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Are you really open minded and accepting of others?

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I wonder sometimes when people say they are open minded, as to me in every walk of life every place I go I see people are very judgemental of something.
The reason I said this too just look at the way people would look and stare at someone with a disability as an example.
Years ago I was told I was going to lose my baby at 36 weeks of pregnancy at that point she was still alive and the hospital worked hard to find ways of saving her sadly to no avail.
I was told if she was saved she would have been disabled and possibly have downs syndrome, I was happy to face whatever was wrong with her as she would have had love and caring but what I was most fearful of was the way she would be accepted into society. How others would pity her and mock her as she wouldn’t have been so called normal, but however still a human being. This showed me that I still felt I lived in a judgemental society, no matter how accepting people think they are there is still that element strongly among us.
95% of people I have found have a good side to them even though on first impression it isn’t always evident it is there if you take time to look, what I feel is people would always see the maybe not so good side of people’s character and then they will forever judge them.
We can assign those points to any form of judgement in many forms. Until we question ourselves on how we form our own opinions of others and on what basis those opinions are formed, and stop our own expectations on others being just that our own expectations and realise we are all different and start accepting that. I sadly feel this society will always be narrow minded and closed.
Things I feel are changing as we are becoming more educated and have the ability to question not just others but ourselves too. Because until we question ourselves we will never see how our own mind works. People say they want change the way forward I believe is look within ourselves, but be careful you might not like what you see. But bare in mind the mind can always been changed as you have control of that but not control of others to live up to your expectation.
Yes we are all judgemental. It's a human trait, something not one of us has any control over. Our brains form initial rudimentary opinions and judgements on people withing 3 seconds of meeting them based on appearance completely subconciously, so we have no choice.
What we do have a choice of though is how we act on those initial thoughts and feelings from then on.
On the other hand how we present ourselves in appearance and in the written word, we all have control over and I think that if you want people to judge you on your good points then you are responsible for showing them. If you show people the bad then that is what they will see.
Fire xx
Quote by Firelizard
Yes we are all judgemental. It's a human trait, something not one of us has any control over. Our brains form initial rudimentary opinions and judgements on people withing 3 seconds of meeting them based on appearance completely subconciously, so we have no choice.
What we do have a choice of though is how we act on those initial thoughts and feelings from then on.
On the other hand how we present ourselves in appearance and in the written word, we all have control over and I think that if you want people to judge you on your good points then you are responsible for showing them. If you show people the bad then that is what they will see.
Fire xx

:thumbup:
Quote by Witchy
Yes we are all judgemental. It's a human trait, something not one of us has any control over. Our brains form initial rudimentary opinions and judgements on people withing 3 seconds of meeting them based on appearance completely subconciously, so we have no choice.
What we do have a choice of though is how we act on those initial thoughts and feelings from then on.
On the other hand how we present ourselves in appearance and in the written word, we all have control over and I think that if you want people to judge you on your good points then you are responsible for showing them. If you show people the bad then that is what they will see.
Fire xx

:thumbup:
:thumbup: :thumbup:
People are very judgemental.....
Our youngest child has severe autism athough he looks completely 'normal' his behaviour is really not!!
Every time we are out whether it be in Tesco, indoor play centres or just out walking you would not believe the looks/comments.
People judging us as bad parents for not being able to control our child!!
I used to get very upset to the point where I did not want to take him out but you cant live a life like that and it is not fair on him as he is a child after all and needs to have fun just as any other child does. Now I just put 2 fingers up to the world. I know I am a good parent and know that my son cannot help or control his behaviours.
I love him to bits but sometimes he is sooooo difficult that I wish for the sakes of my other children that I could turn the clock back and decide that 2 was enough!!!
Judge all you want ..... I dont care!!
Quote by Funlovers2009
People are very judgemental.....
Our youngest child has severe autism athough he looks completely 'normal' his behaviour is really not!!
Every time we are out whether it be in Tesco, indoor play centres or just out walking you would not believe the looks/comments.
People judging us as bad parents for not being able to control our child!!
I used to get very upset to the point where I did not want to take him out but you cant live a life like that and it is not fair on him as he is a child after all and needs to have fun just as any other child does. Now I just put 2 fingers up to the world. I know I am a good parent and know that my son cannot help or control his behaviours.
I love him to bits but sometimes he is sooooo difficult that I wish for the sakes of my other children that I could turn the clock back and decide that 2 was enough!!!
Judge all you want ..... I dont care!!

