This came up in our house for the first time roughly 4 years ago.
My eldest had a boyfriend, and wanted him to stay over in her bedroom in our family home.
My other kids were at that time 15, and 17.
I said no, as I did not want him around my house in a morning when we were all getting up. Also because even though I knew they were having sex, I didnt want it going on when I was around, and also, I did not think it was setting a good example to my other 2 kids.
His parents were completely different, and she started staying at his nearly all the time very quickly into their relationship. They had kids the same age as mine also.
They are all classed as adults now, but still are not allowed boyfriends/girlfriends to stay over.
My friends mainly think I am crazy to not allow them to stay over now they are adults, and we fall out at times about some of my attitudes to parenting.
What would you do, or infact have done, or are doing now when yours want the boy/girl friends to stay over?
Lucys post.
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Your kids .. boyfriends/girlfriends allowed to stay over.?
Sex God
I don't have kids so can't say but I'd probably follow what my parents did and that was that boyfriends could stay over, but not in my room or indeed my bed. That was just how it was. I was living in their house and abiding by their rules.
It changed when I was an adult though... if I was in a relationship then my partner stayed with me in my bed. I can only think of two occasions and a third sort of accidental one!
I'm probably an odd case though, I lived with my folks until I was 30. :mrgreen:
I don't think you have anything fall out about with your friends over though... I think they should respect your choices as a parent. They might not agree, they might not do the same but they're not you and they shouldn't judge your values. I think you're absolutely right to want to keep your kids as kids for as long as possible.
:thumbup:
It changed when I was an adult though... if I was in a relationship then my partner stayed with me in my bed. I can only think of two occasions and a third sort of accidental one!
I'm probably an odd case though, I lived with my folks until I was 30. :mrgreen:
I don't think you have anything fall out about with your friends over though... I think they should respect your choices as a parent. They might not agree, they might not do the same but they're not you and they shouldn't judge your values. I think you're absolutely right to want to keep your kids as kids for as long as possible.
:thumbup:
Quote by Lucyandmike7
I said no, as I did not want him around my house in a morning when we were all getting up. Also because even though I knew they were having sex, I didnt want it going on when I was around, and also, I did not think it was setting a good example to my other 2 kids.
This just reminds me so much of that fab moment in Gavin and Stacey when the eponymous pair start having sex in the room above the breakfast table.... Alison Steadman turning the radio on and singing, "Come! Come!"? Have to find it....
Quote by TheLovelyOne
I said no, as I did not want him around my house in a morning when we were all getting up. Also because even though I knew they were having sex, I didnt want it going on when I was around, and also, I did not think it was setting a good example to my other 2 kids.
This just reminds me so much of that fab moment in Gavin and Stacey when the eponymous pair start having sex in the room above the breakfast table.... Alison Steadman turning the radio on and singing, "Come! Come!"? Have to find it....
Fantastic, a lovely smile to start the day. I can always rely on one of you to give me a grin. :smile2:
Sex God
Yes I would allow it. They are all over the age of consent now, and will do it if they are that way inclined regardless of any rules put in place by parents.
Sexpert
I agrea with you my sons girlfriends were never allowed stayed over for the same reasons you mentioned. I would not allow them in the bed rooms at any time and yes I new they were having sex together.
If I stay at my boyfriends house we may sleep in the same bed together but we dont have sex it seems disrespectful of us if we did so and we are in our 40s
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If I stay at my boyfriends house we may sleep in the same bed together but we dont have sex it seems disrespectful of us if we did so and we are in our 40s
.Quote by Lucyandmike7
This came up in our house for the first time roughly 4 years ago.
My eldest had a boyfriend, and wanted him to stay over in her bedroom in our family home.
My other kids were at that time 15, and 17.
I said no, as I did not want him around my house in a morning when we were all getting up. Also because even though I knew they were having sex, I didnt want it going on when I was around, and also, I did not think it was setting a good example to my other 2 kids.
His parents were completely different, and she started staying at his nearly all the time very quickly into their relationship. They had kids the same age as mine also.
They are all classed as adults now, but still are not allowed boyfriends/girlfriends to stay over.
My friends mainly think I am crazy to not allow them to stay over now they are adults, and we fall out at times about some of my attitudes to parenting.
What would you do, or infact have done, or are doing now when yours want the boy/girl friends to stay over?
