wltm female with good oral and culinary skills

11 Feb 2006

hi there,
i've been thinking of posting in lmu for some time now, but have been pondering on what to say, how can i ensure that my post will get the positive responses i so hope for ?
what do women really want to hear ? how can i ensure it rocks your boat ?
well, after careful consideration here it is........
first of all an introduction to myself, who am i........what am i ?
i AM dracae, an ageless shape shifting english water spirit currently taking the form of a wooden dish, though if you are one of the lucky respondents to this post then when we meet i intend to be in my human form and you WILL be dissapointed.
now i thought that was going to be a major stumbling block but hey not anymore, how can this be ? i hear you ask...........well the answer came to me in a dream and it's so simple i don't understand why it didn't came to me sooner...............i will selflessly permit you to perform oral sex on me and then cook me a nice meal.
i'm kind considerate and very thoughtful, anytime there is a problem in your life and you need someone to talk to, i will take the time to look up the phone number of the local samaritans before going out on the pull with my mates, and then when i return i will selflessly permit you to perform oral sex on me and then cook me a nice meal.
you will soon discover that i am not the possesive type at all and i will encourage you to actively engage in an independant social life of your own (you can have your girlie friends round occasionally) and to demonstrate that i am wholeheartedly willing to allow this i will selflessly permit your girlie friends to perform oral sex on me whilst you cook me a nice meal.
well that's just a brief outline of who i am and the kind of selfless person i can be, should you wish to respond it would be appreciated if you will limit your responses to this thread and not use pm's so that everyone on the forums can see the huge amount of responses a selfless person such as myself receives.
it would also be appreciated if you could include some info on your culinary skills as this may help me in the decision making process as i anticipate many positive replies, should you not be able to do this then don't worry i'll selflessly permit you to perform oral sex on me to cheer you up.
thanks for taking the time to read this, please now form an orderly queue :-)
ps. thanks to Dawn_Mids for her cafe posting which may in some small way have been the inspiration for this post :-)

11 Feb 2006

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
beans on toaat hun :doh: run out of beans and butter so it will have to be a slice of dry toast god my cooking skills are good!!!!!!!
dracae you crack me up kiss

11 Feb 2006

:laughabove:

:mrgreen:

:bounce:

:eeek: :doh: :rotflmao: :silly: wave

:grin: :high-smile: :happy: :beer: :evil2: :giggle: :wave2: :thrilled: :cheers: :lol2: smackbottom

:laughabove: drinkies

Fecking Classic :thumbup:

11 Feb 2006

You've really not been paying attention have you mate let me compose a post for you to use in future. smile

" Hi i'm dracae and I need a BJ now " :shock: there that should work a bit better for you biggrin

But honestly what a great effort that showcase's what an easy going guy you are with a brilliant sense of humour and if your PM box isn't full by tonight i'll eat your bowl confused

11 Feb 2006

Quote by mik69
You've really not been paying attention have you mate let me compose a post for you to use in future.
" Hi i'm dracae and I need a BJ now " :shock: there that should work a bit better for you
But honestly what a great effort that showcase's what an easy going guy you are with a brilliant sense of humour and if your PM box isn't full by tonight i'll eat your bowl

Reaches Mik the salt, pepper and bow saw :giggle:

11 Feb 2006

Quote by Pete_sw
You've really not been paying attention have you mate let me compose a post for you to use in future.
" Hi i'm dracae and I need a BJ now " :shock: there that should work a bit better for you
But honestly what a great effort that showcase's what an easy going guy you are with a brilliant sense of humour and if your PM box isn't full by tonight i'll eat your bowl

Reaches Mik the salt, pepper and bow saw :giggle:
Aha I think not i've sent Dracae 300 PM's already :shock: But seriously most of the ladies out of the cafe forum will tell you he's a genuine all round nice bloke so much more than joke's and witty comment's he's selfLESS to to the last and always willing to help as a matter of fact fook it he's that much of a catch i'm worried he will get all the gals :D

11 Feb 2006

Quote by cplbbw
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
beans on toaat hun :doh: run out of beans and butter so it will have to be a slice of dry toast god my cooking skills are good!!!!!!!
dracae you crack me up

WOW..................................dry toast :bounce: :bounce: ..............so far you're in the lead with that offer passionkiss

thanks for the kind remarks guys, keep up the good work mik.............the cheque's in the post wink

11 Feb 2006

Right Drac, I have been doing an open learning course in cooking, I am learning how to use an iron, and will not go out with the girlies unless you insist that I do.
So do I qualify? Can I have a snog? please, go on, let me snog you and kiss your feet all day, please wink

:wink: :wink:

11 Feb 2006

Dairylee on toast do ya? lol

11 Feb 2006

Marmite and toast soldiers?? smile

11 Feb 2006

Darkfire
being all fancy with your soldiers and trying to make the rest of us look bad.