That is an honest comment indeed.
I take my hat off to you.
People are very judgemental.....
Our youngest child has severe autism athough he looks completely 'normal' his behaviour is really not!!
Every time we are out whether it be in Tesco, indoor play centres or just out walking you would not believe the looks/comments.
People judging us as bad parents for not being able to control our child!!
I used to get very upset to the point where I did not want to take him out but you cant live a life like that and it is not fair on him as he is a child after all and needs to have fun just as any other child does. Now I just put 2 fingers up to the world. I know I am a good parent and know that my son cannot help or control his behaviours.
I love him to bits but sometimes he is sooooo difficult that I wish for the sakes of my other children that I could turn the clock back and decide that 2 was enough!!!
Judge all you want ..... I dont care!!
Quote by Funlovers2009
People are very judgemental.....
Our youngest child has severe autism athough he looks completely 'normal' his behaviour is really not!!
Every time we are out whether it be in Tesco, indoor play centres or just out walking you would not believe the looks/comments.
People judging us as bad parents for not being able to control our child!!
I used to get very upset to the point where I did not want to take him out but you cant live a life like that and it is not fair on him as he is a child after all and needs to have fun just as any other child does. Now I just put 2 fingers up to the world. I know I am a good parent and know that my son cannot help or control his behaviours.
I love him to bits but sometimes he is sooooo difficult that I wish for the sakes of my other children that I could turn the clock back and decide that 2 was enough!!!
Judge all you want ..... I dont care!!

I have a friend who has two boys with autism I can relate with your frustrations with others, as when the eldest had his moments he would be awful towards her, and people would say, “you need to control your child”, she said it would be easier to have stuck a sign on him saying “I have autism please don't judge me as being naughty or my mum for being a bad 
It has become so much easier the older he has got, but I know there were times she felt the same way you did, I believe it is normal to feel that way at times. As I know if I had to cope there would be times I too would have felt it was too difficult, I applaud and respect any parent that goes through these times of difficulty.
I always say walk a week in someone elses shoes before you decide on judgement.
Quote by Funlovers2009
People are very judgemental.....
Our youngest child has severe autism athough he looks completely 'normal' his behaviour is really not!!
Every time we are out whether it be in Tesco, indoor play centres or just out walking you would not believe the looks/comments.
People judging us as bad parents for not being able to control our child!!
I used to get very upset to the point where I did not want to take him out but you cant live a life like that and it is not fair on him as he is a child after all and needs to have fun just as any other child does. Now I just put 2 fingers up to the world. I know I am a good parent and know that my son cannot help or control his behaviours.
I love him to bits but sometimes he is sooooo difficult that I wish for the sakes of my other children that I could turn the clock back and decide that 2 was enough!!!
Judge all you want ..... I dont care!!

