you're all a bunch of bleedin' liars . . . .

12 May 2005

once again it has come to my attention that there may be a little issue from time to time in the general area of genuine / non-genuine members and the like. being the selfless soul you all know me to be, i decided, at great expense, to do some research, in the hope that i could put this old chestnut to bed once and for all. biggrin

sadly, i have bad news to report, and my ghast has been well and truly flabbered! sad

i was shocked to discover that, in the main, the VAST majority of members are out and out, bare-faced liars, who seem to delight in leading us right up the garden path! mad

let me explain, with a few examples . . .
example number one . . . on the content of posts.
a certain southern gentleman has hitherto led me to believe that Hertfordshire is a magical, twilight land of unicorns, pixies, and strawberry cordial streams, and i have for many months past longed to wander along these babbling brooks, through it's leafy glades, and with the aid of a virgin, lure one of these majestic horny creatures to me. the difficulty in actually finding a virgin did not put me off in the least.
well . . . this very weekend i found myself in herts, and d'you know what i found? the M frigging 25, a load of roadworks, and lots of low flying aircraft roaring overhead. didn't seem all THAT magical to me i must say, so i'm forced to conclude, that mr davej was talking out of his bleedin' arse! :x
example number 2 . . . on the subject of usernames.
while lots of us are as honest as the day is long, and go to great lengths to ensure that our usernames are both accurate AND descriptive, it seems many are less scrupulous. if we take, say, my name, or dawn_mids, eagerslut, easy etc etc etc, we KNOW that dawn really is from mids, eagerslut really is an eager slut, and easy is, well, easy! simple.
but what happens when you look at the likes of KcCat, Warwick, little gem, KitKat, and the like. well i can tell you now, KcKat is not a bleedin' cat at all, she's a girlie! little gem hasn't been prised from the bowels of the earth and lovingly polished till she sparkles, Warwick is neither a major conurbation, nor a mediaeval castle or three, and KitKat is not a four fingered snack. :x i'm not too sure if The_Laird and Lady Feebee are royalty at all, and as for VenusnMars, imagine my surprise to find that they are not in fact a pair of large celestial bodies orbiting the sun! i was quite disappointed. always wanted to try that astronauting malarkey. :(
example number 3 . . . on the subject of avatars.
again, looking at certain avatars, it's easy to conclude that, for instance, i have a big nose, Jas has a thing for thigh high boots and miniskirts, Kit looks rather sexy indeed in a purple basque, etc etc etc.
but . . . . does Easy look exactly like a cross between James Bond and Superman? is Warwick really a bag of marbles? ((( which is totally inconsistent with his claim to be a town / castle anyways, but we'll let that pass. ))) is Bluexxx really a multi-coloured fluffy dog with big floppy ears? is MissChief really an indian squaw, etc etc well i think not! in fact, none of 'em are anything like! :x
in short we have all been cruelly misled, and i for one demand that something be done about it. :x i'm not sure what yet, but definitely SOMETHING should be. i throw this open to you, my fellow members, in the hope that such dastardly devious deceit be stamped out forever!
neilinleeds

12 May 2005

Neil. Haven't you moved house? Away from Leeds? Or is that a vicious rumour?

12 May 2005

Quote by freckledbird
Neil. Haven't you moved house? Away from Leeds? Or is that a vicious rumour?

uuummmm . . . erm . . . .well . . . yes. ok up to know it WAS true, it's just an oversight on my part, honest!
bollox! bolt

n x x x :P

12 May 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
Neil. Haven't you moved house? Away from Leeds? Or is that a vicious rumour?

uuummmm . . . erm . . . .well . . . yes. ok up to know it WAS true, it's just an oversight on my part, honest!
bollox! bolt

n x x x :P
lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Neil's a bloody liar! Neil's a bloody liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12 May 2005

Yep, you're right Neil.
I have to confess that my name isn't really Mal609 :shock:
Its just Mal!!! lol

and my avatar isn't really a pic of a curvacious young female that attracts God only knows how many unsolicited PM's and emails and other lascivious comments - it's mine!! :lol:
so I'm afraid I'm one of your worst culprits - sorry! :shock:
Mal
wink

12 May 2005

Quote by freckledbird
Neil. Haven't you moved house? Away from Leeds? Or is that a vicious rumour?

Pmsl!

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Oh, FB! Fantastic dectective work! biggrin

:P Gem. x

12 May 2005

Quote by neilnolongerinleeds
little gem hasn't been prised from the bowels of the earth and lovingly polished till she sparkles

Bastard! You wait til I get my mits on you! smackbottom

I can't believe you put that! You know my sparkle is all natural and not enhanced by buffing, scrubbing or spit n polish! mad

<pah>
And to think I gave up a good portion of my Goldfish collection for you. confused

/flounces

12 May 2005

But Neil, I am Tall n Hairy, well some of me is, hairy that is. Ok I not Wookiee hairy but I not called Tall and Wookiee, then again some bits shaved now :twisted: hmmm... Would tallnmostlyhairyexceptthebitsthatarent be ok???

