few swinging is very much a social thing and less of a sexual thing. To send time with a couple or whoever that you feel totally comfortable with is wonderful. The opportunity to become very intimate and have oral or full sex is an additional pleasure of enjoying their company. Its not a challenge or about having something to prove its that for these people (and my late wife and I felt this)that sex is a recreational pleasure and spending the best quality time doing something that you enjoy with people who become very close friends and with such friends you can really talk about anything. Even things you would not tell your absolute non-swinging best friend about.
Smooth1
yes mids like us you met swinging rather than 1 brought up the subject. its the total lifestyle we love not just the sex, although that great if thats all you want from swinging but i (sara) do prefer the social side .. far too many times i have had to be reminded of the time as can normally be found chatting to people in the social areas of a club or party lol.
its the people who swing that feel it will 'fix' the relationship that i was more curious about ... has it worked for you or as i suspect it drove them further apart and even lead to separation.
We started swinging a long time ago, a year or so into our relationship. We did it primarily to enable me to explore my fantasy of multiple men. Mr JWF was keen to facilitate this and so we embarked upon our swinging hobby.
Since then, we've done lots of different things, clubs, organised gangbangs - although we prefer groups we have met with the odd single guy alone if we enjoy his company as well him being as sexually compatible with what we want. Nothing judgemental meant in that at all, we all have personal preferences.
The amount of time that we spend playing is in part controlled by more practical things such as work committments (which for us can fluctuate) and personal factors - sometimes one or other (or, rarely both of us) is just not in the mood for it.
On the whole I would say that swinging has brought us closer in many ways - shared secrets as well as the "doing things for each other" side of it that is a factor for us.
We didn't start to bring us closer together, that was just a happy consequence. We didn't start because we needed to fix something - we were fine as we were. We started from curiosity and continued cos we like it.
Personally speaking, I believe that life is short and precious and we should enjoy it as much as we can.
I do know this for certain, I make love to Sasha but I have sex with other women, there is a distinct difference.
I also doubt I can ever be as good in bed with a woman than her partner is, he knows her likes and dislikes, he knows her mind and body, he knows what turns her on, I can only use my skills and brain to find what she likes, but it is not about being better it is about it being with a different person, a 3 some, moresome, it is about pleasing both members of a couple (yes I am straight but men want thier wives to have a good time and to be shown respect) so are pleased when it happens, when I am in a MFM some or both ladies in a FFM situation and for one very young attractive couple it was about her having sex with a grandad that turned them both on so much.
why cheat behind each others back,,,,and part?? when u can get what ever u want n both parties r happy,,,,,plus the extra thrill when u meet or do some thing u never would of.
Dont have time to read every post right now but will say there is no hint of boredom here. Ive never been bored of Mrs Tweeky dont believe she has ever been bored of me. We met young our sexual relationship seems to have continually developed. I am not a shy person at all nothing phases me so getting into swinging was an easy decision. Mrs Tweeky came to the first munch with a "its just a party attitude". We spent many years on the sidelines of play but in the last year really got into the physical side. Like many have said in other threads before the swinging side of our sex life in fact only fuels our home sex life. Long may that continue.