Everytime I go to the supermarket, town, park etc etc I am judge because of my sons behaviour (hes only 5 years old). He cant help its as hes got autism but I have come to the stage in my life now that I really couldnt care less what people say about his behaviour in public, at the end of the day he has a disability that you cant see and these people need to be educated.
I've got t-shirts printed for him they say "I've got autism whats you problem" and "I'm not naughty I have autism".
I also have printed the following on cards and have actually given them to people when they start making comments or tutting when hes having a moment it says
"What you are witnessing is a child with autism. This child is not a brat, does not need discipline, and I am not a bad parents. Autism is a neurobiological disorder that makes children behave in ways that most people don't understand. People with autism are often confused and upset and react in ways that are socially inappropriate, such as a tantrum. Please be patient while I teach our child how to function appropriately in the community."
I just hope that what I am doing might at least make them think in future before they judge others. I can only live in hope.
Of course what you are doing is correct but....before you had your child if you saw a really naughty child behaving very badly in a shop, would you not have thought differently to now?
My guess is like most people you would have just seen a naughty child, so do not be too harsh on others, as they only see a naughty child and do not know anything else.
By you putting things on t shirts means you must be bothered by people's actions and looks?
I see naughty kids every week at the supermarket....screaming because they cannot have their sweets or a cake, but I just see a naughty child. Maybe they are just plain naughty and maybe they are not but, I just see a naughty child that needs a smacky poos, which is exactly what others see.
Quote by kentswingers777
Of course what you are doing is correct but....before you had your child if you saw a really naughty child behaving very badly in a shop, would you not have thought differently to now?
My guess is like most people you would have just seen a naughty child, so do not be too harsh on others, as they only see a naughty child and do not know anything else.
By you putting things on t shirts means you must be bothered by people's actions and looks?
I see naughty kids every week at the supermarket....screaming because they cannot have their sweets or a cake, but I just see a naughty child. Maybe they are just plain naughty and maybe they are not but, I just see a naughty child that needs a smacky poos, which is exactly what others see.

So if you saw my son in a shop you would want to smack him or most likely shout at him. That is probably one of the worst things you can do to a child with autism. My son does not scream because he wants toys or sweets, he screams in shops because he gets confused as to why there are so many people there, why its so noisey, and why their is food there that he doesnt like and has to walk past.
You might find it hard to understand a child with autism, but I can not let the autism ruin mine, his or his sisters life. The only way that we can overcome these out bursts is facing the problem head on. I will continue to take him to supermarkets, parks, town etc and he will continue to scream but I do not intend to shut him away in the house just because others around us dont like how he behaves. Do you think anyone with a mental disability should be locked away and never to appear in public?
For god sake kent I put things on my sons t-shirts as it happens to upset my 10 year old daughter not me and it was actually her idea, so really I should have said she asked for the t-shirts to be printed.
And if i saw a naughty child in a shop before I had my son I never judged them, why cos I was very lucky to grow up around a few disabled children who taught me that life was too short to judge others they made me realise that even through some of them didnt make it to adulthood they make the most of their lifes.
I have one with autistic spectrum disorder and another with aspergers syndrome, and I can say with my hand on my heart I love all my five kids to death. Autistic kids are a challenge, and to them life is a challenge, and it gets worse as they grow up. I do worry about the future. It's ok now because they have me and their siblings to defend them, but I worry about how they will cope when I'm gone.
I have never been aware of anyone taking the piss or giving them any abuse, if I ever do I will knock whoever it is into next week. I think anybody with autistic children will admit it does tend to make you more of a protective parent.
I am sorry Soul girl....I thought it was you that had the t shirts printed.
Also as someone who does not understand Autism nor do I suppose 99% of others do either, when I see a naughty child I do not think the child has anything wrong, other than a fit of temper because they cannot have their sweets, which I do see a lot.
You cannot expect others to understand things like Autism if they have never experienced it. Very much like many other things in life.
As you have already stated YOU know what the problem is, and stuff anyone else that looks nastily at you, and fair play to you too.
I was talking to my friend whos children have autism about autism we think some people get mixed up with ADD or ADHD and think they are all the same thing.
We were saying we believe a lot of people have autistic traits, but just do not realise they have, so put them down as their own querky ways.
The Austisic spetrum is vast and I think most of us could appear there somewhere.
So out of ignorance what is ODD?
Is that also not similar to Autism?
IF I saw a naughty child could it have ODD or could it be Autism or could it be just a plain and simple naughty kid? How is any member of the public supposed to know?
So anytime in the future when I see a kid acting like a little toad I will take a step back, and think what could be wrong, instead of the obvious.
Sorry but there are now so many newish terms to describe naughty kids, that I cannot keep up.
That is not being funny, that is how I see it.
When I got home tonight there is a lovely family that lives just around the corner,ya know the sort coppers always knocking at their door etc. Well I got out of my car and crossed the road and this lovely little girl of about ten who lives there gave me the most dirtiest of looks. When I dared to stare back at her in amazement she spat " what you fucking looking at "?
Now what catagory should I place her in?
Autism, Asbergers, ADD, ADHD, Learning Disorders, Conduct Disorder, Eating Disorders, Schizophrenia. These problems are all very real - they must be, because so many counsellors make so much money for diagnosing and treating them. Parents also find it much easier to accept the child's otherwise unexplainable mental deficiency when the problem is given a medical name.
Think others may not agree there.....will wait for the fallout. confused
Quote by SlurpySarah
Autism, Asbergers, ADD, ADHD, Learning Disorders, Conduct Disorder, Eating Disorders, Schizophrenia. These problems are all very real - they must be, because so many counsellors make so much money for diagnosing and treating them. Parents also find it much easier to accept the child's otherwise unexplainable mental deficiency when the problem is given a medical name.

