Single white male in boring job seeks whiny shrew for co-dependency, tepid sex, and shouting matches. I enjoy drinking, petty theft, pornography, and self-righteous indignation. I like to run with scissors. I love to give compliments that prominently display my gender stereo-types. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. For fun, I enjoy browsing other people's profiles and making shallow judgments about their employment, and social skills. Everything I need to know about life I got from watching Jerry Springer whilst on my 15 year work sabbatical. In my free time I have written a thesaurus that included an emphasis on the most useful curses. I would kill to win the Nobel Peace prize. I have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorizing useless statistics, and chuckling at my own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes.