Just to confirm after my earlier phone call, that being unable to get the day off, me and muff are pulling out - so unhappy about it, not least 'cos it makes me look like a Southern fairy in front of the Northern monkey ( sLeeper ).
I will make it up to you though, Kaz - not least 'cos it's so late in the day.
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smokerjim
Over 90 days ago
Bi-curious Male, 49
0 miles · Kent
Forum
Timely little question for you - especially as I'm starting to deliver brochures ( n.b. don't mail order your holidays - the brochures weigh a bloody ton & I hate carrying them! 
). Anyway, I digress.....where do you go & what do you do when you're there? Do you even hope to do a bit of swinging?
). Anyway, I digress.....where do you go & what do you do when you're there? Do you even hope to do a bit of swinging? Quote by Smoking Muff
After my last post about Jim getting injured, guess what happened to us last night.
We were in an accident on the motorway. We were in the fast lane when all of a sudden we saw a object in the middle of our lane. Jim tried to avoid the object, we clipped it, spun and ended up on the hard shouler facing the other way. We had managed to miss all of the on coming cars. And the car is not that damaged.
We are both shaken, but uninjured. The police told us it was a lorry tyre that had been lost, and if we had hit the thing the accident could have been a lot worse. We had a very lucky escape.
But just before we saw the object, Jim had asked me if I was okay (how about that for timing)
:upset:
Hopefully this is the last time I need to respond to this thread....but I got sacked to day for my failing to lock the van last week - seemingly my mitigating circumstances were not mitigating enough, and I learnt due to my length of service ( or the lack thereof ) I am legally entitled to nothing more than an appeal within the company - which to my mind is the steaming turd on top of an otherwise shit week.
Quote by Smoking Muff
Pleased to hear that you are both okay after this incident.
Have either of you broken any mirrors lately ???
You will have to ask Jim as I don't know if he has gone near any mirrors
But I know that I haven't broken any at all.
Oh yeah, I broke a mirror on the van, but shit like that has happened before with no consequence - and it only matters if you belive, and as it has always failed to materialise, why should I belive?
Just to say that I am up and compis mentis - though after my actions earlier today the jury has gone to reconsider! 
I am starting to get very sore, but I am sure it could have been a lot worse and a lot more tragic, but for the grace of God ( but as I don't belive, go figure! ).
Thanks for all your kind messages, and I will try to post a blow-by-blow account when I can be arsed
- but if I forget, feel free to kick my arse via PM!
I am starting to get very sore, but I am sure it could have been a lot worse and a lot more tragic, but for the grace of God ( but as I don't belive, go figure! ).Thanks for all your kind messages, and I will try to post a blow-by-blow account when I can be arsed
- but if I forget, feel free to kick my arse via PM! Quote by sleazy
bouncer ?? bloody bouncer ??
I don't care how cute ya are I AM NOT shaving me head or wearing a black bloody tie
lmao
I'll be the bloody bouncer - the sight of my ugly mug, plus me in a kilt will scare all but the initiated away - I won't shave me head either ( ask me nicely and I will have something else smooth :shock: )
Quote by DarkEyedPhil
So how do you get Certified then?
Please do tell
Shaz x
I dunno how to get certified, or even what it is. Some things are maybe best left unexplained. Perhaps we should start the 'Uncertified and Proud of It' wing of SH? I've always wanted to be a 'founder member' of something :D.
I got my certification from what Nick Knowles has said above!!! I just wonder what Morgan Freeman's daughter has to say about it though!
Quote by kazswallows
What about this one.....?
"Sir Lee - Certified SH's official Nick Knowles look-a-like"
Kaz, what time is your flight, and is there any seats left?
OMG you are sooooooooooooooooo dead, couldnt stop laughing
And I've got to admit, you are spot on
:lol: I'm in the air at the moment but there's a flight out of Heathrow in 2 hours, if you rush you'll catch it before Lee gets there......... :lol: :lol: :lol:
If you don't think that picture shows Sir Lee Knowles in his best light try this.......
