Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login

Would you allow your child to do this?.....

last reply
129 replies
4.8k views
0 watchers
0 likes
just wondering what peoples opinions are on this, and also wondered if as swingers, or people with a more open and relaxed attitude to sex, it would make a difference or not to weather you agreed or not with this.

A MOTHER allowed her 14-year-old daughter to have sex with her boyfriend, aged 22, in the family home.
And last night as the man, XXXXXX XXXXXXX, awaited sentence for , the mum defended her actions.
She claimed she was only "trying to protect" her daughter by allowing the sexual relationship.
When Balfour appeared in court, it emerged the woman, who cannot be named to prevent her daughter being identified, allowed him to stay at her house three or four times a week.
The revelations prompted an outcry from locals and politicians.
But the mother, from Eyemouth, Berwickshire, hit back: "Do you know what your 14-year-old daughter is doing? Well I do. You can't lock a 14-year-old in their room until they are 16.
"In an ideal world, we all try to protect our children and this is what I was trying to do.
"This is a young girl who met him and thinks she is in love.
"Tell me what I should do. I felt I was between a rock and a hard place."
The woman added she and the girl's father had tried to end the relationship when they discovered how old Balfour was.
But when their attempts failed and the pair carried on meeting secretly, she welcomed Balfour, from Berwick, into her home.
She said: "I would rather know where my daughter is and who she is with than have her running around the streets getting into trouble.
"As much as I didn't like the situation, I felt that by keeping them close, I could monitor the situation rather than them running away behind my back.
"If I felt my daughter was in any danger from this lad, I would have killed him myself."
Balfour, who was put on the sex offenders' register for five years, will be sentenced at Duns Sheriff Court in January.
Absolutely not, I wouldn't allow my 16 yr old to have a boyfriend to stay, even if it was a serious relationship confused
As she gets into adulthood, I don't know if I'll change or relax the house rules - something I'll tackle as and when the time comes.
Keeping them close she could 'monitor the situation', what a load of ol codswallop rolleyes Unless she's in the room with them while they're shagging, she's monitoring them no more than if they were shagging in secret confused To the child, it surely must seem like she has her mothers blessing dunno
Parents do often have a 'feel' for situations and how to act in them, they know their child better than anyone, and what their level of maturity is for certain decisions. But at 14, I think it's outrageous she's given the child the ok to be in a sexual relationship..... maybe I'm just old fashioned, I know I am in a lot of ways.... but no no no, tis so wrong confused
Not the same, but my eldest smokes, she knows I know cos she admitted it when I asked. But I won't have her smoking in front of me, nor will she ever say when she's popping out that she's going for a ciggie. To me, if I let her smoke in front of me, it would feel like I'm giving my blessing for her to do it confused I'm a smoker too, but treat her with that same respect, and don't deliberately smoke in front of her, nor to this day, have I ever smoked in front of my parents, cos I know how anti it they are, and would feel like I'm rubbing it in their faces if I did, v. strange confused But it's developed into more of a respect thing, rather than the hiding thing when I was younger.
Not a chance in all of unholy hell would I accept this as any sort of reasonable situation. I'd eat mu own elbows before i would allow such a thing to happen.
I know that there is not a lot you can do about kids having in a 'behind the bike shed' (read sort of secret) way, that to me is normal and with any anount of luck knowledge of the risks and how to go about reducing them. Condoms blah de blah.
Is not the mother guilty of some sort of crime in this situation?
I agree with Missy regarding the points she made and the fact that respect has a big part to play in this sort of issue and for this specific issue allowing it at all is most certainly the wrong thing to do no matter how wild the child.
Would it matter if the male in this was 15? the paper says that it would have been a different issue. I don't think it should. I think this is a matter of correct parenting.
I can at least understand both her motives and her reasoning, but personally whilst they were up there doing the nasty I'd be downstairs on the blower to the local constabulary hoping for a touch of the in flagrantes.
hiya
everyone as different rules for there kids
my son slepted with is gf at the age of 15 and yes i knew about it as i let this happen and so did her mother, did they have sex ? ive no idea but if they did im glad it was under my roof and not on a local park
