Sex God
All of it !! Get stuck in and thanks . Is everybody still eating their sarnies, and drinking their warm beer?
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*** THE GFZ IS CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT ***
Right - the stairs are in place.......
Who the hell let Jags loose and why is she in the skip taking all those cock pics out?
:roll: :roll: Someone grab her out of there and set light to the rubbish before she becomes a "bag lady" for gods sake! :shock:
If you use the stairs, step over the plate on the bottom stair - I am just off to talk to Alex about "playing" with mens tools - she really should be more careful - it is quite obvious that one has gone off in her hand!
:?
Mrs FC - guess you will have to make use of the BFZ for the party this weekend - expect us all along tomorrow night around 7 - hope you have laid on grub and beer - we are going to need it. Also we will all be in work clothes and covered in paint but if I promise to do "The Full Monty" for some poor unfortunate then does that mean we are allowed in? Anyway - we don't want your mess in our nice new GFZ - we are the only ones allowed to make a mess in here!
We are missing a few of the guys - Arti, Sarge, Brumlad, Will and MrFC - anyone know where they are - we are getting to the point of filling all the holes in the walls now and putting up the room partitions?
Helen - do me a favour hun - remove the bottle tops from the crack of yer arse when you have opened them - you are beginning to sound like a pair of Maracas and it is distracting me.
Can someone tell me if this piece of wood looks level beforwe I nail it in place?
TDS - if MrsFC falls down drunk - use yer fingers - pick her up like a bowling ball and put her out on the sofa that Jags was tied to..........
While your at it - do the click test on her..........
The click test?
Finger up her arse - thumb up her fanny - if you can click yer fingers - she is rotten right through!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Who the hell let Jags loose and why is she in the skip taking all those cock pics out?
:roll: :roll: Someone grab her out of there and set light to the rubbish before she becomes a "bag lady" for gods sake! :shock: If you use the stairs, step over the plate on the bottom stair - I am just off to talk to Alex about "playing" with mens tools - she really should be more careful - it is quite obvious that one has gone off in her hand!
:? Mrs FC - guess you will have to make use of the BFZ for the party this weekend - expect us all along tomorrow night around 7 - hope you have laid on grub and beer - we are going to need it. Also we will all be in work clothes and covered in paint but if I promise to do "The Full Monty" for some poor unfortunate then does that mean we are allowed in? Anyway - we don't want your mess in our nice new GFZ - we are the only ones allowed to make a mess in here!
We are missing a few of the guys - Arti, Sarge, Brumlad, Will and MrFC - anyone know where they are - we are getting to the point of filling all the holes in the walls now and putting up the room partitions?
Helen - do me a favour hun - remove the bottle tops from the crack of yer arse when you have opened them - you are beginning to sound like a pair of Maracas and it is distracting me.
Can someone tell me if this piece of wood looks level beforwe I nail it in place?
TDS - if MrsFC falls down drunk - use yer fingers - pick her up like a bowling ball and put her out on the sofa that Jags was tied to..........
While your at it - do the click test on her..........
The click test?
Finger up her arse - thumb up her fanny - if you can click yer fingers - she is rotten right through!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Quote by steveg_nw
You never cease to amaze me!!
I promise to pitch in where I can and I'll have the fridges some time tomorrow afternoon. No need to buy a glass washer, I have it on very good authority that corrie likes nothing better than to have a good soak so I don't think she'll complain if we give her the means. Even if it is only from her elbows to the tips of her fingers. :shock:
Can't be around to help tomorrow night I'm afraid. My request form for overnight leave is already with Sgt Bilko awaiting approval.
If I'm not back on Sunday send out a search party!
Steve
Ive just brought soem extra long sanitation gloves so when Ive finshed washing the glasses could help sarge with inspections :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Evenin' all.....sorry I'm late, had a slight problem with the Boys in Blue'....never mind, I've managed to convince them that the Land Rover was full of 'red' diesel because I'm totally colourblind.
Right Fred, did as you suggested and went to fetch that Sofa from old lady in village. Mmm, slight problem, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone: had to get a load of muck out urgently and stashed the Sofa-very carefully-in muck-spreader. Don't worry, it's absaloutely undamaged...but, it doesn't exactly smell as it did.....never mind...dollop of creosote and a washing with Jeyes Fluid should have it sorted. What...both those substances banned...well, of course they are, but I've got a bloody shed full to use up.
