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hillage
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 66
Forum
Essex guy stuck in a rut.. been 14 months now and girls whoever gets me next is gonna get an explosion.. got hurt so not looking for a relationship just a good old seeing to.. caring and considerate in bed with good O levels so im told so come on cant anyone pop in for even a quicky???
Hi all This is a silly little story I made up about me, my ex and her ex hubby. I made it up one night when she couldnt sleep as was troubled it made her laugh and a few of my friends so i thought i would share it...
FAT NAKED MAN, LTTLE PRETTY WOMAN, AND LITTLE NASTY MAN.
Once upon a time there was a fat naked man. He lived on his own quite happily in his little naked flat, and did silly fat naked man things everyday. He talked to his friends on the phone, played his fat naked man guitar, and listened to his fat naked man music. One day the fat naked man got a new computer and started talking to all his old friends from school. One of them was called little pretty woman. He knew little pretty woman from school, where they had been friends.
Little pretty woman was married to little nasty man. Little nasty man treated little pretty woman nastily, he shouted at her, threw things at her, and didn’t show her that he loved her.
One day little nasty man was in one of his nasty moods. In a fit of anger he told pretty little woman to ‘’ pack her bags and fuck off’’. Little pretty woman was used to this and just sat down, took a valium, and had a fag to calm down. In a little while nasty little man called pretty little woman a cunt and told her once again to ‘’ pack her bags and fuck off’’.
Little pretty woman had had enough. She threw a few things in a bag and called the little taxi man. When little taxi man arrived she got in and went to angry mums. Angry mum wasn’t always angry, only when little nasty man had been upsetting little pretty woman did she get angry. She had never liked the way little nasty man treated
little pretty woman.
Little pretty woman then decided to go and stay with little man to calm down. While she was at little mans she called fat naked man and they arranged to meet.
When fat naked man and pretty little woman met, they fell head over heels in love, and spent the next week in bed saying nice things to each other.
Little nasty man kept calling little pretty woman on the phone and made her feel guilty. But little pretty woman decided that she didn’t want to go back to little nasty man. So fat naked man and little pretty woman bought a sofa bed together and lived happily ever after.
FAT NAKED MAN, LTTLE PRETTY WOMAN, AND LITTLE NASTY MAN.
Once upon a time there was a fat naked man. He lived on his own quite happily in his little naked flat, and did silly fat naked man things everyday. He talked to his friends on the phone, played his fat naked man guitar, and listened to his fat naked man music. One day the fat naked man got a new computer and started talking to all his old friends from school. One of them was called little pretty woman. He knew little pretty woman from school, where they had been friends.
Little pretty woman was married to little nasty man. Little nasty man treated little pretty woman nastily, he shouted at her, threw things at her, and didn’t show her that he loved her.
One day little nasty man was in one of his nasty moods. In a fit of anger he told pretty little woman to ‘’ pack her bags and fuck off’’. Little pretty woman was used to this and just sat down, took a valium, and had a fag to calm down. In a little while nasty little man called pretty little woman a cunt and told her once again to ‘’ pack her bags and fuck off’’.
Little pretty woman had had enough. She threw a few things in a bag and called the little taxi man. When little taxi man arrived she got in and went to angry mums. Angry mum wasn’t always angry, only when little nasty man had been upsetting little pretty woman did she get angry. She had never liked the way little nasty man treated
little pretty woman.
Little pretty woman then decided to go and stay with little man to calm down. While she was at little mans she called fat naked man and they arranged to meet.
When fat naked man and pretty little woman met, they fell head over heels in love, and spent the next week in bed saying nice things to each other.
Little nasty man kept calling little pretty woman on the phone and made her feel guilty. But little pretty woman decided that she didn’t want to go back to little nasty man. So fat naked man and little pretty woman bought a sofa bed together and lived happily ever after.
hmmmm as far as i can remember humans didnt always have cosy houses to shag in..im sure that for any of us to get here (even the twit writting the letter) our forefathers must have been enjoying some of that al fresco fun in our beautiful parks and woodland..not sure about the cars..probably used ye olde horse and carriage then!!
