*For those readers who are hard of thinking, the following is a parody- I am not meeting*

Are you human?

Are you alive?

Are you over 16?

Are you under 145?

Do you live somewhere?

Are you Dominant?Submissive/Undecided?

Are you taller than a flea?

Do you have teeth?

Can you make me laugh? (Careful, I have stress incontinence)

Do you like girls?

Do you practice sex? When do you qualify?

Do you have a good leer?

Are you capable of honesty? How do I know you're telling the truth?

Are you looking for something regular? Tried wholewheat?

Do you possess good personal hygiene? Or any gienes?

Do you have a cheeky sense of humour? You'll need one.

Do you have nicely trimmed or smooth bits? Post op counts.

Av u da blty 2 nt uz txt spk?

Can you manage not to call me fido?

Have you the ability to write more than one line? Like this - -

Do you NOT have a cock pic as your profile photo I prefer hens?

Can you manage not to include your phone number or msn in the first message?

It's all about preferences really. I realise I'm easy, I'm aware that you may think I'm searching for something that's not here and that's okay, these are my choices to make. I'm not asking you to judge me, I'm not asking you to send me abuse, I'm asking you to send me a PM if you think you can tick all the boxes.

Or any of the boxes. In fact, if you're able to get a stiffy whilst I stay in my paisley PJ's, you've pulled.

So about me... I'm fussy, pervy, anal, quirky, female, brunette, reliable, spontaneous, honest, cheeky, curvy, lucious, single, pierced, tattooed, creative, bossy, submissive, imaginitive, arty, nutty, funny, mad, bold, loyal, daft, friendly, dirty, emotional, fiesty, adventurous, experimental, disobedient, sexual, tickley, smiley, interesting, streetwise, bubbly, rude, independent, sensible, crude, organised, impulsive, dependable, fair, patient, self-controlled, witty, deep, and never bland! :flipa:

Well you know... who's gonna blow my trumpet other than me?! :O)