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :angel: ( oh TF - I died laughing before Lee got his hands on me!!!! ) Quote by Jay
Don't leave us in suspense Smoking Muff and Debbiewebs; how did it go?
You should have been there - I cannot say as I would be infringing the SHOSSA ( Swinger's Heaven Official Swinging Secrets Act ) :twisted: :twisted:
I cannot say anymore as the Men in Black ( condoms ) are on my trail!
Quote by Darkfire
>>>>>> buys a season ticket for diggerland
........and beats a hasty retreat from the thread to allow the ladies to organise their soiree in peace.
>>>> i'm not scared. oh no sireeee, not me :uhoh:
Come down on Saturday and I can show you where to find Diggerland ( and have some one to keep me company when I am hiding! )
Quote by Darkfire
Postie stop it!
I'm trying to make amends here :uhoh: honest
the only way you can make amends babes is..........................................
To come and meet us so...............................
I can .....................................
shag ya :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :rascal:
ooo fluck :shock:
i'll book a couple of paramedics and a defibrilator then shall I?
ya might need em :evil2:
:rotflmao: :giggle:Smokin Muff wrote:
They will be beyond the help of medicine.
But at least they will have a smile on their face
But what a way to go.
It's Debs will need the paramedics and the defibrilator, ya daft tart
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
can someone else book a JCB for me so I can attempt to dig myself out of this fookin big hole i'm getting myself into, please?!
1/2 hour or so down the road is Diggerland, where you can muck about in Joe Bamford's finest inventions - I'm sure they will be happy to help, but judging at the size of the whole, they will quote you weekly rates!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Quote by postie
WARNING TO NEWBIES
Be aware that these two will chew you up and spit you out before moving on to the next victim... :lol2: :shock:
Ask for an invite at your own peril ! You have been warned...
Me? Though these 2 "ladies" are wonderful.. I think I am going to have to miss this one, as I have something else on. ( please someone, invite me to something... quick!)
I hear tattyxpx is doing some decorating and needs help, you could enjoy watching paint dry!!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Shit, just realised :doh: they'd expcect me to fill in for anybody that was scared off!!! Postie!
POSTIE!!!
POSTIE, START THE BLOODY CAR, GET IT ROLLING, AND I'LL JUMP IN!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Mark, for the wonderful advice you gave me at Essex, viz " When thou gets 'ome, get thy bloody name ont' list for t' party I be giving for thine own bloody 40th - it'll be reet cracking, or I am not wearing red bloody shorts! " ( he was an' all - and that may not be a direct quotation, but Sir Lee will back me up, by saying how everyone North of the M25 speaks !!! ) :lol: :lol:
Anyway, this is a very generalised thanks to all and sundry, due to fairly major fatigue and some Guinness buggering up all hope of remembering details, but in particular Mark for being a top sport, on the night ( tap me for two or three pints when you see me next - didn't have enough to stick one behind the bar for you ), Kaz for the badges, velvet ( mmmmmmmmmmm........vel - vet *drooool* ) and all round erm everything! Sir Lee for the good chat again ( cain't wait for Kaz's for the next chance ) and Huxley - ditto - pleasure to meet you and Sue ( how's the feet babes? ) Dammie giving the event his own "Dambuster Official Seal of Approval" aka, inebriation, and talking of aka I learned his RL name ( after seeing him at at least 4 other events! ) Debbiewebs for waking me up at the start of the evening!
It has all got a bit hazy, though I remember Postie kissing me full on the lips, and as I had been snogging so much, I said "Do that again, and I will probably have my mouth open!" He just stared at me as if he was considering the proposition - or maybe he was hanging on for grim death to stop him falling down, with a pissed up grin on his face!