12 May 2005

Oh well didn't think I'd get away with it forever. Well discovered Neil. So what do you suggest I change my user name to now?
Non Egyptian God
John
smile

12 May 2005

well the av is me, my user name redface

12 May 2005

My Username is accurate. My avatar was true (once). And I was walking along the banks of a strawberry flavoured stream in Herts with a virgin the other day and I'm sure I saw a.... what? dunno

God you're so cynical.

12 May 2005

How dare you!! mad

I may be an estate agent by trade and therefore a liar (bat as my kids used to tell me, when I was in that trade... I cannot lie on Mondays, as that's my day off)...
I am not bleeding
I only bleed if I cut myself. Which I have not done for, oh.. minutes! :x
I demand an apology.

12 May 2005

okay
i admit it
i havent got furry balls that swing .............. innocent

12 May 2005

Neil, has anyone ever told you that Hertfordshire is the arsehole of England (apologies to GenHertsCpl and anyone else living there wink

). I mean you were just passing through on your way to sunny Sussex, weren't you?
Everyone passes through Herts at some time (proves my point, doesn't it?). :twisted:
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
Ok, ok, I'll take my smackbottom

from anyone who's in Herts.

12 May 2005

Eagerslut, you spank whore. You only say things like that to get the punishment rolling in! <tut> rolleyes

I mean How low can some tarts sink ey! confused

Humph <pah> :roll:
:P Gem. x

12 May 2005

Quote by little gem
Eagerslut, you spank whore. You only say things like that to get the punishment rolling in! <tut> I mean How low can some tarts sink ey!
Humph <pah> :roll:
:P Gem. x

Gem, but it's true! poke

:P
I mean, I've yet to find a decent layby in Herts! Am I to be punished for telling it like it is? :shock: :shock: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:
Course, if anyone knows different you can PM me with the location and I'll check it out sometime wink

Err................ redface

ops: :oops: :oops:
bolt

12 May 2005

Dear Mr Neil in Leeds,
It has been bought to my attention that you have posted a thread in which you accuse me of lying and thereby decieving the members of this cafe. It is my contention that whilst my posts contain a hint of embellishement on occasion, they are in fact based loosely around real life events.
I will happily admit that it is some years since I danced naked in the morning dew with a Unicorn, but dance naked with them I have, all but for the requisite silver chain around the left ankle and the garlic clove necklace that makes these beasts visible. It seems that you negated to bring these items with you on your trip to this fair county and therefore it surprises me not that you were dissapointed.
From your post it would seem that you have your fables mixed and had you bothered to reseach properly you would have found that the only time you need to be in the company of a virgin is if you want to meet three Arabs, on camels, that are bearing gifts. I have personally never tried this quest, being put off by the rumours that shortly after this meeting, there is a need to carry a heavier burden through life than most, cook a fish and bread supper for five thousand people and get a mate to build a rather large boat. All of which hold little appeal to me as it sounds like hard work.
Likewise there are indeed Pixies in abundance in this region, proof of which can be found in my fridge and I would suggest that you return to Herts, visit my home and secrete a mint Aero underneath the salad bin or hide it at the back of the ice maker and return to collect it the next day, be assured it will not be there when you return and that not one person within my household will have touched it. This phenomenon is a regular occurance and given that the house is locked up tight for the night, with the only access point being the letter box, will no doubt leave you with little choice than to agree with me that the only culprits, can be...... the Pixies at the bottom of the garden.

12 May 2005

:laughabove:
Quality davej :thumbup:
As for the camels and a gift.... hasn't poor Mrs. Davej had enough travelling of late, especially after being stuck with Sarge for so bloody long!
And giving her away as a gift to Neilnolongerinleeds, for goodness sake man, have some mercy! At least sell her and get a few goldfish back for all those night of snorring and beating you around the head with her wooden leg! lol

;)

Gem. x
Oh and I nearly forgot about Eagerslut the layby whore.
<speaks in a slow and very patronising voice>
Just because a town does not have a layby, does not mean it does not exsist! :lol:
<pah> you lot and geography. " I can read the map" What a load of bullshite.

12 May 2005

So ....is it possible to find three wise men and a virgin in a layby in Herts one of whom appears to be a pixie but she is in fact a goblin .sort ?
ps my avitar does not reflect my true self, i'm much more blue, and more fluffy in a hairy sort of way.....