It just shows how narrow minded ppl are..i seem to recal my mother once telling me i needed to get nets cos ppl walking up the road could see in if they looked my reply was if they look in then what they see is there problem for being so snouty!!
It just shows how narrow minded ppl are..i seem to recal my mother once telling me i needed to get nets cos ppl walking up the road could see in if they looked my reply was if they look in then what they see is there problem for being so snouty!!
MY mother ( bless her) is very prone to muddling her words..i recount a couple of occasions that had us all in fits!!
before i start these are TRUE!! they actually happened
My mother is a devoted church goer and on wednsdays goes out with all the ladies on they're little trips in the summer, the ladies age between 40 and eternity!! so they are all on the bus talking about what they saw on t v the night before when mummy dearest pipes up with " well me and p****** watched a really interesting program on orgasms last night" this is greated with shocked looks and then peels of laughter, poor mum cant figure out whats wrong and then it dawns on here and has to explain she meant organisms..
The other day my mother came round with my father and i had to ask her to get some hair removing cream for my niece..my mother said oh...for her legs? and i had to say no, i think she wants the sensetive one for somewhere else..to this my mother said " i dont know whats the matter with them , dont they realise public hair is there for a reason!!" to say me and my father wet ourselves was an understatment..but she wouldnt back down, we told her she meant pubic hair but she swore blind there was no such thing and its public hair..in the end i said mum the only time its public is if you forget your knickers!!! then we all laughed our arses off..
mum does go a lovely shade of red sometimes!!!
ok so ive told you a few i have heard now lets hear yours!!!
before i start these are TRUE!! they actually happened
My mother is a devoted church goer and on wednsdays goes out with all the ladies on they're little trips in the summer, the ladies age between 40 and eternity!! so they are all on the bus talking about what they saw on t v the night before when mummy dearest pipes up with " well me and p****** watched a really interesting program on orgasms last night" this is greated with shocked looks and then peels of laughter, poor mum cant figure out whats wrong and then it dawns on here and has to explain she meant organisms..
The other day my mother came round with my father and i had to ask her to get some hair removing cream for my niece..my mother said oh...for her legs? and i had to say no, i think she wants the sensetive one for somewhere else..to this my mother said " i dont know whats the matter with them , dont they realise public hair is there for a reason!!" to say me and my father wet ourselves was an understatment..but she wouldnt back down, we told her she meant pubic hair but she swore blind there was no such thing and its public hair..in the end i said mum the only time its public is if you forget your knickers!!! then we all laughed our arses off..
mum does go a lovely shade of red sometimes!!!
ok so ive told you a few i have heard now lets hear yours!!!
well my family have guessed at a lot of my activities and i live with my niece who is adult enough to understand my activities so to be honest i dont worry about it..if my family found out they wouldnt be happy as thety are commited christians but it wouldnt worry me if they fouind out..as for my friends i dont think they would worry to much as most of them have had some sort of fun or another over the years and if they or my family judged me and made a fuss then they wouldnt care that much would they???!! if anyone asked me if i swing i would say yes..just the same as if i was bi or gay i wouldnt hide it ( my niece actually begged me to " go gay" as she put it cos it would be cool to have a gay uncle hahahaha)
seriously though i wouldnt worry that much clare and steve if they got funny about it then they werent really much of a friend
seriously though i wouldnt worry that much clare and steve if they got funny about it then they werent really much of a friend
I moved out of home when i was 18 and never looked back..i love my parents to bits and see them quite often but there is no way i would move back there ever again..I love the freedom of living with someone or alone ( the later at the moment) its hard at first but dont look back and give your rents the chance for some time for themselves now..they probably miss you a lot but trust me its balanced by the freedom they have now as well..all the best with daz...
