We've been married for 19 years and over the (many) years, have had one too many bags of Haribo Starmix in front of the telly. With sedentary jobs, 3 children, all the wrong diet choices, middle age arrived with a thud, and as you can see we've paid the price physically.
However, we did get fed up with what those "delights" had done to our appearance, so we worked on it; unfortunately the damage was already done. So set your expectations to "completely average", and prepare for moobs, muffin tops and constant "sucking it in" and you won't be disappointed. We think we've reached our settling weight now :) Sometimes, if my double chins are particularly prominent i may sport facial fuzz to hide them, although rest assured the wife doesn't. There's certainly a lot to be said for squidgy bits, so we're generally unfussed by appearance in others--just be well groomed, fastidiously hygienic and smelling nice!! 

We love manners, kindness, decorum and understated people. If you're loud, vulgar and think baying and screeching at X-factor is acceptable, we won't get 're British, not teenage american girls.

We have the usual collection of demanding kids, jobs, and gawd knows what else, so our free time is precious! Nowadays sorting out babysitting logistics to coincide with free time seem to be nigh on impossible...And come the weekend it's often difficult to raise enthusiasm for anything, let alone bonking. Ironing to Top Gear can be such a passion killer, yet it's often a highlight of the week.
As for going out, well we used to go to Liberty's, then went to Vanilla Alternative but now tend to favour Jaydees because a) it's cheaper and b) our hit rate seems to be better!
Unfortunately we don't have the luxury of time, and i`m not the never ending supply of protein shakes i once was, so we tend to have to leave about 1am at the latest; so if you see somebody already at it before you've even had chance to blow the froth off, it's probably us.

When we do go to a club we prefer to be fairly anonymous, so that if something doesn't work out we can move on to the next couple. There's a lot to be said about not listening to yet more people's troubles, so we prefer to keep the "socialisation" aspects to a minimum. If we wanted to hear more "blah, blah, blah" we'd talk to each other thanks very much....However that does seem to put us at odds with many other couples who love to do all that sort of thing at clubs; gossiping, drinking and dancing. Well we can do that "outside"! We prefer to get on with things, and do rather enjoy the orgy bed once the "shall we touch them?" terror has been resolved. Lately we've been enjoying "Hot wife" scenarios at Jaydees (more frequent than playing outside during the day), but would prefer a few more couples to dive in instead of single guys. There must be a secret signal or something that we're missing. Perhaps some sort of tattoo, bracelet or neon sign saying "dear couples, please help yourselves to us" might be the next plan of action...
We don't do social meetings in pubs as it would leave us mortified if we did not click with somebody and have to waste the evening or make excuses--that may sound selfish, but it's a "bang for buck" thing; cash and time-wise!! We have enough vanilla friends :)
We prefer to think of this as light entertainment. We've got enough baggage of our own to worry about, and with the advent of fake news and the proliferation of utter bullshit everywhere we tend not to be interested in social discussions either. It might sound selfish to the younger ones on here, but we've reached a stage in our lives where we're tired of other people's shit, don't need it, so don't take it. Simples :) We're just here to bang and have fleshy frolics.
Oh and Bisexuality doesn't frighten us, as it does others. We could be labelled as heteroflexible (!), and it's no deal breaker-we've certainly both touched/been touched without any adverse effects--but it is a chemistry/mood/atmosphere thing. If they're wrong we won't be interested. We might be thought of as Trisexual--we'll try anything once.
As you can see from our pics, we love going on a "day out", generally when the kids are at school, finding a nice secluded spot where we won't offend anyone/get arrested and then getting jiggy with it. We arrange meets for invited guests and sometimes, when they show up, it's all rather spiffing...Other times we may as well have stayed at home in the garden, given the no-shows, but there you go, perhaps the "picnic" doesn't look edible enough....?

Oh and if you contact us, seriously give the text speech a rest. U wud not b3lieve wht passes 4 comms skillz, & trust us,itza sure fire way ov bean deleted innit. If you can't be erudite or prosaic in your approach, you're not likely to get in my knickers, let alone hers, so please try and put some effort in. #shudder #ugh

Furthermore please don't send us friend requests or "look at my profile" tags if there's sod all on your profile. There's about 7 billion humans on the planet, half of which are guys, and you'd either have to be Brad Pitt or Einstein to separate yourself from the herd, so if you're neither you're going to have to put just a little bit of effort in. Seriously, we have plenty of horny fuckers interested in playing, so you need to stand out and catch our interest--if you can't be arsed, neither can we.
If any of this offends you or comes across as high handed, please feel free to block/delete/move along as we're sure there's plenty more people available on here to tickle your fancy. Probably.  We're just old enough now to be bored with snowflakes, drama and time wasters.
Right, i'm off to put a washload on and clean the toilet
stay safe T&D