12 May 2005

Quote by little gem
:laughabove:
Quality davej :thumbup:
As for the camels and a gift.... hasn't poor Mrs. Davej had enough travelling of late, especially after being stuck with Sarge for so bloody long!
And giving her away as a gift to Neilnolongerinleeds, for goodness sake man, have some mercy! At least sell her and get a few goldfish back for all those night of snorring and beating you around the head with her wooden leg! ;)
Gem. x
Oh and I nearly forgot about Eagerslut the layby whore.
<speaks in a slow and very patronising voice>
Just because a town does not have a layby, does not mean it does not exsist! :lol:
<pah> you lot and geography. " I can read the map" What a load of bullshite.

Indeed little gem, I thought she had been lost to me for good and was more than surprised when I heard that familiar clip...clump...clip..clump...of her footsteps on the drive signalling her return.
In truth I'm glad to see her back . All in all I love the woman to bits. Yes on occasion being married to someone with a wooden leg has been troublesome, but things like being banned fron our local club from taking part in any rock and roll dancing for fear of burning a hole in the wooden floor whilst spinning her, or the embarrasment of dogs pissing up her leg if she stands still too long, are more than compensated by having someone who can just walk up and down the allotment with small strides of around eighteen inches apart which are perfectly suited for the spacing required for a new potato crop.

12 May 2005

In the spirit of general pedantry that oft pervades the site , I would just like to point out that the correct plural term is not a 'bunch of liars' but a deceit of liars'
biggrin

12 May 2005

Quote by Silk and Big G
In the spirit of general pedantry that oft pervades the site , I would just like to point out that the correct plural term is not a 'bunch of liars' but a deceit of liars'

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, get you!! wink

:P :cheers:

12 May 2005

Quote by Eagerslut9
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, get you!! :P :cheers:

Yes I believe you usually do :-) :wink:

12 May 2005

I continue with (enjoyable!) amazement to hear about the lifestyle of Mr and Mrs davej but can not help noticing his prediiction for unicorns, pixies and people with wooden legs. There seems to be a strong similarity between Mr davej's adventures and those of Ms J K Rowling's Harry Potter.
Are the two related by any chance?

12 May 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
...i'm not too sure if The_Laird and Lady Feebee are royalty at all..

You'd better believe we are Mr SmartArseNeilnolongerinleeds mad

12 May 2005

I demand to know the truth ! "In Hertfordshire hurricanes hardly happen " ?.... or was me elocution tutor fibbing ?

12 May 2005

Quote by peenut
I demand to know the truth ! "In Hertfordshire hurricanes hardly happen " ?.... or was me elocution tutor fibbing ?

Was fibbing I'm afraid, that's why the Unicorns moved out. Then they added the M25, just to keep you coming back.
john
smile

12 May 2005

Ok so the hurricanes keep the unicorns out, maybe the local environmental health department has been forced to clear up the strawbury cordial waterways and theres possibly still a loop hole in the law about hunting pixies with dogs......maybe thats why the pixies have been forced to start building their little orange conical shaped houses along big sections of the M25 ? .

13 May 2005

Quote by McCloggie
I continue with (enjoyable!) amazement to hear about the lifestyle of Mr and Mrs davej but can not help noticing his prediiction for unicorns, pixies and people with wooden legs. There seems to be a strong similarity between Mr davej's adventures and those of Ms J K Rowling's Harry Potter.
Are the two related by any chance?

Just as a pointer for you McCloggie, the answer to your question about my attachment to a woman with a wooden leg, can be found in my revealing and heart tugging post within this thread:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/35341.html
any connection between my life and that of a film character, is I assure, you wholly coincidental ,as I have never seen the film to which you refer.

13 May 2005

Dear Mr Neilnotinbloodyleedsanymore
To answer your scandalous and frankly abusive claims against my goodselves. Firstly I have never claimed to be a large turreted building nor a picturesque conurbation in the rural midlands. I have furthermore made it quite plain that I am the A4600 , commonly referred to as the warwick By-pass.
Secondly my avatar is quite obviously myself. admittedly it is a little out of date and some of the brown swirly bits in the marbles are now a little greyer, and yes the general sheen is not what it once was.
thirdly and in defence of Mr davej sir, passing through Hertfordshire recently I was comforted at the herds of Unicorns which still roam freely alongside the m25 enjoying there daily routine drinking from the strawberry streams and passing a few idillic moments chatting to the indigenous yellow walrus. ffs open yur eyes lad
anymore of these slurs mR neilnolongerinbloodyleeds and you shall here from my lawyers , messrs Pinochio pixie and leprechaun
And with that I bid you a good day Sir