While we are on the subject of hazy, I know I was very busy snogging, but I am afraid I cannot remember most of whom who were snogged - so to assist me could all of the ladies, that wish for another kiss please PM me so that I may rectify the situation. This request is also for the ladies I didn't get around to, but still want a snog. Thank you for your assistance
*smokerjim waits patiently looking at an empty PM inbox....possibly for a long time*
:lol: :lol: Anyway, this is a very generalised thanks to all and sundry, due to fairly major fatigue and some Guinness buggering up all hope of remembering details, but in particular Mark for being a top sport, on the night ( tap me for two or three pints when you see me next - didn't have enough to stick one behind the bar for you ), Kaz for the badges, velvet ( mmmmmmmmmmm........vel - vet *drooool* ) and all round erm everything! Sir Lee for the good chat again ( cain't wait for Kaz's for the next chance ) and Huxley - ditto - pleasure to meet you and Sue ( how's the feet babes? ) Dammie giving the event his own "Dambuster Official Seal of Approval" aka, inebriation, and talking of aka I learned his RL name ( after seeing him at at least 4 other events! ) Debbiewebs for waking me up at the start of the evening!
It has all got a bit hazy, though I remember Postie kissing me full on the lips, and as I had been snogging so much, I said "Do that again, and I will probably have my mouth open!" He just stared at me as if he was considering the proposition - or maybe he was hanging on for grim death to stop him falling down, with a pissed up grin on his face!
While we are on the subject of hazy, I know I was very busy snogging, but I am afraid I cannot remember most of whom who were snogged - so to assist me could all of the ladies, that wish for another kiss please PM me so that I may rectify the situation. This request is also for the ladies I didn't get around to, but still want a snog. Thank you for your assistance
*smokerjim waits patiently looking at an empty PM inbox....possibly for a long time*
Quote by tallnhairy
who is the guy with breasts dressed as a fireman
Oi I heard that ;)
That would be T'n'H, who does happen to be tall, and hairy ( think Middle England's stereotypical biker themed worst nightmare ) who happens to be a bit tasty with martial arts, and really is the sort of fella you want as a friend!
( who wants to start timing how long it takes for an apology?
:lol: ) Quote by Phoenix
There is the old fashioned method, allegedly started by Prince Albert, ( Queen Victoria's husband and "Consort" ). Simply have your Hampton pierced, and when healed tie it to your leg. If you do not belive me, research "Prince Albert" ( or "P.A." ) piercings.
Is that were the "Goose Step" originated from
No but my walk was a dead ringer for John Wayne's for two weeks
( In edit.....that should have read "No, but my friend's walk....."
Quote by Debbiewebs
Hiya stranger smokerjim where ya been i missed ya lol .
sorry hijac over
Hijack not over - you going to Marcuso's?
to DebzOI you get back in for 5 mins and ya off flirty again............. miss ya babes
In RL, I don't like overexerting meself - but here I can flit as much as I like! See you soon!
Quote by Marcuso
I'm sorry to inform everyone but it doesn't look like Marcuso will be able to attend this party.
Unfortunately he hasn't confirmed his attendance, :small-print: therefore venue details can't be disclosed to him.
If he tries to weedle the details out of you, please report him to his 'underpaid' secretary>>>>>>>>me, and I will punish him by laying him over the office table and taking a rular to his backside
Any problems feel free to contact me.
Thankyou for your help in this matter, and hopefully a good night will be had by all.
See you saturday.
kaz
OI!!!!!!!!!!.....ya sod.........I have never received a message saying I had to confirm.........I will be there,,,,,,,,will you??.............lol
C'mon Marcuso - you know the rules!!! Behave, or I'll take Kaz to the bar - and leave you in smoking muff's more than capable hands!
:eeek: :blink: :eeek: :blink: :eeek: :bolt: :bolt: Quote by Angel Chat
going bareback with smoking muff ( the wife ) or anyone else we both trust is no problem, but when it is time to cover Mr Lover, he goes on strike!:x
Well leaving aside the obvious comment that smoking is a well know cause of errection problems...
Leaving aside your condescending attitude, didn't you notice that he said he had no problems when he goes bareback
Thank you Angel
- remember to tap me for a :cheers: when you see me ( Marcuso's? ) :kiss: If you want to reply to a thread, click the "Reply to thread" button - not the "New post" button - otherwise the Mods will find multiple posts of the same subject ( in one or more forums ) tiresome, and will delete them. So go back to the other thread you started about "pros!" before someone answers it and delete it for them ( little cross in top right corner of your post )
