Why swing?

13 Feb 2008

Hi,

i wonder if a few of you would answer this question. The reason for asking is, that when we started i-pheline was the driving force and really into it and my husband not being sure about it but intrigued. Now we have been in this about a year and a half and have swapped with a few couples in clubs, the leaf seems to have turned. I am not sure anymore why i actually want to do it and my hubby is very much into it. I thought if some of you could give me their reasons for it, it may help me to remind me what the attraction was for me in the beginning. I think my problem is that when we have had sex with others, i have often been left short changed for want of a better word :shock: . Hope i made this clear for everyone to understand and thanx for your troubles.
Luv
Pheline xx

13 Feb 2008

Quote by Pheline_Kevin
Hi,
i wonder if a few of you would answer this question. The reason for asking is, that when we started i-pheline was the driving force and really into it and my husband not being sure about it but intrigued. Now we have been in this about a year and a half and have swapped with a few couples in clubs, the leaf seems to have turned. I am not sure anymore why i actually want to do it and my hubby is very much into it. I thought if some of you could give me their reasons for it, it may help me to remind me what the attraction was for me in the beginning. I think my problem is that when we have had sex with others, i have often been left short changed for want of a better word :shock: . Hope i made this clear for everyone to understand and thanx for your troubles.
Luv
Pheline xx

Are you sure that none of those who 'short-changed' you, aren't members here and reading about it?
We swing because we enjoy it. When we become jaded, we stop for a while.

13 Feb 2008

think you sumed it up freckled

13 Feb 2008

One of the reasons why we continue to swing is because it brings us closer together - physically and emotionally. Taking pleasure in your partner's pleasure, especially one as fundamental as sex, is a good binding influence.
If it was driving a wedge between us I'm sure both of us would stop. Not saying that this is the case for you but being closer together is one that might work for you.
The other reason is that there is a bluddy good social life associated with swinging and you can get off on just that side of it if you want.
Good luck and hope you sort things out.
.

13 Feb 2008

Because you enjoy it? That's got to surely be the bottom line I would've thought...
If you no longer enjoy it, why do it?

13 Feb 2008

Quote by Pheline_Kevin
Hi,
i wonder if a few of you would answer this question. The reason for asking is, that when we started i-pheline was the driving force and really into it and my husband not being sure about it but intrigued. Now we have been in this about a year and a half and have swapped with a few couples in clubs, the leaf seems to have turned. I am not sure anymore why i actually want to do it and my hubby is very much into it. I thought if some of you could give me their reasons for it, it may help me to remind me what the attraction was for me in the beginning. I think my problem is that when we have had sex with others, i have often been left short changed for want of a better word :shock: . Hope i made this clear for everyone to understand and thanx for your troubles.
Luv
Pheline xx

My take, from having been there.....
Those feelings will arise if you're not really into the person/s you're having sex with. If you're not connecting with them, you will have what I've come to call "empty" sex. You go through the motions....but come away feeling hollow.
It's like sex without foreplay. You lose the intimacy, and the connection. It becomes a means to an end.
To me, the best part of sex is connecting with someone- the long, lingering looks, the furtive glances, the smile, the anticipation. I think you may be missing the build up.
>>>>Amature psychologists hat off<<<<<

13 Feb 2008

Quote by winchwench
Hi,
i wonder if a few of you would answer this question. The reason for asking is, that when we started i-pheline was the driving force and really into it and my husband not being sure about it but intrigued. Now we have been in this about a year and a half and have swapped with a few couples in clubs, the leaf seems to have turned. I am not sure anymore why i actually want to do it and my hubby is very much into it. I thought if some of you could give me their reasons for it, it may help me to remind me what the attraction was for me in the beginning. I think my problem is that when we have had sex with others, i have often been left short changed for want of a better word :shock: . Hope i made this clear for everyone to understand and thanx for your troubles.
Luv
Pheline xx

My take, from having been there.....
Those feelings will arise if you're not really into the person/s you're having sex with. If you're not connecting with them, you will have what I've come to call "empty" sex. You go through the motions....but come away feeling hollow.
It's like sex without foreplay. You lose the intimacy, and the connection. It becomes a means to an end.
To me, the best part of sex is connecting with someone- the long, lingering looks, the furtive glances, the smile, the anticipation. I think you may be missing the build up.
>>>>Amature psychologists hat off<<<<<
Well said that girl - this one works for me too wink

pink x

13 Feb 2008

Quote by Freckledbird
Hi,
i wonder if a few of you would answer this question. The reason for asking is, that when we started i-pheline was the driving force and really into it and my husband not being sure about it but intrigued. Now we have been in this about a year and a half and have swapped with a few couples in clubs, the leaf seems to have turned. I am not sure anymore why i actually want to do it and my hubby is very much into it. I thought if some of you could give me their reasons for it, it may help me to remind me what the attraction was for me in the beginning. I think my problem is that when we have had sex with others, i have often been left short changed for want of a better word :shock: . Hope i made this clear for everyone to understand and thanx for your troubles.
Luv
Pheline xx

Are you sure that none of those who 'short-changed' you, aren't members here and reading about it?
We swing because we enjoy it. When we become jaded, we stop for a while.
I agree, we're at that 'jaded' stage and are taking a rest at the minute, you go through these phases, it's life.

