First night in Garden of Eden and Adam warns Eve, "you'd better stand back a bit,I don't know how big this thing gets."
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The best people to have sex with are make you do it time and time again until you get it right.
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Did you hear about the young lady who failed her driving test?
When the car stopped, she automatically got into the back seat.
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God only gave women two sets of lips so they could piss and moan at the same time.
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A young punk rocker get son the tube abd sits opposite ab old man who stares at him punk has spiky red,blue and orange hair,rings in his nose,his eyebrows,lips and ears,and long dangling feather 10 minutes,the punk can't take anymore of the staring and shouts at the old man "What are you looking at,you old fart,didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?"
"Yes, replied the old man. "When I was young and in the navy,I shagged a parrot whne I was on shore leave.I thought maybe you were my son."
"Yes, replied the old man. "When I was young and in the navy,I shagged a parrot whne I was on shore leave.I thought maybe you were my son."
"Why are you taking so long?" complained his wife.
"I'm trying really hard," but I can't think of anyone."
What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A whore sleeps with everyone; a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
OVERHEARD on top of a bus:
"I'm knackered,Bill; it's been a hell of a day at work,You know,compared to us women have it ,they even sit down to take a piss.
HOW can you tell a short sighted man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
"I'm trying really hard," but I can't think of anyone."
What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A whore sleeps with everyone; a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
OVERHEARD on top of a bus:
"I'm knackered,Bill; it's been a hell of a day at work,You know,compared to us women have it ,they even sit down to take a piss.
HOW can you tell a short sighted man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
3 men discussing what to buy their wives for christmas."I'm going to buy my wife some sexy underwear and a pair of Italian shoes,then if she doesn't like one,then hopefully she will like the other."That's a good idea,"says the second man.
"I'll get my wife two presents as well and maybe one of them will be 's see-I think I'll get her a gold necklace and an evening dress."
"What about you Jack?"they say,turning to the third man who has remained morosely quiet. "Oh,I know what I'm getting Doreen,a mink coat and a she doesn't like the coat she can go fuck herself."
"I'll get my wife two presents as well and maybe one of them will be 's see-I think I'll get her a gold necklace and an evening dress."
"What about you Jack?"they say,turning to the third man who has remained morosely quiet. "Oh,I know what I'm getting Doreen,a mink coat and a she doesn't like the coat she can go fuck herself."
Come all post your jokes to lightne up the ffffffffffffffffreezing day.
What do you call a man with 14 rabbits up his arse?
A: Warren
A man goes to buy some rat shopkeeper gives him a bottle of powder and tells him to sprinkle it round his ,the man replies,"If I could get that close I'd step on him!"
What do you call a man with 14 rabbits up his arse?
A: Warren
A man goes to buy some rat shopkeeper gives him a bottle of powder and tells him to sprinkle it round his ,the man replies,"If I could get that close I'd step on him!"
Ok,it is the time of year when those awful Chistmas songs are filling the shops.
Which is your worst one of all time.
I have a few that stick in my rowing boat everytime I hear them
Cliff Richard -- The Lords Prayer
That awful Mr Blobby effort
Cheeky Girls --Cheeky cheeky Christmas or whatever it was called
Paul McCartney ---The Pipes of Peace
Well I could go on, but will give others the chance to share the ones they love to hate.
Catch you later pop pickers.
Which is your worst one of all time.
I have a few that stick in my rowing boat everytime I hear them
Cliff Richard -- The Lords Prayer
That awful Mr Blobby effort
Cheeky Girls --Cheeky cheeky Christmas or whatever it was called
Paul McCartney ---The Pipes of Peace
Well I could go on, but will give others the chance to share the ones they love to hate.
Catch you later pop pickers.
Anyone had a visit from carol singers yet?
As an oldie I remember they used to start coming round from the 1st Dec onwards and standing at the front door struggling to sing the first line and then sticking their hands out looking for money.
Just off to fill some buckets of water in preparation.
As an oldie I remember they used to start coming round from the 1st Dec onwards and standing at the front door struggling to sing the first line and then sticking their hands out looking for money.
Just off to fill some buckets of water in preparation.
Not Alicia,it was Emily I think.
That Alicia had some illness where she was addicted to plastic surgery and I think she now has most if not all her surgery reveresed but she will never look 'noral' whatever that is.
There was a woman who had numerous operations and spoke about when one of her implants swelled to about three times the size and she had to have it corrected and when she pulled down her top you could see loads of scarring under her arms.
Don't watch it as it will give you nightmares.
That Alicia had some illness where she was addicted to plastic surgery and I think she now has most if not all her surgery reveresed but she will never look 'noral' whatever that is.
There was a woman who had numerous operations and spoke about when one of her implants swelled to about three times the size and she had to have it corrected and when she pulled down her top you could see loads of scarring under her arms.
Don't watch it as it will give you nightmares.
If you keep your minces peeled it should be repeated on itv2 sometime in the future.I am telling you it was pretty nasty.
There was a nice looking girl who looked better before she had her boob job personally speaking,but if they are adults then they are free to do what they want with their bodies.
Sometimes though I am sure they are doing it for others and not themselves.
There was a nice looking girl who looked better before she had her boob job personally speaking,but if they are adults then they are free to do what they want with their bodies.
Sometimes though I am sure they are doing it for others and not themselves.
Personally,I feel(no pun intended) they have to be in proportion to the rest of the body.I just choked on my cheese baguette looking at that pic lil miss naughty lol.
After watching the tv prog last night about when womens boobs went bust I think it will make women think twice before going under the knife.
After watching the tv prog last night about when womens boobs went bust I think it will make women think twice before going under the knife.
OK own up who can't wait to get their gobs round the dreaded Brussel Sprouts?
I hate these things and always wonder where they come from?
Do they have a large Brussel sprout mountain somehwere or do they breed outside christmas season?
Alos I would suggest anyone thinking if getting nuts to buy ready shelled ones as it does save in the long run as half of the shelled ones are usually bad and what is it with those ruddy Almond ones which are a bugger to crack.
I hate these things and always wonder where they come from?
Do they have a large Brussel sprout mountain somehwere or do they breed outside christmas season?
Alos I would suggest anyone thinking if getting nuts to buy ready shelled ones as it does save in the long run as half of the shelled ones are usually bad and what is it with those ruddy Almond ones which are a bugger to crack.
Most of these hospitals now have to charge as shoppers try to use them as free car parks,but if you have a valid appointment there should be a way you get space for free whilst you are in the hospital
Lil_miz_naughty - Is that a pic of you in stockings or not?
Either way very nice indeed.
Lil_miz_naughty - Is that a pic of you in stockings or not?
Either way very nice indeed.