Anyway, cracking job fellahs...the ferret cage is bringing tears to my eyes...old Fly is quite emotional, he's peeing, scratching and shagging the sofa all at the same time...I think he 's pining for the pizza.
So, when does party start.?.I've put clean undies on-well, wednesday anyway, and have polished up me best brogues (they were me Grandad's best...picked 'em up cheap at Dunkirk when he was waiting for a boat). I 'm all excited in case that Mrs FC puts those stockings on...and Alex dresses up as Emma Peel....not that they'll get in here of course, this, after all, a GFZ. ..but perhaps I could watch 'em through window?
Right Fred, did as you suggested and went to fetch that Sofa from old lady in village. Mmm, slight problem, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone: had to get a load of muck out urgently and stashed the Sofa-very carefully-in muck-spreader. Don't worry, it's absaloutely undamaged...but, it doesn't exactly smell as it did.....never mind...dollop of creosote and a washing with Jeyes Fluid should have it sorted. What...both those substances banned...well, of course they are, but I've got a bloody shed full to use up.
Anyway, cracking job fellahs...the ferret cage is bringing tears to my eyes...old Fly is quite emotional, he's peeing, scratching and shagging the sofa all at the same time...I think he 's pining for the pizza.
So, when does party start.?.I've put clean undies on-well, wednesday anyway, and have polished up me best brogues (they were me Grandad's best...picked 'em up cheap at Dunkirk when he was waiting for a boat). I 'm all excited in case that Mrs FC puts those stockings on...and Alex dresses up as Emma Peel....not that they'll get in here of course, this, after all, a GFZ. ..but perhaps I could watch 'em through window?
Coooo - F**K ME them sofa's don't half "Pen & Ink"!
MrFC - just had a call from the local cop shop - seems there is an old dear moaning about being carried out of her house on her sofa and dumped in the street. Can you get down there and see if it was one of our lot.
It was 32 Arbuthnot STREET you collected those Sofa's from wasn't it Arti? :roll:
Right Helen - for god sakes go and put some cream on yer arse looks sore - HOW many bottles did you open in two minutes? :shock: :shock:
Arti - do me a favour - Get Fly to go and shag someone elses legs - this stud partitioning is taking on the shape of a bloody zigzag!
Are we winning and where the HELL is Sarge?
MrFC - just had a call from the local cop shop - seems there is an old dear moaning about being carried out of her house on her sofa and dumped in the street. Can you get down there and see if it was one of our lot.
It was 32 Arbuthnot STREET you collected those Sofa's from wasn't it Arti?
:roll: Right Helen - for god sakes go and put some cream on yer arse looks sore - HOW many bottles did you open in two minutes? :shock: :shock:
Arti - do me a favour - Get Fly to go and shag someone elses legs - this stud partitioning is taking on the shape of a bloody zigzag!
Are we winning and where the HELL is Sarge?
Quote by FredFlintstone
Coooo - F**K ME them sofa's don't half "Pen & Ink"!
MrFC - just had a call from the local cop shop - seems there is an old dear moaning about being carried out of her house on her sofa and dumped in the street. Can you get down there and see if it was one of our lot.
It was 32 Arbuthnot STREET you collected those Sofa's from wasn't it Arti?
Right Helen - for god sakes go and put some cream on yer arse looks sore - HOW many bottles did you open in two minutes? :shock: :shock:
Arti - do me a favour - Get Fly to go and shag someone elses legs - this stud partitioning is taking on the shape of a bloody zigzag!
Are we winning and where the HELL is Sarge?
Errrrm....well....it was definitely Arbuthnot Street Fred,but, number 23 actually...got a bit mixed up there. :shock: thought the old lady was a bit excited....I thought she was hanging on like a limpet on Speed because she wanted to come to the party...oh well, I dropped her off (literally) outside the Bingo Hall..Well, she was muttering something about 'house' (and something about ...'my'...'f*****g'....'sofa'....'f*****g'.....'dead body'...'over'...)...she never even thanked me for the lift. No gratitude these 'blue rinsers'.