13 Feb 2008

Thanx for everyones feedback, i guess winchwench explained quite well what i meant. Feeling hollow and disillusioned with swinging after having sex with others. This could come from the fact that there may not have been enough of a connection in the fist place. With the result that sex is not that enjoyable and satisfying as i had hoped for (no orgasm). This is not necessary the males fault. I think taking things at a slower pace is the way forward for us and trying to relax more, which as a few of you said, can be difficult at a club.
Again thanx for reading and feedback
bye
Pheline

14 Feb 2008

when you become unsure about swinging its time to stop, even if its just for a while, you can always get back into it when you feel more sure about why your doing it

14 Feb 2008

Maybe the way your swinging is not for you, ie clubs.
Maybe you'd prefer to get to know potential meets a little better before having the actual meet's.
Being in a couple can be hard work if you don't both feel that your getting out of swinging what you would like to.
Your in a partnership, so swinging must be made a partnership too.
I think you might benefit from deciding what you want and how you want to do it and discuss it together.
Good luck
louise xx

14 Feb 2008

For me, swinging fulfils a couple of needs. One is simply a quick fix shag.....scratching an itch if you like, quite often I dont orgasm with these kinds of plays (usually in clubs) but it suits me as
a) it makes me feel sexy and desireable
b) a good pounding is very sexy every now and again!! lol

but there are some meets Ive had that encompass all of what Winchy was saying....the connection, the build up, the excitement beforehand, and the toe curling sex that follows. :inlove:
I think both have merits in their own way, and should be judged seperately, but it all depends if it suits you.....if you always want to orgasm, and are one of those women who neds an orgasm to feel fulfilled then obviously the quick fix sex is not for you.
I really hope you find what you are looking for, whether its now or after a break, I for one feel that I have missed out on so much having taken so long to discover this lifestyle!!

14 Feb 2008

Quote by Pheline_Kevin
Hi,
i wonder if a few of you would answer this question. The reason for asking is, that when we started i-pheline was the driving force and really into it and my husband not being sure about it but intrigued. Now we have been in this about a year and a half and have swapped with a few couples in clubs, the leaf seems to have turned. I am not sure anymore why i actually want to do it and my hubby is very much into it. I thought if some of you could give me their reasons for it, it may help me to remind me what the attraction was for me in the beginning. I think my problem is that when we have had sex with others, i have often been left short changed for want of a better word :shock: . Hope i made this clear for everyone to understand and thanx for your troubles.
Luv
Pheline xx

Hi Pheline
Blue and I have differing 'needs' from this lifestyle. He is happy for a club visit, flirt a bit and have sex and he'll be more than fulfilled.
I on the other hand prefer private meets, the getting to know someone, the build up, flirting via text and MSN. It makes me feel desirable and sexy and exceptionally horny and that in turn will make me enjoy the physical side of sex all the more. I found it hard to orgasm with a swing partner when we started swinging presumably cos I was nervous and not relaxed enough. More than made up for it since though wink

I find in clubs people don't really flirt (or is it just me? lol

) so the act of meeting, quick chat and a shag is not always satisfactory for me. Having said that we have had fab times at clubs too, but I think the crucial ingredient for me is the 'clicking'
We're also jaded at the mo, 18 months in, I think because we went at it hammer and tongs (oo er :shock: ) when we started and because it's damn hard work...finding a couple we both like, that are interested in us both, that want what we want, that don't live too far away etc etc sometimes it just seems to hard and time consuming to organise. It is a bolt on to our life and we don't want it to take over and be all consuming.
HOWEVER underneath we both love swinging, are 100% sure it's right for us and both get a huge amount out of it, we're just taking a healthy break for now.
pink x

14 Feb 2008

We like to fantasise about swinging, it's horny fun for us.
Haven't actually been to a club or had a meet yet....still plucking up the courage. We enjoy putting on shows in the chatroom though.
Might have to take a trip to Amsterdam to break our cherry!!

14 Feb 2008

The post from Pink has really helped me to clarify things. Both of us like the excitement of swinging. I guess i have not yet found the right man who i have truly clicked with. I have been attracted to all of the men i swung with but maybe that is not enough?? The other thing is as you said, finding the right couple is a lot harder than both of us had imagnined. And i guess at times either of us has gone along with it and thats where the problem seems to lie for me. Men seem to be happier with just a shag. For me there has to be more. I want to feel at least special in that one moment, feel wanted and not be just a notch on the bed post so to speak. We will not give up just yet, just take things at a slower pace and maybe even meet couples outside of clubs.
hugs
Pheline xx