US: Married Couple in boring jobs seeks whiny shrew for co-dependency, tepid sex, and shouting matches. We enjoy drinking, petty theft, pornography, and self-righteous indignation. We like to run with scissors. We love to give compliments that prominently display my gender stereo-types. For fun, We enjoy browsing other people's profiles and making shallow judgments about their employment, and social skills. Wen my free time We have written a thesaurus that included an emphasis on the most useful curses. We would kill to win the Nobel Peace prize. We have middling intelligence but try to appear smarter by affecting a world-weary air, memorising useless statistics, and chuckling at our own mean-spirited, agenda-driven jokes. 

YOU: You are a man-hating, bitter shrew with a misplaced sense of entitlement and utopic expectations. Over time you will blame us and grow hostile when we don't fulfill every need you've ever had. Bonus points if you just finished dating every guy in town but now want to take your time with us. Our perfect night would include getting hammered in a sh*ty bar while you flirt with seedy old drunks, followed by a loud screaming match and culminating in an ashtray blow to the head - yours or his, it doesn't really matter. We would be open to an unsatisfying fling but prefer a long-term, soul crushing descent into alcoholism and pills. Age unimportant, but We often condescend to women under 22 and rehash mother issues with women over 43. Serious replies only, please.