Right sorted, she wasn't well pleased, kept going on about some farmer type and his ferretts, kept telling her how turned on he gets seeing a woman in stocking's, he was such a sweet talker she whipped her kit off amd next thing she's sprawled half naked on the ground, and farmer's off with her sofa's.
I promised a man in uniform would be round to make things alright, WHERE IS SARGE!!!
I promised a man in uniform would be round to make things alright, WHERE IS SARGE!!!
Sex God
But did you manage to click???? I didn't feel a thing.!!
Sex God
Good !!!! 
:D :D not over ripe then. :D :D
:D :D not over ripe then. :D :D 
Warming the Bed
Typical this is, the first weekend here and the place is closed for refurbishment.......ah well have to return when it's complete
Unless someone wants a hand with something
Unless someone wants a hand with something
Right, let's unload this truck. What have I got here?? Tulips, Daffodils, Yuccas, Rose Bush, Geraniums and Spider Plants. That should do the trick!! 
:) :)
Fred...... Fred ...... I'm back. I've brought the green plants you asked for. Where are we putting them???
(I still think it was strange that Fred asked me to get some green plants) :? :?
:) :) Fred...... Fred ...... I'm back. I've brought the green plants you asked for. Where are we putting them???
(I still think it was strange that Fred asked me to get some green plants)
:? :? Sex God
No !!!!! come back !!! BFZ is opening tomorrow for one night to all.....PARTY TIME! :high-smile: :high-smile: :high-smile:
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Right, let's unload this truck. What have I got here?? Tulips, Daffodils, Yuccas, Rose Bush, Geraniums and Spider Plants. That should do the trick!!
Fred...... Fred ...... I'm back. I've brought the green plants you asked for. Where are we putting them???
(I still think it was strange that Fred asked me to get some green plants)
OH FFS!
Sarge!
PAINT YOU PLONKER!
:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:
Where the hell did you dig this lot up from? :shock: :shock:
Take it all back - every last bush and shrub!
Go on!
OMG!
MrFC help him load his tank again - this is a god awful mess!
Aaaarrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
:x :x :x :x :x 
Just give them your name, address and they will sort the rest! MrFC - you are going to have to go with him - he would probably give his real name and address.
If she wont pay £200 Sarge - knock 'em out for £100 - just get rid - and sweep up the bloody mud as well - dead giveaway.
Whatever you get for the plants - go buy some new specs FFS!
Oh- and take a car of some sort - I can just see the staff at B&Q saying - "He drove off in a tank Officer" :doh: :doh:
If she wont pay £200 Sarge - knock 'em out for £100 - just get rid - and sweep up the bloody mud as well - dead giveaway.
Whatever you get for the plants - go buy some new specs FFS!
Oh- and take a car of some sort - I can just see the staff at B&Q saying - "He drove off in a tank Officer" :doh: :doh:
Sex God
Quote by Alexandra
I am at your disposal
Woohoo! Err, I mean, umm. I'll continue the terrible chore of distracting the girlies so the Manly Men can get on with the real work. Come here, Alex.
Quote by Sgt Bilko
OMG !!!! PAINT ????
I think these army issue specs need to be changed. I thought it said PLA..............
I can't take them back now. I nicked them from the floral display outside Stockport Train Station. The display now says "Welcome to SOCK OR RAIN SAT ON !!!!" I'll never get them back without being seen.
Mrs FC, do you want some plants for the BFZ? You can have them at half price. £200 the lot !!!!!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: I do wish I didn't have to go on holiday right now !! *Wanders in - fallls over debris - sleeping/comatosed men - planks of wood (oops, no sorry that IS The comatosed men!!) - hammers - nails - empty Stella cans - NOT MORE LEFT OVER PIZZA ALREADY FFS!! - dehydrated paint - dehydrated plants ?? and someone left their hose out*
Guys, guys, clean up your mess.
*Goes to get ready for party in BFZ, it'll take me all day!*
Guys, guys, clean up your mess.
*Goes to get ready for party in BFZ, it'll take me all day!*
Right , ready for an early(ish) start. I have no idea what is in these tins. We just grabbed them and ran.
Puts on camouflaged apron from cupboard under the stairs. (Yes!! It took me ages to find it as it was so well hidden!!)
