why is it so hard to meet ladies or couples??

13 Jun 2011

Hi can someone tell me why it is so hard to arrange meets with ladies or couples in the midlands area??
I know I'm not a Brad Pitt look alike just a normal guy who is easy to get along with and enjoys adult fun.
So what am I doing wrong ??? :sad:
Thanks
Kirk

14 Jun 2011

I know the feeling mate wink

As single guys we are often sterotyped as either not good enough to be part of a couple or as a player only interested in the sex and not the social aspect of swinging.
With the supply high and demand low our commodity is not trading strong on the open market biggrin

If couples and fems got the treatment, timewasting and reponse to effort that the 'single good guy' recieves swinging would be dead. Dont get me wrong im sure the pushy arrogant timewasting asshole guys are the reason all males are tarred with the same brush - I can see it from both sides.
Im still here after 6 years because:
A) Im a stubborn fucker lol

B) The good people I have met and great nights I have had, though rare, are worth it. Some of them I still remember after 5 years - and I grin when I think about it. I also enjoy meeting new people and going new places.
C) Im not a hardened swinger - I have a life and most of my interests lie outside here in the vanilla world.
D) Im happy being single (too busy for a relationship in the near future) Im here for some extra spice not because I need sex, If you need sex - get it elsewhere - this wont work as a sole source.
This topic would be better suited to 'the cafe' as you are not gonna get a meet out of this! Many single guys are incapable of reading before typing - this can really annoy people.
Hope this helps
fraser

14 Jun 2011

Well put, as a couple who want a single man for mmf it's so hard to find the right male who will respect limits ,that's when they bother turning up for an arranged meet ,we like to meet for a drink meet first to see if there's a click,but a lot of single males turn up wanting to play right away, me and hubby looking for a someone to have regular meets , fun to chat with and yes need to get trust especially when you taking a complete stranger to your home .but a lot of single men are so pushy and full of them selves it's very off putting,we keep looking in hope .just to let you know that there are couples that are looking for single males ,unfortunate for us we our special play mate moved a long way from us so play times no very limited with him.

15 Jun 2011

I've been to the homes of lots of couples right after meeting usually in a pub. I think the specification that couples put out for the men they are seeking are too narrow, too closely defined for one thing. This must put off a lot of men who would be worth getting to know.

15 Jun 2011

Quote by sam2d
I've been to the homes of lots of couples right after meeting usually in a pub. I think the specification that couples put out for the men they are seeking are too narrow, too closely defined for one thing. This must put off a lot of men who would be worth getting to know.

Couples have a choice in what they want, as do single males and single females. This is their preference so why should they compromise it for "a lot of men". If it doesn't float their boat, then they shouldn't be coerced into doing something they are not happy with because of someone elses wants.
For example, your profile has your choice down as meeting only straight couples. Now if you open it up for bi-couples then you may have more response. However, (I am only guessing now) you haven't included this option because it is your choice not to as you do not wish to play with bi-couples. Are you being anti bi? Of course not. You are indicating your preference/choice........which you and every other member is free to do.
Dave_Notts

15 Jun 2011

This is only my personal opinion so feel free to completely ignore it!
If we were looking for a single guy and came across your profile I'm afraid I wouldn't give you a second look. You give absolutely no hint about what sort of thing you are looking for or enjoy and not a word about you ie your personality or body shape.
One good thing is you do have a clear face pic. I would have liked to see a full body shot, clothed or unclothed, I dont like cock shots but other people do, your choice!
Other than that I would suggest you try and attend some of the numerous socials that are organised through the site, lots of couples prefer to meet someone they have seen out and about socially, it does at least give them some confidence that you will turn up if they arrange to meet you.
Good Luck!

15 Jun 2011

Interesting responses to my posted message. I will say that I would never stand anybody up. I also have a choice and I do sometimes decline to meet couples and women.

15 Jun 2011

Quote by sam2d
Interesting responses to my posted message. I will say that I would never stand anybody up. I also have a choice and I do sometimes decline to meet couples and women.

Not in a family emergency? Would you really tell your family to wait while you go fuck a stranger?
When I hear about people being stood up we only hear one side of the story. We need the whole story before we can make our mind up. Not every non-attendance is back out.
There is an hilarious post on here about someone who went on a meet and got their car stuck in a field as they took a wrong turn to the meet. I have tried a search but can't find it now. I think it was a female member who wrote it up as well (women drivers you see bolt

)
Dave_Notts

15 Jun 2011

Dave-Notts, women drivers... you are sexist. Family... what family? You also jump to conclusions to provide the answer that you require to your own arguments.