Lucys post.
i recall a similer thread a while back, my view hasnt changed,
no way would i allow my daughter to have a boyfriend to sleep over.
they are children and as such as adults it is our role to protect them.
they may not have taken that step yet, or they may have once but maybe there is now presure to continue, throwing open your doors and saying dive in is not the right thing to do. you could inadvertanly be setting your daughter up to be in a situation she deep down does not want to be in.
yes they might sneek around but ffs thats what being a teenager is about.
i dont dismiss that facts, and talk openly, but im not about to encourage it.
xx fem xx
no way would i allow my daughter to have a boyfriend to sleep over.
they are children and as such as adults it is our role to protect them.
they may not have taken that step yet, or they may have once but maybe there is now presure to continue, throwing open your doors and saying dive in is not the right thing to do. you could inadvertanly be setting your daughter up to be in a situation she deep down does not want to be in.
yes they might sneek around but ffs thats what being a teenager is about.
i dont dismiss that facts, and talk openly, but im not about to encourage it.
xx fem xx
Well my Sister was placed in this very predicamant, over the last six months.
Her Daughter was 16 and her boyfriend the same age. She asked me my opinion and I said I would not allow my Daughters boyfriends to stay over night.
Well because my Sister has been a very liberal and easy going Mother, she decided that she was old enough to be trusted.
Big mistake, as now her Daughter has just announced she is pregnant. I am fully aware they could have had sex anywhere but...my Sister made it that much more easier.
Obviously hindsight is a wonderful thing but, now my Sister finds herself in a nightmare scenario, and her Daughter also.
My opinion is that why is it such a big deal to have to give in to your kids, on a morals issue? Too many parents want to be their kids mate instead of what they should be first.....a parent.
So no I do not think it is right for a child to have their boyfriend or girlfriend to stay overnight, and certainly no way to share a room. Just asking for problems.
Her Daughter was 16 and her boyfriend the same age. She asked me my opinion and I said I would not allow my Daughters boyfriends to stay over night.
Well because my Sister has been a very liberal and easy going Mother, she decided that she was old enough to be trusted.
Big mistake, as now her Daughter has just announced she is pregnant. I am fully aware they could have had sex anywhere but...my Sister made it that much more easier.
Obviously hindsight is a wonderful thing but, now my Sister finds herself in a nightmare scenario, and her Daughter also.
My opinion is that why is it such a big deal to have to give in to your kids, on a morals issue? Too many parents want to be their kids mate instead of what they should be first.....a parent.
So no I do not think it is right for a child to have their boyfriend or girlfriend to stay overnight, and certainly no way to share a room. Just asking for problems.
Our eldest is 17, as is his girlfriend. She stays over, in his room, only he sleeps in with his brothers.
She wears her pj's as do the rest of the house and she wanders round in them like part of the family :thumbup:
However, here is where I am not so keen, when our son stays at his girlfriends, he is allowed to stay with her
No I am not keen and the first time he never even told me and I did check. They have been together almost 2 years so it is not a flash in the pan. I'm not comfortable with it but I am not going to argue over it, its just not worth it.
She wears her pj's as do the rest of the house and she wanders round in them like part of the family :thumbup:
However, here is where I am not so keen, when our son stays at his girlfriends, he is allowed to stay with her
No I am not keen and the first time he never even told me and I did check. They have been together almost 2 years so it is not a flash in the pan. I'm not comfortable with it but I am not going to argue over it, its just not worth it.
I was allowed to have my boyfriend stay over who is now my husband but he was only ever allowed to sleep in my brother’s room or on the sofa. I would treat mine the same way if and when they ask.
We were allowed upstairs to watch TV I remember one day we were watching TV we were dressed but messing about laughing on the bed.
We never heard my dad coming up the stairs, he just walked in and threw a cup of water over us.
And said there you go son that should cool you down. I was 19 and hubby 21
We still laugh about it.
We were allowed upstairs to watch TV I remember one day we were watching TV we were dressed but messing about laughing on the bed.
We never heard my dad coming up the stairs, he just walked in and threw a cup of water over us.
And said there you go son that should cool you down. I was 19 and hubby 21
We still laugh about it.
I was allowed to have boyfriends stay the night, and sleep in my room, from when I was about 17 and first had a serious boyfriend. My mum told me she'd rather we were having sex at home than sneaking around in fields and alleyways and the back seats of cars. The first time I asked if my boyfriend could stay over, it prompted a great conversation - my mum and I had always talked about sex, and contraception, and relationships, and making responsible choices, but we really discussed it all in context of my life at the time and that particular relationship.