if its your child you can make the rules
but if its some 1 else child like your talking about its got nothing to do with us its up to them
thanks jo
Absolutely not.... I don't care how mature a 14yr old thinks they absolutely are, they are still a child and it shouldn't even need to be a matter that is discussed.
I'm sorry but the mother has no excuse, she tried to break them up and then allowed him to stay under there roof knowing full well, what next? she buying the condoms as well??? mad I think it is disgusting....
Hmmm, tricky one. My mother was in pretty much the same position as the one being discussed. She wasn't happy with what I got up to and made that very clear but took the view that she'd rather I was safe and was equipped with knowledge to make my own decisions - so took me down to Brook and everything, which her friends thought was crazy. Looking back I'm a bit horrified at how young I was and wish she'd been stricter with me in many ways (a teenager needs to push their limits - and wants to find there are some!). But then I think of friends who were too scared to discuss things with their parents and ended up having unprotected sex, getting pregnant, getting nasties...
And, happily, that sweet innocent 'older man' I corrupted so many years ago is still a close friend and barely older than me now!
I would have bounced the bloke down the road so hard that he would never want to contact my daughter again
Throwing my 2p in the room........
NO WAY is it right!
Thank god I don't have girls but even my boys wouldn't do it in my house, under my roof.
They are 17 now and if the girlfriends stay, they stay in a spare bedroom.
14 years old is way too young to know what you are doing BUT old enough to have to live with the consequences.
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Did they use the word mother?
As a swinger I swing, that is something an adult can do if they so choose.
But at 14 you are not old enough, so the law says to have sex. But to knowingly allow your 14 year old to have sex with someone who is 22, is at best irresponsible, and at worst a Mother who has no morals and no principles and no idea what being a real Mother is about.
And people ask where this country has gone wrong? Take a look at a parent who does this kind of thing. She know doubt goes and buys them their drink and fags too,,,,,Oh sorry of course nearly forgot, he is already old enough to do that for himself.
Don't ever confuse being a Mother with this kind of person, for she would not know what that word probably even meant.
I have no children and I have no idea what I would do in the same circumstances...but I heard the full letter that the mother sent, (it was read by an actress on the radio) and I do believe that she acted out of desperation, feeling that to have her child having sex under her own roof was better than her doing it on the streets, which was what was happening before she allowed them into the house.
My point is not whether she should have acted differently, but that I do believe she did what she thought was the best thing under the circumstances.
i can empathise with this woman to be in such a situation and can understand her reasoning. However we brought our daughter up ,with some very wise advice from my in laws, to keep her as young as possible as long as possible, to allow her to have a happy and care free childhood and when a child to do the things children do.
When my daughter was 18 she started to stay at her long term boyfriends house at weekends, we were close enough to discuss the need for contraception. She remains in that stable long term relationship.
so i suppose what im saying is a phrase my dear old Dad used to use "Bring a child up in the way you want them to grow up" And this is why i never had to make the deision this woman had to make.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!
The woman added she and the girl's father had tried to end the relationship when they discovered how old Balfour was.
Why did'nt these parents go to the police!!?
Surely they would of been intrested in this gentleman..
I think we should also look at the man aged 22 and not just the mother. He was a man, she was a child, no way would I have let that happen.
There's no way I'd let my 14 year old child sleep with a ! Under, or not under my roof! It ain't gonna happen! mad
Sorry cannot accept her reasoning at all.
It is the parent's role to make it clear what is morally (and legally in this instance) what is acceptable.
That is not acceptable.
.
There are a few people in this thread who could save a few quid on their TV licenses as they only seem able to see things in black and white rolleyes
Quote by Cubes
There's no way I'd let my 14 year old child sleep with a ! Under, or not under my roof! It ain't gonna happen! mad

