I'm the most sarcastic wee shite you will ever meet, that's just me. If you don't like people being blunt or having a laugh, remove the stick from your arse and pass me by ;)

I'm a BBW, a fattie, with a belly, stretch marks, big arse, yada yada... Don't like that then again pass me by, we all have our types.

I do like my men but would really like a regular woman I can have fun with too. No preference for the ladies, but I do have a weakness for curves and boobies. I do have a type, don't we all but I'm open to all offers. I've been loving the chubbier guy lately and if you've got an alternative/indie thing going on about you, bonus points!!

NOW HERE'S THE IMPORTANT SHIT -

I don't do shorties, I'm a tall lassie, if you're shorter than 5'9 it's no happening.

I don't do hairy men, if you look like chewbacca it's no happening.

I don't do black/coloured/insert suitable PC term here. If you want to call me a racist then fair enough but I'm definitely not one!

I don't do squaddies, thats my own reasons!

I don't do small willies, I'm a big girl, it just doesn't work well together hah.

I don't do Celtic supporters, enough said ;)

If you've got all the way down here, congratulations, want a prize?