BIG update Aug 2011! Leaving the rest intact to save time... But I really need to completely revamp this profile! The first bit is most important!

I run the South Downs Munch, a pansexual BDSM event held in The Old Vic, Portsmouth. 2nd Friday each month. Don't Miss it!

I live in Southsea near the pub. I can accommodate. Web site for the munch is .southdownsbdsm

All genders and sexualities are welcome, if you are trans, come in your best frock! The pub is safe for all and the best LGBT friendly pub in England.

UPDATE Oct 2008! See below! (We are now in Cowplain, nr Portsmouth, and can accomodate)

Since, like you, I am not simple, this is long! If you really want to know me, please read it all rather than stop at any bits you don't like - I am not pretending to be perfect, but on balance you might like me quite a lot!

I am a pansexual polyamorous man who has a taste for trans people. I absolutely LOVE women, especially "tom boys". What I mean by that is I actually LIKE women, not just sexually. Young smooth boys are also delicious!

As a teenager I was a serious "player", then, more than 30 years ago, I fell madly in love with a stunningly beautiful girl of 17, who I am still married to. We have 4 lovely children. Shortly after we met, we met and both fell in love with another couple, and for about 20 years or so we had what I can only describe as a "quasi poly" relationship with them. Yes, there were 4 in a bed times, usually after romantic dinner parties for just the 4 of us, and everyone played with everyone else though just short of full swapping for intercourse. Frustratingly, it ended at about the time when both us boys had vasectomies, but the reason was a combination of a nasty attack of religion and a career move for them to the Middle East, plus another issue that had nothing to do with our sexual relationship - too detailed for this profile.

As it happens, I have a huge libido, far in excess of my dear wife, and that leaves me terribly frustrated. Unfortunately as time has moved on she has become unbearably possessive of me and I feel totally stifled. Thus I have begun to discreetly seek love elsewhwere. In doing this I have sought to start afresh in being completely honest from the beginning about my sexuality and to explore all avenues, though in fact I have always been very turned on by androgyny.

My wife doesn't accept my sexuality and never has. I learned long ago to keep quiet about it to avoid her anger and contempt. Don't misunderstand me, I still love her with all my heart and always will, she has just grown up and matured differently from how I expected and hoped, but that's no reason to leave her. She is still my friend, if not so often my lover as I would so greatly desire.

At this point I should say something about polyamory and me. Basically, I have never understood why if you fall in love with someone, you are supposed, by society, to automatically fall out of love with whoever you already love, or make some sort of heart rending choice. For me it just doesn't work like that. I tend to have close friends rather than shallow aquaintances, and if such friend is single, they are usualy female. I find it much easier to talk to women than men, except gay men, though I have not so far found one to be really close to.

Also I don't seperate sex from love and friendship; I would happily go to bed with most of my close friends of either sex if they wanted. I don't see sex as something to be possessive about, indeed I would be overjoyed to see my wife making love to any of our friends. Having said all that, until very recently I had never been "unfaithful" to her. I am just expressing the way I feel; I need more love than I have, and I have much love to give.

If you will forgive the plaigurism, there was once a prostitute who said "sex is great! you've got it - you sell it - you've still got it - you sell it again!" Well love is even better! The more you give it away, the more you get!

For me, if I love you, then I will love you for life. I just don't fall in and out of love like some people seem to. Loyalty is very important to me, and I value it very highly in others; I am just not possessive about it. When I tell someone I never want to say goodbye to them they will know I love them. Friendship comes first, then love slowly develops - usually.

I may appear to be casual about sex, but that is not really the case. Yes, if we obviously like each other, you might well get me into bed on a first date. I am not at all restrained about enjoying sexual pleasure, but I always have feelings of love for those I make love with.

