Hi! Presumably if you've got this far then the photos haven't put you off so we'll have to try harder! So here goes...

We're not into chat rooms, webcams and endless emails, sorry! We prefer to exchange face photos quickly and chat on the phone so we can all be sure we exist!

Now if you're still here we must be pretty like minded so we'll hit you with more stuff designed to put you off!

We prefer to meet in a house as it allows the conversation to flow more easily and people to be more sexy and flirty. We don't expect to swing on the first date, but we're happy to if we all want to. We prefer a touching, kissing and oral swing (is this soft?) but have full swung too.

Lin goes to a lot of effort getting ready, she likes to dress to impress with her killer heels and lace top stockings and expects Jon to as well - not the undies, just to make an effort and dress nicely, no t shirts, trainers sandals shorts, overalls, welding gear, diving suits, firemans outfits (unless worn by a real fireman) or tesco uniforms. I know it narrows the options a bit guys but e on, if you expect more than a pleasant evening then push the boat out and dress up! Oh, and if you are not a frequent flyer with the soap and think washing your hands after having a pee is optional then goodbye to you too!

We'd be really surprised if anyone is still reading this by now - we know we're tempted to give up! Still, our last request is for guys who are gentle, tender and teasing when touching and not like a bull in a china shop. Linda likes to have great memories of the night, not bruises!

So, if you are still with us then drop us a line, we're not unattractive, reasonably slim, very very clean and actually - despite the impression this blurb may have left you with - pretty relaxed and fun people to be with! Honest!

SINGLE GUYS

We don't normally meet single guys, but if you meet all the criteria below you're welcome to say hello

Thin - no sign of a beer belly

No facial hair

No body hair

Bald or shaved head would be an advantage!

Under 45

Gentle and really clean

Polite and fun, non pushy Happy to soft swing only

Johns straight but quite happy with close male contact and you should be too! Bi or str8 equally welcome.

AND you MUST have a face photo on your profile or to send to us! Please don't chat to us unless you are all of the above guys, thx!