:lol: :lol:
Rollers – Ready
Tray – Ready
Opens paint tin and looks inside …………… ……………. ……………OMG!!!!!!! Luminous Orange!!! :x :x
We’ve been Tangoed !!! Well beggars can’t be choosers. Let’s get cracking…….
:karaoke: :karaoke: Tie me Kangaroo down sport, tie me kangaroo down. (mmmm, interesting lyrics!!)
Can you see what it is yet???? :lol: :lol: :lol:
Puts on camouflaged apron from cupboard under the stairs. (Yes!! It took me ages to find it as it was so well hidden!!)
:lol: :lol: Rollers – Ready
Tray – Ready
Opens paint tin and looks inside …………… ……………. ……………OMG!!!!!!! Luminous Orange!!!
:x :x We’ve been Tangoed !!! Well beggars can’t be choosers. Let’s get cracking…….
:karaoke: :karaoke: Tie me Kangaroo down sport, tie me kangaroo down. (mmmm, interesting lyrics!!)
Can you see what it is yet???? :lol: :lol: :lol:
Morning Everyone...By me Granny's beard.....luminous orange!! Hold on, let me just sit down a mo, I feel queasy. Fly come here, stop howling-it's only paint you daft dog-luminous orange paint admitedly-but only paint. Mmmm. Well, I supoose it'll grow on me...bit like scabies really, after a while the irritation gets less noticeable..
Aw, nice brushwork Sarge, a real pro, look at the way he covers across and then 'feathers' down. Lovely to watch....What...help?? ...well, would love to but I've urgent things to do like..errr... , yes, must dash, there's a war on you know. Dig for victory and all that. Be back in a jiff to give you a hand. You know, the orange isn't too bad-we could have '60s theme nights...tangerine dreams...psychodelic crap...it'll be great Sarge..well done....
rushes out...sheepdog in hot pursuit and howling as if recently neutered......'Burn the barn down', he thinks', what a sight! Fred will go apeshit and start typing 'FFS' everywhere. I'm making myself scarce. Looks like some bad 'acid trip' in there. Well, at least it'll match Sarge's carrot and pizza 'creations'....what is it about that guy and orange? Has he got Dutch ancestry or something? Perhaps Bilko is short for Bilkhoeven?
Worse thing is, the Girlies will probably love it! We'll never get 'em out!!.... must thing of a way to get it changed.....
Aw, nice brushwork Sarge, a real pro, look at the way he covers across and then 'feathers' down. Lovely to watch....What...help?? ...well, would love to but I've urgent things to do like..errr... , yes, must dash, there's a war on you know. Dig for victory and all that. Be back in a jiff to give you a hand. You know, the orange isn't too bad-we could have '60s theme nights...tangerine dreams...psychodelic crap...it'll be great Sarge..well done....
rushes out...sheepdog in hot pursuit and howling as if recently neutered......'Burn the barn down', he thinks', what a sight! Fred will go apeshit and start typing 'FFS' everywhere. I'm making myself scarce. Looks like some bad 'acid trip' in there. Well, at least it'll match Sarge's carrot and pizza 'creations'....what is it about that guy and orange? Has he got Dutch ancestry or something? Perhaps Bilko is short for Bilkhoeven?
Worse thing is, the Girlies will probably love it! We'll never get 'em out!!.... must thing of a way to get it changed.....
Sex God
Who organised the guest list for this party? There are a few new faces here.
It's Jake the Peg! Forget the 9 inches girls, this guy has three feet.
But what's this? Following close behind are two young men (the bouncer won't let the two little boys in) with two little toys. We'll save those for later, lads. Don't want to get the ladies too excited too early.
Now if you want to take some pictures of the titilating misses who put the agitating wishes in the thinking of the men who write the postings that are aiming for the favours of the ladies of the cafe of the forum of Swinging Heaven... you're just in time. The party has started early.
It's Jake the Peg! Forget the 9 inches girls, this guy has three feet.
But what's this? Following close behind are two young men (the bouncer won't let the two little boys in) with two little toys. We'll save those for later, lads. Don't want to get the ladies too excited too early.
Now if you want to take some pictures of the titilating misses who put the agitating wishes in the thinking of the men who write the postings that are aiming for the favours of the ladies of the cafe of the forum of Swinging Heaven... you're just in time. The party has started early.