I am a true hedonist at heart. I love all the sensual pleasures of life, Music (very dear to my heart), The Arts - I have eclectic tastes in both, (and there IS a theme to it in both cases) - good wine or a few beers, good company, daft zany humour, very definitely all the sensuous gentle pleasures of the flesh, good suroundings - walks in the country, beautiful scenery, beautiful people, some literature, though I usualy prefer non fiction when it comes to reading because I am always learning about something new, such is my insatiably curious nature. I would never dismiss the value of fiction or poetry, but I always find the real world in all it's detail so much more fascinating than the creations of an author.

On first contact I am usually a little shy and reserved, but I soon warm up. After a few drinks I can, in the right company, be quite outrageous - in the nicest possible way! I do have some exhibitionist tendencies - I am instinctively a naturist, though not a club member. I just like to be naked whenever possible and am happy naked in the company of others.

In love: I am very tactile and affectionate, freely demonstrative of affection, a very sensual and passionate lover, caring and considerate, always respectful of my partner's limits and feelings. I am adventurous and imaginative in bed; very capable of giving complete satisfaction as I am multi-orgasmic and can make love for many hours if my partner wants it. I love to take time to gently arouse my partner; I feel that sensitive foreplay is very important. Most of my body is erogenous, though some areas are particularly sensitive! I will do anything that gives pleasure, and have no hangups that I am aware of, except that I am not into pain as I have a low pain threshold and certainly couldn't bear to inflict it on others. I don't regard that as a hangup. Nor is the fact that I prefer lovemaking naked - clothes just get in the way of sensual pleasure - I will revel in the deliciousness of your flesh and the natural beauty of your body!

I am a free thinker, I don't follow convention at all, I design my own rules. I just don't see the need to go through life blinkered. I was an athiest by the time I was old enough not to believe in Father Christmas plus a few years, though I admit that I did spend a great deal of time as a teenager carefully examining all the major religions and a few others including paganism. I have a particularly good understanding of the Christian faith because to be able to reject it as a child against my parent's wishes I had to know enough to be able to argue my point effectively - my grandfather was an ordained "reverand gentleman". I have evolved a philosophy that takes the best out of Christianity (and some other religions) without believing in god. Anyway if there was a god, that religion wouldn't have been bastardised by Paul of Tarsus in the first century. What I mean by Christianity is what Jesus actually alledgedly preached, not what the Churches preach today. And while I generally try, I don't pretend to succeed in living by my own philosophy - nobody's perfect!

At Art College I fought tooth and nail against the conventions of the time, called a spade a spade, designed things that the examiners couldn't understand the originality of and was hugely delighted to fail my diploma for not conforming to design requirements only to have several of the external examiners become good customers - we have all had many a good laugh over it in the pub since! I'd have been really pissed off if they'd given me the diploma!

My work is creative: I am part designer, part engineer / inventor, always an artist at heart though I've never had time to paint since I left college. I see engineering design as Art. I play the Piano very badly because I don't ever practise, if it was any good it would be jazz/blues - I was one of the few who hated the Beatles (over-rated) and other "commercial music" and jave always liked a wide mixture from Classical to Jazz, Progressive Rock, blues etc - I never seemed to follow fashion at all! I grew my hair very long after the hippy age when everyone else was doing punk, and always voted conservative even with long hair - I used to crease up at the old farts' reaction to me, but I am an idealogical capitalist (small c - some of my best friends are communists). Oh well - better explain - I am economically capitalist, socially liberal - or is that libertine? LOL! My hair is short now as it would look daft falling out at my age!

I live in Surrey, England, work from home running two companies and go to London often on business.

If you are looking for love, I could be looking for you... Call me!

Looking for:

OK - this is just a "wish list"; please don't take it as made to measure! You don't have to fit anywhere near, just understand where I am coming from; don't be afraid to try me, I celebrate human diversity! And some of the ugliest people are fantastic in bed!

I seek somebody who is affectionate, loyal, kind, bright, honest, (ideally beautiful) and sexy, even horny, and who seeks a kind gentleman who will be equally affectionate, loyal, honest, kind and gentle. That's the most important bit - read on for more details!

My sexual preferences are not defined by gender.