Sorry Cubes... whilst I appreciate that's your opinion and whilst I'm well aware you're entitled to it I'm afraid I can't agree.
Now before anyone throws stuff at me, I'm not suggesting for a moment that is in any way, shape or form acceptable so let me just make that clear right from the start.
I remember being 14. I remember losing my virginity two weeks before my 14th birthday. My first love was a year older than me. The age wasn't important. I was almost 14 and I knew nothing. That's not what I thought I knew though, I thought I knew it all. rolleyes Clearly, I hadn't a clue but that didn't make any difference. I told my mum what I'd done after the fact. If there was one thing in my life I could go back and do again differently then that would be it. I've never felt more ashamed, never had I seen my mother so thoroughly disappointed in me and in what I'd done before that or, in fact, since. However, I do not have any regrets. I was the ultimate rebellious teenager and I know that if/when I have kids, there's every chance that I'll have one of me. I know all of what I did in my younger days... my mother doesn't know the half of it. wink
Anyway... I continued to see my boyfriend after that, not necessarily with my mother's blessing, more her tolerance. After that relationship ended a few months later, I didn't have sex for a while. Then when I hit about 15 I had a varied (although not very interesting) sex life with erm... a few(?) blokes. Mostly boys, some men. All of them were consensual, meaning (just in case anyone is in doubt) that I willingly had sexual relations with them. That was my choice. Legally it may not always have been within the law but who cared? I didn't, nor did they. In fact, I would go so far as to say it was never a consideration. I fancied the pants off him/them. I didn't feel pressured into anything. I fucked them because I wanted to and I could.
Were the boys I fucked paedophiles? No. Not by any stretch of anyone's imagination and that's kinda why I resent your implication Cubes. They were teenagers/early 20's lads who, as they would come to realise, thought with the brain in their pants. In my eyes, nothing has changed. All through life men do this. It's not a surprise, it's not something new. Men will continue to do so all through our lives, all through our children's lives and all through their children's children's lives. (I appreciate that's a vague generalisation and there will be one or two or twenty objections from those who indignantly deny it so sue me!) wink
I don't have children so I cannot speak as I would do but in my position as a 35 year old with a shit memory for most things but who can put herself back in those 14 year old shoes (which incidentally I still have!) like it was yesterday who would like to think that if she had a 14 year old daughter she would trust, understand and attempt to talk to her as a young adult and find out how she felt and what she thought and remember the days where I was there and I thought I knew it all.
I'd like to make sure that my child was safe, in both her sexual practises and in her physical wellbeing should she change her mind last minute and be safe and cared for rather than in situation she couldn't cope with or had the risk of being hurt both mentally and/or physically.
I'm not saying that lady was right or wrong to let her daughter have sex with her boyfriend under her roof but I am saying that none of us know her. None of us know her daughter or her daughter's boyfriend.
Love for your child is unconditional and I know, for a fact that although my parents may be disappointed in me again in the future, they would stand by me through anything and I mean anything. That's just how it should be.
Fuck me I do believe that was an essay! :mrgreen:
i would never allow my 14 year old daughter to have sex knowingly under my roof.
if i knew a 22 year old was intending to or had had sex with my daughter i would call the police.
yes we can remember what it was like to be 14, now remember what it was like to be 22.. big difference ehh?
kids may well do stuff they shouldnt, but as a parent you should not condone this, love is unconditional, yes, but parenting isnt about the easy option or letting them do what they want. parenting and love is about guiding them and advising them to do what is right.
do what makes you child happy? let them do it under your roof rather than else where,bollocks.
some things kids do cuse parents shouldnt approve.
its about having the balance that if things go wrong they can come to you. not about not caring enough to not care what they get upto.
the parent is the moral guider and responsible for a minor.
some times a child can try and push your buttons to get a reaction, sometimes the forbid reaction is expected ,and its typical teenager that must say oh its sooo unfair. what fun wouldlife have been if we as children didnt feel and know are parents cared enough to say no.
xx fem xx
Why is it that when a thread like this happens there is always the....namby pamby leftie liberals, who come out of the woodwork?
This is ( for those who choose to think differently ) Pure and simple!
Until people realise this is illegal and anyone who condones it or makes excuses for it, is nearly as guilty as the people that are allowing this to happen.
How people who do not have kids can make some of the comments here, baffles me.
It is an adult having sex with a child, and if there is anyone here who does not agree that is disgusting and wrong, then your own values do not ammount to much......my opinion and on this kind of topic I am definatly entitled to have.
Quote by kentswingers777
Why is it that when a thread like this happens there is always the....namby pamby leftie liberals, who come out of the woodwork?
This is ( for those who choose to think differently ) Pure and simple!
Until people realise this is illegal and anyone who condones it or makes excuses for it, is nearly as guilty as the people that are allowing this to happen.
How people who do not have kids can make some of the comments here, baffles me.
It is an adult having sex with a child, and if there is anyone here who does not agree that is disgusting and wrong, then your own values do not ammount to much......my opinion and on this kind of topic I am definatly entitled to have.

