Bloody Christmas present wrapping. How many did we buy for the kids this year FFS????
The time arrived for us to carry out the chore of wrapping the presents. Me on one side of the tableand Alex on the other, surrounded by a mountain of presents and a rainforest of wrapping paper. The first hour just flew past in a flurry of Christmas joviality…………………that is how it should have but, since coming out of hospital, I am a right miserable bastard and bah humbug was emanating from me.
After another half hour Alex pulled the “I have a headache. Do you mind if I go lay down as you carry on?”
Do I mind? Do I fecking mind????? I detest wrapping presents. I hace difficulty wrapping them……..did I mention I detest wrapping presents?
So I said to Alex “Of course not dear. You go and lay your head down and I will carry on” Big smile and keep smiling while she exits room.
I look at the huge pile. Oh bollox.
I start working through the Everest sized pile. After two hours I am starting to get very pissed off and very, very, very bloody bored with wrapping.
1. Pick up silk pyjamas.
2. Place on Christmas wrapping paper.
3. Fold into middle of one side and fold into middle of opposite side.
4. Stick down with cellotape.
5. Turn through 90 degrees and cut off excess.
6. Fold into two triangles and stick down with cellotape.
7. Turn through 180 degrees and fold two triangles again and stick for the last time.
8. Place present on pile.
9. Remove excess Christmas paper wrap and put in bin.
10. Remove silk cloth and put in bin.
11. What silk cloth??? Oh fecking hell. I have cut the bastard leg off the pyjamas.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rip open present and note that the pyjamas now only have one leg. What can I do????
The answer is easy. I cut the other leg off and re-wrap the pyjamas. Hopefully they may think it was a pair of shorts that was supposed to be the present.
Thank feck Alex doesn’t read the forums anymore
Dave_Notts
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Wrapping Christmas Presents. Why men should not do it
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Every now and then someone posts and reminds me why I come here
I am going to save this thread ............ so ....... when a certain person opens one of their presents to find half the chocolates missing I can say ............. Dave Notts did it!!! :giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
p.s. I have to be honest, I have eaten half of someones chocolates and wrapped what was left!!!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
p.s. I have to be honest, I have eaten half of someones chocolates and wrapped what was left!!!
Sex God
Poor Dave! Man should be there for the more cerebral part of Christmas and the moral support. :rotflmao:I once had to wrap a Pineapple with really cheap wrapping paper. In the end i just rolled and rolled using 8 meters of it
As for why wrapping a Pineapple? It was on the kitchen table alongside the other presents i was meant to wrap 
Personally it would have been...
1) "Of course dear, you go and lie down"
2) Leave presents in middle of floor.
3) Go do something else far more interesting and involving.
4) When the missus wakes up direct her to the presents with the accompanying speech "I left them for you dear, you are so much better at this than me".
5) Return to the interesting task you had to pause doing when she woke up.
6) Job's a good 'un. She feels superior, you didn't have to wrap them and you got an hours peace and did something you actually enjoyed doing.
1) "Of course dear, you go and lie down"
2) Leave presents in middle of floor.
3) Go do something else far more interesting and involving.
4) When the missus wakes up direct her to the presents with the accompanying speech "I left them for you dear, you are so much better at this than me".
5) Return to the interesting task you had to pause doing when she woke up.
6) Job's a good 'un. She feels superior, you didn't have to wrap them and you got an hours peace and did something you actually enjoyed doing.
Sex God
Quote by markz
You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.....
you were obviously the result from the preliminary tests
:lol2: 
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: It's really not going to help you to know that I love wrapping presents and this year mine look like this! :giggle:
Sex God
I have a simple policy.
Everyone gets
a) Rectangular presents (DVDs are great).
b) Tokens (no wrapping at all)
c) a bottle (Asda do a lovely range of bottle gift bags).
Anyone asks for anything else - it gets put in a rectangular box. I'll put some dry food in with the kitten.
Everyone gets
a) Rectangular presents (DVDs are great).
b) Tokens (no wrapping at all)
c) a bottle (Asda do a lovely range of bottle gift bags).
Anyone asks for anything else - it gets put in a rectangular box. I'll put some dry food in with the kitten.
Sex God
Quote by foxylady2209
I have a simple policy.
Everyone gets
a) Rectangular presents (DVDs are great).
b) Tokens (no wrapping at all)
c) a bottle (Asda do a lovely range of bottle gift bags).
Anyone asks for anything else - it gets put in a rectangular box. I'll put some dry food in with the kitten.
:shock:
Quote by foxylady2209
I have a simple policy.
Everyone gets
a) Rectangular presents (DVDs are great).
b) Tokens (no wrapping at all)
c) a bottle (Asda do a lovely range of bottle gift bags).
Anyone asks for anything else - it gets put in a rectangular box. I'll put some dry food in with the kitten.
took me a moment for the penny to drop
ops: But then
:rotflmao: :thumbup: luv it Sex God
Quote by Dave__Notts
Dirtygirlie!!!!!
Dirtygirlie!!!!!
Did you drop these?
Dave_Notts
No... but can you drop us a pic on Boxing Day of the recipient wearing said silk PJs? :giggle:
Master of Sex
I'm one of those peculiar creations....a bloke who loves wrapping up prezzies - I really enjoy the challenge when there's something unusually shaped and I'm a dab hand with curling ribbon, glue, cardboard etc.
Mind you I get strange looks when I mention it in conversation
Mind you I get strange looks when I mention it in conversation
Sex God
Quote by McrM4M-pvtOK
I'm one of those peculiar creations....a bloke who loves wrapping up prezzies - I really enjoy the challenge when there's something unusually shaped and I'm a dab hand with curling ribbon, glue, cardboard etc.
Mind you I get strange looks when I mention it in conversation
*looks at McrM4m strangley*
:giggle:
Master of Sex
Thanks - another strange look to add to the list :shock:
Sex God
Quote by McrM4M-pvtOK
Thanks - another strange look to add to the list :shock:
I bet that's a bloody long list Twinny :giggle:
Master of Sex
Bloody cheek - didn't think it'd take long for you to pipe up!
Anyway......it's this sort of look usually:
Anyway......it's this sort of look usually:
Orgasminator
Well personally I never wrap Calistas pressie until Christmas Eve................
..... I can only go so long before I need to pee
:twisted:
..... I can only go so long before I need to pee
:twisted: talking of wrapping presents.....
one little bit of advice... when cutting up the wrapping paper place sheet on a nice hard surface... dont do what i did and place it on my duvet cover!!..
cutting through the sheet, now being left handed i normally struggle with scissors, so as i was making a hash of the paper i also didnt realise i was creating a nice hole in the duvet. i just thought i was struggling, but it may of been the case i was cutting through fabric! lol.
so if anyone see santa in town, could you ask him for a nice new quilt cover for me!
one little bit of advice... when cutting up the wrapping paper place sheet on a nice hard surface... dont do what i did and place it on my duvet cover!!..
cutting through the sheet, now being left handed i normally struggle with scissors, so as i was making a hash of the paper i also didnt realise i was creating a nice hole in the duvet. i just thought i was struggling, but it may of been the case i was cutting through fabric! lol.
so if anyone see santa in town, could you ask him for a nice new quilt cover for me!