15 Jun 2011

well, speaking as a single bloke I can sympathise. You dont know what to do for the best when it comes to what to put on your profile or adds. I dont put a face pic up because I live in a rather small community and I just dont feel comfortable with it as there have been others from the same place on here who I dont want to meet or see me on here, but if I lived ina big city I wouldn't mind so much. I think we all have to be realistic with our expectations, and sometimes give people a chance because its hard to tell a person from just a few lines and a few pics. I send out messages, but dont even get a reply of 'thanks but no thanks' which takes seconds to type, so I just feel very disheartened, giving up and not renewing my subs because people either dont appear to be genuinely looking, or are just rude, so not worth meeting in the first place. Sorry if that sounds like sour grapes, but just felt like getting it off my chest.

15 Jun 2011

Quote by sam2d
Dave-Notts, women drivers... you are sexist. Family... what family? You also jump to conclusions to provide the answer that you require to your own arguments.

I am sorry that you are an only child, an orphan and have never had children sam2d. I didn't realise. Do accept my apologies
Sexist? Yep. You could say that in as much that I think that men rule women......as in my first Prime Minister was Margaret Thatcher, my monarch is Queen Elizabeth and I am married. As you can see I don't rule lol

When we are talking hyperthetically I have to provide some conclusions, as unfortunately I am not privy to the thought process of the other person.
Now which bit of "Not every non-attendance is a back out." was wrong? As this is my opinion on this subject as yours is that there is no excuse. We differ in answer and it is your right to say the opposite to mine as it is my right to disagree with yours.
Dave_Notts

15 Jun 2011

Thanks for the response I will get my profile updated.

16 Jun 2011

Quote by sam2d
Dave-Notts, women drivers... you are sexist. Family... what family? You also jump to conclusions to provide the answer that you require to your own arguments.

You really couldnt see any humor or see the valid points in Daves post??
Dont do forums much do you sam??
Everyone posts their opinion - and discuss the varying points - you took it far too personal and turned a point for discussion -> an argument.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Good for you Kirk - chin up and plough on. Also consider a social meet - you get to learn more about the people behind the profiles.
If one person can be so different from another - couples can be twice as varied.
I went to a social last night for the first time - it was very quiet so no action but from talking to others I have learnt a little more about the scene.

16 Jun 2011

Quote by Big_Fraser
Good for you Kirk - chin up and plough on. Also consider a social meet - you get to learn more about the people behind the profiles.
If one person can be so different from another - couples can be twice as varied.
I went to a social last night for the first time - it was very quiet so no action but from talking to others I have learnt a little more about the scene.

When I started in this scene I was a single guy and then met my wonderful wife on this very same site.
But before I met her I used to go to every social I could get to. As they were socials there was no "action", but whatever went on in a hotel room was up to them. The socials were as you said, somewhere to let your hair down and chat to others of a like mind. I loved them and met some very nice people who became friends.
Socials are not everybodys cup of tea though, and it may not be Kirks idea of fun. My first one was the most terrifying thing I had to do. I didn't know anybody, had only been on the site 2 weeks so didn't know the rules that well........I was just a shaking wreck. Within 5 minutes of entering some of the people came up and made me feel as if I was someone they had known for ages. They helped me relax and enjoy my evening. Not everybody at socials are so helpful though, as they are as nervous as you. Thats why socials have a good mix of experienced and newbies. What I am trying to ramble on about and say in a lot of words, where a few would have done better, is that socials are not for everyone.
Dave_Notts

16 Jun 2011

Quote by kirk1477
Hi can someone tell me why it is so hard to arrange meets with ladies or couples in the midlands area??
I know I'm not a Brad Pitt look alike just a normal guy who is easy to get along with and enjoys adult fun.
So what am I doing wrong ??? :sad:
Thanks
Kirk

Kirk you have to understand that you are just one of a gazillion single guys on here and so you need to make yourself stand out from the crowd.
I have looked at your profile and I wouldn't ever consider a meet with you. Your profile says absolutely nothing about you or what you want. I would take your "looking for couples and single ladies with gsoh for fun" as a "I'd fuck anything with a pussy". Sorry but that's what your profile says to me. You must have some preferences?? You say you want people to have a gsoh and yet you show none of yours!
Yes you have a picture on your profile which is more than some but for me to arrange a meet with you I would want to see your whole face and as you only have one picture on the site, this tells me that you don't have a face picture in private. We don't give out our email address so there is no chance of me seeing one.