I do wish my life was so cut and dried and oh so simple as yours.
Well im not a parent,but i know that there is no way i'd allow my 14 year old child to have sex in the family home (and if i found out my child was having sex outside of the person who was having sex with my young have problems walking again for about 6 months).
yeah it isn't an idea world and yes there is going on all the time,but when a parent allows the young child to have sex in the family home,i think that parent should go back to school and taught how to be a parent.
and as for the other person involved in the act of having sex with an underage person,I think cane come to mind (otherwise know as a serve caning).
Quote by Peanut
Why is it that when a thread like this happens there is always the....namby pamby leftie liberals, who come out of the woodwork?
This is ( for those who choose to think differently ) Pure and simple!
Until people realise this is illegal and anyone who condones it or makes excuses for it, is nearly as guilty as the people that are allowing this to happen.
How people who do not have kids can make some of the comments here, baffles me.
It is an adult having sex with a child, and if there is anyone here who does not agree that is disgusting and wrong, then your own values do not ammount to much......my opinion and on this kind of topic I am definatly entitled to have.

I do wish my life was so cut and dried and oh so simple as yours.
I think we all know what your opinion on this matter would be, and has been in the past....but luckily enough, you are way way in the minority, of what people think of this kind of thing. Thank goodness.
NO from here... however
What do we all expect? the whole country is going down the pan, after all when 14 year olds can freely and legally visit there GP for birth control, even without their parents knowledge, or be handed out condoms in schools, what this telling them? thats like saying its ok to sell 15 year olds alcohol as long they wait 3 years to drink it.
It's like everything else nowadays, the attitude is "out of sight out of mind" wether we allow it or not is irrelevent really because it wont stop it happening?
Quote by kentswingers777
Why is it that when a thread like this happens there is always the....namby pamby leftie liberals, who come out of the woodwork?
This is ( for those who choose to think differently ) Pure and simple!
Until people realise this is illegal and anyone who condones it or makes excuses for it, is nearly as guilty as the people that are allowing this to happen.
How people who do not have kids can make some of the comments here, baffles me.
It is an adult having sex with a child, and if there is anyone here who does not agree that is disgusting and wrong, then your own values do not ammount to much......my opinion and on this kind of topic I am definatly entitled to have.

Then there are those who judge. :mrgreen:
Black and white... lucky you. My life has never been like that. wink
You don't know me. You know very little, if not nothing about me and yet you've made your judgement. lol You will never read a post I make again without thinking "there's that stoopid bird who has the morals of Bill Clinton, she hasn't a clue what she's talking about and think's is acceptable! rolleyes I'm not taking anything she ever says seriously, if I bother to read what she writes at all!"
*points to second paragraph of my post* wink
That's okay... I can live with the small minded of the world never even looking in my direction again.
I've not read much of yours, but rest assured I shall read them in future with a big, fat, juicy grin on my face knowing full well that I'm a good person, I have morals and I have a mind that's open and willing to allow other people their opinions without shitting all over them. You, sir, have just created your very own opinion of yourself for me. Thank you.
:happy:
Now... before I was so rudely interrupted...
Quote by fem_4_taboo
i would never allow my 14 year old daughter to have sex knowingly under my roof.
if i knew a 22 year old was intending to or had had sex with my daughter i would call the police.
yes we can remember what it was like to be 14, now remember what it was like to be 22.. big difference ehh?
kids may well do stuff they shouldnt, but as a parent you should not condone this, love is unconditional, yes, but parenting isnt about the easy option or letting them do what they want. parenting and love is about guiding them and advising them to do what is right.
do what makes you child happy? let them do it under your roof rather than else where,bollocks.
some things kids do cuse parents shouldnt approve.
its about having the balance that if things go wrong they can come to you. not about not caring enough to not care what they get upto.
the parent is the moral guider and responsible for a minor.
some times a child can try and push your buttons to get a reaction, sometimes the forbid reaction is expected ,and its typical teenager that must say oh its sooo unfair. what fun wouldlife have been if we as children didnt feel and know are parents cared enough to say no.
xx fem xx

