A new swinging heaven record breakers attempt

18 Jun 2005

I have been in intensive training for an death defying ......no safety net attempt at a swinging heaven new world record. :happy:
me posting fingers have been hardened by soaking them in vinegar and then baking them under a gently heated grill for weeks on end......
I have conditioned my brain to cope with multi tasked thinking, by filling in both 'The Sun' and the 'Daily Star' crosswords, as well as watching Emmerdale all at the same time and then answering three randon questions about the programme...... :crazy:
I have trained myself to ignore 40 years of conditioning and to simply 'let go' when my bladders full, rather than leave my post to go to the toilet......
(mrs davej wasn't best happy about this one, the furnitures fucked mad

)
all in all.........I'm ready!!!!!! :thumbup:
It is my intention at a date in the near future and subject to the permission of the mods, to attempt to have my name showing as the last post made, on every thread (excluding stickies and locked threads) on page 1 of the cafe.
Every post will be relevant to the threads title.
The attempt will be made between the hours of 1930hrs and 2300hrs so as not to be advantaged by the slow traffic offered by the twi light hours.
....however there is a catch flipa

my biggest vice is.....betting, I love a bet ......a bet on anything, therefore I wanna make this into a challenge to give me that bit of extra.... oompfff...I need 5 of the guys to step forward and agree that they will join me, in submitting to an independant and trustworthy member, a clear and correct picture of themselves as a..........
McDick happy meal !!!!!!
Yes gentlemen .......I want you to slap your chap into a buttered, sesame seeded bun, stick it on a plate, surround it with chips and get it photographed...If I succeed then your McDicks get a public airing and if I fail, my McDick goes public and yours get chucked in the bin for selling as pig food..
whadya say guys.........

18 Jun 2005

Debs rubs hands.....and waits with excitement :twisted: :twisted:

18 Jun 2005

Chips are frying as we speak - not so sure about the gas supply tonight maybe tomorra before we see any action hereabouts

18 Jun 2005

Dave,
Can I have some of whatever it is you're on? smile

A great challenge and I 'll bet you get some takers...

18 Jun 2005

Nice one DaveJ!
As it goes, I already have a pic of my dick in a burger bun and surrounded by chips (don't ask, long story) so I am happy to offer my services on this one.
Besides, it can't be done mate. you didn't mention anything about the 5 guys not being able to post against you to totally f*ck you up! :boxing:
I have a little tip for you though (please excuse the pun), when you get around to taking the pic of your own dick in a burger...ketchup is OK, but avoid the mustard! Seriously. :embarrased:
Oh, and another thing. That kind of stunt will get you banned from McDonalds worldwide.
It's the strawberry milkshakes that I miss the most. :upset:
:thumbup:

18 Jun 2005

Dave :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
I'm with JQL can I have a bit of whatever you're on?
Having been out for a slap up meal tonight and consumed most of the bar I was going to volunteer Morbius but ............... my life is worth more than his McDick ;) if I sober up quickly then I'll reconsider LOL
However, having been subject to easy's sarcasm all week .... i volunteer Easy instead!
bolt

C x
FUCK ...... reminder to self .. when pissed and using laptop remember to log Morb off and self in redface

ops: :oops: :oops:

18 Jun 2005

Quote by BigDanny12999

Nice one DaveJ!
As it goes, I already have a pic of my dick in a burger bun and surrounded by chips (don't ask, long story) so I am happy to offer my services on this one.
Besides, it can't be done mate. you didn't mention anything about the 5 guys not being able to post against you to totally f*ck you up! :boxing:
I'm expecting that and have.......a plan

I have a little tip for you though (please excuse the pun), when you get around to taking the pic of your own dick in a burger...ketchup is OK, but avoid the mustard! Seriously. :embarrased:
Oh, and another thing. That kind of stunt will get you banned from McDonalds worldwide.
It's the strawberry milkshakes that I miss the most. :upset:

I work in one preparing the buns for you punters and they aint caught me yet

:thumbup:

18 Jun 2005

FFS!!!!!!!!.....i am getting hungry here!
bring on the McDICK :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

18 Jun 2005

This thread has put me off hot dogs for life!

18 Jun 2005

Quote by Drifter
This thread has put me off hot dogs for life!

:doh:
damn drifter, you just reminded me of a food I coulda put down as me last meal before I get topped thingy, on Polo lady's thread.....
don't ya just love em, them big buggers in a long soft roll, ones you get down the fair grounds and some of the better burger vans, with loads of onions and mustard and stuff squeezed all over em, out them big old bottles that are all caked and congealed in the stuff.......there's some proper food for you...oh yes!

18 Jun 2005

Damn your in for it man. What are you thinking?? Not only are you challenging four other guys at beating you replying, but.. your active time is when the likes of debs, hornyred, jag and all the other chatter box's are on?!?! (no offense guys, love ya really redface

) Yeah everyone will be going into Maccy d's asking for your foot long hotdog..

