Worst (funny) sexual experience??

24 Mar 2004

Clearly not looking to name names here or degraded anyone, but what have been your worst but highly amusing experiences??
Mine? Well mine was when I was younger (I think thatâ€™s the excuse we use biggrin

) I was sending my thanks to my chosen god as I had finally managed to find a girl who would perform the fabled BJ (remember it was school days, these things meant a lot) however my thanks were rapidly withdrawn as the searing pain from my "old boy" meeting her brace hit home :cry:
Oh well how we laughed (cried my bloody eyes out more like) But the saying about getting back on the bike when you fall off is very true :D

24 Mar 2004

Was this when your love of horses surfaced Herts Man?? biggrin

Kinky Lizard

24 Mar 2004

lol, not often I'm lost for word KL wink

24 Mar 2004

Thought all sex was funny
Oh no were they just laughing at me redface

Skulks silently away for a quiet sob :cry:

24 Mar 2004

I can only cite the case of the disappearing strawberry - and will say no more! wink

:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:
Sappho xxx

24 Mar 2004

Quote by Sappho
I can only cite the case of the disappearing strawberry - and will say no more!
:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:
Sappho xxx

Sappho;
Whilst I can use my over active imagination - I really would like the full story redface

Paul

24 Mar 2004

Mine was, unfortunately, having to climb out of a ladies bedroom window one afternoon when her husband came home unexpectedly, I threw my clothes out first and rapidly began to climb down the drainpipe completely naked. Glancing into the next garden I saw I saw numerous people attending a garden party, all staring at me. redface

All the women had open mouths, most of the men were pissing themselves laughing, obviously realising what had happened.
I never went back, but I bet that lady was not short of gentlemen callers, mainly those men who were at the said garden party.
Harry0
Some you win, some you loose.

24 Mar 2004

My most embarrassing time has to be when I was in bed with a woman. Her son - who was older than me - came home from work early and disturbed us.

24 Mar 2004

mine happened a few years ago, i was living at home and my gf at the time had come to visit. We were planning a night on the ttiles when i decideed it was time for a shower and left her watching telly in my room. After a few mins she had found my small yet rather good collection of 'reading' material, this had given her the bright idea of joining me in the shower for some wet fun, so she climbed into the shower to join me and we began to make sweet love under the hot water(yeah right) Any way we both got a bit carried away and i lost my footing on the slippy bathtub, falling backwards dragging her back with me, we landed on the bathroom floor her on top of me and the shower curtain on top of her. Would have been really funny if she haden't landed on my leg breaking it, and my mother running into the bathroom to see what the comotion was. Pushing the bathroom door open which hit my head and split it open, i ended up with a cast on my leg and 6 stitches in my head, my mother wasn't too pleased to see my (innocent) gf still attached either.
ps i knocked the same girls tooth out during sex too but thats a completely other story lol

24 Mar 2004

:D :D :D , you clearly are a physical lover :D
Take care

24 Mar 2004

Well mine is when I was at Uni, I was staying at Halls of Residence on a very long corridor.....the rooms were old and echoey with wooden doors.
Anyway, my boyfriend at the time called me up and we had very loud phone sex late at night, I went to sleep happy.
When I woke up the next morning and walked out of my room people were smirking at me and then I found out that the entire corridor had heard me.... redface

24 Mar 2004

my most amusing moment occured when the other half forgot to scrub his fingers, after making a rather yummy curry. Needless to say later in the midst of passion and fingers finding there way into certain places I was left with a red hot hole and a rather crimson face. I was also half stoned at the time and couldnt get up to go and cool down. :shock:

24 Mar 2004

24 Mar 2004

Me, just cant seem to get off in the great outdoors, 2 occasions spring to mind:
1. Midnight in a wood, off the main road. Police turn up to see if we 'are alright' First officer actually seemed concerned as wife hastily pulled clothes streight. His collegue is obviously more world wise was pissing himself with laughter from the passenger seat and didn't get out...
2. A moonlight beach, good few miles long. Midnight again, edges of a sand dune and in the middle someone walks over the dune from the back 2 foot away and directly into us... He had the whole beach to chose from and we could see for miles... you just cant win. How doggers manage at all I will never know.

24 Mar 2004

Quote by tallnhairy
someone walks over the dune from the back 2 foot away and directly into us... He had the whole beach to chose from

Now THAT is one of the most typical things in life! Miles of beech and he stumbles right on top of you.
Soooooooo blooody typical of life :grin:

24 Mar 2004

A woman in a village I once lived in, borrowed her husband's hard top Triumph Spitfire for a liaison in a nearby wood. Her consort locked his back 'on the job' and only when a passing rider spotted them could they get the Fire Brigade to cut the roof off the car...... redface

".... and I was driving under this very low bridge Darling ...."