11 Feb 2006

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Right Drac, I have been doing an open learning course in cooking, I am learning how to use an iron, and will not go out with the girlies unless you insist that I do.
So do I qualify? Can I have a snog? please, go on, let me snog you and kiss your feet all day, please :wink: :wink:

definitely sounds interesting, though i'd like to know exactly what it is you're learning to do with an iron lol

feet kissing confused

: mmm.....not sure.........a little higher maybe.........higher, higher...........oh yeessss :twisted:

11 Feb 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Dairylee on toast do ya?

NO :lol: though i just cheked your profile and am encouraged by the fact that you wouldn't be serving spam smile

and i do like your avatar wink

11 Feb 2006

Quote by Darkfire
Marmite and toast soldiers??

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
a culinary godess worship

:worship:

11 Feb 2006

And if you pick me Drac, we can do oral a bit of dominant stuff......
In other words you talk about sex, and I say NO YOUR NOT DOING THAT lol

11 Feb 2006

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
And if you pick me Drac, we can do oral a bit of dominant stuff......
In other words you talk about sex, and I say NO YOUR NOT DOING THAT

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:..........

:smackbottom: :smackbottom:

11 Feb 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Darkfire
being all fancy with your soldiers and trying to make the rest of us look bad.

:rotflmao: well, toast soldiers have gotta beat cheese & ham cobs made in a wardrobe !!! lol

:lol:

a culinary godess

bollox :shock: , u wernt suposed to like the Marmite bit rolleyes

11 Feb 2006

Come on, confession time......
Did you read " if men wrote advice columns" (or something ) before you wrote this??
lol

Whatever, Im interested. put me down for good old fashioned sausage egg & chips......and you can have an under the table BJ whilst you eat. Hows that?

11 Feb 2006

Drac I am very sorry but that chicken I was cooking for you is now very burned, Mik kept me chatting and it had 2 1/2 hours instead of the recomended 20 mins per pound plus 20 mins to brown. It now resembles a sparrow but if you dont mind sparrow then your tea is on the table hun (so get your arse over here - see Im being dominant again) wink

11 Feb 2006

Ok......I just read the last lone which I mistook for your sig! feel like a malteser now! redface

May I perform oral sex upon you to lift my spirits & show the world that im not entirely useless

11 Feb 2006

Quote by winchwench
Ok......I just read the last lone which I mistook for your sig! feel like a malteser now!
May I perform oral sex upon you to lift my spirits & show the world that im not entirely useless

Get in the queue, Im first, I cooked him a sparrow, I mean chicken lol

11 Feb 2006

Quote by Darkfire
bollox :shock: , u wernt suposed to like the Marmite bit

i'm fully aware that you mentioned marmite knowing that this would have a good chance of getting your name to the top of the list :lickface:

11 Feb 2006

Humblest apologies NWC.
Damn chickens, always masquerading as sparrows. you only realise when u try stuffing them!
Perhaps I could be seconds?

11 Feb 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Darkfire
being all fancy with your soldiers and trying to make the rest of us look bad.

Kettle ?
Pot ??
Grimey Arse ???
bolt

11 Feb 2006

Quote by winchwench
Whatever, Im interested. put me down for good old fashioned sausage egg & chips......and you can have an under the table BJ whilst you eat. Hows that?

you really sound like my kind of woman and such excellent culinary skills too biggrin

11 Feb 2006

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Drac I am very sorry but that chicken I was cooking for you is now very burned, Mik kept me chatting and it had 2 1/2 hours instead of the recomended 20 mins per pound plus 20 mins to brown. It now resembles a sparrow but if you dont mind sparrow then your tea is on the table hun (so get your arse over here - see Im being dominant again)

OH yes thats right blame me why don't you rolleyes

:wink:

11 Feb 2006

Quote by winchwench
May I perform oral sex upon you to lift my spirits & show the world that im not entirely useless

Now just out of curiosity duck is that offer only open to Dracae innocent

Its like blind date in here Drac mate but without our Cilla "now will you choose number 1 NWC who has a cracking pair of sparrows legs or prehaps number 2 winchwench who is no good at domestic chores but provides more suction than a Dyson or will you go for the offers of marmite or dairylee on toast the choice Dracae is all yours" confused

11 Feb 2006

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Drac I am very sorry but that chicken I was cooking for you is now very burned, Mik kept me chatting and it had 2 1/2 hours instead of the recomended 20 mins per pound plus 20 mins to brown. It now resembles a sparrow but if you dont mind sparrow then your tea is on the table hun (so get your arse over here - see Im being dominant again)

mik distracted you on purpose in the hope that i would find an overcooked chicken unapealing and thereby cross you off the list which would possibly leave an opening for him :wink: his ploy hasn't worked and you are definitely still in favour kiss

11 Feb 2006

Quote by winchwench
Ok......I just read the last lone which I mistook for your sig! feel like a malteser now!

i'm glad you're beginning to pay attention, i was a little concerned whether the sausage egg and chips would actually be cooked lol

you're currently quite high on the list as i do like maltesers

Quote by winchwench
May I perform oral sex upon you to lift my spirits & show the world that im not entirely useless

as i am currently feeling extremely kind and generous i will selflessly permit you to take this course of action smile

11 Feb 2006

Quote by winchwench
Perhaps I could be seconds?

interesting idea.........i like your thinking...................much better than seeing you duel

over me