The national autism society read it then comment
My mom has schizophrenia and believe me its real I've spent the last 38 years trying to understand her, never will, she doesnt even understand herself.
Quote by SlurpySarah
Autism, Asbergers, ADD, ADHD, Learning Disorders, Conduct Disorder, Eating Disorders, Schizophrenia. These problems are all very real - they must be, because so many counsellors make so much money for diagnosing and treating them.

Counsellors do not diagnose these conditions.
Actually, a person with an autistic spectrum disorder is extremely unlikely to engage in the couselling procedure. Counsellors may well support families of people with autism.
Parents also find it much easier to accept the child's otherwise unexplainable mental deficiency when the problem is given a medical name.

If your child had any form of "deficiency", wouldn't you find it easier to accept if it had a medical name? In addition, a diagnosis leads to a package of information, potential prognosis, treatment/support options - would you not want all this for your child?
Slurpy is that really what you think or did you just say what you said for effect? If it really is what you think, on what basis would you think it?
Quote by SlurpySarah
Autism, Asbergers, ADD, ADHD, Learning Disorders, Conduct Disorder, Eating Disorders, Schizophrenia. These problems are all very real - they must be, because so many counsellors make so much money for diagnosing and treating them. Parents also find it much easier to accept the child's otherwise unexplainable mental deficiency when the problem is given a medical name.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be really really happy. Unfortunately it isn't anything to be proud of - and it it was just said for effect - that is worse.
Did it make you happy to dismiss so many people's suffering in that off-hand manner? I sincerely hope not.
I haven't experienced family members with these conditions and I'm angry with you - I can't imagine how anyone who has feels after reading that.
Quote by foxylady2209
Autism, Asbergers, ADD, ADHD, Learning Disorders, Conduct Disorder, Eating Disorders, Schizophrenia. These problems are all very real - they must be, because so many counsellors make so much money for diagnosing and treating them. Parents also find it much easier to accept the child's otherwise unexplainable mental deficiency when the problem is given a medical name.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be really really happy. Unfortunately it isn't anything to be proud of - and it it was just said for effect - that is worse.
Did it make you happy to dismiss so many people's suffering in that off-hand manner? I sincerely hope not.
I haven't experienced family members with these conditions and I'm angry with you - I can't imagine how anyone who has feels after reading that.
:thumbup:
Foxy I totally agree with you, I am lucky my children do not suffer with any of these but a have a friend whos children have autism, and the sad thing is, I have also heard others say what Sarah has said, that is what's wrong in this country, we say we are educated but sadly there are a lot that are still ignorant.
Even I dismissed Slurpys insensitive comment, hence why I said " will wait for the fallout ".
Quote by kentswingers777
So out of ignorance what is ODD?
Is that also not similar to Autism?
IF I saw a naughty child could it have ODD or could it be Autism or could it be just a plain and simple naughty kid? How is any member of the public supposed to know?
So anytime in the future when I see a kid acting like a little toad I will take a step back, and think what could be wrong, instead of the obvious.
Sorry but there are now so many newish terms to describe naughty kids, that I cannot keep up.
That is not being funny, that is how I see it.
When I got home tonight there is a lovely family that lives just around the corner,ya know the sort coppers always knocking at their door etc. Well I got out of my car and crossed the road and this lovely little girl of about ten who lives there gave me the most dirtiest of looks. When I dared to stare back at her in amazement she spat " what you fucking looking at "?
Now what catagory should I place her in?