16 Jun 2011

Quote by Dave__Notts
........I was just a shaking wreck. Within 5 minutes of entering some of the people came up and made me feel as if I was someone they had known for ages.

I was sweating buckets and my stomach was churning so bad I must have looked a right mess!!!
Glad it was quiet - Ill be much calmer next time.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Good tips funlovers - thanks for taking the time to post the advice

16 Jun 2011

I think the other question to be asked is whether you are replying to people looking for a single guy?
if you are fishing with people who have said they're not looking for single guys, then you're never, ever, getting anywhere with that.
truth be told, a single guy needs to exceptional and that's a pretty hard standard to meet even if your profile wasn't so generic and empty.

16 Jun 2011

Or have a sales pitch - ironings already taken though lol

16 Jun 2011

Quote by Scottjoni
I think the other question to be asked is whether you are replying to people looking for a single guy?

Its very rare to get a response even from couples or fems who are actively and repeatedly advertising for single men let alone just saying they are interested on their profile.
Im sure they do recieve their fair share of 'dickhead' replies. When you repeatedly go to the effort of writing a few paragraphs selling yourself, being polite, respectful and including pics in response to adverts and they mostly remain unopened or unreplied to it can lead to people rage quiting the site, or questioning what it is about themselves that makes them so unworthy of a reply :sad:
Dont forget straight single guys also get some obnoxious, arrogant and even aggressive unwanted messages from gay or bi men. Every single one I have politely declined with the statement "as my profile states im 100% straight and yes im sure" - often to recieve more crap until I block them.
Im still here because I came through it to get 7 or 8 good meets here (over a span of 6 years) and I know that I am good enough - I might not be the ideal single male but I know that after a meet and quick chat most people would consider me more than adequate!!! wink

I also get plenty of sex elsewhere - I really am only here for more adventurous and excited anticipation that comes with the wilder stuff!

16 Jun 2011

Quote by Big_Fraser
I think the other question to be asked is whether you are replying to people looking for a single guy?

Its very rare to get a response even from couples or fems who are actively and repeatedly advertising for single men let alone just saying they are interested on their profile.
Im sure they do recieve their fair share of 'dickhead' replies. When you repeatedly go to the effort of writing a few paragraphs selling yourself, being polite, respectful and including pics in response to adverts and they mostly remain unopened or unreplied to it can lead to people rage quiting the site, or questioning what it is about themselves that makes them so unworthy of a reply :sad:
Fraser, you would definatly get a reply from us if you messaged as you have said. The ones that don't are the ones who have, obviously, only looked at the pics and not the profile, that is they send a wink, or have no pics.
The same if the profile is as a straight guy, but messages saying they are bi! Please be honest, we are with our add so we expect the same back

17 Jun 2011

Quote by chessycpl
Fraser, you would definatly get a reply from us if you messaged as you have said. The ones that don't are the ones who have, obviously, only looked at the pics and not the profile, that is they send a wink, or have no pics.

Nice of you to say wink

This topic has made me look at my profile and I have refined it, and will continue to do so.
I used to have quite a lot of text and got little from it so changed to the 'less is more' style and left it at that. I think my assumption was the less I say - the less I can do wrong!! lol

Actually thinking this all through has made me focus on what im really looking for and see the fact that others dont just consider single males as a "dick in a box" - its not all about having a big cock and 'premier league' profile pics after all.
:thrilled:

17 Jun 2011

Quote by Scottjoni
truth be told, a single guy needs to exceptional and that's a pretty hard standard to meet even if your profile wasn't so generic and empty.

I would love for someone to explain to me the criteria for achieving "exceptional single guy" status. Is it based on looks, physique, wealth, employment ? Penis size, staying power, amount of semen produced, ability to repeat perform within seconds/ minutes ? A combination of some or all of the above ? Or is it as i suspect, just a vague term that is bandied about.
Many of the people i have met and spoken to over the years seem to want similar things in a guy they are considering meeting. They are :
Reliability and punctuality first and foremost. Doesn't matter how good you are in bed, you can't impress if you aren't there !
Good personal hygiene......for obvious reasons !
A sense of humour. Meeting someone for the first time can be nerve wracking on both sides, and some light hearted comments can help to ease the tension. Just don't go into your full 2 hour Chris Rock routine !
Respect and manners.
This isn't a comprehensive list, but i find that employing the above usually ensures that i have a pleasant time with people i meet.
If you are looking for that "exceptional" someone with an 11 inch penis, a body like Arnie, or who can put out a fire when he cums......be specific. That way us less exceptional guys can pass you by and not waste your time ! lol