I can't see anything wrong with your post fem. I'm glad you shared because it gives me another view to consider. :mrgreen:
I do remember being 22. I had my first orgasm. Never mind the men... it was the first time I'd self-inflicted. wink
I've taken on board all you've said (I appreciate it's not all directed at me and that you've given it as you see it) but likewise I can only say things how I see them. I'm not saying you need to agree with me. It's my opinion and having thought about what you've said, I still stand by my thoughts posted on page 1.
kiss
EDIT: edited to fix the typo! redface *twitches*
Quote by Peanut
There are a few people in this thread who could save a few quid on their TV licenses as they only seem able to see things in black and white rolleyes

No, I think they have their values clear as opposed to some who are equivocating.
rolleyes
.
Quote by westerross
There are a few people in this thread who could save a few quid on their TV licenses as they only seem able to see things in black and white rolleyes

No, I think they have their values clear as opposed to some who are equivocating.
rolleyes
.
Since when did values ever make a difference in the real world?
Quote by kentswingers777
Why is it that when a thread like this happens there is always the....namby pamby leftie liberals, who come out of the woodwork?
This is ( for those who choose to think differently ) Pure and simple!
Until people realise this is illegal and anyone who condones it or makes excuses for it, is nearly as guilty as the people that are allowing this to happen.
How people who do not have kids can make some of the comments here, baffles me.
It is an adult having sex with a child, and if there is anyone here who does not agree that is disgusting and wrong, then your own values do not ammount to much......my opinion and on this kind of topic I am definatly entitled to have.

Kent -
Can you be more insulting?
How come you are allowed your opinions, but anyone who disagrees with you is a namby pamby leftie liberals, who come out of the woodwork
And, for your information, the discussions are not limited to those who have direct knowledge of the issues concerned - I have no children but I feel my views, whether agreed with or not - are allowed on here - just as yours are on any topic you choose to discuss.
Quote by Peanut
There are a few people in this thread who could save a few quid on their TV licenses as they only seem able to see things in black and white rolleyes

No, I think they have their values clear as opposed to some who are equivocating.
rolleyes
.
Since when did values ever make a difference in the real world?
Oh my dear Peanut - values are everything.
.
Quote by Cherrytree
Why is it that when a thread like this happens there is always the....namby pamby leftie liberals, who come out of the woodwork?
This is ( for those who choose to think differently ) Pure and simple!
Until people realise this is illegal and anyone who condones it or makes excuses for it, is nearly as guilty as the people that are allowing this to happen.
How people who do not have kids can make some of the comments here, baffles me.
It is an adult having sex with a child, and if there is anyone here who does not agree that is disgusting and wrong, then your own values do not ammount to much......my opinion and on this kind of topic I am definatly entitled to have.

Kent -
Can you be more insulting?
How come you are allowed your opinions, but anyone who disagrees with you is a namby pamby leftie liberals, who come out of the woodwork
And, for your information, the discussions are not limited to those who have direct knowledge of the issues concerned - I have no children but I feel my views, whether agreed with or not - are allowed on here - just as yours are on any topic you choose to discuss.
I think that sometimes he forgets that he's living in Kent and not in Utopia/Shangri-La.