You might be genetically male or female or anything in between. I prefer smooth skin (I love all colours), not hugely hairy, wrinkly, nor would you be very overweight. We are not necessarily talking Twiggy but I do like slim bodies. Tall is OK. Petite is great. I love nice thighs. I prefer small, even tiny breasts. I love women with athletic, even muscular bodies, even female body builders. Kind eyes are very important. You can tell a lot from a face. What's between your legs will be a nice surprise for me and I don't mind what I find, though I prefer not the result of surgery but don't rule anything out. I suppose I should appologise for that last bit and maybe more, but I am being completely honest about what I seek, so "politcal correctness" is out of the window. Age isn't important if the above is taken into account, though youthful beauty, of any gender, greatly appeals to me. I am not into older men ar all. Twinkies only may apply please!

In a relationship partner I seek an intellectual equal; BTW those who don't think they are bright usually are. I feel that manners (not etiquette) are an important part of civilsed behaviour, and one must always try to make others feel comfortable. Of course I don't always succeed! Nobody needs to be a "pushover"! I also believe that just because someone has difficulty expressing themselves it doesn't necessarily follow that they are daft. Although I can communicate effectively, if ramblingly (with plenty of smelling pistakes), I personally don't actually think in words at all - hence the rambling, and have never managed any language except English and just enough French to get a beer! I don't care if you have a degree, only that you have intellect enough to be a stimulating match, and individual views of your own which don't need to agree with mine. I enjoy a stimulating intellectual discussion!

Lastly - I remind you that I must be absolutely 100% certain to protect my wife from STIs, so that IS an issue and I will need to ask you some searching questions about that. I don't like asking; it's not romantic, but it's a matter of life and death and it's my responsibility to stay safe for her.

If you've read all this and still want to contact me, you are very possibly the one for me!

MAJOR UPDATE!

I hadn't touched this profile for several years and now I am updating it with the following important info:

Firstly, I will soon be separating from my wife; it's her decision not mine, but it is the right thing to do.

Secondly:

For my entire life until 3 years ago I had wrangled with my innermost desires that had been in me since early childhood, believing them to be wrong. Desires to control and dominate, to have slaves - I couldn't get my head around the morality of it, but then I had the good fortune to see a BDSM "scene", in which a female sub had a fantastic time, and, much more important, I saw how her Dom gave her aftercare, and suddenly the light shined into my heart and I understood the truth about the sacred symbiosis of dominance and submission. Some, like me, need to be in control, to be dominant; others have a burning need to submit. And such submission is a great and tender gift of love from the sub to the Dom, to be highly prized, honoured and held in the highest esteem. In many ways, the Dom can be said to serve the sub. To be handed the gift of submission is a very wonderful thing. Now I understand who and what I am and at last I am at peace with myself. And I have a wonderful lover, transsexual, who is not a sub, but who understands my needs and completely supports me both as a Dom and as a polyamorous man. I am a regular at the Guildford Munch and on many online BDSM groups, and am learning more day by day.

So if your desire is to serve, to join the sacred partnership, then, regardless of your gender, touch me! There is much more than I can say here, and if you write to me I will point you to the way forward.

Further update: My ex wife moved out after Christmas in early 2008. I am now in a LTR with my lovely post-op TS Girlfriend, who I love very dearly with all my heart. We are poly and open to relationships with others, though it should be noted that we are not into one night stands or dangerous activities. We are fluid bonded and safe, and intend to live long and happy lives together! We will also not go behind each others backs. If you go with us, you have to appeal to both of us.

Further update, Dec 2008: After moving to Cowplain, I started the South Downs BDSM Munch, a pansexual group. q.v. on or IC. We meet twice a month and it's a great success! As a result we have made many lovely friends here! And it looks like being a very kinky sexy Christmas! I will be seeing a lovely new submissive tgirl maid, who I am beginning to fall in love with, and two more lovely girls may be hopefully seeing us for interview after Christmas!