Letting me have my boyfriend stay over felt like a validation of all the things we'd always discussed, and as though she trusted me to make good decisions. It really made me feel she respected me and my right to make my own decisions about sex and relationships, with her guidance/advice when needed, but most importantly with her approval! To be honest, if she'd refused to let my boyfriend stay over, it would have felt like a very mixed message - 'Yes you're old enough to have sex, yes I trust you to make good decisions and be responsible, yes I know you have a sex life, but I don't want it going on in my house!'
I'm fairly certain when I have kids, I'll feel the same way, and I hope I'll be as supportive of my kids' choices as I always felt my mum was of mine.
(None of this is meant in any way against what others have said in this thread, of course, as I absolutely respect the fact that everyone does parenting differently and there isn't one 'right' way to do it!
)
Letting me have my boyfriend stay over felt like a validation of all the things we'd always discussed, and as though she trusted me to make good decisions. It really made me feel she respected me and my right to make my own decisions about sex and relationships, with her guidance/advice when needed, but most importantly with her approval! To be honest, if she'd refused to let my boyfriend stay over, it would have felt like a very mixed message - 'Yes you're old enough to have sex, yes I trust you to make good decisions and be responsible, yes I know you have a sex life, but I don't want it going on in my house!'
I'm fairly certain when I have kids, I'll feel the same way, and I hope I'll be as supportive of my kids' choices as I always felt my mum was of mine.
(None of this is meant in any way against what others have said in this thread, of course, as I absolutely respect the fact that everyone does parenting differently and there isn't one 'right' way to do it!
) 
Sex God
Hi cocoa
Welcome back
I can understand as the idea of your Children having Sex in the same House isn't nice.
Yet when I was 26 the Parents of a Young Lady that I was going out with told me...
"Well, it's better you do it in here than some back-alley or in her Car".
In the end Sex is part of being in a relationship.
My rule if I ever had Children would be the person they bring home needs to have some quality about them in terms of class, morals & manners.
Am not having just one-night stands in my House.
The funny thing is the Children will have to learn how to have Sex without making any noise... :shock:
In my example my then Girlfriend's Bedroom was in the other section of a massive House. Her Parents never had any reason to come near.. luckly me.
Yet when I was 26 the Parents of a Young Lady that I was going out with told me...
"Well, it's better you do it in here than some back-alley or in her Car".
In the end Sex is part of being in a relationship.
My rule if I ever had Children would be the person they bring home needs to have some quality about them in terms of class, morals & manners.
Am not having just one-night stands in my House.
The funny thing is the Children will have to learn how to have Sex without making any noise... :shock:
In my example my then Girlfriend's Bedroom was in the other section of a massive House. Her Parents never had any reason to come near.. luckly me.
Sex God
My son is 21 - legally and 'morally' an adult. If he wanted a regular g/f to stay over - no problem. What grounds would I have to object? I'm certainly not going to tell him to wait til he is married - how daft would that be coming from me? And he would know it - and say it (quite rightly). I would see it as hypocrisy on my part. Sex with girlfriend is either ok or it isn't - the location is irrelevant.
Mind you, he is over 6 foot tall and in a single bed, so she would have to be very slim or prefer sleeping on the floor. Maybe he would tidy his room for once.
So, I would be fine with it - but that doesn't say anyone elses decisions are wrong. Each household to their own. :thumbup:
Mind you, he is over 6 foot tall and in a single bed, so she would have to be very slim or prefer sleeping on the floor. Maybe he would tidy his room for once.
So, I would be fine with it - but that doesn't say anyone elses decisions are wrong. Each household to their own. :thumbup:
Thank you for all your comments.
I think my main thing now really, is not the sex issue, as they have the others houses to do it in!
Its probably the fact that I like my house to be my own within certain hours, and dont want to have to restrict myself if they are in the house on a night time.
Having to always put clothes on to pop downstairs for a cuppa, or to run to the bathroom, not really what I want!
I think my main thing now really, is not the sex issue, as they have the others houses to do it in!
Its probably the fact that I like my house to be my own within certain hours, and dont want to have to restrict myself if they are in the house on a night time.
Having to always put clothes on to pop downstairs for a cuppa, or to run to the bathroom, not really what I want!
Im a firm believer in the "rather my house than a back alley argument".
Two of the things I have picked up over the years are:
Some human beings like sex. ( As evidenced by this site)
Prohibition makes any problems associated with an activity worse. ( As evidenced by the prohibition of alcohol and recreational drugs.)
Based on these facts prohibiting my sons sexual activity in our home seems futile.