Yes there are so many newish terms that it does get confusing for people who have no contact with child who have these conditions. I dont know another parent who has a child with autism yet 1 in every 150 people (children & adults) suffer with the condition. So the only things I know about Autism is what the doctors and professionals tell me and what I read on the internet.
But it does bring to light how people do judge others and I thank you Kent for now saying you will take a step back, and think what could be wrong, instead of the obvious. At least one person has been made aware that there could be something else wrong.
But I would like to say its not just children who suffer from judgement. The other day I was in the supermarket with other half and you could see a young pregnant woman with a young child following her, the young lady appeared to be walking around the store as if she was drunk and you guessed it people where stopping and looking. What they didnt realise was she had MS, but again people were judging her on how her body was moving.
The trouble is Soul people will always judge others, blimey I do it a lot.
The trouble is that today so many kids are awful little shits that are " normal ", that people just see kids being horrid.
Yes there are sometimes reasons such as in your case, but it gets you angry when people give you those looks, but they do not know the problems they only see what they see, and make their judgements.
Don't blame people for that, as they do not know.
Some remarks are honestly not worth responding to, but it is a known fact. The best thing to do when you are in a big hole is to stop digging.
Autistic people are not necessarily unintelligent, suffice to say that many are both gifted and bright.
Unlike some ignorant people on the internet.
rotflmao
Open minded eh. I quite often read this forum and smile to myself when someone puts in their post, profile, signature or advert saying how open minded they are... then posts something quite the opposite, does or says something towards someone else that they wouldn't like to happen to themselves. Ironic really.
It's like the story of 'the rule of the internet' that if someone puts the word "sexy" in their username, quite often they are so far from that in real life you couldn't catch up with that false statement with a pack of cheetas attached to a ferrari.
I thought this was an interesting article to post for people to read
BBC news Wednesday, 14 March 2007
BBC NEWS
No such thing as naughty anymore?
By Michelle Roberts
BBC News health reporter
More and more badly behaved children are being diagnosed with conditions like ADHD.
Latest figures show global use of ADHD drugs has nearly tripled since 1993.
In England and Wales alone, prescriptions for the standard treatment, a drug called Ritalin, rocketed from just 4,000 in 1994 to 359,000 in 2004.
At least one in 20 schoolchildren - 360,000 in total - is thought to have some degree of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Some experts say this is the tip of the iceberg and there are many more children out there going undiagnosed.
But what ever happened to sheer naughtiness?
“ There is a temptation to use it as a get out - by doctors as well ”
Dr Sami Timimi
Child and adolescent psychiatrist
Critics argue bad behaviour in children is being over-medicalised, and even that the labels are being used to excuse unruly behaviour.
Indeed, the US psychiatrist who identified attention deficit disorder says up to 30% of youngsters classified as suffering from disruptive and hyperactive conditions could have been misdiagnosed.
Dr Robert Spitzer, professor of psychiatry at Columbia University in New York, says many may not really be ill and may simply be showing perfectly normal signs of being happy or sad.
"Ain't misbehaving"
Dr Sami Timimi, a consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist in Lincolnshire, says there is a real danger that the diagnosis is becoming a dumping ground for simple bad behaviour.
"There is no test for ADHD. It is diagnosed on the basis of a questionnaire, which is subjective.
"We are creating ADHD out of behaviours that would previously have been perceived as normal.
"There is a temptation to use it as a get out - by doctors as well."
He suggested undesirable behaviour might be more common because family life had changed.