17 Jun 2011

Ha if I ever found an exceptional man I would do more than fuck them!!!! lol. But since I have never yet I will settle for meeting up with men that I like and get on with.
Everyone likes different things and I think, as you have Fraser, I should probably review my profile as to what I am looking for and maybe a bit more about me.
Good luck to everyone, I hope you find what your looking for and have lots of dirty fun finding it :-)

17 Jun 2011

Quote by curvysue
Ha if I ever found an exceptional man I would do more than fuck them!!!!

Here I am

Dave_Notts

17 Jun 2011

Quote by Dave__Notts
Here I am
Dave_Notts

Oi you got a missus - this ones about single guys geeza!!!
back of the queue for dave :twisted:
Best of luck sue - I do work all over the country if im ever down your way ill offer to meet for a chat and we can take it from there wink

I do know it is not easy for single girls looking for fun either - but in a totally different way!

17 Jun 2011

ohh come down to Bristol soon Fraser xxx

17 Jun 2011

Quote by curvysue
ohh come down to Bristol soon Fraser xxx

Kiddin - lets chat in PM wink

29 Jun 2011

Quote by kirk1477
Hi can someone tell me why it is so hard to arrange meets with ladies or couples in the midlands area??

2 things come into my head when someone says something like the above.
the first is: "whatever made you think that it would be easy?"
Remember that while swingers are considerably more open minded towards sex, they aren't necessarily any less choosy about who they decide to do it with - if anything many people on here are more choosy.
Most people tend to put an extraordinary amount of time and effort into meeting the opposite sex in the real world, and surprise surprise things aint no different here. A quick one liner and a flash of your cock won't get a woman swooning at your feet here any more than it would in your local bar.
the second thing that comes to mind is "what were you expecting?"
this one is a biggie
the usual answer I get is "I don't know" which is a cop-out - because if they didn't know what to expect they wouldn't be disappointed at the result - so actually they did have a preconception of what life would be like in the wild wild world of internet swinging sites.
The simple fact of the matter is that the majority (i.e. more than 50%) of people who join swinging sites - and this includes couples, and single women - NEVER meet anyone at all - go and have a look at another swinging site that has a verification system and compare the numbers of verified to unverified profiles and you'll see my point.
So if you find that you are getting a response rate to you messages of better than about 1 in 20, and if you even get one single meet in your whole time here - you are well ahead of the curve and have actually done very well indeed.
The problem of course is not the outcome (or lack of) so much as it is the dissonance between expectation and the outcome. So you need to set your expectations accordingly - and your realistic expectation should be that you will probably give up before you get a meet.

29 Jun 2011

Have a profile like mine ,its serious,full of truths,never tongue in cheek and I never get to meet any body. wink

Is it because I am Scottish or the height of a dwarf lying down or it it because I don't go to socials or try and get my self known around the forums or even the chat rooms.
Try and get out of this site what you put into it and you will find that not only do you find the occasional great sex but some great friends too.
It's not gonna happen overnight,believe me I have been around a looooong time and I am still learning :wink:
And!!! Mrs Fun gonna have a wee look at ma profile and tell me that you wanna meet me and shag ma brains oot
<<<<<<<Sit's back and waits for the flood of pm's ,once they translate what ah said obviously! ...

29 Jun 2011

Quote by tee-em-aitch
Hi can someone tell me why it is so hard to arrange meets with ladies or couples in the midlands area??

2 things come into my head when someone says something like the above.
the first is: "whatever made you think that it would be easy?"
Remember that while swingers are considerably more open minded towards sex, they aren't necessarily any less choosy about who they decide to do it with - if anything many people on here are more choosy.
the second thing that comes to mind is "what were you expecting?"
so actually they did have a preconception of what life would be like in the wild wild world of internet swinging sites.
I agree with them bits :laughabove:
I also say what kinda guys interest me.. Who I am.. and that I can't meet at home etc.. But STILL the single guys who are opposite (cos they haven't READ my profile loon

) saying they can be here shortly etc.. I've deleted so many because of this I've just lost faith now that a compatible guy will ever appear.. And I AM choosy!!
So the preconception of what some people expect from the swinging scene is what fooks it up. It is not a free for all with ready n willing 'erotic' babes guys!! They're called working girls... sorry to dissapoint lol