Far better to ensure he is educated in treating other people with respect and has an understanding of the consequences of his actions.
In essence I would rather he learnt how to make love, with somebody he cares about who cares about him, in a secure comfortable environment with access to contraception than fuck anything he can get his hands on in a back alley.
Two of the things I have picked up over the years are:
Some human beings like sex. ( As evidenced by this site)
Prohibition makes any problems associated with an activity worse. ( As evidenced by the prohibition of alcohol and recreational drugs.)
Based on these facts prohibiting my sons sexual activity in our home seems futile.
Far better to ensure he is educated in treating other people with respect and has an understanding of the consequences of his actions.
In essence I would rather he learnt how to make love, with somebody he cares about who cares about him, in a secure comfortable environment with access to contraception than fuck anything he can get his hands on in a back alley.
Sex God
I have to agree with both Foxy and Ben on this one.
My daughter being under 18, for me at the minute the answer would be no. They don't need to sleep over, I'd rather pay for a taxi to get the lad home safely than have him sleep over. That's just because of my daughter's inability at the minute to respect my decisions and rules. If and when she changes her attitude then so will I.
It all depends on the child, your household (ie., whether you like company staying over or not) and your circumstances. For me, it's not about whether they'd sneak a session in, it's about trust, and there's none of that right now.
It all depends on the child, your household (ie., whether you like company staying over or not) and your circumstances. For me, it's not about whether they'd sneak a session in, it's about trust, and there's none of that right now.
when i replied i was considering my daughter to be under the legal age of consent.
now if i had a son and i thought it better to let him have sex at home than fuck what ever he can get his hands n in a back ally id be concerned about the values id raised him with.
if they are under the legal age i would not allow them to be having sex, just as i wouldnt say "oh you'r doing drugs" "well love do it in your bedroom with friends rather than in the back ally."
if both parties were under the legal age there is no way i would allow my home to be the venue to encourage .
xx fem xx
now if i had a son and i thought it better to let him have sex at home than fuck what ever he can get his hands n in a back ally id be concerned about the values id raised him with.
if they are under the legal age i would not allow them to be having sex, just as i wouldnt say "oh you'r doing drugs" "well love do it in your bedroom with friends rather than in the back ally."
if both parties were under the legal age there is no way i would allow my home to be the venue to encourage .
xx fem xx
My eldest child is only 16 and as far as I know has not even begun dating yet. He has to share a room with his 14-year old brother so although technically old enough, I wouldn't let him spend the night with a girl-or even boy-friend all the time he has to share a room.
I was never allowed to stay over at a boyfriend's house and would never have dared ask my dad if any could stay with me (I also shared a bedroom). Even now if we stay in anyone else's house, swingers excepted, we don't usually have sex while we're there.
If any of my kids were to become involved in a long-term relationship with anyone, and we had room, I think I would allow them to share a bed occasionally.
I was never allowed to stay over at a boyfriend's house and would never have dared ask my dad if any could stay with me (I also shared a bedroom). Even now if we stay in anyone else's house, swingers excepted, we don't usually have sex while we're there.
If any of my kids were to become involved in a long-term relationship with anyone, and we had room, I think I would allow them to share a bed occasionally.
What a surprising thread. For a website supposedly extolling the virtues of NSA sex it is surprising how protective we can be of our children (even when they are no longer children!).
Although I would agree that young children (ie <16) should be protected from themselves, as many are too immature to make lifetime choices, I believe that when they are older they need to decide for themselves what is right for them.
For instance, an 18 year old is going to have sex anyway if that is what they want to do so to pretend it doesn't happen whilst under your roof is self-deluding. More important, is to foster a culture where neither partner feels obliged to do anything that they are not comfortable with, or ready for.
Mutual respect is the key and if both partners feel ready to take the relationship to a physical stage, I, personally, would respect their right to do so. Surely it is better in a stable family setting that a quick fumble in the bushes with a one night stand!
Although I would agree that young children (ie <16) should be protected from themselves, as many are too immature to make lifetime choices, I believe that when they are older they need to decide for themselves what is right for them.
For instance, an 18 year old is going to have sex anyway if that is what they want to do so to pretend it doesn't happen whilst under your roof is self-deluding. More important, is to foster a culture where neither partner feels obliged to do anything that they are not comfortable with, or ready for.
Mutual respect is the key and if both partners feel ready to take the relationship to a physical stage, I, personally, would respect their right to do so. Surely it is better in a stable family setting that a quick fumble in the bushes with a one night stand!
