Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login

Possibly the BEST advert ever!!

last reply
90 replies
3.8k views
4 watchers
0 likes
This should be like sticking my head in the lion’s mouth, but if you dish it out, you need to be able to take it! wink
Having spent a lot of time on here trying to be helpful about ads for single guys and critical of the dorks with their ‘fancy a shag now’ mentality, I felt it was time to throw myself on the mercy of the Forum!! :crazy:
Most of the regulars on here know me, some in the biblical sense :rose: and others from my postings. Well, now I am looking for a single lady or couple who I could spend some time with. So for those who don’t know – This is me!!
Based in the North West (where else!), 45 years young, 5ft 10 tall, athletic build, very fit, but not obsessively, good sense of humour :grin: (Bluexxx, be quiet!), polite, presentable, able to hold a conversation on more than two topics, game for a laugh and, if I haven’t tried it before, I won’t say no till I have :giggle: . Pics are available (Bluexxx, will you please sit down!!!), if required. Not inexperienced, hopefully all who known me didn’t have any complaints (is that boasting?) redface .
What am I looking for? Hard to pigeon hole that one, everyone is different, but the discovery is part of the game – and perhaps you would like to join me on my discovery! wave
Well, in a very large nutshell, that’s me! So all you need to do now is contact me by email, PM or even open forum :small-print: . Hopefully I can then let the other single guys know whether this approach is any better than theirs!
OK – All those who DO know me, bring it on. I’ve done it to others, so I expect it from you. Broad shoulders and a sense of humour rotflmao , so I won’t sulk! :haha: (much!)
TTFN
Mal
:wink:
PS - Can I just add, I haven't put any age restrictions on here, nor have I restricted how far I would travel. Please don't assume that I won't travel or I'm concerned about your age. It's YOU that matters. lol
:shock: Whee is the cock pic? :shock:
No add is complete without a cock pic! confused
Am I in trouble again? redface
Cock pics by invitation only Fred - but if you REALLY want to see it........
Mal
wink
Jo
Funny how it works for girls and not for blokes - see you in ten minutes hump :grin:
mal
wink
Psssst, Fred, there ARE cock pics of Mal on this forum.... he's just shy, that's all!
Erm, well, I'm a bit stuck for words when I can't piss take, but, erm....have to admit, good post...I'd probably reply myself if I was looking to hook up this week lol
Oh yeah, and I can say that Mal is what he says he is - call that "verification" if you like :P
Blue - you're so sweet :rose:
You piss take away, don't want to cramp your style :grin:
And it's not just this week - I've cleared my diary for the rush (yea, right!)
Mal
wink
Hi Mal wave
I wish you luck with this. For the good of those of us who enjoy the use of words I hope to God this works.
It looked pretty impressive to me. Mind you, I have had so many painkillers in the last few hours I am not sure that is much of a recommendation. sad
Forunately for both of us, I have not had so many that I actually thought of replying!! :shock:
Thanks Will
All comments, good or bad, gratefully received biggrin
Hope you're feeling better soon :high-smile:
Mal
wink
I'm impressed too - you should copyright that one! How close are you???
lol :lol:
top advert mal pity those dickhead doggers dont read the advice that you guys post - dogging would be fun then - pumapaul -
Darling Jags
No where could be too far from your arms kiss . Approximately 148 miles, but only a couple of hours by car. Not a distance to put me off. :rose:
Mal
wink
Dearest Mal... ONLY 148 miles? Three hours for a glass of wine? WOW!!!
*makes note to self to buy more wine*
Thank god someone cheered her up!
"Hello" to whoever! wave
*Would hate Jags to tell me I'm off thread again!* confused
Mal - aren't you going to tell us bunch of comedians off for stealing your thread? How will the genuine girlies know that you are genuinely trying to screw them stupid with us lot hanging around acting silly :rude:
At least you're keeping his thread near the top, blue. Mine has slipped depressingly after yesterday's initial exitement. *sigh*
Quote by bluexxx
Mal - aren't you going to tell us bunch of comedians off for stealing your thread? How will the genuine girlies know that you are genuinely trying to screw them stupid with us lot hanging around acting silly :rude:

Hi Blue kiss
What comedians? I thought they were all serious replies :grin: . Are you trying to tell me that Jags ISN'T getting in more wine for when I call round? By the way Jags, I normally get to your location in about two and a half hours :giggle:
Course I'm serious about this - any genuine girlie will be able to see I also have a sense of humour too :grin:
Checked your diary lately Blue? :rose:
mal
wink
My diary is work, work, work, work, work, work, work at the mo.... most alarming really :shock: There's a pile of it sitting here glaring at me right now, but I'm ignoring it rolleyes .
Anyway, I should give the girlies a chance to get to know you better :lickface:
Oops, I guess Mr. Writer is going to get upset by this post - it means his is losing ground again...I must go and post in his again before he cries wink
Good God - I'd reply myself - but I'm way too inexperienced to cope.
Alex x x
Quote by bluexxx
Oops, I guess Mr. Writer is going to get upset by this post - it means his is losing ground again...I must go and post in his again before he cries wink

Talk about self-defeating, but... WAH! WAH! WAH!*
*That's not appreciation for an early 80s band from Liverpool led by Pete Wylie, by the way.
Mal... life is work, work, sleep, (funeral), work, wine, wine, whine, whine, sleep, work, work and work.
Can you help with a change of routine??? x
Damn the distance evil
All the best - some person(s) gonna be v. lucky, you seem like a great guy biggrin
I agree Misscvhief - I've only been on here just over a week and Mal seems a star!
Alex x x
:cry: :cry: wine is drunk (well one bottle of it) and no Mal... all mouth and no action???? DON'T believe it of him...he must have had a better offer.
confused :?
Quote by Jags
:cry: :cry: wine is drunk (well one bottle of it) and no Mal... all mouth and no action???? DON'T believe it of him...he must have had a better offer.
confused :?

Surely not Jags ???!!!!!! :?
Mal
If Carlsberg made ads...............................Oh bollocks, they do!!!!!!!! rolleyes :roll: lol :lol:
Hiya Sarge!!!
Notice my post count per day is reducing!
Cant you tell I'm back at work!
Alex x x x
Hi Alex,
Have you noticed mine is increasing ?!!! At this rate I reckon I should catch up with you in mid November rolleyes
Alex wrote:
Can't you tell I'm back at work!
Judging by your "Thankyou" post I suspect it has not only been work that has kept you away from the keyboard!!! lol :lol: :lol:
Sgt Bilko xxxxxx
So, it's Steve is it - see I noticed! 8)
Mal's ad for horny fun has well and truly been hijaked - he'll go mad when he finds out :mrgreen:
lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Dont know what you mean, Sarge!
Woohoo - my 300th!!!!!!
Post that is!
Alex x x x x x x x x