18 Jun 2005

If you succeed in this impossible and whacky task I'll even eat the bloody thing meself, in public too! rolleyes

:roll: :roll: :twisted:
How's that for a deal? :grin: :grin:
Anyway, I thought you were a bush? :confused: :confused:
You'd better have one of these smackbottom

:huh: :rascal:

18 Jun 2005

Quote by Mikehboy19
Damn your in for it man. What are you thinking?? Not only are you challenging four other guys at beating you replying, but.. your active time is when the likes of debs, hornyred, jag and all the other chatter box's are on?!?! (no offense guys, love ya really ) Yeah everyone will be going into Maccy d's asking for your foot long hotdog..

mikehboy.....I'm aware that it's a tough old challenge, but I'm a a crafty old git and with some nimble typing and the guise and cunning of a hunting Puffin, I am confident of whoopin the sorry arses of any numpty nuts who are foolish enough to bet against me.
.....old crafty davej who has survived and succeeded for many years because of the teachings of an old Shonititu warrior Chief that he met and befriended at South Mimms service station, after finding him and his squaw, Fookimanyways, wandering confused, looking for somewhere to pitch their teepee and tether a pair of East Asian Yaks........."remember"..he said to me..."it is honourable when in battle, to lose to a mightier foe and in this, there can be no disgrace, either to your lineage nor to your Gods, but with a clear focus and a strong will, a victory is always possible......are you gonna drink that cappuchino cos I'm parched"

18 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
McDick happy meal !!!!!!
Yes gentlemen .......I want you to slap your chap into a buttered, sesame seeded bun, stick it on a plate, surround it with chips and get it photographed...If I succeed then your McDicks get a public airing and if I fail, my McDick goes public and yours get chucked in the bin for selling as pig food..
whadya say guys.........

So Davej, what your saying is, if the mods rush round deleted your posts we get to see your McDick but if we help you and delete other people posts, we get to see 5 McDicks dunno

If I went for the second option. You succeed and 5 McDicks get aired. How do WE know you would have done a McDick in the first place???? OR if indeed it is your Dick in the McDick???? :lol2:

18 Jun 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
McDick happy meal !!!!!!
Yes gentlemen .......I want you to slap your chap into a buttered, sesame seeded bun, stick it on a plate, surround it with chips and get it photographed...If I succeed then your McDicks get a public airing and if I fail, my McDick goes public and yours get chucked in the bin for selling as pig food..
whadya say guys.........

So Davej, what your saying is, if the mods rush round deleted your posts we get to see your McDick but if we help you and delete other people posts, we get to see 5 McDicks dunno

If I went for the second option. You succeed and 5 McDicks get aired. How do WE know you would have done a McDick in the first place???? OR if indeed it is your Dick in the McDick???? :lol2:
I was rather hoping that no cheating would take place dawn.........yeah right ..... :giggle:
Your second question is well made and therefore to authenticate that my McDick contains my burger bits,I will be drawing my avatar on me knob :smug:

18 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
McDick happy meal !!!!!!
Yes gentlemen .......I want you to slap your chap into a buttered, sesame seeded bun, stick it on a plate, surround it with chips and get it photographed...If I succeed then your McDicks get a public airing and if I fail, my McDick goes public and yours get chucked in the bin for selling as pig food..
whadya say guys.........

So Davej, what your saying is, if the mods rush round deleted your posts we get to see your McDick but if we help you and delete other people posts, we get to see 5 McDicks dunno

If I went for the second option. You succeed and 5 McDicks get aired. How do WE know you would have done a McDick in the first place???? OR if indeed it is your Dick in the McDick???? :lol2:
I was rather hoping that no cheating would take place dawn.........yeah right ..... :giggle:
Your second question is well made and therefore to authenticate that my McDick contains my burger bits,I will be drawing my avatar on me knob :smug:
Is that before or after you wipe the tears from my eyes

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

18 Jun 2005

Dave, you know you can depend on me to help!! wave

:wave: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
Sarge starts to practice his hitting the delete the Davej Posts button!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

19 Jun 2005

Quote by Sgt Bilko
Dave, you know you can depend on me to help!! :wave: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
Sarge starts to practice his hitting the delete the Davej Posts button!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

Dave you dont have chance!........... Sarge raced me around once.. caught me each time :doh:
hes a fast one that sarge!
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/35875.html

19 Jun 2005

dave i salute you. t'is indeed a bold and daring challenge. now obviously you can count on my full support, but i am struggling a bit with the McDick thing, mainly cos the nearest Maccy D's is about 8 bloody miles away, but not to be outdone, i have come up with a cunning plan! smile

i've had a little root through me cupboards, and i've managed to get together half a stale baguette, some non-descript green stuff in the bottom of the fridge in that bit you always forget to clean out, and a bit of coleslaw. i reckon if i whack my todger in amongst that lot, and scatter some salt and vinegar chip sticks around, noone will be any the wiser! :) i'm just fiddling with the lighting and the focus on me webcam, so i'll be back in a bit . . . .
neil x x x ;)

19 Jun 2005

If anyone has managed to catch any follow up on the 'SuperSize me' Doc, they are well aware that you can purchase a Mac Dee's burger and have approximately 13 years before the burger will decompose. So you can safely buy the burger (and as long as freshness isn't really an issue as your going to use the burger in a most unhygienic fashion anyway) at your convenience.
I think this thread should be stickied!