Hi Judy Im sorry to here that things worked out that way and i know how heart breaking it can be when you feel you have built up a relationship with someone, but you did the right thing!! we all have to respect someone elses security measures and sadley they are very much needed.. I hope you find a new god soon..
well my login name is hillage..a throw back to seventies hippy rock...but i always use my real name ian when replying to ads..the hillage thing just stuck in the seventies and now i use it as login for all the sites i belong to both naughty ones and normal sites..( ohh that sounds awful!! i dont mean it like that)
I have to admit i have been astounded by the amount of replies that posing this question has got. I guess your all right in a way..as for the blonde in the pub at least she would tell me to sod off..i think you have it right in as much as we all expect other ppl to treat us as we treat others ourselves..me im the kind of person that always replies even if it is to say im sorry no thanks..
Yes i do go out and pull now and again..but the whole idea of this is that you can meet like minded ppl who are lookinfgfor simular things to yourself without all the hassle of dating only to find out later they arnt into the same stuff as you..or even worse those that say they are then, when you have arranged a meet suddenly back out ( my ex!!!)
I think for most of us single guys and ladies for that mater the ideal solution would be to look for swing partners ..we wouldnt necessarly sleep together but could pair up to meet other couples etc for fun..thus doing away with the problem of singles ..maybe we ought to have a new section for ppl seeking swing partners??? what do you think???
Yes i do go out and pull now and again..but the whole idea of this is that you can meet like minded ppl who are lookinfgfor simular things to yourself without all the hassle of dating only to find out later they arnt into the same stuff as you..or even worse those that say they are then, when you have arranged a meet suddenly back out ( my ex!!!)
I think for most of us single guys and ladies for that mater the ideal solution would be to look for swing partners ..we wouldnt necessarly sleep together but could pair up to meet other couples etc for fun..thus doing away with the problem of singles ..maybe we ought to have a new section for ppl seeking swing partners??? what do you think???
welcome manc lass...its very relaxed here and everyone makes you feel at ease..i was a newbie myself last week so i know it can feel a little intimidating at first..my advice is to just look around and answer posts that take your fancy and dont be frightened of asking questions we are all here to help ..have fun
of course you do realise who is one half of tenacious D??? jack black of school of rock fame..so now i guess you can understand why the songs so funny..A lot of there stuff is tongue in cheek and yes the video is hilarious!!! if anyone hasnt seen it definatly check it out..my personal fav bit of the vid is when one of the little cherubs turns his miners lamp on before going down...
I have to echo what most of the guys have said here..I am a single guy and yes im looking but no i dont think its acceptable to treat ppl with the abuse that some fo you ladys have been getting..
If its no thanks then why bother to send back to a lady more than "thanks for replying"? i think your right a "dickhead detector" would be handy!!!!
To any guys reading this..just cos a lady is looking doesnt mean she deserves to be treated with anything but respect..
If its no thanks then why bother to send back to a lady more than "thanks for replying"? i think your right a "dickhead detector" would be handy!!!!
To any guys reading this..just cos a lady is looking doesnt mean she deserves to be treated with anything but respect..
Hi well not in that league but i did once eat an apple that unfortunatly had a wasp on it that i didnt see..the little sod stung me in the tongue and i had a few problems for a while..my tongue swelled and i started to choke but my parents got me to hospital and sorted out quickly ( i was a child at the time)
the motto of this tale???? look before you bite!!!
the motto of this tale???? look before you bite!!!
Hi again all, when someone takes the time to write a more than one line reply to advertisers who say they are looking for solo males ..why cant they even send a no thanks??? it really bugs me that some times i spend a longtime writting out an e mail but then dont even get an acknowledment that they have read it?
I always try to make sure that im only writting to someone who is looking for" me" ie my age and description etc and dont pester ppl who are looking for younger or bigger/smaller etc..I make sure my pc is kept virus free so i am not sending anything other than the type of pic they have requested..
I just cant understand it..if anyone sends me mail in anyway apart from spam i at least send a reply even if it is no thanks
AHHHHHHHHHHHH that feels better now thats of my chest!!!
I always try to make sure that im only writting to someone who is looking for" me" ie my age and description etc and dont pester ppl who are looking for younger or bigger/smaller etc..I make sure my pc is kept virus free so i am not sending anything other than the type of pic they have requested..
I just cant understand it..if anyone sends me mail in anyway apart from spam i at least send a reply even if it is no thanks
AHHHHHHHHHHHH that feels better now thats of my chest!!!
