Dear Technical Support, I seem to be having a problem with my system….
Last year I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I have used for years without trouble - apart from the odd blank screen and occasional loss of memory. Apparently, however, there are conflicts between these two systems. The only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off, but to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several of my other applications such as; Lads Night Out 3.1, Golf 2.2 and Playboy 6.0.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved to be no better; Girlfriend 3.0 has many Bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down for several weeks. Eventually, I tried installing Girlfriend 2.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 only to discover when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all my hardware, and forced me to revert to my trusty Palm 5.
Sensing a way out I upgraded to Fiancé 1.0 only to discover to my dismay that this system requires rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0. This uses up all available resources and deletes FreeSpeech 2.1 automatically.
However, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2000. FreeSex Plus can be useful, but is date sensitive, appearing to deny access unless unlocked via the Interflora Hyperlink or GoldCard Unlimited!
To my cost, I have discovered that not only can Wife 1.0 be unstable and costly to maintain, but also that any mistakes I make are automatically stored in Wife 1.0 Random Access Memory. This appears to be held on a special area of the hard drive and cannot be deleted. These mistakes then have an annoying habit of re-surfacing years later, usually after BogSeatUp 0.4 has been used three times in succession or LoudFart Exchange has been launched in the local shop!
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic InterDiary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter, and automatically runs PhotoSTROP and when I least expect it. No option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving me to try to guess the fault myself.
The system needs updating regularly requiring Shoeshop Browser Pro for new attachments, and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every week. It has also refused to load my Marbella Mania and Tourguide Extreme games, stating they are illegal operations.
When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to Car 1.0, it often crashes, forgets to run Maintenance Wizard or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law , which can't be turned off.
Recently I have been tempted to try Mistress Millennium add-on, but there could be problems. If Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress Millennium, I am told it will automatically load Solicitor for Dummies and delete all MSMoney files before un-installing itself, and becoming a virus.