19 Jun 2005

I think you stand no chance DaveJ soon to be McDaveJ ! lol

But I think we need clarification here - will each post be a reply to an already existing thread or do you just intend to add 35 new threads sent simultanously?
Roger the Dragon cool

19 Jun 2005

Quote by Mark
davej, firstly, best of british to you! :thumbup:
Secondly, there's a 'Flood Interval' of 15 seconds on this board (Number of seconds a user must wait between posts). Now, with 40 posts/page minus the 6 posts stickied atop, that makes it a theoretical minimum of 8 minutes and 15 seconds of pure and perfect posting. I'm not saying it can't be done... ummm ah, well, yes, I suppose I am saying that :lol2:

Oh bollocks :doh:

19 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
Oh bollocks :doh:

It looks like you'd better start sorting the bribes for the Mods then! Because there is no way you're going to get an 8 minute window to post otherwise - of course you could try sneaking in with extra usernames. davek, davel, davem etc......

19 Jun 2005

Despite the doubts that are being expressed, I still feel confident.
I've studied the form......the posting patterns....the quiet nights......the type of threads that don't get an answer...etc etc blah blah blah..
Tis true that the boss has kinda jammed a bit of a stick in me spoaks that I hadn't realised, which kinda negates where I was going with this, but as with all well planned operations, there is a plan B
SOMEONE DELETE ME!!!!!...... bolt

19 Jun 2005

Quote by Mark
davej, firstly, best of british to you! :thumbup:
Secondly, there's a 'Flood Interval' of 15 seconds on this board (Number of seconds a user must wait between posts). Now, with 40 posts/page minus the 6 posts stickied atop, that makes it a theoretical minimum of 8 minutes and 15 seconds of pure and perfect posting. I'm not saying it can't be done... ummm ah, well, yes, I suppose I am saying that :lol2:

Oh bollocks :doh:
Hang on, perhaps all's not lost. This board gets on average (calculated to include day0 when it was way less busy) 560 posts/day. If we're being a little conservative we can say that The Cafe gets 186/day (of course that figure is much higher these days in reality). Now, if they are spread out evenly over the day (although evenings is busier) that's one post every 7 mins 45 seconds... which means that, ah.. ummm ... forget I said anything redface

Have I said GOOD LUCK yet? Go davej, go davej, go davej. Give me a D...
rotflmao

:giggle:
Facy upping the stakes a bit now Davej? lol

How about instead of just the pic as mentioned, we now increase that to a picture of you actually frying the "burger"? :twisted:

19 Jun 2005

Quote by davej
Despite the doubts that are being expressed, I still feel confident.
I've studied the form......the posting patterns....the quiet nights......the type of threads that don't get an answer...etc etc blah blah blah..
Tis true that the boss has kinda jammed a bit of a stick in me spoaks that I hadn't realised, which kinda negates where I was going with this, but as with all well planned operations, there is a plan B
SOMEONE DELETE ME!!!!!......

already done it DAVEJ................... look here
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/47560.html

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: flipa

:flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: kiss

:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:

assionkiss: :passionkiss: :passionkiss: :passionkiss:

19 Jun 2005

Mrs McC has pointed out that she she is happy to take a picy of any part of my anatomy that may require photographing for what ever reason.
We do not however normally do McDs so we will have to go and buy a meal (no doubt with extra fizzy drinks and chips etc.) bring it back, ditch the main part of the meal (OK so far but we would not want to eat it anyway) place dick in bun, take photo but then what?
What exactly do you want me to do with the resultant McCloggie Burger photo?
Personnaly, I do not know if a chippolata can compete in any way with a full hot dog so I am somewhat wary of going down this road.
We wish you all the best in your quest of achieving whatever it is you want to do, and if we can help in any way, the photos will no doubt be there.
McC

19 Jun 2005

All I'm gonna say is
Good Luck! DaveJ
biggrin

19 Jun 2005

Quote by onlyme1981
All I'm gonna say is
Good Luck! DaveJ

oi
who's side are you on?
you do realize that committing your self to this discussing event!..............that i might have to caution you under the health and safety act :twisted:

4 Jul 2005

How's the attempt going Dave?