"We have had the demise of the extended family, increasing separation and divorce and more working parents.
"It is harder than ever to be a normal parent these days. The expectations are higher."
Disobedient or disorder
But he said parents should not be held solely to blame - many other factors could also be involved.
Children are living more sedentary lifestyles, sitting in front of TVs and computers for much of the day, and are eating more additive-laden foods.
He said education systems had also become more target-driven.
“ There is always a danger of over-labelling, but in the UK in the main it's under-recognition ”
Dr David Coghill
Senior lecturer in child and adolescent psychiatry
He pointed out that the pharmaceutical industry had profited from rising cases of ADHD, by selling more stimulant drugs.
Vivienne Streeter, director of family services for the British Institute for Brain Injured Children, says disorders such as ADHD can be distinguished easily from simple naughtiness.
"ADHD is a definite medical condition. It's there from birth, is lifelong and present in all situations. You can't get a child who is just ADHD at school or at home.
"Compare that with a naughty child - they can be very good in one setting but chose to be naughty or push the boundaries in another. That's when poor parenting, housing and diet come into play."
But she conceded that it could be hard for an outsider merely observing bad behaviour to separate the two.
Antisocial
Indeed, there have been cases where children diagnosed with conditions like ADHD have been hauled before the courts and given anti-social behaviour orders (ASBOs).
On the flip-side, medical diagnoses are also abused.
Ms Streeter explained: "There are certainly some people who will use it as an excuse.
"A lot of parents will say their child is hyperactive or has ADHD. I have even had medical people who have said a child is ADHD and they are not."
But Dr David Coghill, senior lecturer in child and adolescent psychiatry at Dundee University, says in the UK the main problem is under-recognition of behavioural disorders.
ADHD SYMPTOMS
# Easily distracted
# Restlessness
# Difficulty remaining seated when required
# Difficulty awaiting turn in group situations
# Difficulty following instructions
# Difficulty in playing quietly
# Often shift from one incomplete activity to another
# Often interrupts others
# Often engages in physically dangerous activities without considering the consequences
Andrea Bilbow, chief executive of ADDISS, the national attention deficit disorder information and support service, agrees.
"We are only just touching the tip of the iceberg. Not even one in every hundred children with ADHD is being picked up.
"Parents do not take their child to see psychiatrists or paediatricians unless they have a problem.
"Why would you want to use a label for a child who does not have a problem?"
An article I found recently on Autism
Scientists hail autism breakthrough
Autism research has hit a breakthrough point equivalent to the one that revolutionised the understanding and treatment of cancer 30 years ago, it has been claimed.
Three major studies have for the first time pinpointed genetic mechanisms underlying autistic disorders, including ones which are relatively common.
Scientists believe the findings could mark as big a transformation in tackling autism as occurred when researchers began to unravel the genetic causes of cancer.
Autism covers a group of conditions known as autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) which affect about one in 150 mostly male children.
They are marked by an impaired ability to communicate and interact socially, narrowly focused attention, and repetitive behaviour.
A complex genetic jigsaw is believed to underpin autism, but identifying the pieces has proved difficult.
Although a number of genetic variants have previously been implicated in ASDs, the connections have not been clear.
The new research, which involved screening the DNA of many thousands of volunteers, may at last have lifted the lid on the causes of autism, scientists believe.
It suggests that proteins called cell adhesion molecules, which play a vital role in shaping brain "wiring" and the way nerve cells communicate, play a key role in autism disorders.
New treatments could now be developed that target these proteins or the genes that provide the instructions for making them.