24 Mar 2004

Now I'm not sure if this is actually true, but it sounds feasible........
A young lad I used to work with had taken to masturbating while listening to loud music on headphones in his bedroom. Eyes shut there he is bashing away to a fantastic climax. Afterwards he spots a steaming hot cup of tea on his bedside table. Aren't Mums just wonderful !! redface

24 Mar 2004

This wasnt me but a friend of mine.
Hes having passionate sex with his g/f of the time,being teenagers it got a bit is rather tight and hes a bit of a big ,he starts to get a damp feeling in the groin stops and looks down and sees hes covered in then gets off thinking that she has started her period or hes split no,hes only gone and broken his string and hes losing blood at a rapid called and he departs to hospital covered in blood with a hard on.

24 Mar 2004

not really experience but in bed with guy when in teens and his brother came in the room sleep walking. He opened the wardrobe door and had a pee in there as we watched me full of horror, his brother trying not too laugh. He then left the room and went back to bed. Oh what memories lol

:lol:

25 Mar 2004

Corrie's post has just reminded me of when I was a sixth former at a party. There was I, in bed with the host and things were getting very interesting - when in trooped all his mates! They'd brought the party to us! The problem was I was at school with a lot of them. After much hurling of abuse in their general direction by him, and abjurations to keep schtum from me, they departed. It did put rather a dampener on our ardour I have to admit - and there were several knowing looks in my direction on the following Monday. redface

So naive, so easily embarrassed at eighteen! How things change...
Sappho xxx

25 Mar 2004

Once, while at a Swingers Party, the host asked me to 'mind the door' while he nipped out to buy more diet coke (It's the only thing I drink!).
Soon after, the door rang. I opened it and this gorgeous looking bloke walks in carrying a bottle of wine. "What's your name?" says I... "Alan", says he.... He's on the list, I tick him off and bring him inside.
I asked him if he'd been to this place before (being the ever helpful host) and he says "No... Have you seen Terry and Yvonne?" Arh! He's meeting a couple here. But hopefully not before I've had a bit of fun with him. :twisted: I say no I haven't but they can't be far away...
So... I take his coat from him, fix him with a drink, engage in idle chit chat and ask him if he wants to see the house. "Sure...love to!"
I drag him into the bedroom where there are already a couple at it and three guys watching them. Alan freezes transfixed at the sight. :shock: (Must be his first party methinks!) I gently drag him to the bed, remove my top, sit down and start teasing at his fly zip with my teeth... But he's still frozen - like a rabbit in the headlights! :shock: :shock:
"This is 32 Abercrombie Street?" he says.... "No, it's 32 Abercrombie Avenue" I reply
"So... this wouldn't be Terry and Yvonne's housewarming party, then?"
redface

ops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

25 Mar 2004

heather... that has made me nearly pee myself laughing!!!!!!!
so, the question is.. did you persuade him to stay? or did he toddle off to his housewarming party???

25 Mar 2004

Jeeeez - mistaking
Abercrombie Street
for Avenue sure
has a shock
factor

25 Mar 2004

I am Spartacus lol

I wish!!!

25 Mar 2004

Did the guy stay...?
Well, I'm afraid when I realised the folly of not thinking there may be TWO Alans and the one I'd opened the door to was lost, I immediately fled to the loo!
I found out later, the guy organising the party returned and asked him if he wanted to stay... Apparantly he made a quick phone call, muttered something about his car's gasket blowing and spent the rest of the night on top of my mate Sharon. evil

Never did find out who Terry and Yvonne were... rolleyes

25 Mar 2004

Quote by Sappho
I can only cite the case of the disappearing strawberry - and will say no more!
:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:
Sappho xxx

ops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
:shock: I really must make more of an effort to keep up with these threads! :shock: :oops:

25 Mar 2004

A number of years ago we lived in a pleasant old farm house which, apart from my father's double bed, also had a number of rooms containing, in total, 5 single divan beds. For some reason I can't quite fathom, I used to prefer using the single divan beds to the double bed (my father lived aboard so we had the house to ourselves most of the time).
Anyhow, I am or should I say can be, how should I put it, erm rather energetic in bed and managed to break all 5 divans over a one month period!
Trying to explain to my father why we needed 5 new single beds took quite some doing. redface

26 Mar 2004

Back in the groovy 70s man, when i was a mere slip of a lad & not very experienced in the ways of pleasuring ladies, I met this amazing girl at a disco. After lots of booze & a joint we stumbled into my hotel room for a night of passion. After a bit of fumbelling around ( i was only 17) we eventually got down to business. We'd be going for a few minutes when i got over enthusiastic & slipped out, after another fumble got back in & went for it hammer & tonges, I finally shot my bolt & typical bloke rolled off for a rest. She got up to go to the bathroom to get cleaned up, it was then i noticed she had most of my cum up her bum crack & the rest was all over the bedspread. Turns out I'd been shagging between her bum & the bed, she never said anything but I got the impession she wasn't very impressed with my performance redface

:doh: I hasten to add in the intervening years I have progressed considerably in my skills at pleasuring a lady, so anyone fancy a shag wink

lol

26 Mar 2004

Hey prags.....I think you have just discovered a new and revolutionary safe sex technique! Nice one!
Maybe you could call it the 'between the cheeks' method
biggrin

Kinky Lizard